The New James Bond

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Although I’ve not seen the flick, I understand that at the end of ‘No Time To Die’, legendary superagent James Bond gets blown to smithereens.

Notwithstanding the fact that bits of 007 were scattered the length and breadth of the Faroe Islands, the hunt is now on once more to find the ‘new’ Bond, in what will be another reboot of what has become a desperately tired and predictable franchise.

So here we are again, with the producers going through the inevitable ‘names in the frame’ publicity jaunt, with the likes of Henry Cavill, Josh O’Connor and Aaron Taylor-Johnson in the running. Given that apparently ‘whiteness is not a given’, Idris Elba’s name crops up yet again, although he’ll be in his mid-50s by the time things finally get underway on a new film. The only surprising thing to me is that it looks as though the new 007 will still be a bloke, as opposed to a black lesbian with a dodgy knee. It’s nice to know that some things are still sacred.

After the heyday of Connery (Ahem, could not disagree Moore – NA), in my view the series began a slow but inevitable decline, and shot its load with the hopeless ‘Die Another Day’. I did go with some pals to see ‘Casino Royale’, but that was it for me. As far as freshness and innovation go, I’ve no idea what could possibly be done to reinvigorate such a knackered old warhorse once more, and have no intention of handing over good brass to find out.

There comes a point when you just have to let something go, but as long as there are punters willing to shell out, there will be a new Bond, and then another after that. I’d just like to say ‘James Bond, RIP’, but it looks as though he’s not going to get the chance.

Metro.co.uk.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

88 thoughts on “The New James Bond”

  1. I once read that “every generation gets the Bond it deserves”.
    Which is a generally accurate statement.
    The 60s got the slightly wooden Connery treatment.
    Lazenby was then briefly inserted as a photo fit replacement.
    The 70s and early 80s got the glam and lightheartedness of the Moore era.
    The late 80s got the mean and moody Dalton treatment with a little extra violence to compete with the Die Hard type films of the era.
    The 90s got a decent first outing from Brosnan, which gradually descended into anti alpha male dirge, aided and abetted by that Chinese Dench monstrosity.
    Then the noughties and beyond got woke Bond in the shape of Craig, which fits perfectly with the limp wristed, lefty, spoon fed, soppy cunts who infest our world today.
    I think I’d like to go back to the seventies, thanks very much.

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  2. I remember a Telegraph article a few years back on the next James Bond where Idris Elba’s name was mentioned. In the readers’ comments section, someone who it seemed was averse to Idris Elba being the next James Bond commented: “Black is black, and Bond is white”.

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  3. Clint Eastwood, Adam ‘Batman’ West and Burt Reynolds were all offered the Bond job. But they all said an American shouldn’t play James Bond.

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  4. Maybe the language used could be more reflective of our more permissive society.
    If I recall correctly, only Daltons bond used slightly profane language by telling someone to piss off.
    Not heard a naughty word since.
    This is where Danny Dier could come in.
    “The names Bond. James Fackin Bond ya fackin cant!”
    “Shut the fack up Q! You’re doin my fackin nut in!”
    Etc etc.
    All backed up by a stunning signature tune based on living life on the edge in east Anglia by Ed Sheercunt.

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  9. I’m a James Bond fan but that invisible car nonsense tested my patience. I always thought the Pierce Brosnan ones were the weakest ones in the series, got fucking daft the same as Roger Moore’s creaking last efforts. I thought Skyfall was good as there was a decent back story to it. But the Bond girls. Barbara Bach, Tanya Roberts, Lois Childs, yes please. Grace Jones, fuck me. Looked like Roger Moore got into bed with ex footballer Earl Barrett. Roger said she was a cunt as well. If I had to pick a new Bond, Tom Hardy for me. Looked the part as Reggie Kray in Legend.

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  10. I quite liked Brosnan in The Thomas Crown Affair. A sort of anti-bond if you will.

    Roger Moore was ok. No view on the Scotsman.

    That Daniel Craig ruined it for me. Tossing gaylord.

    Couldn’t give a fuck anymore. The franchise is dead and Hollywierd generally is dying.

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  11. The media keep touting ugly men or men that are too young. The list of people doesn’t vary much from paper to magazine, though Vogue managed to outdo everyone by suggesting some British Malaysian chap; piss takers.

    Please don’t let it be Aaron Taylor-Johnson; he’s not handsome at all and he seems to be number 1 on these lists. And please don’t let Sam Smith be allowed to sing another Bond song; sounded like a tortured eunuch.

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