Nimby wanker neighbours

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who object to perfectly reasonable planning applications on the ground of jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, spite or some personal grudge against the applicant are cunts.

I once made the mistake of buying a listed building. I had to apply, and pay 200 quid, to the local council to change the colour of my front door, from red to black. The neighbour objected. His front door was black, but he complained about ambience and other such shite

The reason for this was that I’d refused to sell him some land prior to the application.

I’ll leave aside the fact that what colour my front door is is none of the fucking council’s business, this cunt was doing his best to get me to assault him, and believe me he was very talented in that department.

Eventually the council agreed to my request, much to his chagrin. Fuck him, prick.

Again, I’ll leave aside the fact that ginger fucker Ed Sheeran is a carrot topped cunt, this is the story that made me think of my own experience.

Sky news

Wtf has it got to do with anyone else if this pasty faced, unco-ordinated fat fucker wants a dip?

Wankers.

The kicker is that when I moved from that house, I offered to sell him the land he required, in order for him to access another piece of land that belonged to him.

I sold it to him for literally 6 times its value, after threatening to put a covenanton the land forbidding its division.

Reap what you sow, muthafucker..

Nominated by Termujin.

72 thoughts on “Nimby wanker neighbours”

  1. Most of my neighbours are ok, one or two who are slightly cuntish.

    The one behind me occasionally gets dressed in front of her bedroom window, trouble is, she is a fucking land whale.
    I now keep my blind half way down so I don’t get a fucking free shot if I walk into my bedroom.

  2. “I see a red door and I want it painted black….”
    Mr M.Jagger

    Id fuck you right off too.

    It’s either country cream,
    Vintage racing green or Elephants breathe grey.

    It’s a listed building, it has to fit in the surroundings.

    I’m a total.nimby.
    I don’t want any new builds anywhere!
    Be full of ethnic fuckers but even if it’s not it’ll be NewComers.
    Not Local.

    I don’t want any outsiders around here ,
    Go back to where you come from you oddballs!

      • Take no notice Geordie. Mis is a newcomer himself, he lives miles from Stockport. Such hypocrisy, tut tut.

      • Mind I must admit I’m a hundred miles from where I was born and raised. In fact in this street of twenty houses I only know one woman who is a native. There are all kinds round here, Scots and Scousers, Geordies and Paddies and Welsh, folks from all over the UK. As some academic said folks in the home counties are the most rootless you will find anywhere.

      • My old Dad (gawd rest his soul) used to use the bus to travel to work in Stockport. He’s call me once a week with tales of various incidents on the bus – fights, arguments etc. – “normal for Stockport” he’d say at the end.

    • That might be the General’s house, SB…most Americans have no concept of the word ‘twat’.

    • Thanks Sam, I literally lolled.

      He was a giant prick, how I never twatted him I’ll never know.

      And his hatchet faced wife needed a slap round the mush with a wet fish as well.

  4. ‘but he complained about ambience and other such shite.’

    Ambience? Bloody ambience?!

    Should have introduced him to Sgt Napper, Termujin.

    Spread his nose across his fucking face.
    Some things are just worth doing.

    • Believe me he was begging for it, I think the only reason I didn’t was because of not wanting to give him the satisfaction of getting me arrested.

      I me, come on, what kind of self respecting man calls himself Brian ffs.

  5. Be honest Termujin, if you lived next door to Ed Shiteshank and you saw him drowning in his pond, would you do anything to help him?

    I think we all know the answer to that one.

      • For my own part CM, I’m afraid I’m a hopeless swimmer, so attempting a rescue would be pointless. However I would certainly phone the emergency services.

        A week later.

      • They should employ dwārves as life guards.

        Dwārves are excellent swimmers.

        In fact Baywatch would be much better if most of them were Time Bandits.

        They’ll never make Baywatch with a all black cast.
        They’d all drown in the first week.

        Like fuckin stones.
        Straight to the seabed.

      • Dwarfs and other lets say, the intelectually challenged (spastics) are only good at swimming because their school never had a clue what to do with them so took then to the pool very regularly, possibly in the hope to lose a few to drowning.

        But turns out, they all get very good at swimming and keeps them out of the way.

      • Here’s one for you Mis,

        What do you call a man with no arm and no legs in a swimming pool?

        Bob!

    • I would actually Geordie.

      Well, no I wouldn’t.

      I can’t swim.

      like a cat me, hate getting cold and wet.

      • Me neither Termy. Fucking tried from junior school up to my early twenties but never got the hang of it. Sank like a fucking black man.

  6. Always guaranteed some cunt wants to stick their oar in and fuck things up for you especially where planning is concerned.
    It seems no one likes the idea you might be doing alright for yourself the fucking snide bastards.

  7. I get on ok with my neighbours but I don’t really care for them .

    Wouldn’t go to their funerals or anything.

    If say a satellite crashed on the roof rendering them homeless?
    I wouldn’t put my hand in my pocket.
    I might put on a sad face☹️
    Just for appearances,
    But in all honesty I wouldn’t really give a fuck.

    Id sleep well that night
    Listening to the rain
    A smile on my face…..

  8. Seems to me Termy, that the root of the problem is the council. There are plenty of people out there who have a great interest in what their neighbours do in their own homes even to the extent of what colour they paint the outside. Me, I couldn’t give a toss what the neighbours are up to unless it’s kiddy fiddling. Now the point is these arseholes are just the same sort who become local councillors and they like nothing more than to tell you what you can and can’t do on your own property so when your neighbours start bleating they’re right on it. It gives them some purpose and meaning in their vapid empty lives. You need to do everything possible to reduce their hold over you. Never, ever, ever buy a listed property. It gives them carte blanche to bleed you fucking white. If you can run to it get a freehold detached property. Before purchase get your solicitor to check any covenants in detail and check them yourself. In our previous house I discovered a covenant which forbade me from keeping a boat on the garage roof! Some don’t really matter. Commonly TV aerials and alarm bell boxes are forbidden but these are ignored on a grand scale. Check that the local aristo’ doesn’t have the right to ride his horse across your garden and you’re not required to contribute to the maintenance of the local and even not so local church. I’m not joking, such covenants exist.

    That’s my two penn’orth for what it’s worth. Best of luck to you all in your battles with the satraps.

    • Cheers Arfur

      He was just as you describe.

      He was a parish councillor, which basically means, apart from wanker, a failed deputy head of the geography department.

      I’ll never buy a listed building again.

      cunt even reported me for changing the fireplace. Only way he could have known was by peering through my front room window.

      Fuck him. Spending his money on booze and ciggies tasted so, so sweet.

  9. Put some dog shit on his car and house door handles.
    Leave a burning cross on his front lawn.
    Call a dozen taxis to his house.
    Fly a replica V1 drone through his letterbox.
    Send him a get well soon card and some calves foot jelly.
    Busybodies everywhere.

  10. What’s all that about in the nom Termy, about Ed Sheeran?

    He’s not your neighbour is he ?
    The cod eyed twat.

    In all honesty I’m a bit confused by the painting doors/ed Sheeran/selling land thing.

    Just blank the cunt and enjoy what you’ve got and possibly leave it in your will for me.

    Your neighbour would be gutted 😀

    • It’s gone now Mis, and the cash.

      The point was Ed Sheeran has built a swimming pool in the middle of a field, that he owns, that no-one else can see without a fucking helicopter, and his wanker neighbours are bitching to the council. Because they are jealous he’s got more dosh than them.

      • Ah, with you.

        I’m glad Eds neighbours are spoiling his swimming pool for him.

        I was his neighbour I’d regular pour old engine oil in it.

        Not because im jealous of his wealth which I am,
        But because I hate his weary music.

        The happiest outcome would be if his neighbours found Ed floating face down in his swimming pool like a ginger Brian Jones,

        And filled it in with pig slurry.

  11. Here we have what is called a ‘denuncia’.

    Basically it is a formal complaint that can, but usually doesn’t lead to legal proceedings.

    And it’s free.

    When nimby foreigners get to hear about this phenomenon they tend to get excited.

    “I’ll put a denuncia on you!”
    They say it as if it is some sort of magical spell that will put you in line.

    You don’t ‘put’ denuncias on anyone.
    A denuncia is a written complaint, in Spanish or it will be totally ignored.

    So as the language is a mystery to most Brits, their attempts to drop people in the shit are usually futile.

    Which is just as well as I have heard of people issuing denuncias because……

    The neighbour’s dog barks.
    A neighbour’s cat shat in their garden.
    Water came over their wall when a neighbour waters their plants.
    A neighbour feeds stray cats.
    Neighbour’s talking too loud late into the evening on their terrace.
    Neighbours using the communal dustbins before 6pm.
    And lots more trivial shit.

    Community swimming pools are open to abuse by dictator type community Presidents.

    They try to stop people from eating, drinking, putting on sun cream, using inflatables, jumping into the water, playing music and even wearing sunglasses around the pool.

    There will be signs up with huge lists of rules.
    None of which can be enforced by Spanish law.

    If some cunt tries to tell you what to do just tell them to fuck off and call the police.

    If they do the phone is answered in Spanish they will hang up.

    • It’s gone now Mis, and the cash.

      The point was Ed Sheeran has built a swimming pool in the middle of a field, that he owns, that no-one else can see without a fucking helicopter, and his wanker neighbours are bitching to the council. Because they are jealous he’s got more dosh than them.

    • Never, ever, call the Police.

      Remember, when seconds count, they’re only minutes away.

      Or 20 years away, if you’re a white schoolgirl in Rotherham.

  13. My terrace house is in aline of listed buildings and it appears everyone’s satisfied with each door being a different colour made of wood, none of that plastic shite with windows. All exteria must be of traditional materials. The neighbour’s aren’t really thick with each other either.

    • All our old mud huts are now listed.
      For demolition.
      🛖
      And all the neighbours ate each other ages ago.

  14. OT. I see the RNLI minicab service was in demand today.
    A boat capsized and about a dozen of them snuffed it, But 200 of the fuckers still arrived here.

    Home Secretary Yvette Cooper says today’s Channel disaster is a “horrifying and deeply tragic incident”.

    Stupid cow. The stupid fuckers attempted to cross the Channel in rough conditions, so it’s their own fucking fault.

    • No, no. It’s our fault for not rescuing them in the dreadful conditions experienced 6 feet from the french coast.

  15. Here in Lincolnshire seems to be a place for retired cockneys.

    Loads of them! A few are customers and some are neighbours, your Mike Read types with their trophy wives. Friendly enough but one or two seem a bit shady, like they are no stranger to burying some poor cunt in a flyover.

    Better than living next door to Pakis anyway.

    • LL I reside in Lincolnshire and am originally from NW London, I agree totally with your summing up of the cockney incomers. People often mistake me for a cockney even though my accent is a North Middlesex Accent which is different though rhyming slang is used occasionally when visiting out of the way pubs. I really enjoy Lincolnshire and keep well out of local politics etc but have to say some of the incomers are real cunts which of course causes real problems with the indigenous population especially on the parish council etc.

      • Good to hear you enjoy Lincolnshire BB, I’m an incomer myself too, from Peterborough about 20 odd years ago. I highly doubt I could ever live in a city again.

      • I think I could happily live in Lincolnshire. About fifteen years ago our younger had a boyfriend met on the net who lived a few miles west of Lincoln. They hadn’t met up for a couple of weeks and they were gagging for a shag so we drove up there, dropped her off for the day and went across to Skegness.We had a strikingly good dinner in a pub in a village and when we got the bill we thought they had charged us for one meal instead of both. We found our way to a beach at Mablethorpe(?) which was simply stunning, miles of golden sand and not a soul there but us. I trust you both appreciate how lucky you are.

  16. One of my neighbours has got massive tits and is jolly friendly too.

    Mrs Terry doesn’t care for her “ambience” funnily enough.

    Other than that they can all Fuck Off.

  17. I had a similar issue last year. I live in a private road but wanted to build a brick wall with railings and electric gates. Firstly to stop my disabled son from wandering – we have one large garden around the house and secondly to prevent people with gypsy fingers entering – one such cunt tried to steal my wife’s car off the front three years ago.

    I submitted a planning application and was turned down as, according to the cuntcil wallahs, the brickwork didn’t fit in with the “verdant” of the surroundings – the fuckwitt planning officer suggested I built the wall from chicken wire to fit in with the rural setting. A plutonium grade cunt.

    The nosey fucking Parish Cuntcil also objected in that the wall didn’t fit in (with their cosy view of the world).

    I ended up going to appeal and overturning their decision. The wall is now up and looking sexy – just awaiting the gates to be fitted.

      • Good for you Paul

        I like to hear it when the average Joe (no insult intended) is getting on.

        Fuck em all Paul.

        Twice.

      • Thanks Termujin.

        It took some working to overturn the Cuntcil’s decision. I employed a company called Planning Direct, based in Ipswich. They put a strong case together for me. Good guys.

  18. UK planning laws are a mess and give carte blanche to nosey parker neighbours to stick their noses in on spurious grounds.

    I often despair of this country and wonder if we are a nation of cunts after all. What does it matter if Ed Sheehan wants to jump into his artificial lake? How can it be disturbing anyone or harming anything? But as soon as Englishman detects a minor infringement of planning law he will be on the phone to the council 5 hours a day and sending 40 emails a day. We are a nation of council spys and grasses and would report our own mothers to the Council SS for erecting a birdbath that exceeds the council’s recommended dimensions by a millimetre.

    • It’s funny you say that 2900,

      My daughter suffered a near fatal fall over a railing at a council car park.

      In hospital for 3 months, life support for 2 weeks.

      I sued the council.

      The railings were 2mm under regulation height, but this was dismissed as insignificant.

      Imagine if I owned the car park, and it was a fucking councillors daughter that had gone over?

      Cunts

  19. Watching the many property TV programmes that you have, it seems that it is a real challenge to get anything at all through the councils planning department.

    Home owners talk about ‘winning’ approval.
    This normal takes several, frustrating months.

    It would be a lot easier if you could just bung the planning officials a back hander.

  20. I sympathise OC, for what that’s worth.

    I once lived next door to a young man and his mother.

    She alleged he was special needs. Admittedly he was low IQ, but nothing about him struck me ad ‘retarded’, forgive the archaic language, I’m being serious.

    He could not read or write, at 22.

    I started to teach him, a couple of times a week.

    His mother found out, went fucking mental and put a stop to it immediately.

    She was the fucking problem, not him.

    Something to do with carers allowance methinks.

    Fucking scum bitch.

  21. Council cunts are corrupt as fuck.
    They’re like Mexicans and russians.
    Easily bribed.

    Planning permission?
    Grease the wheels £££

    I’ve known plenty of people who have circumvented the rules to get what they want with councils.
    From getting allotments to planning permission to permission to opening a petting zoo.

    Money opens doors.

    • Well that’s the answer then.

      Don’t bother agonising for months and getting repeated turned down.
      Just slip the cunt an envelope full of money.

      It happens in other countries.
      Italy comes to mind.

      Stop whinging and play the game.

    • No joke Mis, I knew a councillor that was a total pisshead (no judgement there).

      Where the judgement comes in is that I for a fact he was stopped 3 times drunk driving, and faced no charges.

      Orders from on, by the funny handshake brigade.

      That’s when I start judging.

      • I remember one in Hereford a few years back, was involved in a collison outside town. Gave false details, including the name of a mate instead of his own (what a pal). No further action by the old bill, and no censure by his fellow councillors or the council’s conduct committee. Quelle fucking surprise as the French say.

  23. Wait till Rd finds his ‘pond’ full of dinghy raiders and the government build 2000 social housing units next door.

  24. Social Services. The initials are so apposite. Avoid at all costs. More deadly than Marburg or Ebola.

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