The New James Bond

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Although I’ve not seen the flick, I understand that at the end of ‘No Time To Die’, legendary superagent James Bond gets blown to smithereens.

Notwithstanding the fact that bits of 007 were scattered the length and breadth of the Faroe Islands, the hunt is now on once more to find the ‘new’ Bond, in what will be another reboot of what has become a desperately tired and predictable franchise.

So here we are again, with the producers going through the inevitable ‘names in the frame’ publicity jaunt, with the likes of Henry Cavill, Josh O’Connor and Aaron Taylor-Johnson in the running. Given that apparently ‘whiteness is not a given’, Idris Elba’s name crops up yet again, although he’ll be in his mid-50s by the time things finally get underway on a new film. The only surprising thing to me is that it looks as though the new 007 will still be a bloke, as opposed to a black lesbian with a dodgy knee. It’s nice to know that some things are still sacred.

After the heyday of Connery (Ahem, could not disagree Moore – NA), in my view the series began a slow but inevitable decline, and shot its load with the hopeless ‘Die Another Day’. I did go with some pals to see ‘Casino Royale’, but that was it for me. As far as freshness and innovation go, I’ve no idea what could possibly be done to reinvigorate such a knackered old warhorse once more, and have no intention of handing over good brass to find out.

There comes a point when you just have to let something go, but as long as there are punters willing to shell out, there will be a new Bond, and then another after that. I’d just like to say ‘James Bond, RIP’, but it looks as though he’s not going to get the chance.

Metro.co.uk.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

42 thoughts on “The New James Bond”

    • Well the producers are saying that it’ll still be a bloke. What’s the betting he’ll have a black, ass kicking assistant who’ll save his skin half a dozen times and solve every problem? You know, a Helena Shaw to Indy sort of thing.

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      • For sure, Ron.

        Unless saying it’ll be a man is a smokescreen.
        I may have become confused after reading a W. C. Boggs screenplay proposal.

    • Jane Blond, Licence To Thrill did appear in either a Viz or a Smut publication, many years back. What a great alternative she would have been for the role.

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  3. David Niven doesn’t count.

    Connery was the best. The prototype who became the archetype.

    Lazenby was a blip.

    Moore could have been Bond but the scripts were silly and prohibited him from playing it seriously.

    Dalton was forgettable.

    Pierce was good but the story lines were beyond idiotic. Especially, the forced conflict with Dumb Judi Densch as “M”.

    I rooted for the villains to kill Daniel Craig.

    What are we going to get now? A Tranny of color working on behalf of the EU?

    Having been a big fan over the years I have reached the point where I give significantly less than a shit.

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    • I remember reading years ago that Moore was Ian Fleming’s original call to play Bond, but he was otherwise engaged or something when they were casting ‘Dr No’. I think that by the time his turn came around, he was a bit too old for the part, and the scripts had indeed become silly.

      Connery was always my own favourite; I liked the style of the early Bond films, and Connery had that perfect blend of smooth charm and latent viciousness that made him perfect imo.

      Brosnan was pretty good, but by then the franchise in general had jumped the shark for me.

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      • I thought the original person asked by Cubby Broccoli and Harry Saltzman was Cary Grant. There was a biopic of Cary Grant on the idiot box over Christmas and it was mentioned.

      • I think you’re right about the producers’ original choice Wank.
        Moore was Fleming’s original choice I believe.

  4. I don’t care if James Bonds a black spastic, a paki midget or a chinky if I’m honest.
    I’ve never liked the cunt.

    Ian phlegming created a gadget obsessed, government lackey who dresses like a fuckin waiter.

    If he works for the government he’d be some Westminster arsebandit.

    I prefer Closeau.😁

    https://youtu.be/qxFHPIFGFmk?si=LIUBfOX-3E10zQ8R

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  5. Always thought Dalton was a good Bond. ( First one to nut a baddie)
    Apparently what buggered his run up was some legal bollocks with the fat Broccoli brothers…

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  6. Jimmy Bond was in decline from the moment he gave up smoking sixty a day, and was told to cut down on the booze. Then he was told not to be a male chauvinist pig. Gambling is not good for the mental health, he was told by M. Next they decided he might be black, or maybe lose the penis. He should have shot the fuckers in the face when they took away his non tipped Senior Service.

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    • Wokery seems to have overtaken Bond as it’s overtaken everything else.

      He has to be thoughtful and sensitive these days, considerate of the personal pronouns of those he offs and what have you.

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      • My name is Patel. Rajnessh Patel.

        No…

        My name is M’Butu. Nandi M’Nutu.

        No…

        My name is Habii. Ahmed Habibi.

        No…

        My name is Bond. Jane Bond…and you just misgendered me!

    • He was always pure class Miserable.

      Seriously (assuming you WEREN’T being!) I’d have liked to see Richard Armitage take over after Brosnan, but he’d be too old now.

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      • I don’t know who that is Ron.

        Bond should be a right cunt.
        Callous, icy,
        He’s licenced to kill!!

      • Armitage has been on the acting scene for years Miss.

        https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/454441418650129960/

        Amongst other things he was in the series ‘Spooks’ and ‘The Hobbit’ films. He probably best known for having women the length and breadth of the country waxing their panties when he played John Thornton in the drama series ‘North and South’ (see pic above).

        I always thought he had the makings of a first rate Bond,with a bit more style and charm than Craig had, but with a nasty edge as well.

  8. If they want to breathe new life into the franchise then make Bond like one of the original members of the S.A.S..

    A right hard cunt like Paddy Mayne would be perfect.

    Oh and no bleks nor “modern” know it all wimmin.

    Perfect.

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  9. Bond needs redesigning.

    Make him more a maverick like Dirty Harry.👍

    Make him northern.👍

    Fuck that ‘Look at me! ‘ sports car off
    Give him a van.👍

    Gadgets? Sawn off shotgun 👍
    Maybe a knife in his workboot?

    And no martinis, that’s a puffs drink.
    Brown ale .👍

    And no smug oneliners!!
    Give him tourettes.

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  10. Sir Kweer Two-Tier is the only person with the necessary credentials to make a credible Bond for the late 2020s.

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  12. I think the Bond films are mediocre and something you grow out with maturity. I left them at an early age and think the distributors should have the decency to return our money.

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  13. I watched one Bond film many years ago. I thought it was shite. Couldnt give a fuck about the next one but I think that Alison Hammond is in with a shout.

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  14. The next bond should be a shirt-lifter, licensed to thrill, full on pink tux and limp wrist, seduces the enemy agents (men only) to reveal their secrets using ghb and obviously having his wicked way.
    Make him Muslim as well just to bring in the wider audience 😂

    Mohammed Bond, proud to be a Quare

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  15. I got into a proper scrap with a lad at junior school who tried to nick my gold coloured DB5…!

    Sold it last year on eBay £75.00, still had the blue boiler suited baddie that got ejected…

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  16. This interminable series of bland films remind you of those TV shows like Escape To The Cuntry which are allowed to drear on year after year because the programme planners are too dim to think of something new. Time to stop them, or at least turn them into a comedy series with Ant & Dec – the new version of Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel.

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  17. The old jimmy bond character surely has to be pushing near to 100, the old cunt should be in some nursing home with miss funny penny sitting in their own piss and shit, much preferred george smiley.

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  18. I once auditioned to be a Bond girl some years back.
    My character was going to be called Kunt Akimbo, but they dropped it shortly afterwards.
    It`s PC gone mad.
    🔫

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  20. Rumour has it that MGM’s new owners, Amazon, want to go down the Star Wars route and wring out the Bond franchise for all it’s worth. Hence the Broccoli family decided to ‘kill’ him off in the last one and are holding back on anything new. No script, actors or director until they are guaranteed autonomy.
    If not, the series has reached a conclusion.
    True or not, and whether you like the films or not, it’s always been, largely, a British success story which will be fucked up even more than our worst woke nightmares if Amazon get their way.
    Better off letting it die.

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  21. Marton Csokas would have made a great Bond.
    He was brilliant in the Equaliser as the baddy opposite Denzel.
    Probably to old now but

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