The Deputy Prime Minister
Ever since Clem Atlee introduced the office in the ’50s this country has had a Deputy PM. Someone around to shoulder the burden. Someone to step in in case the PM should croak. Thus the wheels orf our democracy continue to smoothly whizz around should the wheels come orf the main engine. A good idea then.
So who was the last Dep PM? Nick Clegg. Oh dear.
Who is the present Dep PM? No idea.
That me hearties is because there ain’t one. Our paranoid PM has dispensed with the office so she cannot be easily replaced by one in some midnight coup. Explains why the old mare goes forever flailing aroinde the world trying to take care orf business like some old dobbin orn ice. She is personally in charge orf everything from dealing with knife crime to selling poor old Blighty oit on Brexit. Problem is she cannot run one whelk stall successfully let alone a whole world full orf ’em.
Thus the function orf Government grinds to a halt every time May is away and the bunch orf no-hopers left behind make fuck-up after fuck-up confirming her as indispensable and invulnerable. What a way to run a whelk stall.
Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke
The “office” of DPM (actually, there isn’t one) as it exists within these shires is an anomaly of “uniquely British” weirdness. Extremely broad-brush, but it sort-of doesn’t properly exist.
Clem Atlee didn’t introduce the (non-statutory) office, he was the first instance of it, in 1942, “installed” during the wartime government by Churchill. There have been several intermissions when no DPM existed (as Sir L mentions this is currently the case), the longest being 1963–1989. In fact, there’s actually not been a DPM fir a far longer period than t’other way round.
Basically, it’s bollocks, or more accurately an irrelevant title and a sop for problematic would-be grandees. I agree with Sir L’s comments about whelk vendors, however.
I could tell rather a lot of anecdotes about John Prescott, from my China days, but that’s another box of cherries.
7
Apologies, Sir L, but your first paragraph was pretty much entirely counterfactual. The DPM quite precisely does not step in if the PM croaks.
I’m sure there’s boat loads of stuff on Wikipedia, and I’ll have a peruse right now lest I am wrong. Which I’m not….
5
Peter Shirtliff….what a cunt, unforgiven.
Two late extra time goals in the 1987 playoff for Charlton to deny Leeds promotion.
The seething hatred remains
5
Shirts is a hero where i come from mate. Never to be forgotten indeed.
Trouble is, memories are all we’ve got now so spare me the 30 year old sob stories if you don’t mind.
3
Anyone who scores any goals against Leeds to deny them anything is a hero in my book and most certainly does NOT deserve their name on ISAC
2
Point of Order: This Cunting is factually incorrect. 😳
The previous Deputy PM was Damian Green. He resigned in December 2017 to spend more time with his computer. 😂
Great Cunting otherwise Sir Limpers!
6
PS: David Lidington is the current Deputy PM.
3
Wikipedia is miles off in that case.
https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deputy_Prime_Minister_of_the_United_Kingdom
Shows the last one as Nick “Fucking Prick” Clegg.
7
I’ve skim-read the wiki article in the meanwhile, Mr Stroker, and it looks pretty accurate to me.
Quite pleased and (rather smug) with myself that I correctly remembered the dates for Atlee’s installation, and the long intermission between 63–89.
4
Yeah, you got me bang to rights Willie.
Green was, and Livington is, Deputy Leader, not PM.
Apologies Sir Limpers, am now off to my study to do the decent thing. 😬 🔫
5
Afternoon RTC.
Sorry to inform, but David Liddington is the Deputy Leader (of the Conservative Party) with Damien Green, George Osborne, and William Hague his immediate predecessors (in chronological
order).
Deputy Leader of a political party is as different from DPM as is parliamentarilty possible to be. This nom is causing quite a bit of confusion, and unsurprisingly. Whelk stalls aside, whatever they may be, this cunting is factually incorrect – in its entirety.
Be seeing you.
5
Oh… fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck & double fuck!
Thanks caughtspedding, no need to rub it in.
Be fucking seeing you. Good evening.
🙂
5
Fuck me caughtspedding you have destroyed my belief in esteemed cunters. You have destroyed my illusions. I will never forgive you.
4
Is it cos he spelt Damian Green’s name wrong Miles?
4
Damien “Thorn” Green bears the mark, confere Mikhail “666” Gorbachev.
I can see I’ll need to watch my p’s and q’s rather more literally than desired from now on.
Çok teşekkür ederim Creampuff bey efendım.
2
Rica ederim caughtspedding.
1
Bir şey değil, RTC
1
Who ??? The fucking invisible man ?
Who & where is he & what does this cunt do ? (apart from cost the taxpayers more money)
1
Is Ted Heath still dead? He’d make an excellent Deputy-PM. He could go cruising in his yacht picking up unaccompanied minors in The Channel. Then he could Fuck them.
13
It was the eidolon of Ted Heath that was responsible for the Skripal attacksin Salisbury last March. He actually attempted to frighten them to death, and when that failed, he tried his old “Morning Sickness” antics. As is well-known, Heath lived out his dotage at Arundells, but less known is his brief return from Hades to pre-empt Messrs Boshirov and Petrov.
He then returned to the Cathedral, where he played the magnificent Willis instrument (rather as Dr Phibes) in celebration.
Little did he know he had failed and Yulia and Vlad have understandably been in hiding ever since.
6
(Sergei Skripal did die eventually, but of unrelated “complications”).
4
And everyone lived happily ever after.
4
Well, not to jump the gun WS: we’ve not exited the EU just yet.
2
“Hello Sailor ! Ted Heath: The Real Biography”
Are you by any chance Tom Bower, Dick ?
I think this one would fly off the shelves at Waterstone’s !
Meanwhile Mavis Mayhem blunders on…
3
Well there must be something wrong with me because I never heard the term until Two Jags came along and I assumed it was just another load of shit invented by Blair, to appease the Labour left, as he created the Tories Mark 2.
The only cunt i’ve heard called that since is the Cleggcunt. I think these cunts just make it up as they go along.
7
When I was in China, Prescott came out to open a new, very large airport in Chongqing. The UK connection was that AMEC (a nominally British firm) had been responsible for “architectural oversight”.
The Consulate in Chonkers was in overdrive, preparing laminated flash cards to assist our dear DPM with his speech. (His dyslexia was a well-known and very genuine problem). Come the day, the daft, fat old bar steward fucked up royal-style, and weirdly started talking about potatoes.
None of this mattered as it happened; the Chinese couldn’t have cared less if he’d talked about the moon being made of green cheese. It was all just window-dressing.
At the drinks reception afterwards he did finally embarrass himself by rather belligerently asking a very “da tudou” (=Chinese for “big cheese”, VIP):
“Why is it, every time I go to a Chinese banquet, they always serve up fish heads?”
That one didn’t go down so well. The old porker was actually far worse in person than on TV, he was a proper old-fashioned liability.
Happy days….
9
Talking of Deputy Cunts….shall we remember Geoffrey Howe. That limp bumbler was so pro-EU he’d make Blair look like a seething Ukipper. As robust as a used sheet of toilet paper, he’d be on his hands and knees to Brussels were he around now. Old Jüncker, Gus, Tusk, and Adolf would have him draped in the Euroshite flag and using him as their personal bidet.
6
Howe was the first after an intermission of 26 years, and we all know what happened next. A fail for Mrs T, in a big way.
Two Jags was the “classic” DPM, and this sop of a title kept the daft old porker quiet/happy. Unlike Howe, Prescott was stupid enough to buy into it, and it did the job rather nicely.
To a lesser extent, ditto Clegg.
3
As like a bouffant hairdresser taking their castrated bulldog for a walk, Blair used Prescott well to give a streak of “yoo-neeyon” to his reign. Howe was a good diplomat but Christ in the bath, what a damp squib.
2
Heseltine was Deputy PM to Major… the dream team…
No wonder Blair walked the 1997 election.
3
Bring back Prescott. Now there was a deputy of substance.
3
He went onto hiding after the hilarious Grant Shapps gaffe (the “Thai Brides” débâcle). That was funny; even Bernard Manning would be struggling to top that one.
4
“The Green Belt is a Labour achievement – and we mean to build on it”.
Truly one of our finest CC.
8
Wasn’t that little Howecunt the one who kicked off the downfall of Thatcher because of her Euroscepticism ( not because of the fucking poll tax as so often stated )? Yeah him, Clarke, Heseltine and Major…..still knocking around sucking EU cock. What a bunch of cunts.
6
CUNTERS
I can not thank you all enough, especially my old sparring partner,Herr Fiddler. I kept my job, got some more free holiday nout of them and they are creating an even easier job for me at my still over paid salary.
I now have to cancel all those job interviews (and the offer I got) AND they are not reporting me to my regulator!
Some snowflake cunts made some ridiculous allegations against me based on a complete lack of
Knowledge. Just as well they are moving me as I would fucking chin the Eastern European cunt who lied about me. Funny, they did not believe him…..
Mazel Tov to me!
Carry on cunting!
20
Great news, Krav….you appalling old poof.
🙂 .
7
Not as old as you,me thinks!
5
Great news Krav – you must be relieved bigly!
4
I would not relieving that cheeky little scamp in Morrison’s
6
Dawn breaketh !
That news has actually cheered me up.
Well done Sir.
Good evening.
7
More power to your old pecker, Krav. Well done, old chap.
Is a celebratory wank over Justin Bieber’s arsehole on the cards tonight?
8
He could jizz all over my face,please…
6
Thank you cunters.
6
Good for you Krav. Common sense ruled for a change?
2
Actually, yes: it did.
2
Mazel tov again, Kravdarth, and geçmiş olsun old bean
4
I am touched, or should that be I would like to be touched up?
4
Excellent news !
Onwards and…upwards !
2
****BREAKING CUNTS NEWS****
Andy Murray is no longer in pain… 😭
7
But he still a pain. 😂
4
I’m pleased for him, that whacking great chip on his shoulder was a real burden.
9
We will now have suffer 3 months of will he/wont he make it to Wimbledon
Help!!!
5
To be sure, he’d best get the train soon.
4
Is his mother still around ?
I wouldn’t like to give her one.
3
Yes but he’s still a grumpy, two-faced cunt who quite happily encourages fellow Jocks to vote for independence to break up the union then cheerfully accepts a knighthood. HM should have chopped the cunt’s head off, not tapped him on the shoulder with the sword.
12
Simple decapitation inadequate for the purpose, BH. Some ritual humiliation, Chairman Mao/Cultural Revolution sort of stuff would be a good starting point.
Murray is indeed a truly Imperial-sized cunt; he always reminds me of an unfunny version of Max Headroom hybridised with Grace Jones’s Slave to the Rhythm album cover.
I can actually feel a nomination coming on.
5
So this is a cunting about a position that does exist even though it doesn’t, and someone was it, and still might be, or not, and they might be dead too, but no one is quite sure, and Clegg was one and was the last one even though theres been two since.
Thank you, Ive learned a lot
8
It’s an old political trick. Nobody knows who is in charge of what so you can’t pin it on anybody.
5
Only one thing’s for certain: all roads lead back to Blair.
“If justice and truth take place,
If he is rewarded according to his just desert,
His name will stink to all generations.”
(William Wesley, 1703-1791.)
7
Elegant in its own way, I think, Cunts n Roses.
4
After reading all the comments and counter comments my conclusion is that this cunting is about something that dosent exist and if it did it would be worthless, however there was on line in the cunting which is always worth recunting time and time again.
Nick Clegg, the last worthless deputy PM and is and always will be ….
A CUNT.
7
They’re all cunts though some are cuntier than others, SOI.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I must dash; I have to contribute more lies and bullshit to Wikedpaedia.
5
I fucking despair with what is happening in Ipswich. From a great place to live to a fucking immigrant infested shithole and London drug gangs in less than 10 years.
https://www.ipswichstar.co.uk/news/scott-mills-suspended-sentence-ipswich-court-1-5921595
https://www.ipswichstar.co.uk/news/ipswich-borough-council-approves-new-use-for-mulberry-tree-pub-as-kurdish-centre-1-5922379
Theresa May said there is no correlation between a significantly reduced police force and an increase in crime.
And that we do control our borders.
And that she is delivering the Brexit we voted for.
Fucking stupid cunt bitch and the Tories and Labour and liberal judges between them are ruining this once great country.
Bring on the anarchy.
13
As with most HM Govt offices we’d be better off with Deputy Dawg than a Deputy PM!
Just another cunt in the parliamentary swamp troughing out at the taxpayer’s expense.
All of the cunts (with very few exceptions) in Cuntminster are universally hated by the proles and do they realise? Do they fuck!
Moreover do they care? Do they fuck!
So long as they and their elite friends in big business, big tech and the media (who USED to call political cunts out – no more) are ok, fuck the 99.999999999% of society! They’re alright Jack!
And the reason for this is that the cunts in power in parliament, big business, big tech and the media all went to all the same schools, colleges, universities and social (and exclusive) clubs. You don’t shit on friends! Pinky swear!
It’s a social and moral stitch-up and if any mere mortal dares speak out at this nefarious, nepotistic and incestuous relationship between government, business and the media they get hounded, deplatformed and even arrested on the most flimsy and/or made-up charges. “Hate speech” anyone??
They’re all fucking useless irrespective of party or role within it!
ALL FUCKING USELESS!!!
10
Newsnight:
There is a jigga in a face mask trying to disguise himself.Why? They all look the same to me. Shaun Bailey is a fucking star! He is the next mayor of London for me! Black,Tory and fed up with his tribe playing the alarm race card,including the twat in a face mask!
9
I make you right Mr Rebel. Endless possible examples but, case in point, Ian fatchops Hislop. Once the scourge of the Establishment now a BBC, up his own arse, EU fucking bumlicker.
Bought and sold, like a packet of Danish bacon in Sainsbury’s.
Fuck them all to hell!
5
He’s wet and slimy, just like Danish bacon…
1
Hislopout has been bought, that much is very clear.
3
PSG my fucking arse…..
That’s football heritage for you Mourinho, you miserable cunt…
6
Normally, Norman, I want any flash, rich clubs to be knocked out of Europe as soon as possible and be ritually humiliated. Especially chewnited who, as i’m sure you appreciate, are “supported” by untold wankers here in London most of whom couldn’t identify Manchester on a map of GB. As they are mostly fucking foreigners that’s hardly surprising.
However, June 23rd 2016 changed all that. Come on chewnited! Kick those Euro arses from here to next week the fucking CUNTS.
6
The only deputy I want to see in No.10 is Deputy Dawg.
Only a fucking Tex Avery cartoon character could achive something. Much preferable to any of the ‘joke’ MP cunts !
5
Sorry to have to say this but, at this time the UK does not have a deputy PM!
3
Sadiq Khan on Preston last night.
What a weasel…
Midget little cunt is more slippery than the lube I would put on Justin Bieber’s
Arse cheeks.
9
David Milipede on too – cunts cut from the same cheap cloth.
2
Fact check your fact checks Cunters ( and those oh so obvious ex Cunts Corner cunts) and do not rely on Wikipedia. I do voluntary checks and fuck ups orn there and the amount orf clangers ranging from the lethal (eg medical treatment and chemical formulae) to the plain screwy (anything to do with Hitler) is legendary.
Correct Kravdarth Sir, so pleased your little difficulty is resolved. There is a Deputy Leader orf the Conservative Party but there is No Deputy Prime Minister.
2
Apologies Admin. Spot orf low signal and all goes haywire hence double posting.
0
Fact check your fact checks Cunters ( and those oh so obvious ex Cunts Corner cunts) and do not rely on Wikipedia. I do voluntary checks and fuck ups orn there and the amount orf clangers ranging from the lethal (eg medical treatment and chemical formulae) to the plain screwy (anything to do with Hitler) is legendary kiddies.
Correct Kravdarth Sir, so pleased your little difficulty is resolved. There is a Deputy Leader orf the Conservative Party but there is No Deputy Prime Minister.
1