Roses are cunts.
Alerted by the sage advice of children’s entertainer and end of the pier star. Paul Chuckle, this year, I acted decisively to reject the new Quality Street with their shit eco-friendly wrappers and preponderance of cheap toffees and strawberry creams. Instead, I thought i would try a drum of Cadbury’s Roses. They were my Nan’s chocolate of choice, wrapped in pretty coloured foil, they were an ideal accompaniment to ‘Sale of the Century’ or a game of Newmarket.
Unfortunately, they are now even more shit than Quality Street. New eco-friendly wrappers, and almost all the chocolates tasting the same – waxy chocolate covered caramel flavoured goo – the selection includes:
Golden Barrel (caramel flavoured goo)
Hazel in Caramel (hazel nut coated in caramel goo)
Caramel – (Caramel goo)
Cuntry Fudge (suspiciously similar to caramel goo)
All the best centres are missing:
No Turkish Delight
No Peppermint Cream
No Vanilla Nougat
Fucking horrible. What is it with this country and fucking up well loved Christmas sweets?
And it is not just Roses, this scandal runs very deep indeed…
PS Where have all the selection boxes gone?
Nominated by Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea.
I tried to buy English sweets online for my work colleague and his team.
You can’t buy decent sweets here and I wanted a big jar of chocolate limes, sherbert lemons and winter selection.
The only fucker I could find didn’t deliver to Spain.
I sent Mrs Cunter out to find an English supermarket armed with €100 euros.
She couldn’t buy any jars but got a load of packets of boiled sweets which were well received.
All we get here is the Haribo type of shite.
Obviously I couldn’t buy any Cadbury’s chocolate as that is rubbish and would give you the shits if you haven’t had them before.
Forget the rubbish chocolate.
Buy Belgian chocolates online from Belgium.
Get the real thing not the stuff Amazon sell.
10
Used to live less than a mile from where Thorntons made their stuff in Sheffield. (I’m now in Canada)
Not a lot knew that if you went there they sold mis-shapes at half price.
Once they are in your gob, you can’t see ’em, so it was a hell of a deal.
North American bars of sweet brown stuff are not chocolate, unless you go to some fancy ‘chocolatier’ place and pay through the nose.
5
Unfortunately we have an obesity crisis,I only know this as the govt told me and they know best.
So in the new Socialist Kingdom of Starmer its quite remarkable that all chocolate (or what passes for it ) hasn’t been Supertaxed into oblivion or simply completely banned for our own good.
Anyway I’m off to see if Black Magic are racist.
Good afternoon.
12
Rejoice citizens! Your chocolate ration has increased, from 25g to 15g.
All hail our glorious leader!
12
Now called Black Lives Magic?
14
He’s a shit stabber isn’t he?
2
I will only buy chocolate from Aldi or Lidl or Lindt if I am feeling well off. Cadburys were always a bit 2nd rate and now they are American owned are absolute shit.
18
I agree Wanksock. That Aldi chocolate is much nicer.
Cadburys is now turd made by Kraft or Mondolez.
My auntie Mary (my mum’s sister) was once engaged to one of the Cadbury heirs way back in the 70s. And we got loads of free Cadburys choocy from the Bournville factory in Birmingham. All that foil and chocolate was part of the Christmas magic.
Last bar of Dairy Milk I saw said ‘Made In Poland’ on it. A shit curl in a plastic purple wrapper. How times change.
11
Agreed. Aldi chocolate is very nice. I always remember Quality Street from the 1980’s. A big arsed deep tin and the sweets always tasted really nice. Far removed from today’s insipid shit.
4
A bar of good chocolate should last you more than a week.
Just one square should be enough to satisfy any chocolate urge.
Cadbury chocolate is so fucking full of sugar and other shit that you eat a whole bar in one session.
It’s little wonder if you have an obesity problem.
You will also have a dental problem.
Cadbury rots your teeth.
9
I only buy dark chocolate with 80% cocoa….no p.c plod is calling at my door claiming I’m waycist 🖕
All the Christmas tubs are 💩 with crap names…
Heroes….not had one since Nelson…quality street… country is full of feral estates… celebrations…. don’t make me laugh, we’ve got less to celebrate since Enoch Powell got it right…roses…. we’ve not got a cat in hell’s chance of coming up smelling like one anytime soon 😩…. merry Christmas 🎄 it could be our last ☠️
14
It will be Belgium chocolates for me, but I am not keen on Guylian though, always a bit dry. Have done many visits to Ostend, over the years. Their chocky shops always smell good. Lindt aren’t bad either.
7
Of course, England was at one time world famous for the chocolate it produced.
A decent size, & it always tasted good, depending on the individual. Obesity wasn’t an issuse, as kids walked to school, & did exercise at the local rec. Many of them have disapeared, & what is left of the chocolate brands have lost their flavour, & just got smaller.
7
England was at one time world famous for producing a multitude of things.
Sadly that was about 150 years ago.
11
I have a large quantity of tools Ron some of which I inherited from my father. They are proudly stamped “Made in England”. He only died in 1977, not 1874.
6
Callebaut Belgian choc is especially dainty to the tooth if going the DIY route.Made in Banbury,Warwickshire.I remember trucking the chips to Italy years ago and always stocked up in their canteen prior when they made them into bars,not sure if they still do though.
3
Although not %70 choccy, I’m quite partial to this..
https://groceries.aldi.co.uk/en-GB/p-choceur-smooth-creamy-dark-hazelnut-chocolate-200g/4088600268576
8
After Eight were on offer today so I bought a box for this evening. Surely this staple of the sixties dinner part can’t have been fucked u? I expect the Foreign Secretary serves them to all visiting diplomats.
8
It used to be quite hard to get the first one out with them being tightly stacked. They solved that problem by only putting 7 in a box.
9
Being a rebellious sort I always make sure to start them around 7.45pm.
Sugared almonds mate, ace.
9
😂😂😂
3
No, that’s Ferrero Rocher®, Twenty TCUTS … or nodules of donkey shite coated in cocoa powder and dusted with floor sweepings.
💩
9
Fifty years ago in the dash in my brother’s Mk1 Escort the coloured lens in the indicator light to show you had the lights switched on fell out and was lost. This meant at night there was a bright hard point of white light burning your optic nerve as you were driving. The lens was of course not available separately from buying a whole new instrument cluster. We went to the corner shop and bought a packet of “Quality Street”. We took the coloured cellophane wrapper from one sweet, flattened it, folded it several times and installed it as a replacement lens. Worked a treat. Obviously the marketing people didn’t consider this use for the wrappers when they replaced them with these horrible new paper ones.
10
I had an engine management light on my van despite there being no problems. Got sick of paying to have the fault cancelled with a computer, only for it to come back 2 hours later.
Black electrical tape worked a treat.
6
Trouble is though Termy, engine management light on is an MOT fail. The tester will pull the tape to check. Do what the second-hand car dealers do and disconnect the light behind the dash.
6
Not ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’ then?
5
Our Kid got a white knock-off Star Wars lightsaber one Christmas.
He wanted a Darth Vader one, so we put a couple of red Quality Street wrappers over the light to make it a red. It did the trick.
8
I only eat white chocolate.
And so should you, mein kleiner edelweißers.
All else is Scheiᛋᛋe !!!
8
Chocolate is the Devil’s shite.
4
Roses are now fucked.
All the classic ones have been taken out and there a load of shit ones left. Even the little Dairy Milk and Bournville mini-bars have been axed. Scandalous.
Only thing that is remotely similar to its 70s/80s version is the Chocolate Orange.
The blue milk chocolate ‘plain’ Chocolate Orange is pretty good too.
https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/44e5e96c71d3921bb1267d175030ff3302e666f0/0_47_2012_1207/master/2012.jpg?width=1200&quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=c4e987e0dbc6af87561d29cacd49bd26
5
Stick to natural sweetness like me. You will benefit in the end. Don’t get the occasional pimple even when older. Stay slimmer and healthier.
3
Sugar is a natural product Sammy.
2
Anyone else remember the Chocolate Lemon or the Chocolate Apple?
Neither really caught on, did they?
https://thebritishcandyconnoisseur.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/untitled-2-1.jpg?w=1024
4
Chocolate lemon? Are you talking about Lenworth Henry, Norman.
8
I thought Lenny was the Chocolate Fireguard.
8
Now, Roses are in a small crappy plastic tub at about six quid a pop.
I recall when they were in a fuck off tin the size of a snare drum, and they were cheaper too.
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a6/8a/f8/a68af828d530054450d4f7934dd9f971.jpg
9
When I was a nipper, you could climb into a empty roses tin and paddle it down the river…..
6
All this talk of the good old days got me thinking. And do did this,
I remember when I was a lad, I wanted to do rude things to Irma Ogden.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60WI5c4rx20&t=13s
5
All this talk of the good old days got me thinking. And so did this,
2
I wanted to give Sandra Butler a going over with the tickling stick and all. Tattyhilarious.
5
Some good news if you buy Cadburys chocolate, you won’t have to worry about Bovaer tainted milk..
Those fuckers don’t use milk anymore.
5
I was going to say, Baz.
There’s no milk in it any more.
4
A great shout by TTC.
Cadbury’s chocolate used to be pretty good.
Then the Yanks bought it and turned it into a version of the cack they sell across the pond.
I hope the fuckers go out of business.
9
True Ron.
Piss all cocoa in it now.
And it’s nearly as bad as Hersheys.
And Hersheys taste like vomit.
9
We should do our own ISAC chocolate…
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/81v-O1dsy3L.jpg
7
Thankfully the bounty remains distinctly edible albeit a tad sweeter than of yore i find.
2
If you are tired of the cads from Cadburys, why not try these?:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy6uLfermPU&t=7s
1
I mourn the loss of the Terry’s Neopolitan chocolates – a 70s/80s Christmas favourite.
Ritter Sports is now my chocolate of choice – rum and raisin flavour.
9
My dad’s favourites were Neopolitans.
4
Ritter is well nice.
The cornflakes one is great.
4
Oh yes PM.
The rum and raisin is particulary morish.😛
3
The scandal runs deep…
Back in the UK (home sweet home) for a work jaunt….to my disgust Tunnocks Teacakes have shrunk.
Why?
I wanted three things:
Robinsons Old Tom – yes
Tunnocks Teacake – fail
Scampi fries – fail
Got a rage on!
5
Can get Tunnocks and Scampi Fries in my local Farmfoods.
5
Asda sell scampi fries, thank Heaven.
5
Asda… watch out JP the scampi are probably halal..
4
As long as they are pork free…
3
Thanks JP but my shadow will not cross the door of Associated Dairies again.
Asda Alqarf.
4
Old Tom!!
You sir have fine taste!👍
3
the filling in Tunnocks Teacakes is clowns jizz
1
As long as it’s no my own jizz…..
0
Be careful if Mr Cunt Engine offers you any “sweets”
be like this
https://youtu.be/u4TPBkN0vIc?t=2
4
I had a batch of CBD/thc laced ‘Lavender’ chocolate recently from a private enthusiast,Deelish and an awesome vehicle for the psychotropic delivery.component,way better than smoking tbh.
0
I’ve realised for a long time that being prevented from harmful sweets during rationing in the last war and being poor after rationing was lifted, helped me from becoming conditioned towards them.
4
Mondelez. An American company who buys up worldwide brands and makes them shit.
Good example, Cadbury dairy milk chocolate.
Except it is no longer allowed to be called chocolate because the cocoa content is so low it no longer qualifies as chocolate.
There is your answer.
8
Yep,
They were also found to be up to their eyeballs in child slavery and some dodgy breaches of antitrust laws.
But also thought they could have the moral high ground with other things like the Russian Ukraine and the Rainbow gang (not skittles)
The hypocrisy is truly breath taking.
6
Vegelate i believe is the recognised term in certain domains? yum.
0
Ever since Cadburys were bought out by Kraft (I think) all their chocolate is shite American style crap recipe………awful stuff
7
Mondelez. See above.
Those cunts even ruined Marabou, which was the best chocolate in the world.
4
Mondelez. Turn chocolate into turd.
5
Because they’re fuckin pigs whod not telling the difference between a dairy milk and a shitty nappy.
4
Somebody has sent Me and the Mrs some Famous Grouse Whisky liqueurs. They might not last unitl Christmas Day.
4
Try the happy barrels from the world food section in Tesco. Usually around £3.50. Real chocolate. With booze in. From Poland.
5
So, Turps then?
1
Hand sanitiser.
Only the best.
3
Frank Zappa on Late Night Line-Up BBC2 1968:
‘There is too much apathy. And something’s got to be done. Before America scarfs up the world and shits on it.’
And, that is excatly what has happened. Disney, Universal, Mondelez, Kraft.
The US corporate monsters now own everything. Most British institutions (Cadbury’s, EMI, Manchester United) were grabbed by corporate raiders.
6
Hey Norman,
Frank Zappa was a cunt of the first water but he was right about apathy.
So while American corporations like Disney are cunts personified or rather cunts incorporated, I really don’t think you can honestly blame it on all on American Corporate raiders.
British apathy, indifference and greed need to accept their share of the blame.
I bet if some enterprising Brit started a company and made traditional British seasonal sweets he (or she) would make a fortune.
Make Britain Great Again
Vote Reform
Diversity is not your strength
10
Vote Reform 👍
9
I wrote to Maynards last week
To complain about their Sports mix.
I’ve always enjoyed it and would often put on a tracksuit to get me in the mood.
Anyway,
After I asked ” why does sports mix now taste like lumps of earwax?”
I got a reply.
From Mondelez!!!😮
Turns out those yank cunts who ruined Cadburys have now ruined Maynards.
They asked what they could do to help and I told them to stop fuckin about with great British sweets.
Just because they’re all tasteless fat fuckin morons😡
4
Wonder if you can still get chocolate Brazils?
Big hefty fuckers, like a cobble , you could stone a Iraqi housewife to death with em.
I’ll go look tomorrow if I get time.
Modern kids heads would explode if they had some of the brilliant sweets we had in the 70s
Refresher chews
Drumstick lollies
Banana split chews
Not a single vitamin and better for it.
7
I think you can still get the Payne’s Chocolate Brazills, Miserable. B&Ms had them last time I was in there.
4
Chocolate Brazil? Wasn’t that pele’s nickname..
https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/304396434?srsltid=AfmBOoqOIyByF9caIxeBuglEhiViGeQ_W3m0wriCZIVY3tMCqXECB2Xa
4
Texan bars —-> how to learn home dentistry.
0
And Nestle have fucked up Rowntree Mackintosh.
The ‘vegan friendly Fruit Pastilles are fucking disgusting.
And Kit Kat and Smarties have been bastardised several times in recent years. A Kit Kat is a two or four fingered milk chocolate wafer. Not white, orange, peanut butter,mint, dark, salted fuckung caramel, chunky or any other shite.
5
Agree with the pastilles,a diabolical experience now days.Nestle is a deeply dodgy corporation,up there with Bayer/monsanto,Pfizer et al in the toxicity stakes
”Water is not a human right” infamous quote from a reptillic ex CEO of aforementioned corporation,Evil.
5
Mondelez have their filthy fingers in almost all British classic sweets.
Bassets, Maynards, Cadbury’s.
Crilllys Sweets are nice though. From Newry in Northern Ireland. They do good Pear Drops, Rhubarb and Custards, Licorice Allsorts, Sherbert Drops. They are also cheaper than that Mondelez/Maynards shite.
4
Mondelez are wankers
4
An more chocolate pimping will begin before Christmas is even over.
On New Year’s Eve, there will be Creme Eggs, Mini Eggs and other Easter related crap on the supermarket shelves. Without a doubt.
4
Strange but true. Tetley tea is owned by the Tata Steel crowd.
Gnaw on a bit of liquorice root (a wooden “stick” bought in a health food shop). Now that bit of chocolate Princess Margaret sent all of us in the trenches in the little metal box that was a treat together with the packet of Woodies” Ah ‘appy days.
3
Sorry to go OT again but I’m looking for advice. EDF have been chasing me about replacing my meters with “smart” meters for months and now they are getting heavy talking of legal requirements and urgent action needed. I am not volunteering for even more close and fairly intimate surveillance. They do say that I can have the “smart” communications disabled on the new meters. Can anyone tell me how I could check that the comms are in fact disabled? Also is there a way I could disable the comms for certain myself? I am very comfortable getting into the electronics, it’s what I have done all my working life. Apologies for the diversion and thanks in anticipation.
3
Tell them to fuck off. They have no right to replace the meters until they have been designated end of life, and they have to prove that first. They hassled me too and I simply fucked off elsewhere.
5
They are cunts, arfur. Complete fucks.
It is not compulsory to have one of these things. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
And they can’t do it properly anyway. One cunt came to fit us with one if these smart meters, and he fucked the whole thing up. Found out he couldn’t even fit one into our place and it went haywire. So, the cunts are not getting another chance, ever.
6
My advice Arfur is fuck them.
Scottish n Southern have tried the same shite with me; just ignore it. I’m happy with the old analogue meter. Their own meter reader agreed it best to keep it and fuck the new smart meter off.
5
I keep getting the “we are in your area” approach re “smart” meters…
I just ignore them….⚡
9
There are no legal grounds to get one. If they start getting heavy report then to the Ombudsmen.
Do not have a meter they can turn off remotely.
5
Ey up Arfur.
They try it in by wording their shitty letters/emails to make it sound like it’s a legal requirement to have a “smart” meter fitted..
It isn’t,they are just sneaky lowlife cunts.
Tell them to fuck off.
3
Ah but @Arfur, EDF say unless you get one of their Smart Meters then you can’t get a preferential rate.
I’m in the same situation. Been putting it off. Don’t get the mobile signal to work the thing. Makes as much sense as Bitcoin to me.
2
Not a legal requirement as far as I know.
2
Yet
2
Consensus seems to be 100%. Thanks to you all.
I shall tell EDF to go do one.
4
As said, you have no obligation to have one, they’re a curse. Change your broker *.
*They don’t supply, they buy from national grid and add their mark up. The grifting cunts. Tax pays for the National Grid too. Nice gig. Double cunts.
1
All fit for the skip.Not as tasty years ago 😐.Smaller sizes etc is piss poor.
4