You’ll all be familiar with Danny ‘Double Chin’ Dyer, professional BellEnder and rumoured lovechild of ‘Dirty Den’ Watts and Pat Butcher. Well Danny’s got a new flick out soon. It’s called ‘Marching Powder’, and it’s about a geezer trying to stop snorting the old Columbian white and fighting at football matches, and turn his life around to save his marriage.
So we can expect to see some promotional stuff popping up the meeja in the coming days I suppose. You know the sort of thing; Danny out flogging ‘The Big Ishoo’ and bemoaning the lot of the homeless, or maybe a photo opp as he quaffs a pint and an eel pie in bar of ‘The Whore’s Drawers’ somewhere down the East End. He might turn up on breakfast tv as he does from time to time, giving it large on the state of affairs in the Middle East or something, know wot ah mean?
You just have to put up with this kind of ‘d’ list shite, but in my opinion The Cockney Cockhead has just excelled himself when granting an exclusive to ‘The Daily Scar’ on the bombshell topic of, erm, his ringpiece. It seems that the lad’s partial to a fiendishly hot Ruby Murray and a few beers on a Saturday night, but this causes him some discomfort. ‘There’s a myth that it (Indian food) gives you the runs’ cautions Danny. ‘It doesn’t, it just makes your arsehole sting’.
A sad and cautionary tale, I’m sure you’ll all agree. We can only sympathise with Danny as he endures his ‘curry hell. It’s a story with a universal theme; we’ve all been there. But at least there’s a happy outcome, as he tells us. He ‘plans carefully’ for when he needs ‘to get that first pony out of the way’. What does this involve? Well, keeping his bog roll cool obviously, and this requires some thought. ‘You don’t wanna leave your toilet roll next to the potato salad in the fridge, it’s not very appetising is it. So I just pop it in me little wine cooler and dab away’.
It’s a touchin’ good story, told with all the elegance and refinement that we’ve come to expect from such a gent. I’ll definitely be looking out for that new film now, I do so admire a real touch of quality in a ‘celebrity’. Good on yer mah san, the people have a right to know.
Nominated by Ron Knee.
Wotcha treacle.
Ive changed my mind about Daniel.
His chirpy chimchiminee cockney persona used to make me dream of feeding him into a wood chipper.
But I saw some documentary where he was saying about being a direct descendant from Edward 111,
And he made me laugh.
He was very entertaining.
He doesn’t let his disability hold him back.
Well done me old cockle,
Gercha.
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Dyer talking arseholes again ? Fick caaaant.
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An insufferable cunt along with his brain dead daughter.
Professional Cockney Wanker whom I immediately switch channel if he or her happen to be on.
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Norty lickle pistol fingers!
You mugging me off?
AlWight John?
Pucker👍
I’m a big fan of southern gibberish.
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Watch it we don’t all talk gibberish.
https://youtu.be/qPVDdqh3-wQ?si=RHXzGywzH6MuY30s
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It’s chav now
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Tv hard man or is it straw man..
Eastenders the most unrealistic program on tv. The east end is wall to wall inbreds.
The new film sounds a cracker.
Actors shouting ya mug at each other for 90 minutes.
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https://youtu.be/juIvwwPlCus?si=2H1_cEaAd4edDXZM
Immensely more entertaining than anything danny dire has ever done.
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Great stuff from a legendary show
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Which was nice.
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Other indispensable lines of dialogue from the script;
‘It’ll cost ya; a monkey’
‘Yew ‘avin’ ah larf or wot?’
‘ ‘Ow fackin’ mach?’
‘We need ta tork’
‘ ‘E’s dan a fackin’ ranner’
‘ an’ keep yer mincers peeled’
‘It’s like me ol’ mam usta say…’
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“I dont drink Stella Artois”
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I still maintain that Danny Dyer speaks like Larry Olivier or John Gielgud in private.
At least that’s what I’d like to believe.
Sometimes, I have nightmares involving Danny, ‘Arry Fackin’ Redknapp, Stacey Solomon and Joe Swash giving it full on ‘straightener on the cobbles’ and ‘straight in, no shootas’.
What a bunch of mockney cunts!
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Don’t forget spit flecked cook Jamie Oliver!
“My old mum used to always use truffle oil when cooking eels for Jack the Hat .
That’s it… Bosh.
Get it in there,
Mustard👍”
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When that cunt Jamie Oliver used to say ‘Pukka’,
I wanted to connect a cricket bat to his head.
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and when he kept calling sausages ‘these bad boys’
Fucking wally.
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I honestly couldn’t eat something he’d cooked.
Drooling and spitting over it.
10% meat 90% saliva
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I still remember that time his mask slipped on ‘EastEnders’.
A couple of geezers came into the pab and Danny was supposed to say ‘if you’ve cam lookin’ fer trabble, yer’ve cam ter the wight place’.
He forgot himself, and said ‘one assumes that you gentlemen have come in search of an altercation, in which case, you have indeed alighted at the correct location’.
Fair do’s to the Beeb; they could have re-shot it, but left it in for comedy value.
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Where’s a suicide bomber when you need one?
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What’s up with his head in the header? Is it AI generated or a puppet?
He looks a bit like Ricky fackin Gervais too.
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Ah yes, another chav for the fire. Throw Martin Freeman in as well.
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I like certain cockney slang.
Moodys (shoes) =moody blues
Berk. “You bleeding berk!”
(Cunt)
Jacobs. (Bollocks, knackers)
Jacobs cream crackers.
Titfer. (Hat) Tit for tat.
These lovable market traders, underworld murderers, and presenters of Runaround have enriched our culture.
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And that cunt Davidson, ‘Nick! Nick! Nick! Nick!;
And the leftie chimp-outs he still causes over his ‘Chalky’ character.
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Perhaps I could become the landlord of The Whore’s Drawers?. I’ll get an old, out- of – tune joanna so that some aspiring Mrs. Mills can bash out a few good old good ones, a stripper every Friday night, a drag queen on Saturdays (when Wes Streeting can make it – he’s an East End lad so he likes to tell us) and for opening night I could get Angela Rayner to cut the ribbon.
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Cockney wankers love their old joanna;
https://www.flickr.com/photos/norbet/37386688466
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According to what we see on the telly, a traditional east end pub can stay open even after all the following on the premises…
Fire/arson.
Rape (several).
Murder (again, a few).
Buried dead bodies in the cellar.
Losing ‘Ver Vic’ in a poker game.
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TV hard man 😳
He was bullied at school 😢
Keeps a bog roll in the fridge for his sore botty, so not as tough as he looks 😂
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Bet he was the hardest lad at performing arts school?
It must be a burden that hooligan image?
Because Danny goes into any pub in the country someone’s going to be thinking about twatting him.
Especially if he starts his apple an pears bollocks.
Same with Liam Gallagher.
He starts acting the cunt anywhere someone’s going to try and rip his monobrow off.
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All chav “culture” needs to be redacted
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If he was that ‘ard he’d be using the original ‘Badger’s Arse’ bog roll,
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Can take or leave Danny. But remember he’s British and we must stick together these days.
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To be a proper cockney they say you should be born within sound of bowlegs.
But there’s other criteria to qualify.
You should wear a porkpie hat.
You are called Ronnie, Arthur, John. Sid.
You fink your flash.
Barbara Windsor was your babysitter.
Your fluent in ‘ tic tac toe’.
And you love a ‘ villain’.
Armed blagger, pornographer, embezzler, conman, gangster, Train robber, protection racketeer,
They all loved their mum’s and wore a clean shirt.
@
From forthcoming book
‘ Bethnall and I ‘
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‘They looked arter their own. You could leave yer frant dowur unlocked…’
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Fuck off you filthy chavs…
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Oooh me Khyber Pass!
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I think that’s in tower hamlets…
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Proper cockney.
https://youtu.be/X_EBZPGeHxU?si=QhyV2gJ8KHZHMFs6
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“Shirley Shirley For crying out loud Shirley you can’t burn tyres here, it’s National Trust property, babe”
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Ah yes the true Mockney Cliche.
Dreams up a story that any cunt who’s had a vindaloo and a lobotomy could shart out fir the shock value to some wizened has-been on daytime telly.
Any publicity is good publicity,so said Max Clifford as he interfered with a teenager on the bonnet of his Bentley..
Cockley Wankers,from when Viz was still funny thirty years ago.
Telling Porky Pies?
Fuck off,Oven.
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His voice is repulsive. It’s like a human council estate.
Still, at least he’s not Scouse.
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Imagine his calorie intake Thomas!
All that pie and mash,
Treacle and watneys red barrel?
His next ‘motor’s a hearse.
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Isn’t this Mockney cunt now in that laughable Jilly Cooper shite on Disney Plus?
I believe that thermonuclear cunt David Tennant is in it too. Seriously, the ‘saucy’ mini series went out in the 80s, The sort of crap Richard Chamberlain used to be in. And one with Dyer and Tennant starring in it is just fucking ridiculous.
And, talking of Tennant, I bet the trans rimming woke tosspot is crying as I write about Kemi Badenoch getting the Tory leadrship.
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Mind you, that Rachel Ward or Phoebe Cates could have had me….
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Danny Dyer has always been a joke.
His claims that he was in the infamous West Ham hoolgan firm the ICF are pure comedy. He was no more ICF than Ray Winstone or Frank Bruno were. Celebrity bullshittters, of which Dyer is a gold medalist.
Dyer also has a lot to answer for. As he infilcted that illiterate chav skank, Dani Dyer on the worls. She makes Adele look like Emeline Pankhurst. And Adele is as thick as pig shit.
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NeverEnders is the biggest pile of shite on television.
Makes out it’s pushing the woke message (which is bad enough), But it’s always been the same old crap. Glamourising wife beaters and thugs. wannabe Krays, and crabs distributing slappers who wuz ‘waped’ by orrible Uncle Arry/Ernie/Archie. Kat Slater is the biggest slag in soap history.
And seeiing that blancmange Dyer squaring up to that other joke shop ‘hardman’ Phil Mitchell simply cannot be taken seriously. Fat old beerbellied cunts pretending to be ‘Ver Gav’nar’. Hilarious.
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‘Buy yerself samfin narse darn the market…’
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Oh fack!
Vat vindaloo’s playin avoc wiv me bottle ‘n’ glarse.
I was at Reggie’s funeral, E was a proper toff, guv’nor.
Gor bloimey! Lav a duck. Chim Chim Cheree Chimcheroo.
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OT from OT.
If Ten Hag had have taken just a few minutes studying United’s managerial history he’d have seen with his style of play he was destined to fail. Winning a cup guarantees nothing as his countryman Van Gaakl will testify. Shit football at United gets you the bullet.
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If I was a cockney chap I’d be a Pearlie king.
In for a penny?
In for a pound guv.
I’d eat me eels from a west ham cup.
An say cheeky comments to women passing by my market stall.
” AlWight babe?
Your old man still in the scrubs?
Awww, if you fancy a eel pop round my drum”
And give em a saucy wink like Sid James.
“Ows your old mum Shirl?
Couldn’t sew some buttons on me cap could she?
T,’riffic.”
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If you were a modern cockney you’d say there is only one god his name is Allan.
That and ‘I can’t wait until my sister turns six!’
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He IS a ringpiece.Send him to Unkle T’s special heater immediately.
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Oh heck it is Saturday. Come on everybody, let’s have a good old knees up;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ6w4UXvGQk
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‘e knew Ron an’ Reg you know so leave it aht!
Last time i was dahn the fahkin’ East End it looked like Bangalore.
You caant.
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Danny dyer was born 24th july 1977, ron & reg where captured 8th may 1968 and gaoled in 1969? the blokes an arse talking cunt.
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Dear me….🤮
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Peter Cook and Dudley Moores Derek and Clive on youtube was made for Dyer.
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A bit of northern wisdom for our chimchiminee friends in the East End…
Get some fackin gravy on it!!
Gravy solves all problems.
Fixes any meal,
Use it as a sex lube
Works on cuts , stings, grazes,
And is a natural antibiotic.
*Facts sourced from the Bisto company
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Evening MNC.
Do you also use gravy on the hinges of your country cream gate as a sort of all-natural Northumberland WD-40?
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Evening Thomas 👍
Yep.
If I’m aching from working I’ll also sprinkle a few gravy granules in the bath,
It soothes your muscles.
Natural bath salts.
And I smell delicious!
Dogs follow me and try and lick me…..
No I don’t.
Is the answer to your next question.
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Ps
Thomas, ever seen Danny with his tash?
Not as good as yours like,
But he tried.
https://images.app.goo.gl/7jpXM7RqwM3PUD889
Good eh?
Looks like Bob Carolgees.
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Indeed…credit where it’s due – that’s a pretty good ‘tache.
You’re also entirely correct about mine…it looks like it could support the Union Chain bridge!
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Off topic
Caramel Harris speaking on the campaign trail
Sounds and looks pissed out of her mind.
Can’t they see it?
I’d order her a taxi.
“Come on now luv.
Think you’ve had enough…”
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She’s useless
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I find it truly ahhhsome to contemplate the possibility that Americans might actually elect this talentless fraud into office.
Imagine having to listen to this asinine jackass for the next four years;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QJbuFMpnio
(back on topic) ‘Gor blimey lav ah flamin’ dack!’
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She isn’t chewing on peanut the squirrel, the deranged democrat cunt?
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Wouldn’t make an impression on Sesame Street, the scatty, daffy, piss performing muppet.
Embarrassing bint.
Miss piggy at least had motive and was very entertaining.
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Can’t see Kamala Knickerless doing it.
The daft bitch is aiming for the women and LGBTQ votes.
Every other speech is crawling to trannies, or justifying abortion.
Men – and especially white working men – are nothing to her.
And, because of this, I think scores of American working men will stop this tart getting the big one.
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Now this is a bit of Norman wisdom.
https://youtu.be/B0Mp4HC09S0?si=1t7K9Z8lgJJUoSee
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Can’t stand the cockney cunt, he has a face I would never tire of punching….
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It might actually improve its appearance
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His daughter is from the shallow end of the gene pool,
Dani Dyer. Imbecilic low rent nepo skank and footballers’ bean bag.
My old nana’s budgie had more brains and it also talked more sense
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He tried to buy me a pint onetime. Avin none of it, I replied
” Van Gough Dywer, I got one ear”
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You rude fucker Mecuntry.
Thought you Irish boys were more friendly.
He can’t help being a cockney.
It’s a condition he was born with.
Hey, ever heard the people of Labrador talk?
Sounds Irish!!!
No shit!
https://youtu.be/banAMiFK3ak?si=xu-s_EUr4rgVE79X
Canadians like, but sound Irish?
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Ps
Labrador the Canadian territory not the dog breed beloved by blind cunts
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Nice one Mis.
Freedom
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The only Dyer I have any time for is Dyer Maker.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rwy07azI8nc
For the drumming, if nowt else.
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My least favourite zeppelin tune☹️
What was they thinking?
Was reading the other day how Zeppelin were cunts to Jethro Tull were supporting them on a US tour.
Called them ‘Jethro Dull’.
😂
Anyway,
Let’s have some zeppelin
https://youtu.be/6XIQR4p30Wo?si=yI7SXfFxv-NiHBf0
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Zep were undeniably great. But they were cunts to a lot of people. Bonham could be a real cunt, a complete monster. And their ‘people’ Cole, Grant, Bindon etc were real bastards.
Worst Zep tune? A lot of ‘In Through The Out Door’ is shit.
I love ‘In The Evening’, but the rest of it? Nah.
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