It is time this middle class ladies newspaper was cunted for their ambition to turn all of their readers into hypochondriacs. Every day without fail you will find on their website stories like the one I am about to show you. “My wife/husband/son/daughter ignored this “everyday” symptom and now has weeks to live”.
With the GP surgeries in the parlous state they are in, you can only imagine how many of the worried well, are taking appointments for virtually nothing.
Cancer is to the Mail what Labour is to the Mirror and the weather and “Little Maddie” are to the Express, but the Mail’s obsession puts it in a class of it’s own.:-
As if to prove the point, here is yet another one from the same day (16 May 2025):-
Nominated by : W. C. Boggs
Last time I perused a copy of the Daily Mail was during the 1970s when my dad took it.
Not read any so called newspapers for years. Just the occasional article online.
6
Most of the stories are just made up by the `journalists` themselves in order to peddle garbage to morons. Indeed, most websites also make up click-bait comments; and the rest are written by AI. In fact, this is also probably a fake comment. Hello?
🤯
11
Alright then Sam, let’s put you to the test.
Tick the ‘I’m not a robot’ box then click on all the squares that have a sidewalk.
Fuck, what’s a sidewalk?
9
AI says: It`s what you would call a `pavement`, Geordie.
As in “pavement pizza” = vomit. Somewhat ironically induced after slurping 17 bottles of Dog & shovelling down an actual pizza from your local kebab emporium.
They also use the word “trunk”, which in English, means the rear end space in an elephants` arse.
🐘
3
‘Mum of 4 had to wait 12 hours in A&E before the doctors eased her wedding ring off so she could go looking for a bit on the side’
‘Doctors warn women that frequent vaginal discharges might mean they’re the Deputy Prime Minister’
‘Trans woman says her penis removal op was a rip-off’
16
It appears all “newspapers” including the broadsheets carry on with this type of shit.
It’s their very own,good old fashioned,version of “clickbait”..
Worthless dross,written by cunts for other cunts.
As Princess Margaret famously said “I wouldn’t wipe my arse with a fucking newspaper now they’ve banned Page 3”.
Quite right too.
15
A whilke back in a local supermarket there was a guy wandering about trying to get people to sign up for a subscription to a local rag, offering a free edition.
He asked me if I’d like a free newspaper.
I said I’d love to have a newspaper, but they don’t exist. They are just bullshit purveyors.
He just turned and headed toward another potential victim.
3
I remember these contradictory headlines from the Daily Fail a few years back.
‘Does eating white bread cause cancer?’
Then, a week or so later….
‘Is eating white bread the key to beating cancer?’.
And this kind of shit gets past the editor, assuming they actually have one?
I’d think twice before lining the bottom of a bird cage with it.
10
A rag that Goebbels would applaud. There’s more factual content in a fortune cookie.
9
Goebbels would indeed applaud.
The Daily Mail and its proprietor Viscount Rothermere were strongly supportive of Hitler and the Nazis throughout the 1930s.
7
Just to be clear here, meine kleinen englischen süßes Gebäck.
I did not invade Poland, I simply went there for a `mini City Break` and it just got out of control due to a few too many steins and a natural Deutsch exuberance.
Happy Dayᛋ.
🍺🍻
6
Guten morgen, main fuhrer! Any chance you could come out of retirement and finish the job? I’ll be very happy to sign up as a SS Panzer Kapitan Lt. I do look good in black. Sieg Heil, innit!
0
The ones that get my goat, Field Marshall, are the “extreme” weather warning ones, usually a day or two apart and published by the same rag.
” Snow bomb to hit 7 counties”
“People urged to stay indoors as temperatures set to reach 28°”
no to mentioned the daft advice that usually accompanies these headlines, like
“keep windows and curtains closed”
“place a bowl of water on your windowsill”
Might just a well put wear your wellies on the wrong feet, or cover your head with tin foil! Are they writing this shit for children?
9
A bit like the ‘advice’ in the Protect and Survive public safety warnings – If caught on the open when the alarm sounds, lay on the ground and put your coat over your head.
Yep, that’ll protect you from a 50 megaton blast for sure. That’s if you happen to be wearing a coat of course, otherwise you’re fucked.
9
😄
7
To get right up to date JP – today’s comedy climate catastrophe expression designed to get us all soiling our undies is ‘weather whiplash’:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cz63g95nxxno
I bet Miss Whiplash is a lot more frightening.
10
Marvellous, Geordie.
The giggling children who write this shite have discovered a new word to use!
I’m just waiting for “catastrophic” to rear its head.
8
So, that’s everyone in Newcastle gone!
0
The “worried well” indeed. It seems to me the GP’s surgeries are stuffed with them. My wife watches a programme on the telly of an evening called “GPs behind closed doors” I think. I’ve posted before that I can’t understand how people are happy to have their medical problems discussed in detail on television for the entertainment of their neighbours and the rest of the world. I also feel that it’s fortunate I’m not a GP as half the people we see on there would be told by me to piss off and come back when they were ill. Last night however it reached a new low. A GP complained that men were reluctant to visit their Surgery. He went on to say that if you were suffering with “low mood” you should see your GP! Christ on a bike, no wonder so many young men these days are fucking useless!
7
Along with the Express, a purveyor of horseshit.
6
I always admired The Express for being pro Brexit before the 2016 vote was even proposed. That said, bloody Maddie, bloody Diana and now fucking Harry Hewitt and his missus.
5
“Read all about it Read all about it”
Touching news print gives you cancer.
So switch to our online content which will just boil your piss with all the constant pop ups and cookies.
Anyone interested, the price of newspapers for a week..
https://jackiesnews.co.uk/newspaper-prices/
£24.40 for the guardian.
You could arm hamas for that sort of cash..Or at least buy what’s left of gaza.
7
£10.10 for a week of The Daily Star? That’s more than a £1 each for a tit, fart and bum joke.
4
The Daily Star….
The front page ‘shock’ when we get warm weather in the Summer, and cold weather in the Winter. The whole bloody front page.🤣
And, the Star Bird was axed years ago. So now there’s fuck all worth getting it for.
Anyroad, here’s a reminder of those good old days…
https://pixhost.to/show/22/349234466_gill-dailystarbird.jpg
9
On the subject our our not so esteemed press and media, I notice they are going out of their way to tell everyone that the Liverpool car psycho is white. They even use that exact word. Had he been black or (cough) ‘Asian’, would they have told us that?
Was the Southport Killer Treeswinger referred to as black? No, he was described as a ‘British citizen from Cardiff’.
Their rabid obsession about telling us that yesterday’s assailant is white proves beyond doubt their favouritism towards ethnics and their nauseating two tier hypocrisy.🤢
18
Well i believe everything I read and think the Mail is a marvelous publication.
Im not having chicken pie for tea as ive just read. It can give you cancer.
Lucky escape!
Thanks Daily Mail 👍
9
MNC…you fucker!
Now I fancy chicken pie for dinner.
Although I of course call it ‘Hühnerpastete’, being mostly Kraut, and all.
5
You’ll be alright if you have a chicken pasty instead.
4
@Norman 3:02 pm; on the news at lunch time they had a retired ex-senior copper who said that normal procedure would be that we would not be told the colour of the miscreant but we were in this case for fear of the “hard right” making capital of the event. I wonder if we’ll be told quite so quickly the colour of the next perpetrator of a muslim atrocity?
Hmm.
11
It’s good news week, someone dropped a bomb somewhere….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AglW6QpmPp8
Not much has changed 😂
5
A classic from the legendary Hedgehoppers Anonymous (c. 1965). Song contains some of the all time great lyrics, inc. the brilliant ‘families shake the need for coal by stimulating birth control’.
Wonderful, but then it was written by that genius Jonathan King, who’s up there with the Gershwin brothers when it comes to turning a song.
5
I don’t mind looking at The Mail Online (costs nowt) but they really are cancer-obsessed.
The other things that I avoid like the plague are;
‘I’m a financial/holiday/fitness/fashion (whatever) expert and you should/shouldn’t do this…’
or
‘Improve your roast potatoes/omelette/soup/casserole (whatever) by the addition of this one simple ingredient’…
Talk about fucking clickbait.
And don’t forget the daily overkill dose of the Snarkles.
Afternoon all.
13
They never ran my submission Ron, the boring buggers.
“I’m a serial killer and here’s my expert tips for dismembering a romantic partner following a little accident”.
It would’ve been a very interesting article.
12
An appalling omission on their behalf TC. No wonder their circulation is falling.
10
You should have combined it with a rant about the potholes in the road damaging the suspension of your murder wagon Cunt Engine.
Or ‘Illegal immigrant squatters invaded my Love Dungeon’.
10
My favourites are along the lines of: Child TV star of the sixties is unrecognisable today. Can you guess who it is? They had one yesterday of the lead singer from The Manic Street Preachers being unrecognisable because he now has a beard FFS!
11
Jill – how about….
‘Lizzo’s / Sharon Stone’s / Liz Hurley’s / Kim Kardashian’s / Kate Garraway’s / Kim Basinger’s / James Corden’s bikini leaves nothing to the imagination’
9
I remember seeing this one, Jill…
’80s pop star, Belinda Carlisle, shops in Waitrose and puts yoghurt in her shopping basket.
Straight up.
0
…and the inevitable: “4 million people watched Striptease Gala Night and they are all saying the same thing”, usually next to the advert which says “Top Dietician BEGS you to stop eating………” usually accompanied by a very suggestive pictures of vegetables masquerading as the intestines.
6
The Daily Mail is a rag for right-wing people who are too thick to read the Daily Telegraph.
4
I dont read any newspapers anymore,
All fuckin liars.
I find news online then decipher it as near as u can what the real story is.
Expect lots of stories in regard to Nigel Farage and Reform UK as theyre all a bit worried about him.
Nigel Farage ate my hamster!!
9
I want the Mail to investigate the truth “behind” Starmski’s Ukrainian firestarter….🔥
It fucking well isn’t Russia..!
13
From Russia with lovebites…
I heard a unfounded rumour
Hes been bumming them Ukelele boys,
Obviously i dont believe keen Europhile and failing prime minister would do that,
And im only spreading the rumour to get things out. In the open.
Out of the closet.
Im not a puff im the son of a toolmaker.
Mr R. Kray.
9
Why did they burn his car and homes though? Did Lord Alii not pay Starmers rent boy bill?
6
Tommy Robinson has been doing some serious beard growing in solitary.
6
Yes he looks much better for it.
Dignified
4
Here is today’s cancer story:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-14753155/pancreatic-cancer-warning-signs-deadly-surgeon.html
They never stop do they?
5
Bit worried about head frog Emanuel Microbe too.
Clearly the victim of spousal abuse.
That old lady punched him in the mush.
Im betting its not the first timr she’s used violence against him?
Hes about 4ft 6in. And easily. Overpowered by a old biddy.
Ive noticed bruises.
And he said he walked into a door, another time he fell down the stairs.
Sure.
Fell with supergrans slipper lodged up yer arse.
Shes battering him behind closed doors.
80% of frenchman get beaten up off the missus.
Other 20% battered off other peoples wives.
Whyd you think. they hid behind that fishsupper Joan of arc?
5
Only french renowned warrior was a lezza.
An a mentally unstable religious lezza to boot.
England’s full of famous warriors, soldiers, famous battle scarred men of oak.
We’re known all over the world for it.
An the scots.
French have Joan
Luxembourg hasnt even got a lezza!!
Fuck me.
Those cunts have a army?
The fuckin Vatican could take them in a war.
Wankers
7
Mis, you seem to have forgotten the little Corsican Emperor with the comb forward. Top bloke he was – reintroduced slavery and banned darkies from entering France. I think you’d have liked him.
FUN FACT:
It is still illegal in France to call your pet pig ‘Napoleon’.
6
Don’t forget asterisk and obelisk..
3
I hate the Daily Wail.Fit for lining cat litter trays.
4
Only brainless cunts read these fucking hypochondriac bollocks.
No wonder the world is full of nutters.
4
Ah yes Dr Michael Mosley.
So what do you recommend for reversing type 2 diabetes?
A three hour yomp in 40 degree heat with no phone and child’s sun umbrella?
7
Cured him though LL..
In more ways than one, he looked like a strip of jerky..
Though I wouldn’t of opted for the open coffin, wouldn’t half give me the munchies.
Hurry up with buffet, micheal is looking delicious
4
Dr Mickey Mosley was the middle class version of Jay Slater.
Id be embarrassed to die on. Holiday.
Ive been on. Holiday at least twice and managed to survive.
Although twisted my ankle in Llandudno.
4
I came close to death while on holiday in America.
Food poisoning in Price City, Utah.
Evening MNC mate 👍
3
Evening pal. 👍
Utah? Mormon territory that.
Can have 3 wives as well as marrying your sister.
Why did you go there MJB?
Funny place to go on holiday dont you like Rhyl?
2
Ps
What poisoned you?
Burger or hotdog?
Ive always suspected the yanks of not washing their hands after going the toilet
2
Toured west coast with my parents in 1979.
From Vancouver to Las Vegas and back.
Brilliant!
Where’s Rhyl?
Poisoned by onion rings in a steak joint.
Never been that sick in my life.
3 days of hell.
Ate nowt but cornflakes for 2 weeks after.
Fucking Yanks.
3
Onion rings?!
The most innocent seeming side dish in a restaurant.
Vancouver to Las Vegas!
Thats a fair old journey.
Joking aside bet that was brilliant.
What do you mean wheres Rhyl?!!!
Its only the jewel of Wales.
A land of joy and entertainment,
Sort of Disneyland in North Wales,
Its got it all.
Beautiful coastal views like malibu.
And you stay in a caravan 👍
3
I got food poisoning in Virginia once. Filthy septics. Us 4 fine English gents got it. The 78 year old yank with a triple heart bypass did not.
1
In the 70s I used to read the Daily Telegraph for 2 reasons, the sports pages especially cricket coverage and page 3 was the jokey strange news. One item that would come to mind thinking about it, was the death of a man who was discovered in a block of flats years later. He was partly decomposed in a chair where he’d been sat watching television for certain because the set had burnt itself out. The only thing working in the flat were these Christmas lights still flickering way. It made me sad, mainly for the stupid reporter hadn’t told use the make of the Christmas lights.
4
Im a firn Guardian reader.
Impartial news without a political bias.
And occasional they have a coupon for money off a soy latte at starbucks
Or a free bag of wheatgrass from Holland & Barrett.
I also like the weekend supplement that shows different yoga positions.
2
Did you get the Owen Jones self-defence pull out following his attack by far-right thugs?
3
I did!
He may look like a lenth.of uncooked pasta but hes a trained martial artist
Whos hands are registered as lethal weapons.
Hes a black belt but doesnt wear it with his hot pants.
1
Is Owen Jones the new Count Dante?
Deadly hands of death and all that.
Load of cobblers.
Count Dante claimed to be some sort of Spanish nobility.
Fancied himself as being like the Count of Monté Cristo.
His real name was John Keehan and he was an Oirish-American from Chicago.
He did have a black belt in Karate though.
Owen Jones ought to put one of those adverts in the back pages of the Guardian like they used to have in comics from the 70s or 80s.
2
Harold@
I bought my mate a Black dragon society count Dante tshirt for his birthday.
I remember the adverts in the back of comics in the 70s.
Looked like peter Sutcliffe didnt he?
Hehehe 😅
1
https://youtu.be/fZcvZsKtM34?si=77acQ0gvWHUi9BV1
Count Dante advert
0
I like the nom picture headline..
That’s more appropriate today given the shower of quisling cunts in power..!
Once again we follow the orders and rules of an organisation whose member countries Great Britain has beaten in every war..!
The cunts should be taking fucking orders from us .!
4
The drivel cominmg from these right wing websites makes the Guardian look sane and balanced. Hating the british and crying over trannie, black, immigrant, parki groomers , looks mainstream.
1
I was still reading the Daily Telegraph into the early nineties, only I was traveling in the opposite direction after moving to London. My work was in Welwyn Garden City and each morning I’d board the near empty train at Finsbury Park and exactly on time going in the other direction, I would see the chock-a-block train traveling to Kings Cross Station. At that moment I would get out my morning broadsheet Telegraph and over exaggerate the amount of space I had in my empty compartment and laugh my head off at the train adjacent with passengers gasping for air.
1