The Funny Bone

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The Funny Bone

What´s funny about it? I hit mine against a gate last week and doubled up in such excruciating pain that my daughter thought I had had a heart attack. The pain took ages to subside and I now have a shiny king-sized bruise to remind me of the presence of this treacherous part of my own body just waiting there to entrap me another time when I least expect it.

A plea to my maker with thank to Topol, the Fiddler on the Roof:

Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am,
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan,
If I didn´t have a fucking funny bone?

 

Nominated by WalkingWounded

43 thoughts on “The Funny Bone”

  1. I recall from school that it’s the only bone you can’t break in your body…as it’s a nerve.

    Weird sensation when you hit it in the right (wrong) place, though.

  2. Apologies for veering off road at such an early stage, but there’s some…

    ***BREAKING PROJECT SCARE NEWS!***

    The Civil Service are now making preparations for the imposition of MARSHAL LAW in the event of a No Deal Brexit…!!!!!!!!

    We are all going to be locked up if Parliament doesn’t come to its senses and save us by voting through Mrs May’s treacherous, EU dictated, turkey trap.

    https://news.sky.com/story/brexit-planners-could-use-martial-law-against-civil-disobedience-11619088

    Another government spokescunt said there would also HAVE TO BE a HARD border in Northern Ireland… oddly though, he failed to say who would be erecting such an outrage to IRA sensibilities, as the UK, EU, and Irish Governments have all said it would not be them, despite the fact Mexicans will be paying for it.

    • Who was this source for the Sly News scare report, the Flabbot? Apparently the no deal problem would be “about 1000 times worse” than the volcanic ash incident.

      A 1000 times worse, really, are you sure? “Err it will cost. It will cost. It will cost, err it will be ten million times worse. No, no, err it will be 28,000 times worse”

      What an unabashed, unverifiable pile of utter bollocks. If the source wasn’t Flabbot, then which daft cunt was it?

      • You can tell how desperate the remainer motherfuckers are getting now – all the way down from Philip Hammond encouraging Airbus to issue a doomsday warning earlier this week about “no deal” (and that purse lipped old maid Hammnd needs another good cunting very soon along with alcoholic Ali (Campbell) and the Rudd old trout, down below the gutter to Kent Constabulary last week putting their schools on “lockdown” due to traffic jams IF….. you know the rest.

        Personaly I feel Mrs May and Steptoe should get together – he hasn’t got much but he does have the ultimate detterant and he should use it. Get your most troublesome cunts Umunna, Grieve etc strapped down on a board, get Diane to take a crap then sit on their faces, without benefit of Andrex till they either relent or die from suffocation. I am sure both party leaders wouldn’t be too upset if some of their fuckers suddenly expired.

    • I think it’s a great idea!
      If there is a “no deal” (no such fucking thing, wto is a deal) then no doubt the snowflakes, momentum, antifa, “anarchists” (on the side of the establishment, twats) and other assorted soy boys and feminists will be out looking to cause trouble….
      I very much hope to see some squaddies crack their heads.
      The police will just push them and and shout at them to stop, I recon the army might be a little more heavy handed. …. can’t wait.

    • MP Cuntette Cooper has warned that two major employers in her constituency, Burburry and Harribo, who employ a whopping 1450 combined, will throw their toys out of the pram in the event of no-deal.

      Well fuck. What a shame.

      • I reckon Ed Balls has gone a bit funny since his sequins and make up days of Strictly Come Mincing. I wish he would get his testosterone back and give Sugartits a really good fucking and get her pregnant again. Morning sickness and cracked nipples, she wouldn’t have time to mither on about Brexit. Give her the smell of shitty nappies again

      • You make a monuments task sound simple, W.C. Would you want to dip your wick in Yvette Cooper’s onion-reeking minge? She’s got the body of an ironing board and a face like a turnip. Alas, these are her BEST qualities.

      • “The body of an ironing board and a face like a turnip”…

        Ha ha ha 👍 👌

      • Well, she looks like a sexually frustrated old shrew. Perhaps she didn’t know her great mate and collaborator Nick Boles is a player of the pink oboe?. That said he might give it to her up the arse provided he didn’t have to look at her. Two lost souls who came together because they didn’t understand the advert they were both replying to “seeking riding instructor who must be strict”.

        Ed Balls owes it to this country to do his duty – after all he married the old minger 🙂

        All of those horrible Labour women would give me automatic brewers droop – I think it is the moustaches and sagging tits on the lot of them. Mind you Yvette or Emma Dent Coad to save my life I think Yvette might have the edge.

      • Burberry has gone down the crapper ever since they “rebranded”, and outsourced a lot of production to the usual culprits.
        I seem to remember they had a big base in Treorchy.

        Now all their trench coats look like copies of high-street tat.
        And they employed Twatson and the Beckunts.

    • Do you reckon a couple of thousand years ago that the majority actually voted for Barabbas but – as far as the Judean authorities and their Roman overlords were concerned – that was the wrong decision thus “leaning” on the plebs until the “right” choice was made?

      Wouldn’t surprise me where European Empires are concerned…

    • Sounds like even more reason to leave without a deal, we have gone from the economy being 8% smaller by 2030 to Armageddon

      Wee Jimmy is on the Marr show this morning, second referendum, second referendum, la la lala.

  3. I remember watching that TV series Funnybones when I was little. Made before my time but like Dangermouse CBBC always showed it on repeat.

    • I used to love danger mouse, and superted, and bananaman. I don’t remember any political indoctrination in them at all.
      I watched some kids shows the other day (I was with my nephew) and every show was full of disabled people. And I don’t mean normal people in wheelchairs or anything. Proper.. erm… well… how to put this… spastics (do they still use that term?).
      It was really strange. I know it’s the BBC but fucking hell. Every show was at least 80% mongs. …. very odd.

      • Dangermouse was one of my favourites as well. From a simpler time when not everything had to be a political virtue signalling contest.

      • Just watched the BBC’s travel show this morning, and the presenter is black, in a wheelchair so is presumably disabled and has a speech impediment.
        If he was a gay, and gender fluid, its all the BBC’s boxes ticked in one handy package. No wonder he got the job

      • On Countryfile on BBC2 they had a 16 year old lad with learning difficulties working on a farm. He had green hair and had to leave mainstream education. To make matters even worse, or better, for the BBC, he discovered at 11 that he had been born in the wrong body, and so he was really a she.

        Honestly – if you don’t believe me it was a repeat of last Sunday’s BBC1 show repeated on BBC2 this morning at 9.

        The BBC has become one long misery memoir. Fuck Tony Hall

      • I’d like to be in Caroline Langrishe’s body. A couple of hours would do me fine.

  4. From funny bone to Brexit, no subject can escape the wrath.

    I voted leave because I can’t buy a pint of milk from my local stores. Litres my arse.

    Goodbye for now.

  5. Ah, but there’s a lot of pleasure and amusement to be had when someone else knocks their funnybone…or stubs their toe..or twists an ankle..or falls off a set of ladders..or drowns while trying to dingy across the Channel.

    All good fun as far as I’m concerned.

    Fuck Off.

    • Ladders are just so dangerous. I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words: “Don’t touch that fucking la-…”

  6. Dion’t be surprised if “funny bone” is banned because it will offend some morose, miserable, suicidal and overly sensitive cunts!

    it might even be renamed as something like “mildly amusing bone” or “delicate bone”

    Fuck it

    • “Bone” is a colloquialism for an erection and so is immediately banned due to it’s sexist connotations.

      “Funny” could imply a happy state of mind and so is immediately banned in case it offends manic depressives.

      The “New World Order” dictionary – in association with LGBTQAI (and soon to be “P”), Wimmenz Movement and Cultural Enrichment groups – have decided that “Funny Bone” will now be referred to as “Black Vibrating Strap-On Vagina”.

      All medical authorities have been advised of this change in classification on the appropriate gender neutral form.

      At a cost of only £100m to the UK taxpayer, this has been deemed a huge renaming/reclassification success.

      Meanwhile the £50m to keep a child cancer ward open for the next 10yrs was not available and deemed a waste of public expenditure…

  8. Morning all
    Well a few posts on here have really tickled my funny bone this morning. WalkingWounded is right though; give it whack and it hurts like fuck. Same as if you banjo your shin or ankle. Wonder how it got that odd name in the first place.

  9. (Butt) Lord Adonis is on the Nigel farage show this morning banging on and on about a second wefewendum….
    Man that cunt’s voice really boils my piss.
    Now he’s trying to tell us that the leaflet didn’t actually say that we’d leave if the vote went that way.
    I’ve gotta turn this off before I decent into a murderous rage.

      • Morning cap.
        How’s your day going?
        I’m just about to start on my tax return. I’ve got half a mind to just send ’em a note with ‘fuck off you cunts’ scribbled on it in shit.
        They’ll only fine me though so I guess I’d better get the calculator out.
        *sigh*
        CUNTS.

        Someone just told butt Lord Adonis that he needs psychological therapy… he thought it was “a bit unnessecary”.
        😂🤣

      • I’ve just listened to Farage and Adonis on LBC as well.

        Adonis is incredible, he admitted he wants to stop Brexit and remain in the EEUUrrggg. He says we don’t know what we voted for as leavers and that the government leaflet was interpreted the wrong way!

        How do people as perverse as this not get sectioned?

        Lunatic.

        Goodbye for now.

      • He needs CBT – an hour of The Flabbott suitably shod in hobnail boots should cool his ardour.

    • But Ian Hislop defo has – his skull.
      Very, very odd looking bloke.
      And that Brigpoke wcd. Rectangular.

  11. There’s nothing funny about the bone I wake up with every morning. I thought I would have grown out of this by now. I believe it was Kingsley Amis who spoke about reaching the age of seventy and the relief of losing his libido. He said that it was like spending fifty years being chained to an idiot. Well I’m not seventy yet and in my case it’s fifty eight years. The thing is, I’ve run out of things to wank about. I’ve exhausted all my fantasies and today’s porn offers nothing new. Perhaps you cunters can come up with something. Be creative. Invent a sexual perversion.

      • Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo….

    • As TBCC mentioned Burberry (above), and I know that some people at ISAC have a fondness for Jenna Coleman, I’d suggest you google “Jenna Coleman Burberry images”
      There are some luscious ones of her in a red tartan trench. Nothing new, admittedly, but very comeworthy.
      I’ll be 58 later this year, and I share your pain, Allan, I mean that most sincerely, I really do ! I find a good rub still helps…
      Amis was dead right. My “idiocy” started a few months short of 9th birthday, IIRC.

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