Like most people my age, I’ve had all of my seasonal injections; RSV, Flu and Covid. Pity that none of this stuff has prevented me falling foul of some vicious winter lurgy.

It started, as these things usually do, with a runny nose and a vague feeling of being ‘under the weather’. Within 24 hours, I’d developed a pounding headache, a burning throat, a temperature and an ache in every bone in my body. In short, I felt like absolute shite.

Being asthmatic, the doc has advised me to seek medical advice in such instances, and with a ‘there’s a lot of it about’, she promptly put me on antibiotics and steroids, and told me to stay indoors and rest. Like I needed to be told.

The drugs may or may not have killed the bugs, but I’ve been left hacking and wheezing like a shunting engine, a state of affairs which Doc Internet encouragingly states may last for weeks. ‘Drink warm water with honey and lemon, and take paracetamol’ is the advice. Gee thanks.

So here I am at the moment, stuck in an aching limbo, feeling like a wrung-out dish cloth, spending most of every day either asleep in bed or asleep on the settee. I’m sure that a sloth on Mogadon would have more get up and go than I currently have. Here’s hoping for some improvement at least in time for the Christmas hols.

What this cunt of a lurgy is I couldn’t say with any certainty. What I can say is that I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Here’s hoping that all you cunters can give it the swerve. What a bastard.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Ron Knee.