Film Clichés (Continued)

Posted on by

A while ago now I gave an IsAC kicking to those wearying tropes that infest films (especially American ones). You know, those tired, hackneyed scenes and bits of dialogue that lazy,unoriginal writers and directors just can’t resist throwing in. It was something I had to get off my chest.

Well I’ve recently spent some time recovering from surgery, and have watched a lot of ‘movies’, and boy, did those bastard clichés just keep on coming. Here’s a further selection of dialogue that should have been put to death years ago;

*if you kill him, you’re no better than he is
*this isn’t what it looks like
*I got this/I can do this
*we have to get the bullet out/we have to stop the bleeding
*I want your badge and your gun
*we have to go right now
*you’re gonna have to trust me on this
oh, and in case I forget…

Major... you'd better take a look at this.

As if that shit wasn’t bad enough, here’s another selection of scenes to make you grind your teeth;

*spies/villains checking the compartments in the ‘wash room’
*the hero walking away from a huge explosion without looking back (in slo-mo)
*a stolen suit or uniform always fits the hero perfectly
*cut to the view through a cardboard cut out when someone is using binoculars
*snap/snap/snap rapid photo images when someone is under surveillance
*heroes walking strung out in line abreast (slo-mo of course)
and again, lest I forget, it’s…

I mean come on you guys; is this stuff really the best that you can come up with? Fuckin hell, let’s get outta here.

youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

128 thoughts on “Film Clichés (Continued)”

  2. I’d like to say what I think about film clichés.

    But if I was tell you that I’d have to kill you.

  3. Ron might have a point.After reading this nom and checking the soundtracks of several recent films from Boggs Pornographic Film Productions (Taiwan) Ltd., I have certainly found that we have had both Angela Rayner and Peter Mandelson say “fuck me harder big boy” in scenes with Hammy Lammy too often. Perhaps just a girly screech from both of them in future with heavy breathing

    • ‘God oh God that feels sooo good… aaaaah’

      Copyright; Boggs PFP (Taiwan) Ltd.

      PS does anybody know how to do the ‘copyright’ symbol?

      • Hi Ron.

        Hold down “Alt” key, left of space bar. While holding press figures 0 1 6 9 in right hand numeric keypad. Release Alt key and © symbol appears. NB, Doesn’t work with figures along top row.

        You’re welcome.

      • Just go into the imoji section. 8 sections along. Down a bit & then it’s there. Not clear, but right next door to ®️ which means Registered Trade Mark.

  4. There are nowhere near enough rapes in modern films, either hetero or homo for my liking.
    Especially considering how many there are in real life in Hollywood thanks to wrong ‘uns like Harvey Weinstein.

    • Rest assured Thomas my new “adult” remake of Hitch’s Frenzy will make you happy: you will see Pixieballs floating naked in the Thames, Sue Grey bollock naked with her knickers round her ankles in the chair in her Soho office, Rachel Reeves will come tumbling out of the potato lorry, stark bollock – all with ties round their necks with the monogram “KS”. His final victim turns the tables on him. He takes AnalEase into Epping Forest and as he rapes her she manages to put her crusty knickers over his face and suffocates him. Fun for all the family. Would make an ideal family film for Xmas Day. Old Kweer will make an ideal Mr. Rust.

  6. Don’t forget the violent scenes. It’s either one tap and the other guy is out for hours, or a ludicrous choreographed fight scene lasting 10 mins with no chance of survival in real life. Followed by the hero having a slight limp for 5 minutes.

    • Someone getting whacked in the bollocks and recovering in 5 minutes I can still feel the pain 55 years later after it happened to me.

      • Hollywood went through a phase where you had ‘Mary Sue’ types punching and kneeing blokes in the cobs; often it was presented as a ‘humorous’ situation.

        Imagine a bloke kicking a woman in the cunt; the howls of outrage would be audible on Mars.

  7. But, but you never hear the hero say to the heroine

    ‘Do you take it up the ass’

    The action/fight scenes where the hero gets battered to fuck but still manages to keep going until the end…. And win, after being shot, stabbed, blown up, half drowned, tied up, hung upside down for hours, injected with fuck knows what truth drug and dropped from a great height.

    • Bruce Willis says ‘hello’.

      Alternatively, you’ve got that ludicrous cunt Steven ‘The Toupee’ Segal, who in every film would shoot and kick the shit out of a thousand black hats without them ever being able to land a sneeze on him.

      What a cunt.

      • Same here Soi. Though “Under Siege” bore a look, if only to see the 16″ guns being fired on the Missouri.

        Talking of which have you seen the video of Cher singing “If I could turn back time” sitting astride one of those gun barrels? The implication is about as subtle as an air raid.

  8. I hope the recovery is going alright Ron, get some sleep is both a film cliché and advice for convalescing.

    • Cheers Wank.

      ‘Try to get some sleep now’ is one of my greatest teeth gnashers, along with (whiny female voice) ‘none of this makes any sense’ and
      (wildly insincere smile to a dying person) ‘everything’s gonna be just fine!’.

      AAAAAAAARRGH!

  9. Especially restroom, bathrooms and washrooms.

    Fucking yanks, too up their own arses by far. I don’t go there for a bath, there’s no bath. I don’t go there for a rest, it smells of shit and piss. I only ever have a wash there after I’ve had a shit, which I do in there because it’s a shit house.

    • And the number of films which feature a conversation between lawyer types while they’re taking a piss in the ‘washroom’.

      Can’t we have a talk between a couple of hot female lawyers (they’ve always been to Harvard Law School, top three in their class,look about twenty) while they’re taking a piss?

      • You’ve just unwittingly given Boggs the script for numerous clichéd adult entertainment films.

      • Maybe I am a bit over sensitive but I find there has been recent trend to show people sitting on a lavatory while telephoning someone or having a conversation. We all have to complete the digestive transit but do we really have to show it?

  10. Back in the day the British always made the best villains… clever,witty and ruthless.

    Time for a new one..
    This one has a brittle personality, a nasel droning voice,a silly teddy boy haircut,short sighted vision, can’t read a room or speak without constantly checking notes.

    Did I say villain? Sorry I meant utter cunt.

  11. The most fucking annoying trope is where the hero/heroine is faced with a grisly end only to wake up and find they have been fucking dreaming.

    • Indeed Twenty. And they always sit bolt upright in bed, as you do when you come out of a bad dream.

      • Change the word ‘grisly’ to. ‘gristly’ and you have given Boggs adult entertainment films scripts for the next six months.

  12. Modern films have feisty wimmin in them who always know best and can knock the shite out of 16 stone blokes.

    How these Hollywood types met my wife is a mystery to me.

    The crafty cunts.

    • Jodie Foster always plays a ‘feisty’ ‘strong’ woman,who goes apeshit to protect her kid.

      Well overrated anyway, And I never could stand her voice (the way she pronounces her S’s as Eshes).

  13. Cars that get battered to hell yet still run and car chases in cities like LA or New York where rush hour doesn’t seem to exist. And of course the random semi-trailer that appears on cue out of nowhere to bring the chasing car to a screeching halt.

  14. All modern ‘dramas’ on the likes of Netflix, Amazon , and all them are heavig with cliches.

    Low voice mumbling followed by sporadic screams.
    The overuse of the F-Word.
    Over the top violence.
    Convoluted ‘cat and mouse’ bollocks
    Villains/criminals as nietzschean supermen with superior intellect.
    Viillains portayed as sympathetic characters.

    Every character from Norman Bates to Hannibal Lecter has been ‘re-imagined’ this way. And I fucking hate Peaky Blinders. Ludicrous overrated shite. It’s like EastEnders with swearing and razors.

    • ‘Peaky Blinders’ is more realistic than ‘NeverEnders’ I reckon; fewer murders, rapes, kidnappings and other violent crime. Same goes for ‘Coronation Cunts’.

      • Coronary Street would be much more authentic if the cast members used words like ‘fook’and ‘shite’ all the time.

  15. The A-Team.
    Masses of machine gun fire. Cars exploding. Plenty of fights.
    Yet nobody ever died.

      • I did like the A-Team.
        I also liked Miami Vice.

        My favourites though were The Sweeney, Target and The Professionals.

        I also liked Dempsey and Makepaeace. Dempsey was a mad fearless American cop. And Makepeace quite simply gave me the raging horn.

      • My Dad loved the A team. 5.45 on a Saturday afternoon.

        As he explained, ‘I can just remove my brain and watch’.

        tens of thousands of rounds fired, with never a mag change and nobody ever got hit.

        And Faceman always gets within a kitten’s whisker of snaffling some grade A 1980’s pussy, before Hannibal drags him away.

        Poor fucker, his balls must have been blue by the end of the series.

  17. James Bond was full of cliches, but I loved them.
    Take Live and Let Die…

    Loads of car and speedboat chases.
    Shitcker Sheriff (the great Clifton James).
    Loads of evil black villains (voodoo men. pimps, drug dealers jiveass cab drivers).

    Top class totty (Jane Seymour, Madeline Smith).
    Killer alligators and sharks.
    Top Bond gadgets.

    Proper classic entertainment.
    Now destroyed by Daniel Craig and Phoebe Waller Cunt.

    • Yes Norman, the Bond of old didn’t worry too much about perpetuating ethnic stereotypes, karate kicking ninja Japs, robot like Russians and excitable Indians.

    • Waller Cunt will destroy anything she gets near to (see last ‘Indiana Jones’ stinker).

      To be honest I find her so fucking sexy tho, Gawd knows why.

  19. Not a clichè here, but anyway a great film & dialogue – “Have you brought a horse for me?” “It looks like we are shy of one horse.” (Giggles) “No, you have brought two too many.” Charles Bronson in the film ‘Once upon a time in the West.” 1966.

  20. Gunfire in any enclosed space. and cunts continue conversations afterwards at a completely normal level… nuh uh! .. I walked in to a decent-sized sitting room once, said something ‘funny’ to the four blokes therein, .. and fired a starter pistol ‘into the ceiling’.

    Instant full-on tinnitus ringing for everyone. Several minutes before y’could hear at all properly. which was a good thing for me due to the amount of swearing being aimed my way for the duration. To be thorough .. in a split second more immediate (short term) damage than walking out from a 2 hour heavy metal concert where y’were only a couple of foot from the stage.

    And that was a single blank, in a biggish room, so ever since that day, any scene with indoor gunplay not deafening all nearby has been outside my suspension of disbelief. Fucking multiple machine guns in many cases having nary effect.

    Pity especially though for the scene around the nonchalantly-delivered line “Oh man, I just shot Marvin in the face” after discharging a gun inside a CAR!!

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R0b-jBMBFjI&pp=ygUeaSBqdXN0IHNob3QgbWFydmluIGluIHRoZSBmYWNl

    • Cuntemall,

      When I lived at home above the porch at the front door was a stone cat.
      About 7ft up and visible from the street.

      One night someone tried to climb up and nick it.

      My dad fired a starting pistol through the letterbox 😂

      The thief fell to the ground, sprang up and ran.
      Probably though it was a real gun.

      You’d get 10 years for that nowadays

      • Our house was full of militaria LL.

        Shotguns( from when my dad worked on a farm)
        Air rifles,
        Bayonets
        Kukri
        Cavalry swords
        Arab daggers
        Machetes
        Machine gun belts

        My mates loved our house.

        Also two German shepherds.

        Never got burgled.

      • Nice one!

        From a bit of distance, gunfire *could* be fireworks, maybe .. but up close there’s no mistaking what you just heard. A wonder there wasn’t a streak of human shit/piss trailing out your front garden that day/night 😄…

    • I’m certainly no firearms expert CuntemAll, but I once fired a .44 Magnum revolver inside a large shed. The bang was very loud and very short but within a few seconds my mates and I were talking normally. Maybe the room you were in was very acoustically live compared to a soggy old shed or maybe it’s because a starting pistol by definition is designed to make a very loud noise which would be heard clearly on an open sports field. I don’t know.

      • Contemplating what you’ve said, my ‘starter’ is for all the world a genuine (colt style) handgun, with a fitted metal tamp blocking the barrel, so 2 thoughts : (1) ALL the noise comes out the casing-exit & (2) the thing was only a foot from my ear.

        Was not pleasant, but still a fond memory. Had just procured the thing and walked into a mates sitting room with something along the lines of “wallets & watches, lads, and don’t give me any shit! *BANG* RIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGG…. 😄

  21. One you don’t see now, but it used to be in every crime film:

    Distraught wife: Is he……..?
    Detective: Yes, I’m afraid he is.

  22. You got 48 hours detective , says the chief.
    The detective then takes down a corrupt multi international corporation CEO and all board members with the help of a secretary who works in a library but is brilliant with a laptop.
    Great work detective.

  23. ” I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life that I’m not proud of and I swore to someone once that I would never do those things again,
    But for you I am willing to make an exception ”

    Denzel and the Russian assassin scene, cliched as fk but I loved the equaliser films

      • Yes Mis, watched all the originals as well with the Ma years back. while the Da was out for a few pints.

      • God Mecuntry I’d give anything to watch a episode of Colombo with my old gran ☹️

        Many a rainy afternoon we watched it together
        She always laughed and said

        ” He’s a scruffy bugger”

        But we both loved it.

      • Your gran had a keen eye Mis, He he he was an annoying fkr as well but compelling viewing, to find out who done what and how.
        ” just one more question” was always the trap

  24. The diffusion of bombs or explosives at the last few seconds by a guessed tug at a wire or a lucky cut of the correct wire.
    Who carries fucking snips as a matter of course bar electricians and the like.

    Note to bomb makers don’t use red and black wires, use non descript colours like yellow or grey keep ’em guessing.

    • As good as Callaghan WAS, he never shot a rapist in the dick/balls, like Robocop did in the original movie… and I saw from a string of quoting one-liners in a thread 6 weeks back, that there are a few Robocop-fan cunters in the congregation.

      I was having posting probs that day, but have been waiting for an excuse to share a re-imaginationing of that scene with y’all.

      Enjoy, sort of, … but prepare to squirm as much as smirk ….

      https://knowyourmeme.com/videos/82210-robocop-on-a-unicorn

      • I dunno why they put that stupid wording in the title of the link, .. this is DARK parody. I’m adding this ‘case the title would stop someone having a gander.

      • Precise shooting
        Loads of work available for that Robocop these days.
        Lefties would be excited with the new cockles genders he creates. An artist at work.
        Pity he wasn’t in Paris for the olympic ceremonies, Macron and he’s husband would have a refreshed and rather fishy affair forever afterwards along with the rest of the sick fk Quares

  26. Our hero has disarmed the bomb/freed the beautiful girl/ found the briefcase /whatever.

    As he goes to walk away ,
    From behind a pillar or statue steps the villain pointing a gun at him.

    “Going somewhere?”

    What sort of questions that!!
    Of course he’s fuckin going somewhere!
    Daft cunt

  27. Lars Von Trier’s masterpiece ‘The House that Jack Built ‘ is cliche free. I am not sure about Nymphomaniac Parts I & II.

  28. One of my favourite bits of dialogue in a film

    Clints walking in town
    From a alley

    ” You Filo Beddo?

    It’s biker gang leader Cholla.*

    Clint ” I know you?”

    Cholla ” your gonna”

    * Cholla was played by John Quade,
    John designed equipment for the original NASA moon landing which is still sat on the lunar surface.

      • Classic, loved it when I first saw, many moons ago.

        I will be out of your office Ron , any minute now.

      • Folkestone in Kent had it’s own “outlaw,” back in the 80’s. He was homeless. Always dressed as a cowboy. Roamed the streets, with two toy guns, like you could back then. Went under the name ‘Skint Eastwood.’ A true story. Don’t know what happened to him thought.

  29. Lordy, they just keep coming. The wife’s reading over my shoulder again, and throws in the following;

    *you just don’t get it do you?
    *incoming!
    *we got company
    *this ends here/now
    *leave him, he ain’t worth it/you’re not worth it
    *how many times do I have to tell you?

      • Another Classic , Jean Hackman is the meanest bastard in it, and Richard Harris got the shit kicked out of, which was a brilliant scene also, as it was so real.
        “The Duck of death”
        Classic line.

    • *why are you doing this to me?
      *this isn’t happening!

      the medicine cabinet mirror scare
      limitless ammo

      Gawd,now I’ve her started.

  30. Whenever some bugger is down on the floor mortally wounded some imploring breathless twat always says ” stay with me buddy, don’t you die on me ” just as the buddy croaks.

Comments are closed.