DIY haircuts ( just don’t)
Like this chap, I bought hairclippers during lock down, because I was fed up of looking like a Wookie, and the eyebrows!
I got Elder to do the biz ( or buzz, if you prefer)
Now, I’m a bit tight-fisted, I am from Yorkshire after all, so I’ve never gone back to the Speedy Barber, relying on Elder to buzz the nut. However, she’s busy atm, so I decided to DIY. Bad mistake.
I’d run the clippers over, all looked well. Took the guide off and cleaned the clippers, ready to tidy up the neck hair, round the ears, sideburns.
Grabbed the vacuum to clear up the clippings before the dog ate them ( yes, he’s that stupid), realised that I’d missed a couple of spots at the back, grabbed the clippers and…
Yes, you’ve guessed, Grant Mitchelled a couple of tramlines into the back of my head.
Absolutely mortified, I looked a right cunt, I did the only thing possible, which was…..
Let me tell you, wearing a beanie hat is very uncomfortable, on warm days.
So, fellow Cunters (Don’t) DIY, when it comes to haircuts, unless you favour the billiard ball look.
Nominated by : Jeezum Priest
I’ve been cutting my own hair for nearly 40 years. Still a number 2 or 3 all over isn’t a hard task.
15
True, Every, as long as you keep the guide on!
6
No guard, total buzz cut.
Women like baldies, with the right shaped head.
Sign of high testosterone apparently.
3
Tis true Termujin and jealous husbands can’t grab your hair when you get in a scrap for banging their missus!
0
Do they have hairdressing colleges anymore where students can practice on you and you get it cut for free? I know they are still learning but at least they will be supervised…sort of.
Other than that grow a beard or tach so you don’t look like a boiled egg JP.
11
Pissed myself at your nom JP. Maybe talking like a cunt could’ve covered up your embarrassment. Instead of wearing the beanie, talk like Benny from Cross Roads.
9
Or a Mis style Viking beard, eh LL?
I could have dormice nesting in it, and live for week off the crumbs from meat pies.
11
So THIS is the incident you spoke of a few weeks ago! I’ve been waiting patiently for the big reveal😂 is there a photo somewhere that’ll give us all a laugh? 🤭❤️
11
Sorry Jill, no photo.
Unlike the cunt in the clip, I was too embarrassed to even look at myself, much less record it for posterity.
Even now, weeks later, I look like a badly peeled and undercooked potato.
12
Most disappointing Jill.
JP, you could of at least put it on the front of this years Christmas cards. You know how understanding and sympathetic the cunters of IsAC are.
9
You could have sent a pic to admin for them to use as the header picture. I’m sure they would’ve obliged😆
7
This not you is it JP 😀?
2
0 all over every month since it started getting thin. I have no sympathy for blokes wearing syrups, toppers, hair transplants, comb overs and the like. I’ve heard of blokes getting suicidal over their slap head. FFS who cares?
Except when it gets a bit sunny, then a knotted hanky is essential of course.
14
I still have my hair, but one of my uncles lost the lot due to alopecia.
He said It’s no big deal, just more face to wash
3
Hilter cut his own hair. So did Moseley. It is a ‘far right’ thing’. A sign of ill-conceived independence. If you start cutting your own hair, you might not buy other shit that the global economy is looking to force on you through Poundland and Farm Foods. Worse still, you might start questioning the messaging from the BBC, supermarkets and the banks. You might realise that the ‘tranny is good’ stuff is all bolliocks. You might even develop a mistrust of the police.So please, JP, stop cutting your own hair, Go to one of the many hundreds of Turkish Barbers on your high street.
18
Good morning, everyone.
5
TT. Don’t go as far as the ones who can only afford cat and dog food and end up breaking their backs after attempting to lick their own arses.
5
I didn’t know they cut hair. I just thought they sold drugs and washed money
16
A premiership footballer would pay £1000 for that style. It’s the very latest in luxury coiffured fashion, is it not?
9
I’ve always said JP was a trendsetter. David Beckham only wore that sarong because JP was spotted in Meadowhall wearing one.
10
Also GT, it wouldn’t look out of place with them being thick cunts.
6
I used to use those Wahl hair clippers,
They’re good.
Obviously I didn’t do it pissed up on wine like JP.
But nowadays I shave my head with a razor, completely bald.
Never cut myself!
I should of done it years ago.
Totally practical.
No combing it, no drying it, no trips to the barber.
I hated that small talk they do
Doing anything nice this weekend?
No.
Going on holiday this year?
No.
Looking forward to New year’s?
No.
Shame about princess Di wasn’t it?
No. Have you finished yet?
15
Sorry Mis, can’t agree. I’d miss going to the barber.
He’s been cutting hair since 1951 and he still slaps Brylcreem on your pate when he’s finished. Whether you want it or not.
‘Anything for the weekend sir?’ as you leave.
10
I always thought my answers to the barbers interrogations seemed a little boring Geordie,
Like he was hoping for something better?
Watching the match today?
Nope.
Could clearly see him struggling to find safe conversational ground.
” See that Big Brother the other night?
Nope.
In the end it was embarrassing for us both.
They should have deaf n dumb barbers for people who don’t want to chat .
If you say ” can you just shut up and cut my fuckin hair?”
He’s going to feel bad and probably carve ‘TWAT’ into the back of my head isn’t he?
12
How much is a cut at the barbers now?.
Was about a tenner when I last went and that was years ago.
I miss the mullet from the 80s.
Yanks Aussies and krauts still have a mullet but it’s died out here 🙁
9
Here’s me Mis, an old age pensioner looking like Goldilocks and now having to pay top wack after they abolishing reduced cuts.
6
It cost £15 and a pound tip, after me telling them about my hardship during the cut. Must’ve board them to tears.
5
More money than sense you Sammy.
Get JP to cut it for you
5
Just thought of breaking the law and having cut for nothing Mis, before being slung in a cell with a back cunt.
4
£7 at my local ‘hairdresser’, she is a blue rinse type business, used to be her and her mother but now just her.
Every 5 or 6 weeks, takes less than ten minutes.
7
Even young un seems to have one called ‘meet me at McDonalds’ haircut, long tousled top and a floppy fringe, all the rage at university and pro-Hamas marches.
6
Even worse, Mis, there was a trend recently for the ” girl mullet”, although why a modern lass would want to look like a third-rate Yank drug runner I’ll never understand.
6
On the news just now, the last coal fired power station has closed, a sad day for the country.
Cunts.
16
As old Kweer is too mean to buy this own clothes, if Lord Alli refuses to cough up £250 for a haircut, I bet the tight fisted old cunt will make poor Lady Victoria give him a pudding basin cut. Then he will use the hair from his quiff to stuff pillows with.
5
He books in for a oil change twice a year WC
5
Nice one JP.
It amazes me the things people try to do for themselves, like body piercing and tatooing. They look bad enough when done by a (so-called) professional.
Morning all.
7
I have one of those head shaver things, what little hair I have left is easily taken care of.
Don’t try it ion your not sack, it can be painful……allegedly.
6
I decided the skinhead look was about right some years back when i started getting a bit thin on top.
When I say “about right” I meant Far Right.
You do get free haircuts in the Re-education Centres..don’t you?
Good morning.
7
Better ‘hard right’ than Right, Said Fred! Pair of marmite badgers!
2
Fucking auto correct. ‘Far’ right, FFS!
0
Oh and very hard lines JP..
invest in a bowler hat.
6
I’d look like that thug out of Clockwork Orange in a bowler, UT.
7
I used to enjoy going to the barbers because, along with cab drivers, they seemed to be the only ones qualified to actually run the country! Also, my barber always asked where I was going on me holidays, and did I need anything for the weekend? Right nosey cunt!
6
I’ve been doing the DIY buzz for over a decade. Works fine.
It all started with my son wanting me to teach him the art of fire eating.
Never a queue at my hairdresser!
1
Seriously though, how many ‘Turkish’ Barbers does any high street ot town need?
In Prestwich (near Manchester). I counted eight of the cunts on one road.
Also, why fucking ‘Turkish’? It certainly isn’t any seal of quality, is it?
They are mostly shite from Pakistan or some ex-Soviet shithole anyway.
They are about as Turkish as I am most of them.
5
Yoiung lads today all have this ridiculous and soulless uniform.
Black lifejacket type things, even in the hot weather, and black everything else.
Four of them walked past me on Monday morning. I thought it was four clones of the same person. And all, of course, were staring into their phones and not speaking to each other.
But, the most ridiculous thihg about them is their hair. All have it shaved at the back, while the front, it is permed. Perms in 2024?! They look like cross between a granny and a poodle’s arse. I don’r know who ‘pioneered’ this style (probably some bellend like Ed Sheercunt), but it’s bloody awful.
3
My neighbour – the cunt who blew up hs own camper van and didn’t even apologise for turning the street into Gaza (amongst other things) – looks a right knob.
A young lad with a stupid WG Grace/Dubliners type beard.
Now the cold weather is returning, he now has a daft hat thing as well.
He looks lke Osama Bin Laden.
2