If left by herself Mrs Cunter will take advantage and watch the crap that she likes on Casa Cunter’s Big Television.
Of course when I am around she is banished to the bedroom to watch her Emmerdale Enders and Coronation Farm on The Small Television.
That’s normal and the way things should be.
There are rare occasions when I will allow her to watch her late night shite on The Big Telly.
These are usually the American crime dramas and Criminal Minds is one of her favourites.
For those who have never seen it, the programme is about the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.
They catch serious criminals by predicting their behaviour.
I will outline the cast:-
The moody, tortured soul who is in charge. He has a broken marriage behind him.
His sidekick who started the unit in the first place and is like a kindly uncle to everyone else.
The tough, fit guy that the women in the team get moist about. Played by a black guy, obviously.
The floppy haired skinny boffin that talks really quickly because all intelligent people talk really quickly in America.
A couple of moderately pretty girls that despite being short and skinny can take on any knife wielding serial killer with their bare hands.
And the strangest one of all of them is a fat, wacky blonde who solves all of the crimes using her computer which has about a dozen screens.
Her name is García.
That’s where things get really stupid because this is how they ALWAYS catch the bad guys…….
“Hey Garcia. We are looking for a white guy in the 3 states area aged between 26 and 42 with a limp”.
(García taps away on her computer).
We have 2.196.
“He will have black hair, slightly balding”.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
867.
“He would have recently given up smoking”
Tap. Tap. Tap.
19.
“His shoe size is 10 and a half”
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Just the one! He used his credit card 5 minutes ago to buy bog roll.
I will send you his address and he will probably be on the shitter.
Absolute fucking nonsense and Mrs Cunter loves it.
The worrying thing is that she enjoys anything about murders and serial killers.
Perhaps she is looking for tips on how to get away with it herself.
Nominated by The Artful Cunter.
Don’t knock it, in Britain the description would be adult male..
We have 29 million.. can you narrow it down? Not yet..People are watching.
Unless the culprit is white then it would be inside leg measurement.
8
Also, zoom…a big, blocky piece of CCTV footage that looks it was shot on a flip phone 15 years ago.
Two taps on the keyboard (it’s never mouse clocks, is it? Always typing shit in like it’s on DOS) and it’s zoomed and enhanced to 4k from a 140p initial resolution.
10
I remember watching the first three or four ‘seasons’ of this, but then it started to get a bit ludicrous as these things can when they start to run out of ideas.
I think it’s on about its twentieth series or something. They really should learn when enough’s enough.
Afternoon all.
9
You should have stuck with it Ron, they only made 344 episodes.
(Fortunately, I`ve never heard of it, so couldn`t give a shit).
6
To be honest Sam my main interest was fantasising wicked things about the delicious Paget Brewster;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doc_yzYXrBA
They killed her character off, then brought her back again, ‘Dallas’ style… as you do.
Funny how none of the female agents in these things are ever a fifty-ish Kathy Bates type. They must all be made to retire when their boobs are no longer like a couple of super firm grapefruits.
4
Dear me Ron!
Paget has the worst, fucked up nose job that I have ever seen.
It must be so fucked that no other cosmetic surgeon dares to put it right.
It’s not like she hasn’t got the money to pay.
She could get pickles out of a jar with that shnoz.
3
To be honest Artful, My peepers never made it that far up
2
Incidentally TAC, if your missus or indeed any tight-lipped cunter wants any advice on, as you say, “how to get away with stuff”, I’ll be happy to help!
I’ve only ever been convicted of two crimes out of the myriad I’ve committed and that was when I was young and foolish and didn’t plan meticulously.
11
When you move to the U.S maybe the FBI will profile you Cunt Engine? Become required reading as they probe your despicable crimes.
11
What is your book about Thomas?
Genuinely interested.
4
Evening Harold.
It’s the completion of a historic work that was originally only about a third completed back during the French Revolution.
All written in delightfully playful and flowery French prose.
A well-read friend of mine read a few pages recently and was visibly shaken!
All I could get out of him (by way of constructive criticism) was that it was “terribly upsetting”.
Result!
5
If I add that it was first conceived and drafted whilst the original author was imprisoned in the Bastille, that might lead you towards the correct conclusion…
3
It will be a sequel to some madness by the Marquis De Sade..
who’s novels are highly….”confronting” as soppy cunts like to say these days.
3
Ho ho, yes indeed, UT!
4
I thought it was either going to be a manual on cough “herbalism” particularly red vein kratom or something to rival Clive Barker’s Hellraiser series.
Turns out I wasn’t that wide off the mark.
Going the self publishing route?
0
“We believe that the person we’re looking for is a sadistic narcissist “
Classic!
8
Any member of the Cabinet then?
10
Five USA is great, isn’tit? Dick Wolf and Donald P Bellisario have is all sewn up. Liv Benson is the best on the streets. We are all a lot safer with her around. Especially the tiny ones. And she’s hot too! The best episode was when she smashed some creepy guy’s legs with a metal bed post while he was handcuffed to it. Fucking excellent on every level.
NCIS used to be great when that Mossad girly was in it. Got a bit shit of late. Then there was CSI Miami, that was ace. As for Criminal Minds, I don’l really like it, too much chat, not enough mayhem.
6
Olivia Benson has now unfortunately turned into a man.
Her jaw line has become almost square and I can see a time in the future where she will grow an Adam’s apple.
She and her team have become increasingly woke, to the point where I no longer watch the series.
Another good idea for a programme that has gone down the woke shitter.
A few good ones from the past were Murder, Life on the Streets.
Despite having a black police captain who ludicrously was supposed to be Italian.
For a short while they had a series called Prime Suspect USA.
That was excellent and the girl that played the lead role gave me a lazy lob.
3
Correction……
Homicide, Life on the Streets (fucking Yank talk).
Do you remember when Elliott in SVU was teamed up with a girl detective called Danni?
I can’t be bothered to look up her real name but she was well shagable.
They must have got rid of her as she was too much competition for the transitioning Benson.
3
Do you mean Dana?
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/56/Marcia_Gay_Harden%2C_Frozen_premiere%2C_2013.jpg/793px-Marcia_Gay_Harden%2C_Frozen_premiere%2C_2013.jpg
0
No…..
Connie Nielson.
She was also in Gladiator.
https://lawandorder.fandom.com/wiki/Connie_Nielsen
0
Used to watch N.C.I.S. Until Gibbs was no longer Gibbs and the blonde bird left. Lost interest in it after that.
Criminal minds started off ok but that has fallen away too
2
Ship these Mystic Meg septics over to “smash the criminal people smuggling gangs”.
They’ll have it sorted by Christmas.
10
If I may make a recommendation, either ‘The Shield’ or ‘The Mentalist’ are the best police action dramas I’ve ever watched.
Both are exemplary.
‘The Rookie’ is also reasonably good, but much more light-hearted.
5
Agreed ‘The Shield’ is excellent, if only we could clone Vic Mackey. Never watched ‘The Wire’ despite it being billed as the ‘best cop show ever’, might give it a go even though Idris Elba stars.
4
The wire is superb, also try justified, a show about US marshals in Kentucky..
Coolest show ever..
5
Watched all 4 series of the wire, it’s gritty and the N word is used every 2 minutes along with mother fucker.
Made me chuckle when all the Hezbollah cunts were blown up by pagers, the pager was the tool of the drug gangs in the wire.
4
Imagine “The Bill” reimagined for a Ge Z audience, LL…
Burnside mincing alongside a pride parade, full uniform (even though he’s a DCI) with eye shadow and lippy.
Jim Carver marching with Extinction Rebellion and wall to wall pakıs and nıg-nọgs in positions of power.
10
The Wire ran 5 seasons, S.o.i. .. the fifth being fairly poor by comparison to the earlier ones.
TTCE I liked the stoic Cho character in Mentalist, the rest of the cops in that wouldn’t last pissing time against Shield’s Strike Team. tho but.
Shields 3rd season episode with the captain’s safe break-in is the only show or film I’ve *ever* seen that actually got my heart thumping while watching it …
4
Yes you are right cuntem, I agree 5 was a bit of a letdown
2
I am currently watching the Day of the Jackal on Netflix, it’s fast moving but absolutely ruined by the casting of a sheboon as the Jackals nemesis and the ridiculous way she pursues the Jackal in European countries.
OK they have moved away from the book and the targets but it looks like they were determined to put a fat arsed sheboon front and centre and make the whole thing unbelievable.
British intelligence identifying the suspect is one thing but the capabilities to initiate raids in east European countries at the drop of the hat, with sheboon leading the charge, don’t make me laugh
The Christmas ‘movie’ with a snowman coming alive is more believable
5
Indeed sir.
The parts with the Jackal are quite good and the added filler of the tarbaby family side story is the usual woke shite.
The whole thing could be edited down to a 4 part mini series that would be most enjoyable.
Just remove the nogs,job done.
9
The original with Edward Fox was a master class in slow burn tension. Then came the joke re-make with Bruce Willis and Richard Gere; absolutely great if you want to see just how bad a reboot can actually be.
I’ve only seen the trailer for the Redmayne version. He looks like a death mask, and yep, it was inevitable that his opponent would be a black ‘Mary Sue’. The trailer’s as far as I’ll be going.
7
Missus Miserable loves this tripe too.
CSI Miami
Alias
Criminal minds
Yank rubbish.
I refuse to watch it.
There’s one with this odd looking cunt with a massive head.
Like frank side bottom or something.
Big fuck off whopper head.
No way a police force would have him onboard.
Too easy a target in a shootout.
They’d have to use a hot tub as a helmet for him.
Anyway I like Rust valley Restorers and Our Yorkshire farm better.
7
He’s probably one of those who used to suffer with water on the brain sat in wheelchairs years ago, Mis. I’d spot them in the High Street being pushed around in the 50s, with their heads lolloping about.
3
Head loloping around lol
Fucking snipers nightmare.
1
I can sniff out utter shite without you even describing this codswallop.
5
Nobody seems to remember the absolutely excellent Gangster Chronicles.
Well, it was a mini series from 1981 and as far as I know, never repeated.
The cast were brilliant and it was based on historic fact.
https://www.filmaffinity.com/en/film330036.html
3
The best cop series was the sweeny every episode had regan and carter drinking bottles of scotch chain smoking and shagging common east end spunkers total class
15
Hi Vas vic
The lads even came out with Cockney Rhyming slang, to prevent the yanks from understanding them.
8
The reboot film version with Ray Winstone as Regan was even better.
He’s diddling Hayley Atwell; it’s one of the most realistic scenarios I’ve ever seen;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3aVMAyzr2w
2
I’d ‘play’ with Hayley Atwell until I had no energy left. Sweet JC of Nazareth, What a pair of honkers.
Winstone’s Sweeney was reeking fly strewn dog dirt.
The original – from the Pilot, Regan – to Jack’s last rant against the police force who turned against him, was the bee’s knees from start to finish.
5
I think we’d all diddle Hayley Atwell given half a chance eh Ron?
0
Its that time of year again, I go walking on the deserted seafront, but have to suffer the few minutes getting there and unable to avoid this shite being watched by neighbour’s leaving their curtains open, showing off large screen TV sets with this rubbish flickering away. I can tell if its entertainment for the lowest common denominator is on show, due to subliminal scenes being shown to capture their attention. Not long now before I can settle down and enjoy the stillness of silence and tranquility.
6
If they made a cop show about the metropolitan police, it would be the end credits by the time everyone had indicated their preferred pronouns.
Maybe just enough time to show them grovelling to BLM and fleeing when the pavement apes get antsy..
9
Great cunting !
I’d add that when in team discussions or for that matter when dealing with local bumbling cops, they ALWAYS talk in perfect sequence cutting from one to another in perfect harmony.
Utter bollocks.
That said I quite like it!
0
The stupid yanks call Series of things Seasons and we all know there are only 4 of them. 3 for the yanks due to not having an Autumn. Confusing cunts. They fuck everything up.
7
TV, a wonderful WHITE MANS invention.
A first class educational tool. ( When kept away from politico’s).
Totally squandered and ruined by pandering to the lowest section of society….!
12
I have now finally watched all of the F.B.I. Files on at the latest, – Pluto T.V. It’s took me some 30 odd years though, to achieve my objective, having not written each individual episode down after I saw it! But at least all the stories did actually happen. Of course when the F.B.I. eventually gets involved, you can see between the lines, what these stories are all about, & how they deal with it. However I can’t do fiction. When it comes to crime, there is plenty of real stuff out there.
3
Quincy M.E. that was shite.
My Nan loved it.
Every episode would start with him examining the latest body they wheeled and declaring that they were “moy-duhd” then he’d get riled up and have some argument with the LAPD chief.
Then he’d go off and investigate on his own and solve the crime.
4
Yeh, always behaved as though he had a bad case of piles that were giving him gyp and making him angry…..lots of finger jabbing too.
Columbo never lost his rag like that.
4
Quincy was a miserable old cunt.
And stuck his nose into police cases.
” Let me through I’m a pathologist”…
Yeah, pathological nosey cunt.
4
Colombo conducted himself in a exemplary way.
A lesson to all of us.
I love that little guy.
2
oh just one more thing
It was the dirty raincoat/flasher mac that was the appeal wasn’t it MNC?
1
Jack Klugman was a fine actor though.
He was great in several Twilight Zone episodes and also in the Odd Couple TV series.
Quincy ME was arse though, I agree.
4
O/T… Will the truth come out…?
https://youtu.be/skcpxPodL7I?si=354Ha51P8ospvMFU
11
I hope so, Doc.
4
It is indeed shite, Artful.
I also hate all that CSI bollocks.
And fuck knows what 1970s Who classics have to do with it.
Townshend is a cunt for selling their legacy to promote this crap.
Seen one of these crime shows. seen ’em all.
I loved the old US cop shows. Kojak, Columbo, Starksy and Hutch. Just goodies chasing the baddies. None of this convoluted pretentious forensic crap. Viz did a comic strip called CSI:Bollocks. Because that’s what it is.
My favorites, of course, are the classic British ones. The Sweeney, The Professionals, Target, Callan, Special Branch. Dempsey and Makepeace.
7
And that Killing Eve was steaming shite of the highest order.
Pretentious lezza laced crap. Glamourising murderers, like most of these modern crime dramas do, I also loathe those sort of shows. Things like Killing Eve, The Fall and Hannibal. That portray killers like they are handosme intellectuals and culture vultures. Hannibal Lecter is portrayed as some sort of nietzschean superman, who likes fine wine and classical music. What a load of crap. Killers – real killers – aren’t like these TV and film anti-heroes. They are horrible ugly little cunts like Peter Sutcliffe and Ted Bundy. Sad little men with horrible haircuts and mummy issues.
9
Yeah, little puddled cunts giggling in a bedroom full of litter,
Planning the unspeakable.
Them sort should hang.
Life imprisonment isn’t a fitting punishment.
6
It’s the gun play that makes me piss myself, fucking unreal, every team member would win gold in Olympic rapid fire. Not only that but they are often banging away in some small bare room and suffer no loss of hearing even temporarily, years ago if we had a new club member shooting for the first time we always made sure that they were not next to someone shooting a 9mm as our range made the 9mm noise very disagreeable. There again one new member was next to one of our nutters who was shooting a .454 Casual or some name like that. I honestly thought the poor bastard had shit himself the muzzle blast was like having your face slapped and the bang made a factory load .44 magnum round sound like a damp firework. Oh happy were those days.
4
OT. A mate of mine has just sent me a photie of this young lady. She’s called Zienna Sone apparently. And it’s all real, I’ve been told.
Sodding Hell… Good job I had my blood pressure meds at the unit yesterday.
https://iv1.lisimg.com/image/27476408/740full-zienna-eve.jpg
4
Luscious indeed Norman.
But what’s with the weird rib cage?
A chap could play xylophone on it with his semi.
4
I noticed that too, Tom.
She could do with a fry up or two.
Still would, mind…
3
Another one. Looks healthier in this one.
https://www.threads.net/@gentlemanlymeans/post/C77mrKIvW3A/zienna-sonne
1
It seems Doddery Joe has decided in an entirely predictable “Democrat” reaction to his party being told to fuck right off to allow those cunts in Ukraine to use short range U.S missiles to strike targets inside Russian territory for the first time..
Perhaps we’ll get a modern glowing Cuban Missile Crisis for Christmas thanks to that vindictive cunt.
Fuck the lot of them.
5
That Robert F Kennedy Jr. is a weirdo isn’t he?
Coke (not the drink) and smack addict for 15 years. Failed the bar exam at least once.
Ate some raw meat that contained a parasitic worm that he claims ate part of his brain.
Sexual deviant.
Like a character out of that Sunset Beach ‘Murican soap opera from back in the 90s
Almost makes Hunter Biden seem like Godfrey from Dad’s Army.
3
Law and Order Special Victims Unit … where the crimes (of a sexual nature) are so “heinous” , pronounced “haynus” geddit hehe ,that they require a special unit to solve them.
Can’t take them seriously. Imagine Ice-T of all people comforting a deeply traumatised pre teen rape victim.
Mind you, better than that Jayne mansfield’s son trying to encourage false memory syndromes.
1
No fucking idea.
2
The ‘re-imagined’ versions of The Equalizer are cack.
The Denzel Washingcunt films are bad enough.
But the Queen Latifah one, where the Equalizer is a back lesbo?
Shite of the highest order.
The original was ace though. A sort of Callan Mk II.
2
But the Queen Latifah one, where the Equalizer is a black lesbo?
Shite of the highest order.
1