HM Revenue & Customs

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American statesman Benjamin Franklin is credited with the statement that ‘in this world nothing can said to be certain, except death and taxes’. Ain’t that the truth.

This morning that latter excresence intruded into my life once more, in the form of a communication from HR Revenue & Customs which kindly informed me of my income tax coding for financial year 2025-26. As cunters will imagine, I’d been awaiting this document with a mounting sense of apathy for months.

This is routine crap from the tax man, the sort of bureaucracy we all have to put with in learning just how much of our money is going to be syphoned off this time to keep illegal immigrants and benefit loungers in the manner to which they’ve become accustomed. It’s inevitable, I shouldn’t get worked up.

I shouldn’t have got worked up, but I did, and what caused this to happen was the legend inscribed on the cheap and nasty brown envelope, which stated ‘your tax service-here to support’. Now the word ‘service’ is defined as follows; ‘the action of helping or doing work for someone’. That’s right people; the Revenue’s now a ‘service’ that’s here to help and support you as it takes your cash.

This all makes me feel so much better, knowing that the Revenue’s got my interests and welfare at heart. I’m sure it’ll make you feel a lot better too when you see YOUR cash taken and poured down the drain of net zero, foreign aid, and migrant hotels. And the REALLY great news is that only death can free you from it. Be happy; the taxman’s here and he’s on your side.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

83 thoughts on “HM Revenue & Customs”

  1. I to have had my love letter from HMRC, it came immediately after the New Year, because Season of Goodwill and all that, so it wouldn’t have done to have me start 2025 in a cheerful way, would it?

    Cunts!

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  2. I also recently received a letter from HMRC saying my tax return was outstanding, which was rather nice of them, as I can`t remember sending it in.
    💥💥

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  3. One of the best things about being a mariner…….we don’t pay tax! My bank kindly grassed me up as my salary was being paid in from a foreign country, and I wasn’t spending any, due to the fact that I get a cash lump some every month, plus expenses! Cunts kept mailing me and asking where my money was coming from. I got bored and wrote in big letters CHINA! They’ve stopped writing to me!

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  4. More evidence of the creeping politicisation of anything that can possibly turned to a political end by the overpaid and undertalented cunts, at national and local levels, whose only real interest is to hang on, at any cost, to their undemanding and over rewarded jobs. The BBC, The Police ‘Service’, the courts and the judiciary along with HMRC. Nothing new here. Revolution needed to drain the swamps.

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    • We’ll hide out in Jacks caravan while we figure out what to do and pick up some casual work….er….cash if you don’t mind squire.

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  6. Try running a business (legitimately).

    From a gross income with VAT of £600k, HMRC help themselves to over 50%, yes £306k through VAT, corp tax, NI, tax on divis, income tax…

    It is struggle running a small business unless you deal in folding stuff.

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      • Yep and in the furtherance of trying to expand the business, you unfortunately take someone on who gets through their probation OK-ish then becomes a lazy arsehole. That one piece of dead-wood could sink a small company.

    • I have cash employed people in the past, not exploiting them, just to save on tax.

      My purely anecdotal impression is that we are extremely close to the point where further tax rises will not be painful, they’ll be catastrophic.

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  7. The pension is under attack and has been for a few years now, anyone who retired after 2016 and had paid into SERPS for the duration is and has been taxed on the pension.

    Pension is classed as income however the new name for SERPS is Protected Payment, the language of the DWP says ‘if your starting point is higher than basic pension the the difference is the protected payment’ (well something like that but my paraphrase is accurate).
    The Protected Payment is anything but protected, certainly not form Tax and doesn’t have the triple lock, just the inflation part.
    Strangely Pension Credit isn’t income so doesn’t count in terms of tax liability,

    I now have a negative tax code, basically my measly private pension has become the tax payer via PAYE, with the freeze on personal allowance until 2028 and possibly beyond it will eventually be worthless.

    The comedy gold will come when the basic pension is the only income for some people because the DWP has no mechanism to take tax and poor fuckers get the letter demanding unpaid tax.

    It’s all a fucking scam.

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    • There’s some talk of increasing the personal allowance for pensioners by £1k, because as it stands at the moment, the state pension will exceed the PA by next year if the triple-lock remains in place.

      Now, I have a letter from the DWP which confirmed the date my state pension would start, when it was changed from 65 to 66.

      The letter says that my state pension will never be subject to Income Tax. I expect a lot of people also got a similar letter. Be interesting to see how they cope with all the court cases if they do start taxing state pensions.

      Also, increasing PA by £1k for pensioners wouldn’t be much use to me. I’m already paying damned near £3k tax a year now. Increase it to £20k and take pensioners on modest incomes out of the tax bracket completely. A yearly income of £20k is hardly a caviar and champagne lifestyle.

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  8. I’m amazed anyone bothers to work these days, if isn’t reports of a million foreign vermin claiming benefits to bedwetters getting 40 grand mobility cars..

    As a taxpayer I should be able to kick a freeloader to death once a year.
    Great incentive I think?
    I pick lammy..

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  10. It’ll be a treat when Rachel of Complaints blames the great Orange Man From Across The Sea for having to.put taxes up again in a fortnight..

    After her “once in a generation budget”..

    451 forms of unaccountable bullshit.

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    • There’s a story going around that she’s got the part of Richard III in an upcoming production at Stratford, but it’s probably just a rumour.

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  11. I resent giving the government the money I’ve sweated my arse off earning.

    They aren’t qualified to handle cash.

    They fritter it away on filthy immos.

    The roads are like a farm track
    Kids taught by commies
    No real police force
    Libraries with no books in.

    I’m not prepared to encourage them.
    When they prove they can be trusted then we can talk.

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  12. As the cunts at HMRC like to write to me every three months to adjust my tax code downwards for no apparent reason, I took it apon myself to deprive the Labour scum of any more of my hard earned cash.

    Did you know that you can stick £40k or your entire wages, (whichever is greater) into your pension?

    Doing this has brought my tax code into an almost acceptable level, brought my retirement date forward by five years and deprived the dinghy pirates of any further financial support from my pocket.

    Come April, I am expecting a hefty rebate from HMRC too.

    I hope that thick cunt Rachel Reeves spends her nights crying over this and if she does, I’m going to wank myself unconscious in celebration.

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    • HMRC gave me a massive Lubbocking merely for a spot of tax evasion (they said avoidance) whilst they let the massive corporations and chınks off of billions.
      Fucking IR35.
      I despise HMRC with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns.

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      • I am reliably informed that the key to IR35 is to get your accountant to pay you random amounts every month, not the same amount.

        Otherwise it looks like your drawing a wage.

        Hope that helps.

  13. I’m not a lefty (some of you rabble may have noticed this fact) but I’m no fan of end-stage capitalism either.

    It’s a common misconception that we live in a capitalist democracy. We don’t. I don’t need to explain about the democracy part, but the capitalist parts needs looking at, urgently.

    Capitalism is a PROCESS. You don’t just suddenly select a capitalist government and then live in a capitalist country, it takes time. Decades, even a century or more. And that is where we are today. The end stage.

    Competition, the Golden Calf of capitalism, is subverted, negated, ignored, legislated against and we end up with mega-corporations owning just about everything. It really doesn’t matter which enormous company you have to supply your telecoms, computer systems, electricity, groceries, petrol etc. None whatsoever. With a few pennies here or there, they are all charging the same, the absolute maximum they can get away with, ably assisted by governments that are quite openly and literally bribed with the profits of these concerns to legislate in their favour.

    Martin Lewis is a cunt, we all know that. His basic shtick is if one spends several hours a week scouring the Internet for pennies off this or that, or better still, pay him to do that, you could save as much as 600 quid a year. A tenner a week, roughly. Might as well use the time to work overtime and get triple that.

    Eventually Google will own Microsoft, some US media giant will own the TV channels, Sainsbury’s or Tesco will own Morrison’s and Asda, on and on, until we get a Bladerunner situation where 3 or 4 companies own everything, they give up all pretense of competition, so powerful they, like Google for example, have turnovers greater than GDP of nations. Society will collapse if they withdraw their ‘services’. And we will pay for it.

    You will own nothing, and be happy.

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    • Thankfully, Bitcoin is a safeguard against this sort of nonsense (for those willing to do the research).
      Before long, even a small fraction of 1 Bitcoin will be unattainable for the average person.

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  14. Other than death and taxes, there’s one more thing that’s 100% assured:
    It doesn’t matter what you do, where you do it and when you do it; there will always, without fail, be a pathetic, dawdling, mentally retarded spa§tic getting in your way.

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    • I firmly believe that old people, particularly those with either flat caps, anoraks or tartan shopping trollies should be banned from shopping centres, particularly supermarkets. They either block the aisles to have a little chat with Audrey, whom they live next door to, or bung up the tills paying in 20 pence pieces, trying to use a Tesco club card in Sainsbury’s, obviously after only beginning to rummage around in the tartan terror for their purse/wallet after reaching the head of the queue and waiting until being presented with the total.

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      • You can spot ’em a mile away. He’ll have a pair of grey strides flapping at half mast, a short, putty-coloured nylon jacket, a flat cap and bottle-end glasses. She’ll have an iron grey brillo perm, a 50s style double-breasted woollen coat, and trainers.

  15. What gets me is the nice, ‘here to help’ facade, like they’re doing you a favour relieving you of your cash to hand out to others.

    Cunts.

    Afternoon all.

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  16. Income tax was invented to help pay for the Napoleonic wars.

    To the best of my knowledge, these ended a couple of hundred years ago.

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    • “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are ‘I’m from the government, and I’m here to help’ ”

      Ronald Reagan

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    • It was also levied on, as the name suggests, income.

      Wages were not classed as income.

      The amount of time, effort and sweat that goes into earning one’s cash should be reflected in the tax code.

      Tip-tapping on a share-dealing computer screen should be taxed to death.

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      • They do Ron. But having the same accountants who advise the government on taxation doing your books really helps find all the loopholes to exploit.

        It also helps if the people collecting the tax from you are doing it in your name.

    • I believe KCIII pays some token amount.

      Given that they are one of the richest families in the world, ever, I don’t see Charlie with his hand down the sofa.

      Down his manservant’s trousers maybe.

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      • I’d bet that the amount he hands over bears no relation to his income.

        It’s funny how little tax the stinking rich actually seem to pay.

    • The musical portion of today’s program is censored courtesy of Sir Kweir and his Two Tier government where criticism is not allowed and only the Faithful are allowed to speak their mind.

      We now return you to our regularly scheduled nomination.

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  18. I remember when my dad got audited by HMRC.😂

    My dad’s a honest man.

    They aren’t used to honest men.

    They sniffed around trying to find something dodgy,

    Speccy penpushers whod never done a days manual labour,
    Only time they’d broke a sweat when they’d caught something of their
    boyfriend.

    HMRC – ” that’s a nice shirt. Looks expensive?”

    MNCsr – “Aye, a tenner on Stockport market.
    I’ll get you one if you want!”

    Hahaha 😂
    He was outraged.

    Ps
    I’m not a honest man.
    Fuck the government 🖕

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    • Being honest is for weak-willed gaylords.
      When it comes to the delightful folk who work for me, I lie like a cheap chınky watch about almost everything.
      It keeps you mentally sharp having to remember all the fibs, especially when they occasionally contradict each other and you have to lie on the fly to bring everything into a neat little package, tied up with a bow made from pure manipulation.

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      • I don’t lie to my friends, family etc.

        The government, and it’s numerous agencies?

        I couldn’t possibly comment.

      • I only lie in paternity hearings
        When giving false evidence against ethnic minorities,
        When caught in the early hours in someone’s garden
        And when stood at the top of a ladder outside someone’s bedroom window

      • I too have limited sympathy for humans that die after taking horse tranquilizer.

        I mean, .. do they do any research beforehand? .. or maybe ask around people who’ve experienced the downsides. Same for every mortally dangerous narcotic, I suppose.

        Surely everyone must know someone responsible enough to get the facts for them.

        “What?, heroin? .. oh yeah … its really buzzy but it can give you a bit of a dicky tummy”..

    • Ketamine’s s certainly not in my stash inventory.
      It should never be taken recreationally…it should only really be used as a one-off to stop people who are critically injured from dying before they get to hospital.
      Barrymore should’ve had a tincture on his knuckles to help that poor Mr. Lubbock’s botty as he sailed into the great beyond.

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      • It’s a horse tranquilliser that will rot your bladder from the inside out.

        I’ll stick with my organics thanks.

  20. Off topic

    Gap-toothed medusa leader of the Tories Kemi Badenough,

    Giving a speech on her vision for the party,
    Instantly heckled 😂

    I wouldn’t understand her anyway.
    All I’d hear is

    ” Oo oo Mr peavley, tea Mr shifter,
    What you talking bout Willis,
    Hello bright eyes,
    Pass the duchy, I ain’t getting on no plane fool,
    No pop no style
    I strictly roots
    Ooooikkaaayyy, Katanga!!!”

    I find her hideous.
    Even for a Robertson.

    Like predator on dress down Friday

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    • I can’t even bring myself to watch a black woman/women in porn, MNC.
      It’s tantamount to watching bestiality.

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      • That and they are seriously unattractive.

        Old joke:

        Q. What’s the difference between a sheboon and a bowling ball.

        A. You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

      • I’m going to set myself a challenge, Odin.
        This week, for the first time ever, I’m going to attempt a monumental task.
        Sherpa Tensing, Capt. Scott, Felix Baumgartner…they’ve got nothing on the mountain I’m attempting to ascend:
        From a full softie to spunking up, I will watch fat black lesbians licking each other’s turkish delights until I’m over the line.
        Maybe cunters would like to sponsor me?

      • Dropping in on the local council office?

        Watch out for systemic Racism.

        Just Be Careful.

      • I salute both your bravery and perseverance Thomas.

        You are by far the better degenerate.

    • ‘kin hell, Mis.

      Damned near choked there. Laughing while drinking is not recommended.
      I’ll be blowing my nose for hours, now!

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  24. HMRC is indentured servitude on a monumental scale, and on death the cunts don’t free you until they’ve further helped themselves to a slice off any remaining estate. The cunts have the brass neck to even enact The Modern Slavery Act 2015. Now I wouldn’t mind paying less than 20% tax but the shower of shit goverment is incapable of working within any budget, they couldn’t run a bath.

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    • I’ve been invited out for an all-you-can-eat breakfast at our local Toby on Wednesday, so underpants free Wednesday is probably going to be an actual reality for me, my eyes really are bigger than my belly.

      I’ll let you know, might even be a nom, encouraging over-eating.
      Mmmmmm?

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    • That’s completely untrue for the average bloke.

      Income tax, NI, VAT, council tax, environmental levies, insurance tax, duty on fuel, fag’s, booze, CGT, inheritance tax, plus, plus, plus.

      The average Joe is paying over 65% tax in one form or another.

      Tax free day is somewhere towards the middle of August.

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      • Sounds about right, but earlier studies put it at October, so are we being taxed less, or the same, or more by stealth taxes?

  28. I’ve traded some decent money through a side business so far by having invoices paid into a revolut account, not even visible to my credit report.

    Fuck em.

    I dont consent to pretty much anything my tax is spent on.

    The second job is just for me you cunts. You even have the good grace to make registering things easy – did it before, a glacial myriad of processes, forms, 2 hour hold queues done on my time and dime, just to get to a point where you can dip your hand in my pocket.

    Get fucked

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  29. Watching news night..

    Shami Chakribati….!

    This little Asian haridan is deserving, not of a cunting.

    A fucking l—-g would be more appropriate..!

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  30. I was investigated by the horrible cunts years ago, when I was self employed, for not earning enough money. They didn`t believe I was earning so little – but I was. It was 6 months of pointless bollocks (and some stress) as they desperately tried to find some evidence of my wrong-doing. It must have have cost them a good few quid to do but they got fuck all. In fact they ended up owing me a small amount in the end – which was rather pleasing.

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