is a cunt.
To follow the excellent nom by The Artful Cunter on the Addictive Use Of Mobile Phones, allow me to introduce you to Sleep Texting.
Although this hasn’t been fully studied ( no-ones coughed up a grant, yet ), it’s thought that this is along the lines of sleep walking.
It was the Lass that clued me into this, she showed me some ” sleep texts”.
Google ( or whatever Search engine you use) ‘sleep text examples’.
It just proves to me that some people are so obsessed, they can’t even switch off when asleep. How sad.
Nominated by Jeezum Priest.
Surprised Huw Edwards didn’t use this in his defence.
13
Would this hold up as a excuse in court?
Would I get all charges dropped if I texted
” You big fat dollop of shite”
To Di Abbott?
Or
” You look like your riddled with AIDs ”
To Bruce Springsteen.
My solicitor wants to know
15
MNC I will certainly use it as my defence when I sleep text Liza Nandy that I want to grope her big tits, and bite those nipples big as acorns and put her across my knee and give her a spanking while she sucks my dick, afterwards giving her the “love dungeon” treatment. She needs the spanking for being a Labourite. She needs moral guidance, and I am going to give it to her, hot and strong. And the moral guidance.
I don’t remember doing it, Judge. I was home in bed asleep at the time.
12
😂 hehehe
6
Sleepwalking or other related occurrences usually do not stand up as a defence in court.
So whatever you do, don’t go sleep texting the entire Labour cabinet and letting them know how they are all going out Ceausescu style, before their bodies are displayed hanging from lamp posts on Westminster bridge for kids to throw rotten produce at.
Unless by that time the entire country resembles something out of Children of men. In which case it really won’t matter anyway.
13
You are right to a degree, Odin.
https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2012/mar/29/sleepwalk-rapist-jailed
This charmer tried to use it as a defence against a rape charge. When that didn’t work he admitted the offense but claimed he was insane at the time.
He got six years.
However, more recently, the CPS declined to proceed with another rape allegation on the grounds that the young woman was suffering from a condition known as ‘sexsomnia’, where she appeared to be awake and consenting.
Swings and roundabouts, eh?
5
JP@
I like going to the park , but it’s swings and roundabouts isn’t it?
😁
4
Daft bugger!
Are you well?
2
Ticketyboo thanks pal👍
2
Often gibberish, yep that describes the shit most people write on social media.
People who sleepwalk do all sorts of things, sending a text is just a one of many.
I had an experience of sleep walking when I was a teenager (before MIS insinuates is was something kinky it definitely was not 😂) knew nothing about it until my mother told me the next day.
8
As a teen I fell asleep one night reading The Dogs of War. Mother spotted light still on under the door and crept in to my room to turn it off. Half woke me, and I then & there sat up and confessed to being part of an upcoming coup in an African state, full details spilled on how ‘we’ (me & my mercenary mates, presumably)were getting the supplies, weapons etc. into the country, with all the meticulous detail of Forsyth novel…
She never grassed me up to the cops or intetpol or anything, though, fair dues to her …
8
It’s a good job I wasn’t reading The Day of the Jackal or I’d have been telling her I was off to assassinate the French president on Bastille Day by dressing as a wounded veteran and obtaining a custom rifle(that I’d commissioned) assimilated into a crutch.
Or The Fourth Protocol .. “Well, mother, tomorrow I set out to co-ordinate the clandestine importation by 12 couriers into Britain of the 12 components of a sofa-sized nuclear bomb, in the name of Communism. I doubt I shall be returning. Give father my regards” …
2
I quote from the link: “Often these messages are nonsensical or gibberish phrases that people have little to no memory of typing or sending.”
That`s about 99.99999% of texts sent by gen-Z, isn`t it?
National Service will sort that lot out. Some sort of Youth Program perhaps and a formal salute? … Just a thought.
Danke, meine kleinen Würstchen!
🌭
15
Me too Sicky.
While fast asleep I got the ladders out of the garage,
Went next door, climbed the ladders and pulled down my pyjamas at the window.
Its a misunderstood condition.
9
At what point did you wake up, in the back of the police car 😂
3
Mis, you appear have rather too many ‘misunderstood conditions’.
7
Sleep texting is definitely a thing. It is done by AIs who invade your technology at night. A bit like sleepers used to be activated by the KGB during the cold war, only this time they do not kill you. Instead, they spread alarm and despondency, causing you to doubt your gender, worry about climate change, love the NHS, and believe in covids and the BBC. It is state of the art shit, it will fuck you up. Be afraid, don’t go to sleep, have a ‘go bag’ by the sofa…
Good morning, everyone.
10
This use of a phone is fuck all compared to the sleep walkers who also drive a car whilst asleep. The shite people send from their phones whilst awake is enough to send anyone into a deep sleep.
8
They may or may not be texting, but I have seen many drivers especially up & down motorways, on their phone, that appear to be asleep.
7
Sadly, far too few of these cunts end up under the wheels of large lorries or flat, and very red, against a bridge support.
4
Ever heard the urban myth?
“Never wake a sleep walker.
It’s dangerous!
If you wake them they can go into shock and drop dead on the spot”
Nonsense like.
If you have a sleepwalker pull their pants down and gently guide them out the front door.
Maybe put a sign around their neck
‘BUM ME’
10
Particularly amusing if you live in Brighton.
8
Hi Mis,
This partly reminded me of an occasion in a railway carriage, when a gang of us football fans were arriving back from a game and one of our friends had fallen asleep and couldn’t be woken, so we played a live trick on him by taking out his todger and placed it in his hand, then spat all lover it, to make him think he had been sleep wanking. He woke all embarrassed putting his knob away. I don’t know what the gentleman sat opposite who was tucked into his newspaper thought about all this.
11
Morning Sammy!
Great stuff 👍
I approve of pranking the sleeping/unconscious/ comatose.
Wed regularly shave people’s eyebrows off at parties when younger.
Write on them with permanent marker etc.
Stuff memories are made of!
5
Hi Mis,
When you do the shaving of the eyebrows, you could also draw on the complete Groucho Max. That would’ve been a great laugh.
3
I think I once pissed in the sideboard after alewalking home from the pub.
It was before some cunt invented mobile telephones anyway.
Good morning.
9
Terry@
My mates dad used come home bladdered,
Kick my mate out of bed,
Get in his bed
Then promptly piss the bed 😂
.
10
I hope after ruining the son’s slumber the dad went to his own bed for a lovely kip..
Ace.
8
No shit….. I have had 2 out of body experiences.
No, I was not pissed or stoned.
Fucking wierd.
7
Artie@
There used to be this hippy bloke I knew into ‘Astral travel ‘
He said he could leave his body and float about.
Always going on about some Tibetan monk called Lobsang Rampa.
And his third eye.
His guru.
Turned out Lobsang Rampa was really a plumber from Devon called Cyril
Hehehe 😂
He was heartbroken
6
I have read about Astral Travel and I think that it’s a load of bollocks.
I don’t think that anyone can just just make themselves leave their own bodies and float around wherever they want to go.
That would put Thomas Cook straight out of business.
For me it just happelned, obviously unexpectedly.
It’s fucking scary.
10
I’ve heard of people undergoing major surgery having out of the body experience,
I don’t doubt you, I know you are a level headed chap.
Not something I wish to experience sounds scary
7
it’s called Astral projection.
Usually involves deep meditation.
Takes years of practice.
or a decent hit of DMT.
2
People seem to vote when asleep so why not text?
What a load of bollocks. Almost as believable as British Leyland staff doing any work on night shift, never happened.
9
True Sixdog, but they weren’t idle, they were busy thieving. I’m talking of the late(?) Longbridge plant here, once the biggest factory in the UK. There was a railway line at the back of the plant and stuff used to be carried across the line between trains. There was a manned signal box there and the man in that box got a share in the proceeds.
7
Nomophobia.
Yet another hangup in an angst ridden world.
Morning all.
8
Fucking shit Ron.
“nomophobia”, a disorder that experts have described as the disease of the 21st century.
There are experts on this nonsense and it’s not just an irrational fear, it’s a disease.
Something that you can catch?
Idiots.
8
Was it Princess Diana who said you could catch AIDS by touching anything a Gay had touched?
That’s when there were proper diseases you see.
6
It was.
She famously refused to sit on a chair that Kenny Everett had sat on.
And once told bucktooth sodomite Freddy Mercury he’d burn in hell
6
I believe her exact words were “bum in hell.”
😂
7
Babies will be born with mobile-phone attached. Expectant mothers will be able to contact their child and ask if they are ready to come out.
8
O/T, I hope all you rich non working cunts are bracing yourselves….!
https://bmmagazine.co.uk/news/youre-not-working-people-keir-starmer-tells-landlords-shareholders-as-pm-draws-battle-lines-signalling-major-tax-hikes-in-budget/
8
He should know since his dad (he was a toolmaker you know) left him land in Surrey, which Kweer sold but “forgot” to mention in the directory of Members interests.
5
This worries me, there are 10 million pensioners, who are ‘not workers’ by this cunts definition, who have already been ‘fined’ £200/300 pa for the sin of being old.
Or should that figure be 10 million plus however many inhabit that rat run known as the HoC?
4
Surely this could be in the same category as drunk texting, come on now we’ve all done it ………havent we?.😱
4
Erm, yes.
2
What about sleep cooking, motorcycle maintenance, gardening? With the help of my crisis team I am working on sleep murder. Fucking crock of shite, sleep wanking is something I could believe but that’s about it.
1