Bugger me the latest Windows “outages” currently paralysing the world – and quite literally if you are having NHS surgery – take me back to the ’70s when Microsoft OSs were notoriously unreliable and falling over their own poorly tested and poorly written code. (The PC wasn’t invented until 1982 with the first version of Windows not released until 1985, but carry on – NA) There were rolling testing releases to the community which somehow never created a reliable OS. One change/update would set off a whole series of further faults ect ect and trigger the notorious BS of Death, the fault screen advising to switch off (losing all your work) and restart in Safe Mode. Then you can start wanking to this:
So here we go again, synthetic apologies but no lessons learned. Well I learned my lesson years ago and use Linux/Ubuntu (free) and Mac (because certain of my programmes only work in Mac) and when only strictly necessary my own hacked copy of Windows XP (has been around so long most of the bugs have been ironed out). I never use Cloud services so have avoided the current buggeration. Ironic that MS have always been pilloried as the deep throat Bond villains of the World and here we are with the greatest master stroke of World Domination ever perpetrated.
Apparently down to their Security Partner Cloudstrike (sounds like a SMERSH cover name) who wrote and dumped new code on the World without basic fitness for purpose checks. Latest optimistic assessment “Recovery likely to take weeks rather than days”. Very sincerest apologies from Cloudstrike Ceo George Kurtz (classic Bond villain name). Compo conflicts already underway with M’ Learned Friends calculating their massive fees (but definitely not using Windows).
Now we are back to the Stone Age having to learn how to use cash and book holidays ect by filling in forms. Worst aspect of it all is the total swamping of other news and endless tech type personality free talking heads trying to explain what they have yet to understand. This is vindication of the Total Cock-Up theory of history. Anyone wanting to comment on this post will likely have to post it.
Nominated by : Sir Limply Stoke
Bring back the Amstrad PcW 8256/8512!. You could even get a modem for it.
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I knew this would all get over-my-head technical
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Still use my Amstrad PCW. Cutting down floppy disks to fit is a right bugger though. Finding floppies of any size is a bigger bugger.
3
I currently have a floppy but win10 doesn’t recognise it.
3
At least they can’t blame this one on Brexit or climate change or Trump.
Or CAN they…..?
Afternoon all.
20
You can shove the “cloud” up your ass.
You can shove Windows 11 up your ass – took me ages to let Windows 10 anywhere near my m/c.
You can shove accessing anything on stupid little smartphones – if I want to access my bank or email, I’ll use a proper keyboard thank you, on something that is ethernet wired. My “smart” phone is used for making/receiving fucking phone calls!!
Admin’s banner really made me smile – it really does typify how the OS providers look upon their paying customers.
Fuck Off …
15
Cloud = using someone else’s computers/servers to host your information, software, infrastructure.
That’s fine until their government changes and they end up declaring war on people.
Naaaaah it’ll be fine.
10
I had a mate who used to go on about ‘the cloud’ all the time, thinking it was only in cyberspace.
He didn’t understand it needed a physical device in a geographic location somewhere for it to actually work.
Still he was the world’s biggest Walter Mitty as well.
3
Yeah I’ve had this argument with someone about the fact that it isn’t some weird invisible, intangible thing, like something out of the Lawnmower Man or Tron. It’s just a computer or server rack in a data centre somewhere like Arizona but he wouldn’t have it.
I realised years ago that arguing with some people is futile and to just leave them to their delusions.
He was a questionable boyfriend of a young woman I used to know back in the 2010s. She was hot and had Magenta hair like those indy rock chicks did back around 2010/2011. He was one of those weird new age muppets: lived on a canal boat, did fire dancing, thought he was some sort of druid or some bollocks like that.
Probably be a member of just stop oil now.
3
One of the things I find most staggering in its lack of foresight with all of this is more often than not they don’t seem to have a back up to roll back to an earlier version. There never seems to be contingency plan.
One more thing, they’re so hell bent on moving towards a ‘cashless society’ but don’t have any work around for something like this.
I would say it’s like putting all your eggs in one basket, but they don’t even seem to have a basket.
No doubt in the future I will have to atone for crimes of going against THE MESSAGE!!!
If they ask I’m telling them it’s all MNCs fault. I’ll sing like a canary.
I’m too pretty go inside.
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Eh?
My computer didn’t conk out. I could still get connected to IsAC, which is all that matters to me. Everything else computer-wise is a load of bollocks.
15
Well said, Geordie.
And may your leeks flourish.
🥒
3
Outage what outage?
Just another day at the office for me.
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KEEP USING CASH! Fuck the agenda of the banks and big business, the more outages like this the better might make them see what a cuntish idea it is trusting electric and complex systems 100%. Once the electricity thing has gone you have no loot, pocket full of readies is there in your hand and not disappearing into the ether. Luddite and happy to be so.
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We’re now seeing Soviet-levels of backwardness dressed up as ‘progress’ here in the west.
Net Zero, yet make everything based on electricity.
Invest in low carbon renewables, but not proven high density energy generation like nuclear.
Train up thousands of healthcare workers using taxpayers money, then give the jobs to less.well-trained foreign workers with poor English, importing them and yheir families who msy not have any skills..
Allow men to share toilets and changing rooms with children but create an Online Harms bill to ‘protect children’.
Hand contracts to drug companies to create billions of doses of vaccines using new techniques over 10 years before long term effects are known and with huge numbers of adverse effects reported to the MHRA.
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I blame it on the boogie.
So much so, I danced my arse off the other day then stopped to pick a buttock up.
🌻
Stop posting comments to the Nominations page. That’s why you’re being moderated and will continue to be until you learn the Nominations page is for nominations. Read the fucking rules – NA.
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Many apologies, NA, but I was querying why the software blocks the seemingly innocuous word `arse`. That was the original posting here.
Actually you posted a comment to a nomination the other day. You’ve been on the moderated list for a day now, but have only just noticed.
Apology accepted.
We’re not picking on you. The rule applies to everyone. Extra work like filtering out irrelevant Nomination page comments or dealing with spats between cunters is a big time overhead for a small admin team. You are now unmoderated. Thanks – NA.
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Ah – that explains it.
Again, many apologies – was just endorsing a nom due to over-exuberance!. Usually I provide a link if the nominator has an issue. No worries, let`s get back to the more important business of cunting cunts.
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Some good news about the outage, sly news had to take the day off from lying.
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Damned glad I store my staggering pọrn collection on external hard drives.
If I lost my collection of lady dwarves trying to run a steeplechase whilst being chased by Matthew Corbett wearing Bernie Clifton’s ostrich costume and sporting a lubed-up Sooty and Sweep on his hands, I’d be mortified.
Bit of an overshare there Thomas – NA.
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@NA
Don’t you usually read Thomases posts?
LOL. I do, but this one seemed strangely specific that it must be true. If Savile wasn’t already dead…… – NA.
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I can only imagine the glee of Mr Putin as he watches these idiotic pantomimes unfold.
Whether it be a “software update” or a drunken captain of a deep sea trawler cutting through a cable it all adds up to a big win for anyone looking to exploit our disastrous reliance on uber woke californian Big Tech companies.
The Westminster Dung and the MSM prattle on about spending more on troops,tanks,rockets etc etc but we’d be fucked in a week if the Ivans sank a few cargo ships loaded with food or cut a cable or two on the seabed.
It’s all a heap of shit but good luck getting a refund out of Bill “asylum” Gates.
Piss up a rope.
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https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cyx0perl8yno
maaaaate
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Could we get Dawn Butler circumcised?. Asking for a friend.
5
Don’t you mean beheaded .
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In reality, we are only one decent solar storm or russian sent EMP away from total anarchy.
Glorious.
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McAffe antivirus caused a global IT meltdown in 2010, again due to a faulty update. The CTO at the time was George Kurtz (pre-S.M.E.R.S.H), now CEO of Crowdstrike.
Just goes to prove the old adage correct… There’s no cure for being a cunt.
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Aparently our nuclear deterant subs still use Windows XP. 🙄
https://www.popularmechanics.com/military/weapons/a19061/britains-doomsday-subs-run-windows-xp/
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Apart from the fact that article is over eight years old Cuntalugs, it is also highly misleading, whether due to intention or ignorance I know not. XP was (is?) an unusually robust, successful and long-lived OS. The military using old generation systems is usually down to the need for very high reliability rather than cost-cutting or poor management. Kit that has been around for years is well understood as are its bugs and weaknesses which by now would be fixed or accommodated. Take a look here;
https://www.itpro.com/hardware/368293/why-cutting-edge-spacecraft-use-ancient-computers
4
You may remember this event where it was discovered that the Foxbat was equipped with valve (nuvistor) based electronics in order to survive EMP if we were slinging nukes at one another;
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defection_of_Viktor_Belenko
I have seen high power transmitter valves running with the anodes glowing red hot without failing.
4
‘The computers are down. Call Gavin from IT, he’ll sort it. You know, Gavin, the greasy-haired nerd with the bumfluff and ponytail. Wears shorts and sandals even in winter and his breath stinks. Absolute no hoper with the girls’.
‘Uh???’
‘Looks like Jess Phillips’.
‘Oh yeah, right, him’.
So you have met Technocunt then? – NA.
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I don’t think we’ve heard from Techno lately, have we?
Probably been sent on a personal hygiene course.
6
or nut-deep in blonde Danish birds.
6
Didn’t he say that the move to Denmark had been effectively quashed by his wife?
He did, but I gather the easy acquisition of Class A drugs and top shelf prostitutes was a lure too hard to turn down. Allegedly – NA.
3
I never experienced any computer outrage.
Although some of the supermarkets had signs saying
” CASH ONLY”
They’re probably on the fiddle like Jack the Cunter?
I immediately informed the Grey suits at HMRC.
Take that Sainsbury’s!!
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Cash is King 👑 😁
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Elvis is king..
6
That stop in Ayrshire changed his diet forever.
1
I bloody wish the apocalypse would just hurry up and start or I’ll be too old to enjoy it.
I’ll be transferring from hunting to trapping soon and, as a highly imaginative engineer, my capture devices will be highly effective.
What will you be hunting and trapping, Thomas? – NA.
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I think cyclists. When the fuel pumps stop working and and the fuel has all been siphoned and used, people will get around on their bikes scavenging food.
If I see someone with a posh bike, carbon fibre or something, I’ll assume that they were a leftie Guardian reader pre-apocalypse and, as such, they would be the first guests to visit my abbatoir.
A couple of days later, I’d aim to barter with the family who came in search of them, trading whatever useful items they had with well-prepared steaks made from their relative.
Oops, shouldn’t have said that out loud…don’t want any of your buggers plagiarising my idea!
10
Will you bait the traps with avocado on toast..
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Why do I get the feeling that your highly ingenious trapping device is going to consist of a large cardboard box, a twig and a length of string. The possibility of a chloroform rag somewhere in the mix is also a given.
Now, what to use for bait?
1. An iphone to attract influencers and thick-tok narcissists?
2. A marmite smeared ring donut to attract the likes of Schofield, Barrymore and Mandelson?
3. An over ripe fish supper to attract Miriam Margoyles?
Go on Thomas. Do tell. 😁
8
I have this vision of a Mad Max like Thomas stalking his fair prey in a post apocalyptic world while living in his own highly engineered hi-tech log cabin surrounded by snares and traps lest any unwitting soul dare encroach his lair.
I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.
4
Just imagine Karine Jean-Pierre and Kamala Harris, both wearing knuckledusters and Wonder Woman costumes, beating each other up in the Oval Office until there’s a broken bone or two and that should settle you down nicely to sleep, GC.
After you’ve shot your load, of course.
5
Hey Thomas,
There’s plenty of black women I’d be willing to shoot a load on…but even in a caged death match…Cacklin’ Kammy and Karine Jean-Luc Picard ain’t 2 of them.
Besides, I wouldn’t know which one to root for.
6
Why do you feel the need to wait until the fuel pumps stop working?
2
I wholeheartedly concur with this Cunting.
Microsoft is indeed a major and massive Techno-cunt of 2001 Space Odyssey / HAL proportions.
But how could it be otherwise?
I was created by one of the most evil little cunts to ever stalk the earth…Bill fucking Gates.
One of Jeffery Epstein’s little pals, this malignant little cunt is a true shitstain on the diaper of humanity.
Bring out the Guillotine. He deserves no less than a front row spot in the queue.
Oh…and let him stare at the fucking blue screen of death as the blade is falling.
Cunt!
12
Interesting thing about HAL from 2001 A Space Odyssey… the IT company IBM actually got their name by using the letters directly after the letters in the name HAL. True story.
1
I thought it was simply International Business Machines?
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I’m afraid that’s incorrect mate. IBM was the name given to a previous company that dealt with early tabulating machines, in 1924, bit before the movie.
Maybe you meant HAL got his name from IBM?
4
@Termujin
That’s the one. I know there were only two options and I chose the opposite one but I was pretty close.
2
I thought HAL was a contraction of Heuristic ALgorithmic and IBM were just consulting with Kubrick, but i can believe a little joke Clarke and Kubrick came up with, the scamps.
0
Thomas,
Could you torture Miriam Margoyles aswell before you butcher her.
Many tahnks,
6
I daresay I could, HNB.
She’d could partake of my strengthened “bariatric rack”.
Then time for bed in the comfily-widened ‘Rik Waller’ suite in my love dungeon.
Doubt she’d taste nice though, no matter how much seasoning you used.
5
Loathsome bitch, along with Jo Brand. Fuck me, they are, apparently, women? Makes me appreciate gays.
2
Im not sure the post apocalypse will be all that bad?
All the benefits spongers will be dead within a fortnight.
You get to rock a mullet like Melanie Gibson in Mad Max.
Trade and barter, or outright take off the weak and sickly.
Blissful days of trapping rabbits , foraging (nude) and practicing archery.
How marvelous.
7
Obviously id have to fortify the allotment.
Put up a watchtower out of old pallets.
Sort of a cross between the garden of Eden and Stalag 13.
Magical.
Booby traps for the desperate hoping for free vegetables.
Hopefully they’ll die off from scurvy.
8
Who would have guessed that having an over-arching security company overseeing multiple systems might cause widespread chaos? “Cloudstrike”, how very appropriate. Fuck off and buy some crayons.
Good afternoon, everyone.
8
The government still want to pudh the cashless, paperless, even more electricity-dependent society.
Hubris and arrogance.
9
Agreed Cuntamus.
Those are all essential tools for controlling the Great Unwashed in the upcoming Brave New One World Order…
…along with pandemic lock downs…
…and feeding us bugs…
…and mail in voting…
…and chipping our cats…
6
My brother’s eaten dried grasshoppers on his travels. He said they didn’t taste of anything much, apart from Shredded Wheat.
Something to look forward to.
1
I have no problem with Windows 11.
I don’t like the interface but that can be changed.
The only issue that I have is that the default programme for pdf files keeps changing from my choice of Acrobat to Microsoft Edge.
When I get time I will look for a permanent solution.
4
OneDrive is a cunt as well. I had to delete it because it kept automatically reassigning the profile/save folder for a game I play without my consent, so every time I fired up the game, my profiles and saves weren’t visible in the game menu.
2
Sorry for going off topic…
12:56 CDT
Citing multiple sources, Newsmax is reporting that Joe Biden has dropped out of the Presidential race.
Yeah, let’s not de-rail this nom. We’ve moved up a Joe Biden nomination which will now appear tomorrow – NA.
4
Do you think they’ve actually told ol’ Jurassic Joe that he’s out yet?
0
Good afternoon (here in the States) NA.
A thousand pardons.
8
Blue screen of death..
Sounds like one of those posthumous bruce lee movies..
Mr Lee can’t collect his kung fu uniform from the dry cleaners due to a card snafu, with no cash, bruce “or his double” nunchucks the shit out of every.
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Everyone.. fucking Microsoft cunts..🤣🤣
5
It gets even weirder when a technological glitch sends Bruce to Facebook jail and he gets into a fight to the death with Mark Zuckerberg over Zuck’s cultural appropriation of Priscilla Chan as his wife.
4
That’s weird. I spent all yesterday on my Windows 11 laptop and had no issue whatsoever.
I do agree though, Microsoft IS a massive pile of bloatware wank which is why I also have another laptop with a Linux Ubuntu distro installed as a backup.
2
It wasn’t a MS problem, it was a third party security provider update that shagged windows (this time).
3
Sorry gents and admin (I do appreciate the thrill of taking correction) – I did a Biden cogdec on the PC operating systems. Should have said ’80s when I posted ’70s. In the 70s I was doing the Dance of Death with punched paper tape and Hollerith cards (those little rectangular cards with punched holes in them used in libraries originally developed to keep track of Jews in Greater Germany and the Nazi Death Camps) and UNIX OS. Then a “PC” was basically the size of a room and required AC to prevent a meltdown. Think lots of men in white coats with clipboards servicing the dastardly schemes of a Bond villain.
4
I feel that, at 60, I’m not really up to the learning curve required for Linux although I did briefly run one in a win 10 VM until an MBR failure screwed my drive. Any ideas on running a dual boot on a 10 year old pc? Is it worth the effort?
2
Sorry gents and admin (I do appreciate the thrill of taking correction) – I did a Biden cogdec on the PC operating systems. Should have said ’80s when I posted ’70s. In the 70s I was doing the Dance of Death with punched paper tape and Hollerith cards (those little rectangular cards with punched holes in them used in libraries originally developed to keep track of Jews in Greater Germany and the Nazi Death Camps) and UNIX OS. Then a “PC” was basically the size of a room and required AC to prevent a meltdown. Think lots of men in white coats with clipboards servicing the dastardly schemes of a Bond villain.
4
Allow me to don my tinfoil sombrero.
Isn’t this a glimpse into the digital future?
Complete control over every aspect of a plebs existence?
As some cunters have already mentioned.
Cash, Petrol, Diesel and log burners are king.
By the way, speaking of Floppy’s – the Jess Phillips nomination earlier certainly gave me a floppy.
5
Seen on news that met police are hunting a suspect after 3 pride flags vandalised in London. Shame they cant do the same when foreign imports burn the 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
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How did they vandalise the poofters flag..?
Did they bend it over, and shove a big black nobbler right up it’s dirtbox ..💩
Jesus h Christ, read Leviticus 18/22.
8
Has anyfucker noticed that we have an admin that’s actually awake? Must be new.
8
New or not it is noteworthy and not accidental.
4
The only thing this blue screen malarkey tells me is what I already know.
Be as self reliant as possible.
Have a plentiful supply of cash on hand ( not in the robber bank )
Keep the food cupboard well stocked.
Have a good supply of essentials.
Etc. etc.
Some dullards can’t even knock a nail in a piece of
wood. They think all that they need to live life is a mobile phone.
Lambs to the slaughter.
Good morning 🌅👍
From sunny Worcestershire.
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Morning Jack, you echo my sentiments and outlook 100%, 👍👍👍👍
3
Seconded. (Thirded?)
2
Hello gentlemen. I think most folk on here would concur. 😃
2