are cunts.
Now, there are millions of sites on the interweb extolling the virtues of this 360 million-plus year old species.
They are survivors.
Thing is, I just don`t fucking like the armour-plated segmented little twats.
If you turn flip one over onto its back, they have a translucent undercarriage with nasty little squirming legs. The stuff of nightmares.
Next week … “foreign wasps”.
Cunts.
Nominated by Sam Beau.
Some have them in their heads, hence the noggin of wood.
7
My mate lived a hedonistic lifestyle and would bang anybody.
He realised he had to change his ways when he was banging some bird in a tent at a festival one time, and noticed pubic lice in her eyebrows.
17
But did he do a mastermind, “I’ve started so I’ll finish?”
8
We have some super spiders round here, big as golf balls and I swear they can run at 30mph. They feast on woodlice. When they detect one nearby they run over, stick their jaws in it’s back, lift it off the ground and carry it bodily away.
10
Dysdera is the spider species which eats woodlice. Nasty looking fuckers.
3
Aye the sort of thing you’ll find squirming and scuttling about when you turn over a stone…the “Labour” Party Front Bench then.
Good morning.
29
I wouldn’t want to be one sheltering in Angie’s dark damp patch though, or trying to get itself comfortable in Kweer’s nut sack.
8
His bollocks would probably squash the poor little bleeder flat.
7
I didn’t think the cunt had any?
14
A woodlice is reminiscent of Rachel Reeves hairdo as well.
11
When I see grovelling little shits like Lammy, Reynolds, Streeting and Mandy the unflushable turd, it always reminds me of lifting a paving stone in the garden and seeing all the slugs crawling around. There are so many of them amongst Keir’s kweers it must be a very large paving stone.
14
Genuine question Boggs but what do you have against the guys? So long as it’s two consenting adults it shouldn’t really matter imo.
4
It’x the general demeanour, Angry Cunt, the holier-than thou, preachy self righteousness of so many of them – the superiority, the wish to let everyone know what they are, and how “proud” they are of it, how they “suffer” though for the past few years they haven’t suffered at all.
Also the love some of them have for effemanancy .drag and the limp wristed entitlement.
If they behave in a masculine way, that is different. In the RN you got both types – the ones who were discreet and caused no trouble, and the screaming queens. It was really off-putting with the latter sort.
29
I absolutely agree about the self-righteousness. Thankfully though that seems to be a minority – albeit a vocal one.
9
I would throw in the fact reliable statistics show that along with folks who inject themselves with class A drugs they are by a large margin the main repository in the general population of a number of fairly nasty infections. I suspect in pre-woke days centuries ago, the appreciation of this fact is why laws forbad homosexual acts between men and why there weren’t equivalent laws applied to lesbians.
17
Woodlice are a real problem in the Houses of Parliament. They get absolutely everywhere. The Whip’s Office, the Table Office, the Terrace Bar, the Select Committee Rooms (yes, including The Moses Room), the lobbies are absolutely infested. Only the Strangers Gallery seems unaffected. The House of Lords is in an even worse state. Stamp out one lot and another lot appears. It has long past being a joke. High time we bought in pest control.
Good morning, everyone.
14
Well there is plenty of ‘dead wood’ in parliament, & certainly the House of Lords.
10
Crustaceans, aren’t they?
And they stink of ammonia.
I can’t say I’m particularly enamoured of the little sods, but at least they’re not illegal immigrants who smell a lot worse.
18
It’s quite concerning that they’re crustaceans because so too are things like prawns, shrimp, crab and lobsters which are not only edible but quite yummy. When minced woodlice burger patties come on the market, I will however be giving them a wide berth.
9
I already suspect that woodlice and other bugs are in our food ingredients. Anybody else noticed that white bread tastes very sweet now? I’ve not been able to eat it for well over a year now. Even the ‘freshly’ baked bread from stores taste’s overly sweet. I read somewhere that bugs will be labelled as protein on packaging so we won’t fucking know if we are eating them🤮
9
Actually Jill, I think that’s a lot to do with age. I find that I can’t eat more than 2 half sized slices of bread a day, without feeling seriously bloated.
I think its late onset gluten intolerance, that’s not a joke. I think as we age we become less able to cope with things we would have normally eaten with gusto.
4
They are indeed related to prawns.
Effectively making prawns sea woodlice.
8
Crushed Asians? Yes please, lots of them.
2
Proof that the planet is not doomed due to “climate change/catastrophe/emergency/boiling (delete as appropriate)”. Life will continue whatever. I once worked at a refinery – steam, oil filled pools, etc.. But I have never seen so much wildlife in one place. Migratory birds at the jetties. Undisturbed by man. Even in the oil filled pools, rushes were growing and naturally cleaning the water .
On the other hand, windmills killing birds and bats, solar panels taking the sun’s warmth from the soil, and who has ever considered the impact of the windmills taking the energy out of the wind – every action has a consequence. Wetter summers as the wind patterns get upset?
17
That dozy cunt Milliband now wants to flood most of Jockland to create hydroelectric dams.
Promising whoever builds them more of our money, so they can charge us more for electricity.
The labour government are the most clueless bunch of cunts I have ever encountered…and I work in construction.
18
He’s an arse
7
A strong candidate for cunt of the year.
6
The round variety made for excellent pee shooter ammo, during primary school attendance.
6
we called them Pea bugs back when I was young.
i don’t have any issues with them.
14
There’s about a million of ’em in our compost bins, chomping away, turning all the grass and leaves into beautiful compo.
I don’t mind them at all, they actually perform a useful function. They’re not a pestilential nuisance like slugs and snails. Now they really are cunts. And as for those flying bastards wasps…
Morning all.
17
Morning Ron,
According to you, compos is simply woodlice shit.
11
He’s right Sammy!
They break stuff down.
My compost bin is full of woodlice and worms.
Like a Chinese buffet
10
Hi Mis,
Hence the talking of shit we spew out on a regular basis.
7
Well said, Ron.
Woodlice are great!
Especially in comparison to Human Beings.
But they’re not “animals” as the RHS would have us believe.
They are crustaceans.
The RHS are a bunch of ignorant cunts.
Fuck them.
11
I dunno Mingey. I think technically they are. They’re not plants or viruses or minerals. Not all animals are mammals or fish.
8
Fair do’s Arfur. 👍
6
They’re fine outside, doing their job, I just don’t want them inside the house. My landlord thinks it is fine for them to be crawling over my bed, kitchen counter and basically every room in this place. Can’t wait to move. Good luck to him finding someone else to rent this place. Cunt wants to put the rent up as well.
6
Oh yuck!
Can you get WD40 where you are?
1
Our political masters will probably require us to eat these so we can save the planet. You first Keir and Rachel.
8
Get to Bradford, you’ll suddenly see the good side of woodlice.
13
We have big ones out here, look like armadillos
10
For me, it’s spiders and this is the time of year they come indoors to mate, which raises so many questions.
How do they get in?
How do they know they will find a mate?
What do they eat, it’s not as if they use your kitchen to knock up a curry, is it?
Do they fart?
So many puzzling questions.
10
JP @
Your days are numbered.
Sooner or later one of these horny spiders will lose control,
Pin you down and take you by force.
You need a rape alarm or carry some dead flies as a bribe.
10
Morning Mis, have you thought about veg for next year in the allotment? I don’t grow any myself but know a few people who do and plenty of bugs and pests around to undo all the hard work. We will be expecting noms on weevils and slugs next growing season.
5
I’ve got plans to grow cabbage , potatoes and sweetcorn next year LL.
Plus lots of soft fruit.
Oh yes I’ll be putting up gardening noms in the coming months,
And a how to guide to sabotage rivals at the county show.
7
Grow Jerusalem Artichokes Mis.
Very productive tubers, which make a great soup, and you get the added bonus of uncontrolable farting.
Such fun!
8
According to Monty Don MNC you can plant cabbage seeds now for early crops in the spring. I read it somewhere the other day. Or it might have been Alan Titchmarsh, anyway that was one of their suggestions for this week.
4
When you grow some spuds MNC invite Barry “the ‘tater hater” around to sample them.
2
Kill Lice, mice, Spiders, flies, wasps, hornets, pigeons, fucking annoying bastard pests.
7
Can’t agree about spiders Every. I lke spiders. So does our cat. He eats ’em.
7
Dexter has presented me with a dead spider every day this week, arfur.
He doesn’t eat them, I think they’re a bit on the dry side, but he does love a juicy blue bottle, and I have to move like lightning if a wasp or bee gets indoors!
Dex, sky raisens – 👍
Flying jalapeños – 🔥
2
Our old missed cat Honey really didn’t like wasps, buzz buzz round her on the lawn one insanely fast swat wasp speared on a single claw and thrown off dead in the single movement.
5
Sounds like my kind of cat, Chris.
2
pakis?
8
Nuking Pakistan, Iran and the other muslim shitholes would be the ultimate in pest control.
12
I can honestly say I’ve never met an Iranian I didn’t like.
Good guys, like a drink, have eyes of proper killers, hard workers too, don’t take the piss out of our system.
But then, That will be why they have escaped, they are the ones who didn’t fit in back home.
7
You can catch woodlice by sitting on dirty furniture .
I know a woman who fell asleep in a timber yard Sam Beau,
An the woodlice got her!
Climbed in her open mouth and in her ears.
Laid eggs in her brain.
Two months later she sneezed and hundreds of baby woodlice came down her nose.
True story.
You should always sleep in a crash helmet so this doesn’t happen to you.
7
Woodlice are vegans.
They live off rotting plants fungi and eat their own faeces.
Yum.
4
Ps
If you bump into one in Holland and Barrett and say
“Eat shit”
He won’t be offended.
Hell probably take your advice.
10
Hi Mis,
I’d better watch out, with my rheumatoid arthritis I can’t clean up. I was bitten to fuck in the summer by midges and now I’ll have to watch out from the woodlice. Thinking of sleeping in a coffin where the woodlice may think is sacred and leave me alone.
7
Pennysows they’re called in Pembrokeshire, and I’ve never really worried about them, I am really quite ambivalent to there existence
10
Their males have two pen-like sex organs that are actually the mutated last pair of hind legs, so when copulating, they are sort of double-fisting their mates. Naughty little cunts indeed.
7
Depraved little bastards!
No wonder they’re crosseyed
7
LCE@. Such depravity !
Are they from the same gene pool as Cunt Engine ?
Good afternoon 👍
8
I’m glad to see that other people loathe these things. They’re just miniature cockroaches.
6
Slightly off topic, but Koala bears are right little cunts. Look all cute and cuddly but are complete bastards. If the fancy a mating session, they just do it – the female doesn’t get a choice.
7
It’s not like the female of the species can’t see it coming though.
They’re stoned off their tits on eucalyptus leaves all the time.
A rapist Koala takes several hours to chase down his intended victim with all the speed and agility of a discharged milk float.
9
Deadliest female creature known to man?
The Megain Mantis.
What else?
6
I don’t like the look of them, but apparently they’re good for the garden.
But Silverfish, creepy, fast little buggers, what good are they?
8
I’m not a hater when it comes to woodlice.
Or spiders .
I can coexist with them.
Rats on the other hand are utter scum and I’m happy to kill the dirty bastards with poison, smoke, trap , gun or dog.
There should be a bounty on them.im all for a final solution for rats.
8
Talking about the final solution for rats Mis, a chap down our allotments got fed up with the moles, so he connected a hose to the exhaust of his petrol mower and fed it down the mole run.
Don’t know if it worked, but I found it amusing. 😃
6
Same as the dinghy riders.A pest.Flamethrower them 🔥🔥🔥
9
Just like those bluebottle cunts, WD40 does the trick with woodlice.
The results of a spraying can be quite spectacular. Spazzing about like Joe Cocker throwing an eppy.
4
Woodlice (slaters) are harmless enough.
It’s the midgies that drive me mental.
And earwigs, they defy all mesh and zips and manage to make it inside tent no matter how careful you are.
3
The lovely little cunts eat purifying wood, bet Milli fucking bands head is full of them.
4
It is 😁
1
Not woodlice they are called chessybugs.
0