Roses are cunts.
Alerted by the sage advice of children’s entertainer and end of the pier star. Paul Chuckle, this year, I acted decisively to reject the new Quality Street with their shit eco-friendly wrappers and preponderance of cheap toffees and strawberry creams. Instead, I thought i would try a drum of Cadbury’s Roses. They were my Nan’s chocolate of choice, wrapped in pretty coloured foil, they were an ideal accompaniment to ‘Sale of the Century’ or a game of Newmarket.
Unfortunately, they are now even more shit than Quality Street. New eco-friendly wrappers, and almost all the chocolates tasting the same – waxy chocolate covered caramel flavoured goo – the selection includes:
Golden Barrel (caramel flavoured goo)
Hazel in Caramel (hazel nut coated in caramel goo)
Caramel – (Caramel goo)
Cuntry Fudge (suspiciously similar to caramel goo)
All the best centres are missing:
No Turkish Delight
No Peppermint Cream
No Vanilla Nougat
Fucking horrible. What is it with this country and fucking up well loved Christmas sweets?
And it is not just Roses, this scandal runs very deep indeed…
PS Where have all the selection boxes gone?
Nominated by Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea.
Cadburys taste gross – Palm Oil laden rubbish. Shame. Sad, I only have memories of what their chocolates used to taste like.
Not all is lost though. You can make your own stuff or buy better.
4
Creme Eggs are now grotesque. Absolutely vile.
A shell of dog shit, filled with poofter spunk and pimple pus.
That’s what they seem to be made of, if the disgusting TV commercial is anything to go by.
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Earlier this year my Mum had a box of Milk Tray….. it’s nothing like the Milk Tray I remember. They are all dry, flavourless, praline-like chocolates which dry your mouth out and need half a pint of water per sweet. At least Galaxy is still good…. last time I had it anyway.
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My grandad ued to get us the Milk Tray bars in the 70s. They were well nice. My Mrs told me that the modern Milk Tray are shit.
1
I do still partake of a ‘Wispa’ although they aren’t as nice as they used to be and are now 40% of the original size.
Had some ‘Munchies’ the other day – they don’t munch anymore having changed beyond recognition. No bircuity centre surrounded by chocolate. Now thick crap choch with softer choc centre …..Shite !
The only choc I like now is Galaxy ; un-molested. Ripple is still smooth and creamy and original size.
Only trouble is it’s too nice ! never lasts long 🙂
4
Minstrels still taste the same. Revels are now shit though. The nut one has been axed because of allergy mardarses. And Treets were replaced by the overrated and overpriced M&Ms.
One thing makes me laugh though. On those M&Ms adverts, the brown talking M&M has black wimmins features and a ‘feisty’ black wimminz voice. Isn’t that racist?
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Yep!
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Minstrels and giant chocolate buttons fucking rock!
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The wondertul Topic has been discontinued. Mars are cunts.
And red Bountys are also becoming more scarce.
And – talking of which – this little beauty was the bollocks.
The Aztec. When Cadbury’s was nice, their version of the Mars Bar. Lasted 11 years, from 1967 to 1978. Fucking beautiful, it was.
https://files.cdn-files-a.com/uploads/8275720/normal_6555daa13316b.jpg
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If Mondelez bring it back it will taste like a tramps cock.
Can’t smoke, can’t even have a chocolate bar or bag of sweets nowadays.
They’ve killed even the tiny pleasures.
4
Once everything tastes horrible, or of nothing at all, they can introduce (force) us all to the insect diet we’ll be following from then on. Only us, of course, not them.
4
Mike Oldfield (yes, that one) has said the same thing.
He said that he can’t have a roll up with his pint down the local pub. So he’s left the country. Don’t blame him.
2
They don’t even have the old paper shops any more, Miserable.
Back in the day, it would be a packet of fags, a bar of chocolate, a dirty book, a quarter of bulls eyes. and sometimes a bottle of Ben Shaw’s or Barr’s.
All five newsagents near us are now long gone.Cash generator pawn shops, vapes, mobile bastard phones, paki pizza places and ‘Turkish’ barbers are all there is these days.
4
At least you do get extra cheese from a tramps cock.
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That silly black cunt with the childish name of a sheep, could be a walking bar of chocolate, but most likely the laxative variety.
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And, of course, the classic Edwardian soldier and titled lady imagery so long associated with Quality Street is now extinct.
Too British, too imperial, too colonial, I suppose.
I dare say Nestle – who have bastardised Rowntree Mackintosh – doesn’t want to offend or ‘exclude’ the treeswingers. They might associate an Edwardian ball or lantern lit street scene with slavery.
Get to fuck.
2
The Old Jamaica chocolate was a big treat to us at Christmas. My nana would get me and our kid one between us. We thought we were Jimmy the One.
Those Mars selection stockings were also mega. The Spamgles were a bit shite though.
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Oh ffs. Can’t these cunts leave anything? Their lefty, eco ,woke,sensibly sourced crap gets right on my tits.
I was going to buy a box of Roses.
They won’t be happy until they’ve fuked up every.
Anyone notice that Twix tastes different? The chocolate isn’t the same.
I don’t give a fuk about eco friendly products. I fukin hate electric cars and I despise renewable energy. These cunts aren’t green, they’re a fukin pest . Evil control freaks who hate freedom and want to immerse everyone in a joyless world.
Thanks for the warning.
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