There are a few life skills that everyone should have.
Being able to swim.
You never know when you might need to.
Being able to drive a manual car.
Even if you don’t own one or have a daily need for one.
But perhaps the most basic and important life skill is being able to prepare food for yourself and your family.
The type of person that readily admits to not being able to cook or who is a self confessed bad cook is a cunt.
A coherent family is a thing of the past, with all children and most parents permanently glued to their mobile phones or watching some shit on the television.
Conversation is all but lost.
The daily ritual of gathering around the table to share a home prepared meal has now gone down the shitter.
Instead whole families go to cheap burger joints, sometimes several times a week to eat crap.
Many don’t even venture inside these places as that would be far too much bother.
So instead they use the drive-through and eat the rubbish that they have brought in their cars.
If they are going to eat at home then their food is delivered in cardboard boxes by an illegal immigrant on a moped.
They then sit on the settee, around the television to eat the stuff.
There will come a time when the family table becomes redundant and homes will be built without kitchens.
Mrs Cunter went to stay with her brother and his fat, lazy wife.
There was fuck all in their kitchen except sweets and crisps.
The fridge had nothing in except bars of chocolate.
Everything they wanted to eat was delivered, including coffee to drink.
For them it was not a question of not being able to cook, they just couldn’t be bothered.
We eat out a few times a week.
Nowhere that does fast food.
The rest of the time we buy fresh food and prepare it at home.
The last time I went to a fast food restaurant was in the UK when McDonald’s opened their take away on Kensington High Street.
That was back in the 70’s.
And it was shit.
I have lived where I am for decades and I have never had food delivered or even brought a ready meal from a supermarket.
That’s because cooking is easy.
There are millions of recipes on the Internet.
It’s fun to look up a new way of preparing something you fancy, sourcing the ingredients and cooking them.
You can get a lot of satisfaction from preparing and sharing food.
Can’t Cook?
So you can’t look after yourself or your family, you can’t follow a simple set of instructions which is a recipe, or perhaps you are just a lazy cunt?
Nominated by The Artful Cunter. Link by Jeezum Priest.
I love cooking not because its convenient but for the quality of said meal, pain in the arse sometimes when one is tired or pissed off.
Lambs liver an onions, the tea for champions.
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With champ?
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With colcannon, if I’m feeling up to it , jeezum
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Good man.
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What I do passionately depise are ‘foodies’.
The MSM and social media mong term for cunts who pass themselves off as food and cooking ‘experts’.
The worst ones?
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (aka Cunt Cuntley-Cuntercunt).
Tom Parker Bowles. (say no more).
Nigel Slater (Viz’s Foodie Bollocks personified).
Jack/Jim/John/ George Munroe (Demented woke dyke of the highest order).
When Hugh Cuntley-Cuntercunt refers to Eggs Benedict as ‘Eggsy B’, I want to introduce his head to a cricket bat.
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I’m with you on that one! “Eggsy B??” He qualifies as an utter cunt just for that!
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Spugh Furry shitty stick isn’t a cook I’d eat off.
He looks like a kiddiddler to me.
Or that Fat tongued mockney Jamie OliveOil.
Pint of gozz on your food!
The drooling cunt.
Best cooks are old bids and fat lasses
Beef soaked in ale❤️
Slow cooked with buttery mash
What God eats that.
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And Marmite Badgers! Some good cooks amongst them. Not arty farty and all imaginative, just good nosh! Seem to have a lot of meals that have sausages, and some odd tasting sauce, though!
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Onion gravy is exotic to me.
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Food experts are fewer ingredients, the expert cunts that I cannot stand are the ones who tell you that the nut oil from a Himalayan goats arse droppings is what makes all the difference and is widely available in Londons supermarkets.
Reincarnate Keith Floyd please, at least I enjoyed his cooking along with himself getting half plastered at the time.
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The worse meal I ever ate was in York.
In Betty’s Tearooms.
Big queue, full of excited tourists.
Fat yanks and loads of Japs,
But the missus really wanted a cream tea.
And I’d do anything for my missus.
The fuckin Japs stared at me,
Like fuckin goldfish,
So wasn’t in the best of moods.
We sat down on these little chairs and they brought a pot of tea.
Little cups like for dolls or something?
My fingers were to big to go through the handle,
And the Japs kept staring at me😡
They brought a 3 tier affair with little cream cakes, scones, and tiny little buttys.
I had a scone and the fucker crumbled in my hand showering my beard with crumbs and cream.
Cream mattered in my beard like I had rabies☹️
The Japs stared.
” What the fuck are you staring at?”
I politely asked.
The missus told me off.
Then I tried a butty.
My mouth filled with a horrible super fishy taste that made me gag.
Like going down on Angie Rayner.
And the taste kept coming back.
Christ I nearly spewed up on my boots.
Awful, felt clammy and Ill.
Felt worse when I got the bill☹️
My guts were heaving all night.
I’ll never forgive them.
Mrs Miserable liked it and that’s all that matters.
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Mis Marple
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You should have read ‘Jack the Cunters Guide to Tearoom Etiquette’ Mis.
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Where can I get a copy?
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The Japanese were staring at you because they thought you Kerry King from Slayer
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@Mis. The last time we were in York we went there. I said to the Mrs fancy a full tea? No just a cake. Fucking lightweight. Disappointed was I. Yes.
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Not sure why, but the ‘septics’ go daft for that sort of thing! I was actually exploring a business opportunity to open a quaint olde English tea shop in Florida. My partner at the time would do the baking of the cakes, as she was jolly good at that sort of thing, and staff would wear authentic Victorian era costumes, with a n*gnog footman in a wig to greet customers! Covid didn’t like the idea!
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Worst place I went to was a tea room in Mablethorpe, themed after Henry VIII for some bizarre reason.
Had a family ‘meal’ that defies description, waitress terrible, toilets akin to a motorway service station, just appalling.
The waitress came over and, clearly bored and asking only because it was on a ‘to-do’ list somewhere, enquired “Everything alright for you?”
“No, it’s not, in fact it’s shit. I’ve had better food in prison” says I, which was actually true.
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Do people who get these Deliveroos have the same laziness when it comes to wiping their bum? Asking in the national interest.
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Well, the people who eat from those places are usually too fucking fat to wipe their ass, anyway! I remember watching some documentary about some big fact hunt on YouShite, and she was saying that once a week she goes to her local spa and sits in the jacuzzi for an hour as that cleans off all the Winnits and Tag Nugs! What a fucking dirty old bitch!
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Fat people should suffer the same fate as cyclists.
I instantly have zero respect for the said fatty upon meeting them. The state of them, tells me immediately all I need to know. Lazy, inactive, lacking self-control and self discipline, incapable of dealing with problems, even one that’s killing you, an excuse-maker, weak physically and mentally.
Don’t tell me about glands. Stop eating them, you disgusting blob.
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Remember when ‘glands’ or ‘genetics’ became the go-to excuse for the fat cunts for a while, ‘10% of people have the fat gene’, you’d read …. until someone pointed out the genes-overweight 10% were amazingly always absent in the concentration camp inmate liberation photos…
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When I was a kid – born 1955 – I was always in the kitchen. Mum was a good cook and encouraged me to have a go.
When my kids were growing up, I did the same.
Son really took to cooking, went to chef school and was voted the best student chef in Canada.
He’s now a lumberjack, but fuck, can he cook
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Fucking Hell! People who cannot cook are cunts?? I think the group really need some new material! What’s next? “People who leave the toilet seat up, are cunts!”?? Talking of toilets, I’ll tell you who are cunts! Those who get up in the night and turn every fucking light on as they claim they can’t see what they are doing! Anyway, in fairness, people who absolutely believe they can cook, but in reality are a fucking car crash in the kitchen would definitely qualify! I much prefer the Tommy Cooper approach to kitchen disaster than the fucking Markle creature and her fuckwittery! “With love, Meghan!” What the actual fuck is that meant to mean?? Oh, let’s open a pack of Pretzels and put some in a bag! Oh, I am so imaginative, and just so adorable with my fresh ideas! Hey, yacht slut! How about I stick my boot so far up your gaping shitter that you need to open your mouth to tie the laces? There, I’ve said it! I feel better now!!
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People who can’t cook are cunts?
That’s me fucked then
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