Woke Storms

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Are they having a laugh?

You must all have noticed by now that if there is going to be a light shower tomorrow in your region the MSM will issue a local “ALERT !!!” …
Yes, about 5mm of accumulated gentle drizzle might probably fall somewhere near you. So you`ll need a hat. Or a brolly. What you won`t need, is a fucking lifeboat because you won`t be washed away in a biblical flood.

So, what am I cunting?

The cunts who name the `storms`, that`s who.

As per the link, `Lilian` isn`t a great name for a storm, is it?
I mean, is it difficult to come up with a good name? How about `LEVIATHAN !`

`Hubert` the hurricane` doesn`t really work, does it? But what about `HOLOCAUST !` – Surely this has a more formidable ring to it, you must agree?

`Timmy` tornado. `Walter` waterspout. `Armenta` Armageddon

And it goes on. And on. And on.

Cunts.

PS After rethinking this, and given that the entire bill for the `devastation` will probably be about forty or fifty quid, `Cedric` cyclone might be OK after all.

bbcnews

Nominated by Sam Beau.

91 thoughts on “Woke Storms”

  1. My suggestions for storm names;

    Wipeout
    Ballistic
    Inferno
    Cataclysm
    Torment

    Afternoon all.

    ‘Warning! Weather red alert! This afternoon Storm Blitzkreig is expected to deliver 90 minutes of gentle rain across London and the Home Counties. On Wednesday Storm Stuka will cause widespread havoc and destruction across the north of England, but here in London we don’t concern ourselves too much with that’

    BBC weather forecast

    • They should be named after Greek gods .
      Storm Zeus powering in off the Atlantic.
      With a special request for a cameo appearance from Poseidon in the English Channel.
      Fill yer boots son.

  2. I want a storm named ‘Stop the fucking Channel cunts’

    A permanent force 8 blowing directly onto the French coast – FOREVER!

  3. They could go with names like destroyer, tribulation, Beast, smasher, satan, Agamemnon, lethaithan. But no we have names like Jessy, Tinkerbell and arse tickler. okay maybe not the last one, but give it time.

  4. When I was a lad, the likes of Michael Fish and Bill Giles would just say ‘We’ll be getting some bad and stormy weather tomorrow.’ And that was that.

    Now, it’s some BBC poof twittering about ‘Storm Angus, Storm Gilbert or Storm Lillian.’

    If storms have to have names, they should be more suitable and apt. Names like.

    Storm Basterd
    Storm Ostrogoth
    Storm Atilla
    Storm Steppenfuhrer
    Storm Bonecruncher
    Storm Barbarian
    Storm Sunnuvabitch

  6. Imminent doom
    Certain death
    God’s fury

    All suitable storm names.

    Storms are meant to be enjoyed.
    Wellies on
    Jumping in puddles
    Face raised aloft to the dark clouds
    Screaming “COME ON THUNDER!! COME ON THUNDER!!”

    How can you enjoy it when it’s called fuckin Binky?

    https://youtu.be/ejU5YAHN3vQ?si=HVNzSqdbHtigKpkr

      • Oh yeah, it is isn’t it?

        Hehehe 😂

        I liked the discworld.

        Nac Mac Feegles especially

    • By fuck I love that song.

      I pulled my first missus while dancing to that at the Bachash club on a dancefloor (deck) suspended over the banks of Hasbani river in northern Israel.

      The DJ deck was a burned out VW beetle covered in bits of mirror.

      SOMETIMES, I LOOK IN YOUR EYES I CAN SEE YOUR SOUL!

  8. Why’s everything gay nowadays?

    Should be nowt gay about a storm.
    It’s extreme.
    It smashes shit up
    It’s powerful.

    So give it a powerful name!!

    A storm says

    Fuck you lookin at cocksucker?
    I’ll fuck you up!”

    What it doesn’t say is

    ” Hello Honky-tonk!
    Ooooh love your hair!”

  9. On the subject of woke storms, the hated Beeb has a news site full of ‘Grenfell This’ and ‘Grenfell That’.

    They are now bleating that the whole thing was avoidable. Well, I agree with that. If illegal treeswingers with dodgy electrical appliances weren’t lving rent free in the shithole. Then yes, it was avoidable.

    But, naturally, the BBC blames the nasty white man and the ‘British Pigs’ for the whole thing.

    • Grenfell will be the new black jesus and carpet head doreen, Norman..
      Year in year out, racist fire brigade, racist cladding.

      Not some pavement ape setting his kitchen on fire, then doing a runner without alerting anyone.

      Apparently there’s a tower block in Catford on fire.. some monkey having a BBQ on his balcony most probably..

      • In contrast to her real ‘job’ in Westminster, Geordie. Been very quite of late, Rodders, Lammy and Reevsy have been hogging the headlines for all the wrong reasons.

  11. How about storm Rodney.. it’s starts with a low nasel whine, that you ignore at your peril. And it finishes with every working class white person, homeless and potless.

    Replaced with a never ending smelly black and brown cloud that never lifts.

  12. The local weather cunt on the news now informs us we have a “weather story” i.e the forecast. Any storm or heatwave or excessive wind is now an “event”.

  13. I just call them all storm bollocks cos they fuck my day up, though earlier this year I did call one bugger as it blew one of my bikes over and totally fucked the starter motor and the sprag gear. I suppose something has to justify the mega budget.

  14. I was born at a time when 6 feet of snow drift was common. Tidal surges that swamped Anglia and North Devon costing the lives of many dozens of lost souls. I recall the bitter winters during strikes . I remember food shortages during these winters, and real hardships.
    The feckless cunts of today should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves, wetting their knickers and throwing hysterical tantrums at a higher than a 20 kt wind.

    Did we call these things names such as “Storm Rodney” or some such shitre? No. We fucking well got on with life.
    Fuckin spineless cucks of today !

  15. As these extreme weather events are all due to Climate Collapse, they should be named after Ed the Zealot:

    Storm Idiot
    Storm Buffoon
    Storm Numskull
    Storm Crackpot
    Storm Psycho
    Storm Sectioned

  16. We have our own classification chez Snockers:

    Storm Arsehole
    Storm Bastard
    Storm Cunt
    Storm Dickhead.

    In the unlikely event there are more than 4, we recycle, as only a complete cretin would be confused as to whether you mean the current storm or one which happened months or years ago.

    The great thing about these names is you can shout ‘Fuck off, Arsehole [or whichever]’ while the odd wheelie bin blows over outside.

    Crisis, what crisis?

  17. To simplify, ever since the internet, everything’s been blown up all out of proportion.

  19. The Americans started it.
    The cunts.

    They name their hurricanes.

    Alphabetically I think.

    I suppose that as a hurricane is capable of blowing your house into the next state then they are probably worthy of a name.

    A rain shower isn’t.

  20. The Soft Cunts.

    Due the Far Right all storms should be given proper non fağgøt names such as

    storm Adolf

    storm Pol Pot

    storm Stalin

    etc

    give the shitweasels at BBCistan towers summat to twitch their curtains.

    the filthy Cunts.

  21. OT. Former model and singer Samantha Fox threatened to knock out a police officer’s teeth after being removed from a British Airways plane, a court has heard.

    Sam could have knocked the cozzer’s gnasher’s out with her tits.

  22. When most people hear about named storms they ignore it.

    Its just like that UK emergency-alert system test they had last year when people got a message on their phone followed by a siren-like sound. People ignored it or opted out of receiving it by changing their settings.

    Couldn’t tell you one storm name we have had this year because they just all blend into the same hysterical bullshit.

  23. I love a good storm, it clear’s the air. If you are lucky enough to have one without a rain shower, then it’s great, & you can get some excellent pictures of lightening with a camera fixed on a tripod, without getting soaked in the process. Lady Scunthorpe was in Florida a few years ago, when they had a propper one! The ground shook & they had to close the petrol stations.

  24. That storm of 1987,
    Was a good un that.
    Most famous one probably?
    Because Michael Fish dismissed it.

    Wind screamed
    Roof tiles flew
    Trees fell
    Nobody outdoors

    My cock was hard as iron!!!
    Exhilarating.

    • Yes Mis, I was in the thick of that one. The caravan site near me on the south east coast was literally raised to the ground. It was a mirace that no one was killed. Their belongings were strewn everywhere, it was a sorry site. Of course the travellers turned up just before daylight. Recon those cunts & the looters that also arrived made a fucking fortune that day.

      • Brilliant wasn’t it Scunny?
        Walking the next day ,
        Bits of tree everywhere

        “Have you seen my bin?”

        About 10miles that way luv.

  25. I remember being up in the Peaks once and it was wild as fuck.

    The wind howling and pulling at you,
    Snow blasting you in face.
    Sky like lead.
    Sheep trying to find shelter.

    Weather that won’t be ignored.

    Thing about that is you appreciate things more.
    A dry pair of socks
    A open fire
    Cup of Bovril

    They’re better somehow

  26. Priti Patel is out of the race for leader of the Tories.

    Jesus.

    Like losing at pool to Michael j fox
    Or getting dumped for Rocky Dennis.

    What a bunch of losers.
    Id not vote for any of the metropolitan liberal little rats.

    1) Kemi Badenough the speccy predator
    2) James not to cleverly
    3) Tom Tugyerpud
    4) Robert jenrick

    What a shower of shite.
    They’re finished

  27. A friend is Swedish, asked her how things were in her part of the world last spring.
    “Here we are still having the 9 foot high snow drifts.” she replied. Totally phlegmatic about it, just part of life as far as she’s concerned. We could learn something from the Scandanavian attitude to the weather I think although not topping ourselves in the winter obviously.

  28. Giving storms names is fucking childish.
    Not only that, it could be downright insensitive.
    Imagine losing a relative or close friend to storm Jemima after being crushed by a falling tree or having their heads smashed in by falling masonry.
    When they introduced this shit, they said it was so that people would find it easier to remember.
    So in the old days when they said it’s gonna piss down tomorrow, or there’ll be 8 feet of snow, one can only assume that most people forgot.
    I know some people are thick, but really?
    Juvenile cunts, the lot of them.

    • Quite right.

      A falling tree is to be avoided.
      Our landlord at the pub was hit by a falling tree branch.
      Lucky not to be killed.

      Widow makers.
      That’s what the yanks call them.

      Rotten trees, bit of wind,= your hit on the nut by 300Ib of oak.

      Trees are sly bastards that hold a grudge.
      They’ll get you by surprise.

  29. BBC forecasts online often have a “WEATHER WARNING” with an EXCLAMATION MARK! This covers anything more perilous than a light drizzle, a Force 4 breeze, the off-chance of a thunderstorm or temperatures approaching zero. As they sometimes do. Usually the forecast’s crap and the WEATHER WARNING has to be removed., as I could have told the cunts from a look at the predicted surface pressure chart provided by the Met Office.

    I have to remind myself that, unlike me, the target audience has never worked outdoors, been to sea or ventured outside its suburb (invariably in its Range Rover (qv)), and has no idea what weather is. This is partially due to the ubercunt Blair’s wheeze of sending every cunt to university, I think.

    Chairman Mao had the right idea – two years planting rice before you even get a sniff of higher education or a soft desk job..

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