If left by herself Mrs Cunter will take advantage and watch the crap that she likes on Casa Cunter’s Big Television.

Of course when I am around she is banished to the bedroom to watch her Emmerdale Enders and Coronation Farm on The Small Television.

That’s normal and the way things should be.

There are rare occasions when I will allow her to watch her late night shite on The Big Telly.

These are usually the American crime dramas and Criminal Minds is one of her favourites.

For those who have never seen it, the programme is about the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.
They catch serious criminals by predicting their behaviour.

I will outline the cast:-

The moody, tortured soul who is in charge. He has a broken marriage behind him.
His sidekick who started the unit in the first place and is like a kindly uncle to everyone else.
The tough, fit guy that the women in the team get moist about. Played by a black guy, obviously.
The floppy haired skinny boffin that talks really quickly because all intelligent people talk really quickly in America.
A couple of moderately pretty girls that despite being short and skinny can take on any knife wielding serial killer with their bare hands.

And the strangest one of all of them is a fat, wacky blonde who solves all of the crimes using her computer which has about a dozen screens.
Her name is García.

That’s where things get really stupid because this is how they ALWAYS catch the bad guys…….

“Hey Garcia. We are looking for a white guy in the 3 states area aged between 26 and 42 with a limp”.

(García taps away on her computer).
We have 2.196.

“He will have black hair, slightly balding”.

Tap. Tap. Tap.
867.

“He would have recently given up smoking”

Tap. Tap. Tap.
19.

“His shoe size is 10 and a half”

Tap. Tap. Tap.
Just the one! He used his credit card 5 minutes ago to buy bog roll.
I will send you his address and he will probably be on the shitter.

Absolute fucking nonsense and Mrs Cunter loves it.
The worrying thing is that she enjoys anything about murders and serial killers.

Perhaps she is looking for tips on how to get away with it herself.

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Nominated by The Artful Cunter.