is a pant-wetting cunt.
The article is quite lengthy, must have been a very slow news day, so I’ll summerise.
Rebecca lives in Cornwall and was at her job cleaning a holiday let, when a thunderstorm started. She’d opened the windows, because it was hot ( and presumably to air the place out) when a bolt of lightening struck very close by, and frightened her so much that she pissed herself!
Why on Earth would you want to share that with anyone, much less the readership of Cornwall News?
What was so fucking newsworthy that it merited such a lengthy article?
There’s a lovely photo part way down the article, for me it’s a hard choice between the dog and the family pet!
Nominated by Jeezum Priest.
Jesus wept, a tattooed forehead.
A take it the Cornwall news are bored with debating jam or cream first in scones then.
I wouldn’t trust her to clean anything, looking like that..
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I am reliably informed Barry that stress incontinence suffered by parous women is extremely common. Doesn’t explain tattooing and piercing of the face however. I think that’s just down to being thick.
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To be fair after 4 kids Beckys fanny is slacker than the waistband on some JD sport tracky bottoms.
And all cornish smell faintly of piss anyway.
Wonder if her labia is pierced?
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Thanks Mis, I’ll try to supress that vision. Having breakfast in a minute.
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I had no idea the word “parous” existed until this morning.
You have the vocabulary of a gynaecologist Arfur.
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You know when you go somewhere and the graffiti signals to you that you’re in a rough/sketchy area.
I have a similar theory about heavily tattooed people where they’re tattooed on their face/forehead/throat/all three.
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Also a bit like animals with warning markings/colours.
Like skunks or those poison arrow frogs in the Amazon rainforest.
I think the correct term is aposematism.
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Far be it for me to question Admin’s sincerity, but are we sure that’s a photo of Ms Smith? It could just as easily be leakage of a different sort from Mucky Ange before she goes out on the pull.
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That’s nothing compared to Dinner Lady Reeves’s shitty knickers. She doesn’t even bother changing them now.
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Pissing yourself is not really newsworthy and it’s a story that you should only share with friends.
If we have a dinner party at Casa Cunter I will often recall the story of when I shat myself in a company van, after eating some undercooked pork.
I was staying in Andalucía overnight, I was tired and hungry so against my better judgement I ate an Iberian pork chop which I suspected of being a little on the rare side.
The next day on the long drive home I started to get a pain in my back.
I thought that it was just from driving an uncomfortable van for so long.
The pain became worse and it was obvious that I desperately needed a shit.
It was so bad that it would have been impossible to park at a service station and get to the bog without shiting myself on the way.
With my arse clenched as tight as I could and my guts making all sorts of noise in protest, I bravely drove on.
Only an hour or so to go.
There was nowhere I could quickly pull over to and drop my guts.
15 minutes from home and there was a fucking Guardia Civil road check ahead.
Cars were being pulled over and checked.
“Don’t fucking stop me!”
Fortunately they waved me through.
If they hadn’t I would have simply shat.
Turning into my road I think that the relief hit me and I momentarily released my arse clamp.
Immediately the entire contents of my guts evacuated as a stinking, wet mess into my chinos.
I stopped the van and sat on what felt like a cushion of shit, stunned by what had happened.
There I was, a captain of industry and a respected member of the community, marinating in my own foulage.
Luckily I had my overnight bag in the front of the van with me.
I managed to get my trousers and pants off without getting any shit on the van seat.
I cleaned myself up the best that I could using an entire packet of windscreen wipes.
The shat in chinos and pants went into the communal bin nearby.
When I got home it was obvious by the look on my face that I had been involved in some sort of incident.
After a few more shits and a shower I told Mrs Cunter all about it.
It never crossed my mind that my epic shit may be newsworthy.
Good morning everyone!
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Morning Shitty arse 😊
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Add a dash of racism and homophobia and the guardian will serialise it..
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Im sure Manuel took the liberty to try the pants on and go off on his merry way prior to a siesta – or sold them to a cunt leaving France
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We often get the smelly Moroccans coming round in their ancient, clapped out van, rooting through the bins for anything of value.
I would like to think that one of them pulled out my shitty, stinking trousers.
The cunts.
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Understandable. I developed Gastroenteritis because there was a gust of wind.
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Did anyone else read the comments at the bottom of the link?
Handy tip for when there are thunderstorms
Place carrier bags around your property to catch the lectric, you can then pour the captured lectric into your meter and save some pennies.
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I hadn’t read the comments. Not a deal of sympathy, was there?
😂😂😂
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Was this Cornish scrubber standing on her head, when she pissed herself? She really is a stain on society.
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The nose ring… that alone makes her a cunt.
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I first thought this was a nom about my sister in law, who shares the name of this munter. The build and hair colour are uncannily similar.
My daughter’s nickname for the chiselling cow is “Brontosaurus Beck” as is her size and weakness for chomping on seven chocolate bars a day.
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I dont go to Cornwall.
Full of those plastic yank cunts in VW campervans and surfboards,
Pretending its Honolulu and wearing flipflops dude.
The inbred locals must be sick of the cunts.
Get your hair cut get in your scooby Doo van and fuck off.
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There are small villages in the back woods of Cornwall (sound of duelling banjos) where, as you drive through, you are stared at in wonderment as to how your carriage is moving without horses.
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I bet she can’t go to her local for a drink without some wag saying
” out on the piss again?”
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FLASH !!
We interrupt this gripping tale to bring you some BREAKING NEWS !!
In Truro, a 🐶 has chased a 😺 up a tree. Police, ambulance and fire 🚒🚒 crews are at the scene.
The RNLI and HM Coastguard have been informed and are on standby
All ships at sea have been alerted and the elite F TROOP of Truro Sea Scouts are being helicoptered in.
Our ACE REPORTER Worzel ‘ Six Fingers ‘ Gummidge is racing to the scene.
Locals are urged to keep off the streets, resist the temptation to panic buy, lock all windows and are advised to stay at home 🏡 fucking their sisters.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Good morning 🌞👍
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I’ve a vigil performance as we exaggerate.
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A lady pissing herself is nothing. I bet after this news Rachel From Accounts will be shitting her bloomers today:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c4g89vqp8p4t
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Calling herself Rebecca Smythe would’ve given her more clout and piss.
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In next Tuesdays issue “A small dog barked two streets away and I shit me knickers”.
The raddled old whorê.
Dear me.
Good morning.
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Pity it didn’t strike the ironmongery and blown the pathetic bitches face off.
She would have crapped herself as well.
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Sudden shocks make women squirt.
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Good Morning
There are some people who will do anything for their 15 minutes of fame, it’s like a mental illness. Another sign of mental illness would be having tattoos and piercings around the body, especially around the face and head. At 44 years of age she ought to know better. I would suspect that the 4 children all have different fathers as no-one would want to shag her twice.
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Four kids later and middle aged she’s probably pissing her self regularly. Sneeze, dribble of piss, laugh, more piss, a few drinks and the carpets ruined.
Get some tenna lady pads and fuck off.
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The throat tattoo should’ve been of two hands throttling her.
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Neck Tattoo 😂
What a twat, no wonder people take the piss.
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Morning SOI/all
One good thing about a bird with a neck tattoo…you’re going to be able to do lots of terribly filthy things with her, as she doesn’t respect her body.
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They’ve not much option either way, if they’re trussed up like a Christmas turkey 🦃.
You of all people should know that 😁
Good morning Thomas 👍
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Got to love cornwall, tiz like the wicker man. St austell or snozzle if e be a local.
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For a place reliant on tourism they really despise emmets.
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I shudder to think.
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Cornwall want independence from the UK.
Where their economy will thrive by selling overpriced pasties and reopening the tin mines.
A lot like the welsh.
They also speak a made up language, wurzelese.
“izzen thy zizter gut a wully arze ooo aaah?”
They have a tradition of smuggling, piracy and stealing crabs from other peoples nets.
They are proud of their ice cream which is just like walls ice cream but 4times more expensive.
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I shit myself once, it was a very deceptive fart in disguise, and I think this is the first time I have discussed it publicly.
Never thought to take a photo though.
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She’s from St Austell, says it all, probably born in Liskeard!
Never seen so many ads on a page but def a non story, why she chose to tell anyone raises many questions but suspect she will happily piss on you after giving her one, if you’re into slightly backwards slack jawed slack fannied tramps.
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She’s constantly looking in a mirror. The tattoo on her forehead reads ‘Blink-Breathe’.
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She be a bleddy loiyerr!
Didn’t pess erself , she fockin shatterself ….cos er sloimy browneye is so slack on account of enjoying too much buggery.
St.Awful is a shithole riddled with druggies, Brummies, Cockneys and alll sorts of immigrant filth.
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No one gave a fuck when I pissed myself, smacks of sexism as the pisser was a young girl who happily displays her sodden garments. I suppose pissed crash kit trousers don’t cut the mustard with the MSM.
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Has she put her soiled kecks up for sale on e-bay by any chance?
Asking for a friend…
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