Psychic Mediums

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Psychics.
Fuckin psychos more like….

A show has just come on the telly; “psychic private eyes”.
Apparently “in most countries psychic mediums are brought in to help solve murders and other crimes. Their work is often done in secret”.

They’re going to show us how they use their “special gifts and incredible powers to help solve mysteries”.

Some geezer has come to them to solve a mystery about his grandfather. He says that he’s sceptical of psychics but he doesn’t see any other way to find out about his relative.
Why don’t you try investigating the way that everyone else does you twat? Look up records, find witnesses…
No. He’s found a much more reliable way.
Some freak is going to grope a photograph of the bloke’s grandpa, close his eyes, sort of shimmy his head around from side to side and up and down a bit, and then make up a complete load of old bollocks that he probably looked up on the internet just before the show.

I really don’t understand how people can believe this shit. How can they believe that their dead relatives are floating around them all the time? I wouldn’t want that. Next time you have a wank, imagine that your dead granny is stood in the corner watching you. Ok, some of the more debortuous cunters on here (I won’t mention any names) may enjoy that shit, but it’s a real turn off for me.
And if dead people were still alive do you really think that they’d just hang around watching people going to the shops, watching telly, taking a dump…. or want to talk to cunts like John Edwards, Derek Acorah or Colin Fry for that matter.
What a pointless and boring existence, if that’s how the universe works I’ll be fucked off.

I remember working with a guy, seemed a perfectly reasonable, normal guy, until I discovered that he believed in fucking tarrot cards, astrology and psychic mediums.
I tried to explain that the way the stars are positioned is random and isn’t actually supposed to represent a bear or a hunter or some shit, and all the constellations would look completely different from another angle. He wouldn’t have it though. Apparently the random distribution of stars in the sky directly affects events on earth and what kind of person we are, who we get on with, how we think and all of our actions are predictable based on the position of the stars in the sky.
Ppffttt…

I don’t know how in the 21st century with all our technology, science and education, all this shit wasn’t put to bed along time ago.

Tarrot cards. Astrology. Psychic mediums.
What a load of old cobblers.
Next they’ll be believing that some cunt flew to heaven on a winged horse and….
Oh, wait….

Nominated by Deploy the Sausage

43 thoughts on “Psychic Mediums”

  1. These people prey on the desperate. They are Unproven, unregulated and wholly Unscientific. Very similar to reflexology!

    They charge a lot of money and cause more harm than good.

    Cunts, the lot of them..

    • Hold on a minute! Doesn’t that description equally cover every fucking politician in the Houses of Whorement? Sounds suspiciously like it to me.

    • You get moderated on that one as well? Seems to be sensitive to the word N*nce, unless it objects to Phoenix of course.

  3. Once saw an ad for a Psychic Evening in the Blue Dolphin chippy in Hemsby. Poster said ‘two or three mediums will be present’. So much for those cunts knowing the future eh? Wasters. Need stringing up…i doubt they would see it coming.

  4. Phoenix Nights had these fuckers right. ‘I’m getting the word Nonce’
    And by the way, this psychic turn is touring as a comedy act.

  6. Can we include the cunts who believe in the “healing powers of crystals?” There’s a wanker of a charlatan due to give a talk at my local library on the mineral world as part of mental health awareness week! He’s on the Register of Associated Stress Consultants and refers to himself as “a body language psychologist”. Probably studied at Dumbledore University. My daughter took about 6 years, gaining an MA and chartership before she could call herself a chartered forensic psychologist. What is tragic are the number of people who suck up this shit. Of course the program says there will be an opportunity to purchase crystals at the end of the talk! I’d buy the sharpest one available and ram it up his arse.

    • Oh boy, those cunts! Purveyors of unlimited bollocks concerning ‘energy fields’ and chakras etc. And sales opportunities for people flogging mine waste.

      My personal crystal is sperrylite*. Please send me as much as you can so I can make it into a pendulum to wave above my dick chakra when I light my ear candles.

      *Platinum arsenide

    • I was a lodger of one of these people, I also kept my chickens in the garden.
      as with life one of the hens was going down and I was going to kill her, (not because its fun but to put her out her misery).
      Any way the home owner insisted that a group of tin foil hat brigade come round and “Heal” the hen.
      well it ended up with a load of quacks gathered round a dying chicken which was required to live for another day to “Check progress” before it was dispatched.

    • Irrelevant to the thread Blunt speaking cunt but my stepdaughter is currently in sixth form and has her heart set on becoming a forensic psychologist. Looks like a fascinating profession.

      • Yes cv, she works in a prison and loves every minute of it. It’s not something I’d choose to do but I’m sure your stepdaughter will gain great job satisfaction if she pursues it. It seems to have a really good career structure offering entry level opportunities with either a degree or better still a Masters if you wish to become chartered.

  7. Biggest cunt of them all, was sceptic peg on the national lottery.
    Her predictions were so vague they were laughable.
    A predictable cunt, incapable of predicting anything, fucking mucky old cunt.

  8. Just as bad as believing in some cunt that can make 5000 fish sandwiches in half an hour.

  9. The only fucking medium I’m interested in is my medium rare sirloin…..
    I’m not sure how many of these cunts believe in their own shite , definitely not all which makes stacks if them confidence tricksters!!
    Anybody cunt stupid enough to hand over money to one of these charlatans doesn’t need a psychic they need a psychiatrist!
    And if they can’t afford a psychiatrist employ the services of a hypnotist

    “ mr Q your eyes are very heavy, very heavy indeed, repeat after me “ I must stop acting like a cunt and believing in absolutely anything “

  10. They fleeced my neighbor after his Mrs died.
    They took his life savings and his dignity.
    Poor old bugger became a wino living on the streets.
    I would dearly love to meet the cunts that preyed on him and kick ten shades out of them.

  11. I am genuinely sorry for the gullible people who waste time and money on these charlatans.
    I once saw a couple on tv who proclaimed to be able to divine water sources using some coloured discs. They were out at sea in a boat at the time the cunts.
    However I must proclaim that I am able to talk to the dead. (I’ve never once had a reply though).

  12. As long as there are gullible or desperate people, there will be thieving charlatans waiting to rip them off. I’m sure that there must be some of these alternative healers who actually believe in the shit they sell, but the vast majority must know that it’s all bollocks and that they’re just selling false hope. Shameless cunts.

  15. If you think these cunts are bad just google up ‘mindset coach for women’ ‘mindset business coach for women’ or similar, these bastards are charlatans on steroids ever ready to stripe every last penny out of gullible wannabes.

    Honestly it is fist in mouth cringe worthy the utter shite they spout, all this mindset shite, manifestation law of attraction bollocks, anyone with half a brain will recognise it for the parasitic charlatanism it is preying upon gullible easily led vulnerable people. They charge thousands, and I mean thousands, sometimes ending up tens of thousands, for made up transformational mindset coachy packages and courses, one course leading to yet another expensive bullshit course suckering the poor mark in deeper and deeper to financial ruin.

    Frankly, I wish I had thought of it first but then again although a cunt I am not a parasitic con artist.

    Unfortunately they have Mrs Byrne in their thrall which is a constant source of tension and derision in the Byrne household. Oh well, best get pissed up again and ignore it all thanking fuck that she hasn’t got the keys to the till.

  16. The whole idea of my ancestors standing round watching me wank in the shower is quite frightening.

    • I always pull the shower cap over me face, so they don’t know its me….clever that eh ?

      • Ha ha ha ha 👍
        Careful, you might end up like Michael hutchens….
        Sure plod would have a good laugh finding that scene.

  17. Makes me laugh when “mediums” (though they’re usually larges) say that they channel the spirit of North American Indians such as Sitting Bull or Geronimo or Cochise I imagine these great spiritual souls, leaders, hunters and warriors would feel mighty pissed off about being summoned from their Happy Hunting Ground in the sky only to be channelled through some old queen in a council house in Stoke on Trent. Charlatans.
    Notice outside village hall
    THE EVENING OF CLAIRVOYANCE TONIGHT HAS BEEN
    CANCELLED DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES

  18. Good cunting, DtS.

    I cunted these evils turds last year under “Mystic Megs” – nasty, nauseating money-grubbing scumbags. It’s horrific how they prey on the emotionally fucked. I’d hang them all.

  19. It’s a bit sad, isn’t it?

    I have personal history with this sort of woo.
    When I was in my early teens, i had a serious illness. A relative tearfully confessed to me she’d contacted a faith healer in the hope he could reverse ‘the damage’. He never replied.
    I think my initial thought was,’are you fucking mental?’ but could see she was upset.

  20. I was told by a clairvoyant that he could see me in a nice little house with my two children. When I told him I had three kids, he said , “Oh yes, I see he;s playing behind the house”.
    Fucking idiot!

  21. Just an observation but I’ve noticed that the majority of small time mediums are gay. Maybe it’s a gene thing. Like the gay gene, aspiring architect gene, peaceful gene or necrophelia gene.

  23. I met that daft old bat Doris Stokes once.

    Didn’t know whether to play along with the whole ‘talking to the dead’ bollocks or denounce it for the nonsense it was.

    In the end I gave her some flowers and a nice card, exchanged a bit of chit chat and then smashed my fist into her silly smiling face.

    I have always found it simplest if you can strike a happy medium.

  24. I am a psychic. I can see into the future. The picture is hazy but I can see a dead ISAC contributor. It seems to be very hot where he is, hunched over a laptop that features rounded female buttocks in a pink thong. He’s typing on the celestial keyboard. very difficult to see clearly. I think it’s Latin. Something about a girl called Gloria being sick in a Transit van on Monday. Wait…. what’s he doing now? He’s typing again ….Is…a…cunt

    • Imagine the scene – the grieving family gathered around the Ouija board, sniffling and sobbing, desperate for a message from the recently departed. Hands resting lightly on top of the pointer thing as it slowly moves from letter to letter:

      C ………. U ………….. N …………… T ………… S ………..

  25. No wonder folk buy into this shit because they probably think it’s real.

    I was perusing Sky TV’s “Latest Movies” and at least 1 in 4 of the new titles are about ghosts, spirits or poltergeists and fuckers who are sensitive to them.

    Of that 1 in 4 at least half are filmed so tediously as a “found footage” documentary (thank you Blair fucking Witch).

    As generation snowflake believe what they are fed from the idiot lantern (including fake news of the ABBC and Sly) then these confidence tricksters must be doing a roaring trade.

    So long as they’re deny snowflakes their triple-half-cafe soy lattes then good but using it against the recently bereft or elderly is a cunts trick!

  26. You have to hand it to people like James Randi and Darren Brown: they’ve been working in these sorts of trade for years but as entertainers and are more than happy to expose cold-reading charlatans who try to con recently widowed women out of their cash.

    Cunts.

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