Security guards on supermarket doors are cunts, aren’t they.
Twenty years ago, there were no guards outside shops or lurking at the entrance, eyeballing you as you entered like you’re a dirty shoplifter. It began about a decade ago.
Do they prevent much crime?
If Jamal and his mates want to go nicking, will this podgy bloke in a white shirt make any difference? When chavs make a five-finger discount from the booze section, is this bored chubster going to make chase?
Mostly, these portly Afreekans don’t look like they could even walk 100 yards, let alone run it. They saunter round the shop like overfed ducks, usually browsing on their mobile. Once, I saw one tucked away in a corner watching the football on his phone. It reminds of that quote in Snatch: “I thought you said he was the getaway driver. What the fuck can he getaway from?” (Certainly not a buffet – NA)
I suppose the supermarkets just add the cost of these do-nothings to their items making groceries even more expensive.
Fucking useless.
Nominated by : Captain Magnanimous
Link to the header pic provided by Sam Beau who added the following:
@ADMIN – perhaps I can be a professional link-adder? How much does that pay?
Be my guest, SB. You’d be on the same rate as us Admins….fuck all – NA.
They are always foreigner’s who will let their swarthy mates do as they please, while following a little old lady the length of the store.
Still they are slightly more use than fucking plod.
The private security for foreign rapists.
19
There’d be no need for security guards in shops if the Fatsos did their job instead of spying on social media posts.
15
Yes, but chomping Hobnobs while looking at a computer screen all day is a much more comfortable gig.
10
Supermarkets are cunt factories.
Selling the cheapest and nastiest stuff at the highest possible prices.
I blame the greedy, local councils.
They have fucked the high streets.
They paint yellow lines along stretches of roads where it is perfectly safe to park.
They charge people money to park in their car parks.
It’s because of them that supermarket chains are able to open huge stores on the outskirts of towns.
I have never seen a security guard in a supermarket.
I doubt whether they can do much.
They can’t physically stop any suspected thieves and I don’t think that they can detain anyone.
It would be pointless anyway as the fatties are not interested in things like theft.
I have boycotted one supermarket chain here.
During the COVID farce they would have a cunt outside in full hazmat gear.
Covered from head to foot.
He would take the temperature of the unfortunate shoppers using one of those laser type guns pointed at their foreheads.
Shoppers were then allowed in, but only one at a time.
In a fucking huge supermarket!
The queues were horrendous.
Anyone who he suspected of being at the store more than once in a week he would turn away.
Not good when you were only allowed to shop at your closest supermarket.
Find a farmers market and good butcher.
At the very least use local shops where you can.
Obviously not Pákí shops.
Avoid all supermarkets.
And another thing.
I have noticed that every supermarket chain that advertises on UK TV uses a disproportionate number of níg nógs.
Fuck them.
23
Spot on Artie.
Agree totally.
Why are the guards always little 6stone pakistanleys?
What the fuck are they gonna do?
Ive eaten steaks bigger than those cunts.
And if not some asian midget its some africunt with a funny shaped head.
24
The funny shaped heads are hereditary, it stopped them rolling off the shelf.
8
Generally they are useless fuckers but with shoplifting at epidemic proportions and the police doing fuck all about it because they too busy solving hate crimes they are better than nothing. If they were allowed to beat the shit out of shoplifters then it might help solve the problem.
Good Morning.
13
Shall have to make enquiries the next time I go shopping, if there is a security guard at my local shop. Its got me puzzled. There’s always empty shelves and hardly many customers. Whilst waiting for a taxi after my next big shop might give me a clue. Otherwise I can’t help you at the moment. The picture of a big fat black sumo wrestler administration have chosen doesn’t help, due to never seeing anything like it in my life before.
3
Some places go with the likes of the disgrace in the pic, Sammy, .. others go the plain clothes ‘undercover’ route.
Any lot that would employ a useless unhealthy cunt like the one in the pic are cunts too. The amount of time the likes of that will miss through obesity related (thus self inflicted) ill health & sickness .. and initiate the need cover at overtime rates .. – the extra expenses of which are all factored-in to and added to customers outlay – will be off the scale, even beyond the modern day drop-of-a-hat ‘I don’t feel like going to my job today’ post covid workforce of mainly workshy cunts… at least to my observation of supermarket staff, for example, talking their shit about nothing among themselves in groups while one poor cunt is doing all the work.
The usual.
9
It would be interesting, Cuntemall, in putting a bet on the life expectancy on the so-called security, with a pretend attempt at theft.
3
From the 20 stone-minimum severely unhealthy woman that can hardly fucking walk from her checkout to the break room in the nearest Tesco, I take it ‘disgustingly overweight’ made the ol’ DEI list at some point.
It must have, because hiring the likes makes zero real business sense.
7
Just realised, security is eating the thieves. He was once the famous barefoot runner, Abebe Bikila of Ethiopia. Sadly death will come knocking at his next luncheon.
5
I used to like those cardboard cut out police people that they used to have patrolling the pound shops. Fantastic idea. Particularly for stopping all those cardboard criminals. Round our way you need to be more worried about shirt lifters than shop lifters. Anyway, that security chap in the picture looks fitter than any police person. I bet he could even tell you the time if you needed to know.
Good morning, everyone.
10
“Anyway, that security chap in the picture looks fitter than any police person.”
That was very PC of you
11
Who ate all the pies?Them.Fat gits.🥮🥮🥮
8
I love the header picture. Taken in 2028, it shows the job David Lammy takes when he leaves Parliament.
18
Only fucking job David Lammy would be qualified to do W.C apart from cleaning lavatories. A national embarrassment.
11
I spent 4 hours in Guildford nick for apprehending a drunk driver (short story, almost crashed into us, hit another car, stopped, I got upset and dragged him out.).
Anyway you get yourself in a maze of “lawful wounding” and “unlawful wounding” which is absolute cock in my opinion, if I had not detained him he probably would have driven off and killed someone.
So I do sort of understand security guards doing fuck all, when the police and the do gooders are more concerned about the perpetrators mental and physical health the stage is loaded against you.
so why bother? because you Mr upstanding member of the public are an abnormality to be observed with suspicion and be punished.
17
In all fairness to your average loss prevention officer, it isn’t worth getting perforated like a PG tips tea bag for the sake of a nicked bottle of white lightning and an oven ready chicken.
Certainly not for minimum wage anyway.
Perhaps if they were to get a 10% bonus for every item recovered, they might get a bit more involved
8
We had a teddyboy bouncer at the chinky chippy when i was a youth.
Hard cunt too,
No debate you fucked with him hed chin you.
Looked like Paul mcShane.
He should come out of retirement
10
A year or two back I saw a male & female in a Tesco … they went to the booze section where he picked 3 bottles of artisan/imported shit – the expensive stuff anyways – and basically cradled the three in his arm, camouflaged against the cunts dark coloured jumper, with labels facing inwards.
Then they dawdled for a bit, then SHE scanned & paid for a packet of chewing gum while HE walked through. with the three bottles in plain sight, so to speak.
There were at least ten staff standing around yapping, including the so-called security cunt.
10
Theres a gift shop in a picturesque village called Grasmere in the Lake District.
NOBODY would get away with shoplifting there.
The paranoid as fuck shopkeeper followed me around and peeped over displays in case i stole a valuable fridge magnet or teatowel or gingerbread man.
The cheeky cunt.
Nowt in the fuckin shop over a tenner and he acted like it was bullion on the shelves.
11
I was in that same shop, Mis.
The guy asked ME to mind the till as he had to run to the loo for a few minutes.
You must have a look about you.
😄
9
Cunt made me self conscious. 😕
Like im a international keyring thief or something.
6
Mr Shifty..
6
Jack and Ethel passed through recently where he pilfered a tasteful gnome ornament relieving himself for the Rookery front garden.
5
I love the gingerbread shop there.
3
I’d like to clarify that I’ve never been within 50 miles of the Lake District.
… In case the emoji-use didn’t convey the insincerity adequately.
3
You should go Cuntemall.
Beautiful.
Truly Gods country.
Dont nick anything though.
2
I’m going to wait until after the uprising is done & then maybe I can work it in to travel plans vis-à-vis my ambition to be at the inauguration of Trump Gaza.
The world’s gonna be awesome again once everything is fixed up in a year or two.
😆
2
The appearance of these clowns strangely coincides with the vast importation of foreign rubbish.
How odd.
It must be the fault of Tommy Robinson.
Cunts.
Good morning.
12
Real name Stephen Yaxley Lennon!
Morning UT
Morning all
8
There was one cunt who was always following me around in a local shop, I got cheesed off with it, so I decided to start following him around. He would go about his little pantomime of trying to look nonchalant, ambling around picking things up from the shelves and peering at them intently, so I used to sidle up beside him and say ” oh, my husband loves those” or ” that’s very reasonable isn’t it?”.
I could see it was messing with his low IQ mind and making him really angry…I was sorry when the shop shut as it was hours of fun.
0
Whatever happened to the old school store detectives? They didn’t fuck about.
Slip a packet of Toffo’s in your pocket and next thing you knew, it was arm up the back and marched to the managers office.
Can’t do that nowadays though.
So now we have a ‘deterrent’ in the shape of park keys who are corrupt anyway.
They probably get their cousins to steal to order, meet them at the mosque in the evening and divvy out the proceeds.
7
https://xhamster.com/channels/shop-lyfter
7
The problem with the UK and in particular England is we don’t have enough police (real ones, not tweet monitors or pretend ones).
Compared to the other large European countries we have about half the numbers, no wonder street crime and shoplifting is going through the roof.
Places like Oxford street have had store security for decades, a bit of a deterrent but the way some of the feral cunts go mob handed into store one security guard is fucking useless.
We need to double the number of police (hard bastards) not add a few thousand and get the cunts on the street not on a fucking computer checking for hurty words.
Reverse the woke, target Blacks and East Europeans and all the other foreign trash that have infested Britain (no longer Great)
8
Double the number of police and you just double the number of woke, fat bastards who sit at computer screens when they are not in the kebab shop.
Who is going to train them to do anything else?
What you need is a military police force to replace the present bunch of fat bastards.
Young, fit and armed with no fucking watchdog.
Your present police force can be assigned to school crossing patrols and to stop people stealing from shops.
That’s how it’s done in other European countries.
5
Quite right, Art.
3
I agree, the old policing by consent died a long time ago.
3
Best security I have personal witnessed are the Gurka’s. They are recognised by usually being only 4ft 6″ tall. You might encounter the odd one doing a 10 mile + run before their shifts starts. Don’t mess with any of this breed, or you will be flat on your back, on the deck where you wete standing quicker that you can say “Problem officer?” & his right foot will be firmy on your chest.
5
Shoplifting is akin to admitting your a fuckin pauper.
A peasant who cant provide.
Pay your way you dossers.
I could understand it if its some teenage runaway from a abusive home or a hard up pensioner and would probably turn a blind eye,
But theyre just junkies and dirty roma bastards.
6
I remember back when my nearest 99p Stores had to put in security for the theft that was going on, very sad! These low life cunts would have probably done the security van over when all those bags of 1p pieces turned up, that were needed to given out in the change.
4
I don’t think Isobel Barnett was a dirty roma bastard Mis. She may have been a junkie as she was a doctor and she definitely was Scottish.
3
I don’t know who Lizzy Hairnet is Arfur.
2
What I find truly abhorrent is people who steal from charity shops, who cannot afford to pay for security.
At our local one, they only put out one shoe, and chain the handbags /backpacks up!
Add to that people who steal from clothing banks, and nick charity collection pots from shop/pub counters.
They’re an even lower level of scum.
6
I once organised a raffle at work which raised over a hundred notes profit, which I took to the local Cancer Research Campaign office.
A couple of days later I got a call from them to say that the premises had been burgled overnight, and the money was gone.
I truly and sincerely hope that the pond scum responsible died before they got old.
6
Re: Header note from NA …
Thank you all Admins, for all your hard work.
I come to ISAC when I feel I need cheering up and some of the posts are hilarious (no names, no pack drill).
And you make it possible.
Thank you, Cassandra. We in Admin Mansions believe this esteemed site serves a purpose. From sweary rants, to slaggings off to back-and-forth banter, it provides a platform for our cunters to vent. We do feel a sense of community and hope our efforts help folks get through the day. As you say, some who post here are genuinely hilarious. It’s often a good read that can lift the spirits. Kudos to all who post. Thanks also to all previous Admins without whom we wouldn’t still be going strong in 2025. Lastly, we can all thank the owners of the site who pay for the servers and hosting without advertising or memberships. Keep enjoying all our efforts – Night Admin (aka NA).
6
Thanks, @Admin. I`ll take it in cashh.
💰
PS, where hass the spelll cheque gone?
1
And my face.
1
The most ridiculous security staff I’ve ever seen were the grotesque Mr Blobbys supposedly guarding the Walmart store in Galveston.
I doubt if one of them could have covered five yards at speed before keeling over.
5
Did they not have a wee golf-cart to skoot around in?
America is home to some truly massive (fat) bastards.
‘Never understood how one becomes that fucking fat. It must take years of sitting still and eating lard.
3
Dunno, theyre always playing netball and rounders,
Think thatd keep em slim?
But no.
Still have the same fat content as a Netto chicken nuggett.
1