Although it has scraped the barrel in recent years, the poshos cunt festival will plunge to new lows this year.
As Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Stone Roses and The Smiths have turned those Eavis cunts down yet again, Farquar and Jocasta will have to pay offensive amounts of money to watch something like a rock ‘n’ roll scrapyard.
Top of the bill? The nepo pussies and Greta-ite load of crap that is The 1975. Is this really the best they can do? I am no Oasis fan, but they tower over these cunts. Whatever our views on Oasis, they were massive. A festival is supposed to create a buzz of excitement. Hendrix, The Who, CSNY and Creedence at Woodstock. Or Dylan, The Doors, Free and Hendrix at the Isle of Wight. But, The 19 fucking 75?! One can imagine tumbleweed and a quiet whistling wind through a Western ghost town. I mean, for fuck’s sake. Is it the worst top billing of all time (after Stormzy, of course)?
And, the rest of the line up? The antique that is Neil Young. And a creaking croaking decrepit Rod Stewart. I have no doubt the upper and middle class tosspots and student bellends will not know one note of any classic Faces material, or anything off his first early 70s albums. Yet, they will think they are cool and postmodern as they sing along to ‘Da Ya Think I’m Sexy’ and ‘Sailing’. And I have no doubt that ‘The Killing of Georgie’ will be played to appease the LGBTQ Gestapo.
Needless to say, I hate ‘Glasto’ and all it stands for. But, even by is own dreadful standards, this year’s line up is the pits. And Alanis Morrissette as well? Jesus Horatio Hornblower H. Corbett Christ.
Nominated by : Norman
The BBC love Glasto, mainly because of the demographic that makes up most of the paying audience.
Upper middle class Tarquin’s and Penelope’s studying useless degrees up to the age of thirty, with an unhealthy interest in minority issues.
In other words, people just like them.
Expect some furious wanking over the upcoming event emanating from broadcasting house.
7
Just to give my ribs a tickle at how fucking stupid and gullible the middle classes are, I looked up the price of a ‘glamping’ tent.
For the reasonable sum of just £28,999 you can get the superior tipi tent for the weekend.
24 hrs concierge, private bar, private heliport hot running water, private bathroom and all the mod cons.
The Islington set like nothing more than roughing it with working class people for a weekend of tepid music in a glorified cow pasture while wearing hunter wellies and a Balenciaga wax jacket.
The stupid cunts.
10
Fuck it, just get Clutch and King Buffalo on the stage – ear-bursting noise that will kill off the champagne-leftie-poof-socialist-woke-nepo bastards.
The BBC sounds equipment will melt .
Fun fact: both of the above bands are louder than Motörhead.
5
They once had Bruce Springsteen headline 🤮
Worse than when they had Rolf Harris.
At least you got your didgeridoo fingered with Rolf.
3
And another thing.
All the posturing and lecturing on green issues.
The Eavis’s like to make a big thing about letting the land lay fallow for a year.
It shows how much they ‘care’ and helps burnish their green credentials.
Now, I’m no farmer, but I thought the idea of laying fallow was because constant cropping stripped the earth of its nutrients. Does being trampled by a few thousand hippies and university students have the same effect, or could it be bullshit?
Who knows? No fucker ever questions it.
Much the same as nobody ever queries what the huge generators required for the amplification, outside broadcast and fuck knows what else run on.
If it wasn’t such a middle class wankfest, you could guarantee the likes of the BBC would want answers to those questions.
7
Frankie Valli should headline, watched him onetime and his timing and performance on that keyboard organ was just incredible.
Probably a bit ould these days.
Laugh if you will, but what a showman, even when he was much older.
Class performer from an era that never got ahead of themselves.
Please don’t tell me that he was on Islands of cunts.
5
Frankie has been cancelled by the climate change zealots.. four seasons.. it’s global boiling..
7
He he ha hah, nice one Barry
4
Always loved that Frankie Valli 1972 classic ‘The Night’.
A Northern Soul benchmark.
4
What a pile of cunt.
The Eavis’ are money grabbing cunts as well.
4
You can buy Worthy Farm cheese now. I tasted a bit of it recently and it tasted like candle wax. There was a flowery description on the wrapper about the rolling green pastures of Worthy Farm , the happy cows and the traditional aging processes employed.
I should like to know how many fields old Upside Down Headed Cunt actually owns because it seems like land that is continually being contaminated by festival goers and their resulting detritus would not be conducive to good dairy farming.
2
They almost have to be applsuded for their mendacity. Underneath their, “Oo-aaa, we is joost faaarmuhs ‘oo loike to see da young ‘uns ‘aaaavin’ a good toime” schtick, they are rapacious, bloodythirsty cunts who make a killing every year from their lucrative leftyfest. Micheal Eavis wears the same disguise every June, his comedy Rolf Harris beard and pretending to be the jolly farmer with his head on upside down, yapping fondly about his cows before shooting them in the forehead with a ten-inch steel bolt.
5
I hope lots of festival attendees get raped.
4
Got your ticket already thomas..🤣
6
That’s a bit harsh.
I only wanted them to get struck by lightning en masse and drown in a lake of their own liquid vegan shit.
4
I reckon Thomas will be there upskirting and doing his best Charles Manson impression.
1
The pricks that still leave the sticker on the windscreen long after the event sometimes even years as if its badge of honour.
Badge of a look at me cunt more like.
2
Never been, I’ve always regarded the “Glasto” crowd as a bunch of wankers. They can’t go without letting everyone know they went. Cunts.
1
I’ve always hated Cuntstonbuty. Especially the ‘legends’ slot.
The shite they have on that. Lionel Richie melting under the stage lights for a start.
But, it gets worse. I remember those fuckers lapping up Rolf Harris and Gary Glitter. Thinking they were wacky and postmodern student types. What sort of cunt sings along gleefully to ‘Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport’ or ‘I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am)’?
Because they did. Bunch of bastards.
2
Glastonbury?
Pfft.
I am going here https://rockstock.tv/
They’re all tribute bands but they’ll be just as good as the real thing.
Might even see a removal van driver in a motorhead t-shirt, cargo shorts and rigger boots asking for chips and gravy.
2