‘Hello sailor!’
‘Oooooooo…get ‘er!’
There’s a long and honourable tradition of claiming that historical figures belong to some fashionable minority. Cleopatra was black, Florence Nightingdale was a tuppence licker, Hitler only had one ball… you know the sort of thing I mean.
Now there’s the case of Admiral Lord Nelson, who was mortally wounded as the Royal Navy blew the arses off the French and Spanish fleets at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805. As Nelson lay dying aboard HMS Victory, he is reputed to have said to his said to his friend Captain Thomas Hardy ‘kiss me Hardy’.
Based on this, the Walker Art Gallery in Liverpool has branded our boy Horatio as ‘queer’, and has placed two paintings of his death in an exhibition entitled ‘On the History of LGBTQ and Love’. Apparently the museum’s curators have stated that ‘historians have long speculated about the exact nature of the relationship’ between Nelson and Hardy, and that their friendship and bond could represent ‘the sometimes hidden queer history of life at sea’. Sounds as though life at sea could have had its, shall we say, gay side back in those days; all ‘rum, bum and concertina’, as George Melly put it in his autobiography.
Now as we know, Nelson was married to Frances Nelson, but was also getting plenty on the side from Lady Emma Hamilton, who bore the saucy sailor a child. Nevertheless, those vital three words reputedly spoken by Nelson as his life ebbed away must surely be taken as conclusive evidence that he did, in fact, secretly bat for the other side.
I don’t know about anybody else, but I for one think that we owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to the Walker Gallery for bringing a new and fascinating insight into the life of one of our greatest national figures.
Who and what next I wonder? ‘Margaret Thatcher was a man!’ claims controversial historian…
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Nah, not gay.
4
I wouldn’t mind this shite so much if they’d just asked an historian what Nelson actually said, which was
“Kismet, Hardy”.
Still, why spoil a good story with the truth?
I cannot abide people who misquote famous words.
8
Me too.
JP.
As Winston Churchill famously said
“” we will bite them on the features” 🇬🇧
7
😁
4
As Churchill once said to an Admiral “The Navy only has 3 traditions Rum,Sodomy and The Lash”
Bumming was punished with the Lash.
1
They’re way off.
He actually said “bum me, Hardy.”
To raise a nautically-themed smile on a Sunday morning, imagine Kier Starmer strapped to the end of a cannon on the Golden Hinde and blown to smithereens.
14
With a really long fuse, and someone counting down the minutes and seconds left through a loudhailer?
I’d pay good money for a ticket to that show!
7
I would have preferred Kweer to be under the command of Captain Bligh. He would have known what to do with the little poofter. Tie him to the highest yard arm in the British Navy and “administer the punishment”. Thirty lashes as a warning.
2
Thomas, A good broadside was the stuff of English maritime action. Can we not have the entire cabinet strapped to cannons?
A phone that costs £5 could be used as well to cover the costs of black powder and fuses. You get to choose who gets fired first.
Bets would be encouraged to also raise another revenue stream. I commend it to the house.
3
These sc0users have assumed that Nelson was a bender. There was no evidence to support their notion that he liked to stroll the Cadbury Alley.
It’s all about their overwhelming need to mainstream bumband1tting.
10
If your on the deck, bleeding out, the reaper inches away..
Last thing you wants a snog.
Its bollocks.
Although Horatio is a puffs name.
7
No that’s Fellatio Mis
0
Fuck off Scouse arty fartys and worry more about what kojak slot is fumbling with in the reds dressing room…oooh er mo lay off vans djik
3
It’s a pity about this pathetic shambles. The Walker is a great art gallery, both in its architecture and the collections in its possession.
Just put the stuff on display and leave the politics and Woke shite alone.
O / T I see the police dragnet has failed to apprehend the misreleasead illegal Foreign Johnny.
The wandering sex pest has reached Hackney, despite the hundreds, if not thousands of CCTV cameras he’s walked past. 🙄
If it was Tommy Robinson he’d have been picked up PDQ.
He’ll find sanctuary there, that’s for sure.
It seems he was given seventy odd quid of taxpayers cash by the goofballs at HMP Chelmsford, before they sent him on his merry way.
No wonder this country is a laughing stock.
Good morning 👍
6
Remember the policeman who arrested the little perv put his arm round the crying ape and said “don’t worry – everything will be alright”. I wonder if he was released accidently on purpose.
3
@jack….I disagree with your assumption of Mr Robinson there’s not a 😺 in hells chance he’d have been mistakenly released 😩…
0
Nelson was from Norfolk.
Okay, so he lost his right eye and his right arm in battle, but at least he made up for it with two extra fingers on his left hand.
7
Scouse museum?!!
Hahaha.
Im almost tempted.
All stolen goods naturally.
Bill Shanklys tracky bottoms
Kenny Dalglishs car wheels
Kevin keegans home perm kit
7
Ps
I once got in a lift with a scouse accent.
I was fascinated.
“doors closin,
Turd floor”
Dunno who thought that was a good idea
4
It’sthe adopting of American (mis)pronunciation that irritates me Mis. Most people seem to have lost kilometre years ago but the one I’ve noticed coming in recently is shopping maul. I’ve even heard someone say Pall Maul!
Grrr!
1
Before serving with Lord Nelson, Sir Thomas Hardy was first lieutenant to a Captain George Cockburn on the HMS Minerve.
Well, that’s proof enough for me.
5
Im quite the renaissance man.
And spend a lot of my time in Art galleries.
Staring at some modern art installation
Slowly scratching my balls and eating a porkpie.
Ive critiqued many a famous work.
From pablo picarsholes impressionist work to Salvador Dalis surrealism.
Fuckin rubbish.
Take a permanent marker pen with you.
Add a few moustaches and glasses.
Art is a participation sport.
4
I like some of Dali’s work – ‘Telephone grilled sardines in September,’ and ‘Mannequin rotting in a taxi cab’ – she looks like Angela Rayner and of course the one dedicated to Keir Starmer – ‘The Great Masturbator’.
3
Knowing that his portrait was going to be at the Walker’s, he said “Crisps be it Hardy”, due to discussing it earlier what to call the snack they’d invented.
2
WC
Im a staunch Pre-Raphaelite bloke and refuse to entertain such frippery as melting clocks and the like.
Salvador Dali needed a two things.
1. A good hiding
2. A straight jacket.
The spanish cunt.
2
You know what The Last Supper needed?
A gravy boat.
Or Cunts Engines ‘Girl with a Pearl Necklace’.
4
Along with with Vermeer’s “Girl with a Pearl Earring”.
1
Sorry, one with and one without.
0
Morning LL/all.
An admirer of the italian renaissance paintings, I actually painted one of my love dungeon guests in the classic Pre-Raphaelite style.
It didn’t take too long either, after she’d been surgically divested of her limbs.
It was called ‘trunk with spunk’.
Actually, she looked more like a horrifying dystopian Zdzisław Beksiński nighmare!
4
LL@
What a marvelous idea.
Id love that!
The Last Supper
But theyre tucking into roast beef, mash, Yorkshire pudding etc.
Judas brings the dessert,
Black forest gateau,
JC ” oh that looks delicious!
You shouldn’t have gone to all that expense Judy”
Judas ” my pleasure.
I recently came into a bit of money..
“
2
Judy? Was that his weekend name Mis?
2
Make the Gays walk the plank..
Into a volcano.
Good morning.
3
“Kiss me, Hardy” is just a placeholder for these never-satisfied warped cunts if you ask me.
See how it goes. Let the busy people get briefly upset, be ignored, let it die down.
Then re-interpret the re-interpretation.
By the time YOU’RE uttering your last words, it’ll be ‘canon’ that Nelson went out with ….
“oooh! Jizz me, hard-boy”.
4
Also ; will they petition to have his cause of death altered as well, to be more ‘authentic’ to their passions? ..
Lord Nelson. Mortally wounded in battle ; died of HIV related complications.
0
” kiss me hard on.”
2
The odd thing about protected minorities is that they break free of the ‘oppression, get all the rights etc they say they’ve been denied and then insist on behaviour that might to the more cynical suggest the roots of their oppression.
4
Are we sure his ship wasn’t this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLotX3HE-4c
1
We should be calling them “irons” not what the stupid yanks call them. Its disrespectful to the Cavalier.
1
What a load of bollocks
What he said was ‘kismet Hardy’ to mean it was his fate or destiny to die, but with the noise of battle was misheard
2