The day started very nicely weather-wise, so the wife and I decided to go for a stroll in the local park. Bad decision as it turned out.

There we were, ambling happily along, when suddenly out of the undergrowth to my left burst this fucking hound, and before I could react, he took one look and leapt straight at me. I went backwards, instinctly trying to keep my balance, and collided with the missus, who went sprawling onto the path, bashing her head off the tarmac with a resounding ‘crash!’, and hurting her back.

As if the presence of this fucking great mutt wasn’t enough, up then comes its cunt of an owner, uselessly yelling ‘down! come here!’ at the bastard as it leapt about. Needless to say, I was absolutely livid, and yelled ‘can’t you control your bloody dog, you idiot?’ at the top of my voice. ‘Oh I’m soooo sorry’ the cow whimpers lamely. ‘Sorry?’ shouts I, ‘what bloody good’s that, you twat?’. Then the look came over her face; that ‘this horrid man’s being toxic to poor me’ look. ‘Is there anything I can do?’ she simpers. ”Yes’ says I. ‘Piss off, and take your stupid mutt with you before I kick the bastard into the pond!’. And off she crept, for all the world the injured party in the exchange. How could the horrid man positively not adore sweet Wolfie? He’s SUCH a pet.

Well you can probably guess the outcome. Several hours spent in A and E, while the medics did their excellent work of checking the wife over good and proper, patching her up and administering morphine before saying that she was okay to be discharged and taken home. Here she remains well shaken up and in considerable discomfort.
(Sorry to hear that, Ron. How’s she doing? – NA)

As for Barbara fucking Woodhouse and her calamitously behaved mutt, it was (and it remains) my earnest wish that the pair of them should go back up to the main road and promptly get run over by a truck.The only thing that could possibly have improved on this scenario would have been my presence there to witness it.

Cunts.

YouTube. (Link by Sam Beau)

Nominated by : Ron Knee