Weirdo Wank Banks

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The wife and I have got a little game which some might find odd but we love; it involves delving into your wank bank, or rub hub as she calls it. It’s great fun.

You and your partner or friend each name five people from your wank bank, and then select one, without specifying your choice. You take it in turns to let your imagination run riot where your selection is concerned, while the other does the necessary for a ‘happy ending’. It’s stimulating and relaxing. I recommend anyone to give it a go.

There is an odd proviso however. The game can lead to the revealing of some seriously odd wank bank suggestions, particularly where the fair sex is concerned. Take the night before last. I named the following as my five; the Anderson twins (Gillian and Pamela), Julia H-B, Polly Walker, and Alex Kingston. A seriously mouth-watering collection to fantasise over I’d say. But what about the wife? Well get this; Sean Connery, Adam ‘Kylo Ren’ Driver, android Cmdr Data from ‘Star Trek’, Bill Murray (‘Groundhog Day’ version), and that inexplicable fanny magnet Monty Don.

Talking afterwards, I wondered about her selections (okay, I’ll give her Connery, even though he’s brown bread), and got these responses; ‘sooo intense, and that dreamy voice’ (Driver), ‘every girl’s ultimate toy’ (Data), ‘so charismatic’ (Murray), ‘oooooh, being pawed by those big, rough hands!’ (Don).

Now it’s not just the missus with some weirdo choices in the bank. I’ve got some dear female friends who’ve also owned up over the years. Take my friend Maggie. All the choices she once named were slapheads, such as Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel and Jason Statham (‘he’s a brute’ she says, shivering in anticipation). She wants to massage their heads with warm oil. Then you’ve got Elaine. On one occasion, after she’d sunk over a bottle of red, she named Jimmy Nail (‘a bit of rough in Armani’), John Malkovich (who knows?), and heaven forbid, Peter bloody Dinklage (‘I’m just curious that’s all, what’s wrong with that?’). Last but not least there’s Vicky, who fantasises about being Gordon Brown’s underpants. Straight up.

Maybe by coincidence I just know some strangely imaginative women with an unorthodox mindset, but there’s a small selection of weirdo female wank bank contenders and no mistake. Men are from Mars etc. Any of you cunters know somebody with some odd fantasy fixation?

Anyhow, here you go Elaine my dear, have this one on me;

ebay

Nominated by Ron Knee.

194 thoughts on “Weirdo Wank Banks”

  4. Dua Lipa has to be one of the sexiest women alive right now. Now excuse me, I have to go and dedicate a ham-shandy to Dua.

  5. Krystal stanley the during church after church piece, the hawk tuah girl, sara dallin banarama, rebecca romney book lass, victoria graham bbc spotlight south west, janine jansen of the same programme.

  7. In their prime, in no particular order and limited to 10, here goes:

    Susan Penhaligon
    Annette Andre
    Tia Carrere
    Wanda Venthan
    Diane Keen
    Tessa Wyatt
    Jennifer Aniston
    Fiona Fullerton
    Jaclyn Smith
    Joanna Lumley

  8. I think I understand…but perhaps not. I’m very old fashioned. Find em, fuck em and chuck em. And all women want me me me…I think.

  9. Keir fully supports wank banks, he’s looking forward to creaming off the interest.

    I’ll get my own coat

  11. Never mind, I’ve found the ultimate wank bank picture.
    A bird we all remember fondly and we all wonder what happened to her:
    https://images.app.goo.gl/7hrMu4m6zPYrXq7p9
    Safe pic.
    Now that she’s out and about and on the mend, I can sneak up on her, distract her nurse by throwing some KFC into a nearby bush, chock her wheels with a couple of Dairlea triangles and go to work on her dome, reopening her head exit with my rampant slaghammer.

  13. Bit late to the party on this one Ron, but (for reasons I am mot allowed to disclose – I actually had to sign an NDA), I have been to Gillian Anderson’s house and the inner sanctum of her bedroom. Right old state it was in. Sheets all over the place, used grundies on the floor. Had I known your particular peccadillo on this one I’d have snatched a pair of her shreddies and mailed them to you to add a spot of granularity to your next convening of the Wank Bank Committee.

    • Evening BD…I wonder if, during filming of the X Files, David Duchovny (himself a well-known sex addict) got a sniff of Gillan’s ginger snatch?
      Lucky bugger if so.

      • He claims he didn’t. He tried, but to no avail.

        Surprised he didn’t, because she was a well known goer (allegedly). Married a bloke off the X-Files crew and quickly got up the duff. Then left him after a year and hooked up with some X-Files extra, who was wanted and eventually charged with rape. Then there was this other lad who guested on the show. And so on….

        I’ll say ‘allegedly’, but it was well plastered all over the tabloids in 96/97.

      • Evening Thomas – it’s weird, maybe material for an X-Files mystery in fact, but as I walked around her bedchamber I was suddenly beset by vivid visions of Big Dick Dave giving her a humungous anal probing that no alien could ever hope to match. Or maybe it was the framed photos on her bedroom wall to that effect that got me thinking about it.

        Anyway, I’d better not say too much, but Norman no I sadly was not there with Rentokil to stab her ginger rat. I’m sure there’s an injunction already winging its way in the post to me so better leave it there for now…

    • Were you there with Rentokill, Dave?

      I have heard she is a it of a – cough – strange person.
      I believe she collects stuffed insects from all over the world. Straight up.

      To say she is eccentric is not an exaggeration Even by demented actors standards.

    • Fair enough, Dave.
      I have heard over the years that she is a strange one.
      But, as you wisely say, we’ll leave it there/

      • G. Anderson practically told FHM magazine in 96 that she took it up the Rick Whitter. Words to that effect anyway. Straight up (and I bet it was).

      • Another sci-fi icon who was supposed to be a bit potty was Carrie Fisher.

        Claims she had flings with David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Harrison Ford, amongst others. Had a short and ‘tempestuous’ marriage to Paul Simon. George Lucas was always worried about what she’d say or do next.

        Thing was, Fisher was a bit shit as Princess Leia. She couldn’t really act. Her emotion count was zero through all three films.

        And Margot Kidder – Lois Lane in Donner’s Superman – was also a bit crackers and a handfull.

  15. Chris Evert always gave me the horn in her hey day but I was to polite back then.
    Loved her when she managed to beat a lesbian or two

  16. I’m watching LA confidential.

    Kim Basinger was a sort
    , proper film star pin up.

    Sexy as fuck❤️

  17. This WWB all sounds highly irregular to me.

    In fact, it sounds downright Continental.

    Ee Gad ! Hang on a tick. You’re not er, you don’t happen to be, um….French ?

    Do you Ron ?

    God in Heaven !! Just when you think you’ve got to know someone and regard him as a particular ‘ good egg ‘. He turns out to be a bloody Frenchie !

    The impertinence.

    This calls for another pink gin and tonic, a rather large one.

    I’m outraged.

  21. Rachel Aziani
    Rene Russo
    Barbara Bach
    Jennifer Lawrence
    Kerry Daynes
    Sharon Stone
    Faye Dunaway
    Melania Trump
    Rachel McAdams
    Erin Burnett

    • Definitely would, you can’t beat a ginger growler. What do you think of Kerry Daynes, Ron? One of my favourites.

      • JK’s unusual; by no means can she be regarded as beautiful, but she’s got a deeply sensual quality about her.

        As for Kerry, she can get me on her couch anytime.

  23. Julia HB (oh yes please)
    Sophie Raworth (there’s just something about her)
    Victoria Tennant (L.A.Story)
    Pamela Salem (you’ll have to search)
    Sharron Davies

  25. Gabriela Sabatini, Argentine tennis player in the 80’s and 90’s.

    Aged like a fine wine and is in peak milf condition.

    • I often had schoolboy fantasies about Gabby and Stefi back in the day.

      Although I recall the argie had a slightly hairy top lip and the German had a big conk.

      Another tennis hottie was Maria Hingis, dirty little minx, the way she’d grip the racquet shaft and play with those new balls.

    • I bet she was responsible for plenty of splashes in those days Mis.

      Lovely young woman. Didn’t know she was hitched to Neil Young.

  27. If she names me, Ron, p.m. me straight away. The moderators will let you have the necessary. Getting a rod on right now just in anticipation.

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