Deep Winter Blues

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It’s just gone three pm, and I’m standing at the bus stop, waiting for the bus that was due at twelve minutes to the hour. No sign of it of course, nor of the one that was due on the hour. No wonder people are so reluctant to get out of their cars and onto public transport. That goes double when you’re sunk in the depths of a fucking cheerless December.

Speaking of cars, I’m on the way to the garage to retrieve ours, where it’s been to get body repairs after the wife banjoed it for the third time this year. I won £500 on the Premium Bonds earlier this month, guess what I’m spending my winnings on. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. It’s really enhanced my good humour has that.

I’m not feeling great physically; I’ve got a persistently dripping nose, a headache, and my throat feels as though it’s been sandpapered. I’m starting to cough as well. Some vicious winter lurgy bug has got its vile tentacles into me I fear, an all too frequent occurrence at this time of year.

I feel low mentally too, it’s the sort of day to kill any sense of enjoyment. The light’s fading fast, although it was never anything other than dull and dreary to start with. If we’ve not hit freezing point yet we’re not far from it, and a miserable, keening wind is driving the sleet that’s begun to fall. I can’t stop shivering, can’t feel any warmth in my hands and feet.

And you’ll hear people say how much they love this time of year; ‘oh I just love to get in, pull the curtains and put the fire on, make a nice pot of tea, and settle in to watch Corrie’. Cosmic. Then you’ve got the hearty types, who’ll tell you how bracing it is, breathing in the refreshing freezing air after the debilitating heat of a British summer. Yeah right.

My, and there’s months of this dreekness ahead of us to endure before there’s another chance to sit in the garden with a nice glass of wine, just savouring the summer. I can’t wait to get to Gran Canaria for a bit of sun and warmth, for the chance to ditch the deep winter blues for a while. You can stick the winter in that other place where the sun don’t shine.

Give me an Em… ‘Whoa baby I got them deep winter blues

nhs

Nominated by Ron Knee.

44 thoughts on “Deep Winter Blues”

    • Christmas greetings Ron, all.

      Those that’s that wear knee-length shorts and sandals in Winter really annoy me.

      Always strike me as a bit pædo.

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      • BTW my lady pranged the car into next door’s brand new BMW recently.

        I wasn’t even there, but obviously she thinks it was my fault, because she was coming to pick me up.

        It’s also my fault that the neighbour is now ‘grumpy’.

        I’m affectionately known as Head of Blame in our house.

    • It might sound a bit Gemma Collins, but how about a few sessions on a tanning bed? Watching that blue-grey skin disappear is quite cathartic.

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    • How about a walk in nature Ron?
      https://www.npr.org/2023/08/22/1195337204/a-guide-to-forest-bathing

      It might sound a bit woo or tree huggy and like some California new age hippy bullshit but I find when walking the dog, that listening to the birds chirping and the smell of pine in woodlands can be soothing in a way.

      I know I’m not in a position to talk, but sometimes getting off the internet and going outside can make a person feel better.

      It won’t help with the car situation though.

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      • Also get yourself some of that tongkat ali as a supplement.
        Not wanting to sound like Cunt Engine but it has a lot of health benefits unless you’ve got high blood pressure or heart problems.

        Your missus will appreciate it too (wink wink).

    • No chance. Obviously Starmer will have to go when the truth about all his bum-fum, secretary-stooping and bastard children comes out, then the in-fighting will get out of control, hopefully Dirty Angie will get the job because she will be worse than 2TK, prolly riots over gimmegrants and cancelled elections, plus national bankruptcy, I’ll be amazed if they last 2 years.

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  4. Nah, Christmas is for children and cunts Ron, carry on as you were.

    As a friend of mine said, the problem with Christmas is the enforced happiness – you will be joyful. Fuck off.

    Life doesn’t play by the Christmas rule book – we have had horrendous problems which I’m not going to go in to this last few weeks, attended by health issues as you describe. The idea we can magically forget all of that and be cheerful today, back to all the shit tomorrow, is fanciful.

    What’s more I’ve now got to get my arse out of bed on the one day of the year – I’ll give Christmas this much – when I should be pretty much granted the indulgence of not having to do anything / speak to anyone that I don’t want to, to go and have a lunch that’s been foisted on us without consultation, spending a sober day around my vile mother.

    I’m off to put up a bad willed nom about Big Issue sellers.

    Merry Christmas everyone 😡

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  5. Now that Lady G and myself live in Cornwall sunset at this time of year is nearly 4.30 unlike when we were in Derbyshire when it was 3.50 so the winter blues aren’t quite so bad. No wonder the porridge munchers are so miserable.
    Talking of Miserable I ‘d like to wish him and the rest of you buggers a happy Christmas.
    Interesting fact, Edinburgh is further west than Bristol. Talking of Bristols ….

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  6. It’s awful reading about other people’s sad times but the important thing is that I’m OK.

    I cooked and ate an enormous roast dinner last night.
    I had spuds for the first time in months.
    Even by my own high standards it was delicious.

    A bottle of red wine with my grub followed by another in front of the television.

    I can’t remember what shite was on, the wine was that good.

    I got the ugliest but warmest pair of slippers from Mrs Cunter.
    They even have velcro straps if I ever get arthritis in my hands.

    New pants obviously, and a pair of Boss loafers.

    I brought Mrs Cunter a few new dresses, amongst other things and I was treated to an impromptu fashion show in our lounge.

    It’s a chilly 16 degrees outside, but sunny and a walk on the beach will be followed by a few pints in the bar.

    Life is sweet!

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  7. There is something about December afternoons – December altogether come to that – which is demoralising and profoundly disgusting to see. It can be sunny at 3.45 and then completely dark at 4 – and that is a good day. People wishing time away, otiose radio and TV programmes. Bloody awful adverts with Muslim husbands and blond haired wives shopping in Tesco, with two chinky looking children DFS trying to sell another cheap sofa.

    But if it is bad for us, spare a thought for AnalEase Dodds – this is the time of year she has to order a new pair of bloomers for 2025 – this years pair only has a week left in them, and they are two inches deep in shit.

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  8. Whisky will cure what ails ye.

    And some lusty carol singing perhaps?

    Nah fuck that I’d like to see Carol the BBCistan weather woman with her massive baps out making me a bacon sarnie..

    watch the spitting pan Carol..

    Good health!

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  9. Cunters will have twigged that this nom was posted a while ago, and has been in the queue. In between I’ve been hit by a truly vicious lurgy, which still has me barking like a fucking hyena. It’s been a grim couple of weeks health wise. The good news is that the jam jar has been restored to full health!

    Seriously and for what it’s worth, I send my very best wishes to all cunters struggling with health and other issues on this day and those to come. And the wife says ‘lang may yer lum reek!’

    Enjoy the day!

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  10. Some people don’t do Christmas.
    This is called Tinselitis.

    Me?
    I love it.❤️

    I plan to eat half my own weight in turkey and drink Newcastle brown ale.

    As for winter blues, it’s fuckin semi tropical here!
    T-shirt weather.

    That sledge was a waste of money ☹️

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  11. We should’ve been celebrating something that was true. The Winter Solstice, which was last weekend. Not this shite. A child being born to a virgin. Pull my plonker, not the other one.

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    • A ‘child’?

      For fucks sake, if only the bullshit had ended with that bit o’bullshit.

      Thing kinda fuckin’ snowballed once the cunt had gotten away with that initial load of crap though. This child was, in fact, .. oh you know the rest…

      Did you know South Park put out a song about same, though?

      I’ll share the lyrics, .. it’s Christmas after all….

      The Virgin Mary was sleepin’
      When Angel Gabriel appeared
      He said, “You are to be the virgin mother.”
      And Mary thought that was weird

      Mary said, “I’m not a virgin
      I blew a guy last year.”
      But then Gabriel said to Mary
      “My child, have no fear.”

      [Chorus]
      ‘Cause, you can suck all the dick you want
      And still be a virgin, Mary
      You can suck all the dick you want
      And still not be considered flawed
      Although you went to town
      And sucked some semen down
      You’re still a virgin in the eyes of God

      There was no room at the inn
      When Mary and Joseph did arrive
      But they were so very tired, you see
      And Mary had to offer a bribe

      Since she had no money
      How would she pay for a place to sleep?
      Gabriel appeared to Mary
      And told her not to weep

      ‘Cause you can suck all the dick you want
      And still be a virgin, Mary
      You can suck all the dick you want
      And still be the mother of Christ
      If there’s no room at the inn
      Then it’s not considered a sin
      To suck some dick to get a room for the night

      Then, three wise men did appear
      Bearing gifts of myrrh and such
      They said that they had followed a star
      And missed a woman’s touch

      Mary thought she might pleasure them
      But could not take them to bed
      But again, Gabriel appeared to her
      And this is what he said:

      You can suck all the dick you want
      And still be a virgin, Mary
      You can suck all the dick you want
      Every one that hangs in the nation
      Fellatio ain’t no sin
      Go on and blow those Three Wise Men
      And you’ll still be a virgin ’cause there was no penetration!

      So, you can suck all the dick you want
      And still be a virgin, Mary
      The donkey and the ox and the lambs
      And even the little drummer boy
      Folks will remember your name quick
      They’ll say “Damn, that bitch could suck a good dick!”
      ‘Cause sucking dick brings peace on Earth and joy

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AchgTXrs-nA&pp=ygUebW9zdCBvZmZlbnNpdmUgc291dGggcGFyayBzb25n

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      • She could also have taken umpteen cocks up the arse and still stayed a virgin. A good old spit roasting comes to mind.

  12. Fucking screaming kids running up and down the street, don’t they know it’s Christmas, little bastards 😂

    Merry fucking Christmas

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      • Zero loss to the world if they do. HUGE (further) loss to British society if they don’t.

        It’s not even fucking funny any more. It’s passed farcical all the way to utterly fucking stupid.

        And the no-contest tolerance of this detrimental reality among the lawmakers? Is it their revenge over Brexit? … I mean, call a spade a spade ; it was the subject that brought ‘leave’ home, behind it all (‘tipping point’, remember?)

        A potential thousand in a single day? For shame.

      • It would be utterly näive to assume that rag-head countries are not sending sleeper cells mixed in with the general detritus washing up on our shores.

        Of course they fckn are.

        A national emergency should be declared, all invaders immediately arrested and sentenced to 2 years at Gitmo, Anthrax Island or the Falklands, then micro-chipped, GPS tracked and fckd off back to shitholistan.

        All resistance should be met with extreme prejudice, by any means necessary.

  16. Not now , but after all the forced ” jollyness” of Christmas I used to think bugger, next holiday off work will be Easter.

    What a long depressing drawn out drag over winter that was. Scraping ice off the windscreen at 6 o’clock in the morning really cheered me up..!

    Still, sat on my arse now. Fuck em . 45 years at work soon passes….😁

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    • Just think though Doc, you’ve had a lot more time than you’ve got left.

      It amuses me when I hear someone probably qualified in social “science” talking of people having a problem with retirement and losing meaning in their life. I did 53 years, nearly all on the road going all over the UK in all weathers at all times of day. When I retired I handed in the car and left, happy as Larry, never to hear from the company again. I’m certainly not complaining. My father died at the age of 54 and I’ve already had 19 years more than him. Fuck ’em all. Excluding fellow cunters of course!

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  17. The joy of Christmas.
    Christmas eve 1978 fight in pub.
    Christmas eve 1997 fight in pub.
    Oh to be your again, piss on earth…

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