The (middle and upper class) Olympics

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First nom.

Despite millions of pounds from the national lottery being pumped into the system to supposedly create opportunities for all to achieve and live their sporting dreams one thing never seems to change and that is if the event requires more than a pair of trainers, boxing gloves or a swimming costume the names of the participants reveals that fuck all has changed over the last 25 years of spunking cash into the system.

A quick glance at our medallists reveals that Yasmin and Scarlett did quite well at diving, Rosalind, Laura, Charlotte, and Becky stood on the podium for riding horses and Lola, Georgina, Lauren, Hannah,Emily and Imogen are decent rowers. i could go on but you get the picture, link here

olympics.com

The men are slightly harder to spot but there’s Ethan, Jake, Toby, Hamish and Oliver to be relied upon when the chips are going South.

Now, when most people think of the Olympics they think of athletics in a stadium packed with people running, jumping and throwing, and for good reason because that’s what people want to see, requires physical exertion and everyone did it at school so we have a point of reference. Everyone has a chance and if you’re talented you will get noticed and be picked for the school team, then county and national events for the very best out there.
That’s why working class scrappers like Steve Ovett, Steve Cram, Linford Christie, Sharron Davies, Duncan Goodhew, Audley Harrison,Fatima Whitbread and Kris Akabusi to name but a few could make it to the top from humble backgrounds because it cost fuck all to get started, Our only gold medal in track and field in Paris came from a lass called Keely from Wigan.

Anything involving animals or equipment means most oiks are fucked immediately. Imagine the blank faces of staff at the local council run pool when Leanne or Conner rock up say they quite fancy a shot at synchronised swimming or springboard diving. The inflatables are out at 3pm though so that’ll do.
Fair play to all those that won medals but being the best of the moneyed elite in dressage doesn’t compare to the track where a peasant from Ethiopia can become a legend. Never mind, keep playing the fucking lottery, What a cunt.

Nominated by Davemacc.

Welcome aboard Sir a fine cunting. C.A.

81 thoughts on “The (middle and upper class) Olympics”

  2. The Olympics is so dull and self important.
    The Paralympics however, the where’s the action’s at.
    Is there any other sporting event in the world where you can laugh uproariously at someone with no arms trying to do the pole vault one moment and the next moment have raging hard boner whilst watching đẁařf swimmers thrashing their little arms and legs around, imagining how far up Ellie Symond’s bottom your willy would go?

  3. I didn’t watch a single second of the 2024 Olympics.
    France for fucks sake, and worst of all, the women’s beach volleyball has had the compulsory skimpy outfit abolished.

    • Nor did I, mi’Lord.

      But that Aussie? breakdancer is all over t’interweb thing.

      • Brilliant selections..I had a great idea. I forget now.
        PS. Just wish Aussie Raygun had been taking the piss outa the fxxxed idea of “art” of breaking being in Olympics.
        Sadly not. If she had been would have rated as greatest Olympic moment of all time.
        But..good on her for having a crack.

  4. The answer is stop all Lottery funding of sports.

    There are far more deserving causes I’m sure.

    The government can decide,they know best.

    Survival of the fittest.

    And think how much more could be heaped upon those poor “asylum seekers” and other worthy causes.

    For fucks sake

  5. It was a shame when the likes of the little chaps were being thrown for a laugh, only to be banned by spoilsports.

  6. Maybe the train drivers could do with more money?

    And doctors?

    The Border Force?

    Why not?

    Athletes,unaffordable cunts.

  7. Keely from Wigan, blonde, white, cracking arse 👍

    Remember Peter Elliot became a world class 800/1500 while working full time as a joiner in the Ovett – Coe era.

  8. They have banned all sorts of drugs to make a level playing field for the normal Olympics.

    And then there is the spaz Olympics where the countries with the best technology in wheelchairs and prosthetics will easily win.

    They have the advantage.

    I think that to make things fair wheelchair users should all be given the type of spacer wagon as they give to you on the NHS.
    Ones which are wobbly with one wheel that goes in a different direction to the others.

    That would even things out.

    Athletes missing a leg or part of a leg should all have to use a stump.

    Like Long John Silver.

    • I agree, Art.

      Supply them all with either the spring things, or a crutch.

      Level playing field, and all that.

  9. For an “amateur” event (LOL) it sure employs a shitload of coaches, trainers, physio specialists, to say nothing of the firms constructing the monster facilites and the caterers.Whether it actually turns a profit for the luckless host, or leaves anything of value behind, we must not consider (remember London?).

    Let’s return to the Olympics’ origins and confine the events to those based on the unaided human body, with or without a pre-firearm weapon, and hold it on a rocky Greek mountainside in peak summer heat. I love seeing athletes suffer…

    • Return to the Olympics’ origins? Bit too much homoeroticism for my liking.

      That said, couldn’t be any worse than the goings on at 2024.

      • Ah, but in today’s enlightened times, wimmenz’ events would be included, and equality as well as the temperature would require an equal degree of nudity to that of the male physiques immortalised by Praxiteles or whoever it was *checks Google*. This would also help distinguish between cis and trans, so to speak.

    • Seconded. Thirded.Fourthed and I lost my thumb so that’s it.
      But yeah..humans- run jump hit throw gym wrestle swim dive – i suppose rythmic gymnastics has to stay?
      Cycling..NO..golf???NO there enough comps around for to get bored with.
      Rugby 7’s?( League yes..union No!! ) Machine/tools….Archery…yes . ..sailing..is level in terms material ans boat ..utilises natural propulsion..skill required.
      ..

  10. Couldn’t really give a fuck about sport. Unless it’s water sports.

    Do they have a Women’s Pissing event in the Olympics?

    Not interested in social class, as long as the participants are reasonably young and fit.

    • I admit to enjoying the women’s long jump competition.

      Plenty of bikini bottoms wedged into quite magnificent arses.

      No tits unfortunately.
      Plenty of arses.

  11. Frankly Ethan, Jake, Toby, Hamish and Oliver are sooooo petit bourgeois.

    Bring back the Upper Classes to represent Britain I say. Chaps with names like The Honourable Vivian Algernon Rupert Montagu-Cavendish, Bart. They’d give Johnny Foreigner a jolly good seeing to at polo, croquet and the Eton Wall Game. Those are Olympic sports, aren’t they?

    Britannia Rules the Waves.

    • What what Geordie.

      Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler was a junior champion in English billiards.

      • Indeed he was, LL.

        Another little-known fact is that MNC was Upper Ramsbottom Black Pudding Throwing Champion, 1993.

        But being the shy, modest type he doesn’t talk about it.

    • How about pigeon-racing as an Olympic sport, Geordie?
      Of course, in those more posher parts of the country, the pigeons are trained to fly upside down … think about it, cunters.
      🐦

  12. To be fair the working class have better things to do these days, than worry about a woke shit fest like the Olympics.

    Breakdancing not withstanding.

  13. Steve Redgrave is a good example of what this nom is all about.
    Attended a grammar school in Marlow which is a proper middle class setup.
    Said school had access to the local rowing club which is, obviously, quite exclusive.
    Now, good luck to him for taking the opportunity, but it was an opportunity that is open to a tiny minority.
    So when he gave his long speech after winning Spoty, all his talk about young people being able to achieve the same as him so long as they had the hunger, was somewhat disingenuous. You need the breeding too.
    Anyway, I’ve bumped into him a few times and he always seemed an miserable fucker.
    Cheer up Steve. You’ve benefited from taxpayers and lottery money and you’ve not had to pay a penny back.
    Think of that next time you climb into your new Jaguar.

  14. There’s an Olympic sport that only the likes of the very dark skinned can compete. They are taken high into the sky by aeroplane and wait for a rainbow. The first down the coloured apparatus after greasing their arse is the winner.

    • Now, now Sammy.

      Imagine being a kid on a sink estate, loving showjumping and wanting to get into it.
      Approaching local businesses for sponsorship.

      ” Ey up, Mester. While tha sponsor me?”

      ” How much does tha want?”

      ” Oh, only £40k, that’s how much a decent ‘os costs”

      ” Fuck off out of it, you cheeky little bastard”

      So, yes. Very much middle/upper class.

      At least breakdancing doesn’t require a lot of expense, or experience either, apparently.

      • Depends J P, if you can find a decent piece of cardboard to perform this malarkey on.

      • I cannot tell you how many times I’ve watched that truly abysmal performance by that woman, thank God she wasn’t British, we’d have never lived it down.

        I think I’ll put myself forward as a competitor in 2028, 74 isn’t too old to make a complete and utter cunt of yourself, is it?

      • Mind, way I’m feeling at the moment, it’s more likely to be Break Something, rather than Break Dancing.

  16. I used to row in a four. What a fucking snobby set of turds to behold.

    You even had to put the bleeding boat in the water in a snobby way…

    I didn’t last, packed it in and went hanging.

    • interesting chap.

      Shooting isn’t a cheap hobby either. Those target rifles and pistols cost a fortune and the arse ache of obtaining an FAC makes it restricted to a select few people.

      • There are air rifle events too. And you could probably buy an F-16 for what those specialist target rifles cost.

    • Useful if only to learn what a ‘brevet’ rank promotion is.Promotion without the cache seemingly.Weird shit.

  18. Didn’t the Olympics used to be for amateur sportsmanship….?

    Not arse’y pro’s like jokovich…!

  21. The Olympics. What a marvellous idea.

    Then ruined by cunts chasing a gold medal.
    A amateur tournament that went professional.

    Basketball was the start.
    Dream team my arse… fucking cheats.

  22. Talking about sport, 22 years away and Scouse Cheats FC are still being helped along by bent officials.

    And the fucking commentator had his tongue so far up Liverpool’s arse it wasn’t funny.

    The media and the FA don’t even bother to hide their bias.

    • Sorry emperor another long time Ipswich fan here, played well first half, but the scousers put us away second half..
      Though the commentators were cunts.

      • Not an Ipswich (or dippers) fan but thankfully I watched the game on NBC because it was the only link that would actually work. The joys of illegal streams.

      • Also you should be fine if you play like that for the rest of the season. I saw plenty of positives there.

      • You are probably right BZ.

        I was just sickened by the two tier refereeing. Ipswich players were getting yellow cards for tackles that Liverpool players weren’t even getting spoken to about.

        Even that cunt of a ref realised he’d fucked up when he didn’t give Burns a second yellow for that blatant handball. Knew the first yellow was bullshit.

    • The Sky and BBC commentators prayed to their god.
      Saint/Sir/Lord/Pope ‘Mo’ our old mucker Salah.🤢

      • Salah is shit without Mane. The cheats were booting it forward for him to run onto.

        Beautiful football my hairy East Anglian arse.

  23. I didn’t watch the Olympics after that wokefest of an opening ceremony.
    There would probably be less working class participants if TeamGB didn’t get all that funding from the lottery etc

  24. We should excuse Harvey Smith (Olympian showjumper) from being a posh cunt. He came from near Bradford and had a broad Yorks accent, which did not endear him to the horsey world. Mind you, he is generally remembered as being a right nasty bastard, especially to those of similarly humble origins.

  26. I haven’t watched it since the doping controversies pre-Rio. It’s hard to be enthusiastic about it knowing it isn’t a fair competition.

  27. OT, I wish we could have a “random musings”.

    For example, this bloke went on a daytime TV program, to promote awareness of penile cancer. He had it detected during the totally unnecessary lock down period, so had to deal with slow consultations, alone, with no one to fight his corner.

    His surgery ended up so delayed, he ended up having a total amputation.

    I have nothing but total sympathy ( and a massive wince/ouch) for Gary Mycock.

  28. Surely the olympics could be more diverse to include all the peoples.
    New sports
    Who can skin the perfect spliff , to start the opening ceremony that ignites the
    olympic flame, pass the joint you hungry knt. There would be many competitors for that one event.

    Then next possiblest , who can outstare they’re knt phone for the longest and not fall asleep. Be like big brother that one. Loads would enter that and watch it sadly.

    Finally , all trans to compete on any level in mens events only, world record box office TV numbers would tune in for that.

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