If you are going to write a song or make a film involving simple science, at least get the fucking facts right. You might argue this is a somewhat pedantic cunting, but it`s just plain irritating.
Here are 3 embarrassing examples …
Film: The Wizard of Oz
[After the Wizard gives the Scarecrow his diploma, he says,] “The sum of the square roots of any 2 sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.”
■ I would suggest the diploma awarding body needs investigating and the qualification withdrawn.
(The actual formula relates to a right angled triangle. Furthermore, the formula, as stated by our old mate Pythagoras, says the sum of the squares of the lengths of the two shorter sides equals the square of the hypotenuse (the longest side). Not the square roots and not an isosceles triangle. You’re welcome – NA)
Film: The Shawshank Redemption
… Andy is crawling through the sewage pipe, Red, in his narration says that he crawled through 500 yards to the end of the pipe … “just shy of a half mile”.
■ Yep, about 380 yards just shy.
Song: 9 Million Bicycles …
“We are 12 billion light years from the edge”; although to be fair, Katie Melua did issue an amendment …
Bonus: Anything that gushes out of Diane Abbotts mouth connected with numbers. Or anything else, for that matter.
Over to you cunters …
Nominated by : Sam Beau
Spongebob’s pants are actually rectangular.
Pyramid tea bags are tetrahedral.
15
Amongst the most common failures is the difference between velocity and acceleration. In an early episode of NCIS concerning a body falling from an aeroplane an actor stated; “Terminal velocity is 32 feet per second.”
2
Or when people say that gravity is 9.81 m/s and forget to add ⌃2.
5
Indeed Thomas and I meant of course CSI. The alzheimers progresses.
Being current in the industry you work in SI units of course. I’m of a generation where we were learning during the transition from imperial to metric and so I can switch comfortably between the two. I had a conversation with a man from Thames Water who said our mains water presssure was 2.5 bar. I replied so a head of about 75 feet. He poked buttons on his calculator for a minute and then said;
“No mate, it’s 22 metres.”
3
As an aside, as Admin have used that particular pic, do you chaps remember seeing Jurassic Park at the cinema and thinking ‘if Sam Neill and that brat had to climb down the vine by the sheer wall to avoid the falling Ford Explorer, how the fuck did the T-Rex climb out at the top?’
Continuity, my arse.
6
The T-Rex paddock was the other side of the road.
Regards
John Hammond.
2
Aah, thanks dear Dickie A!
I shall re-watch that scene this evening.
2
Haven’t seen it in years but at the time..
Obsessed.
2
Thomas @
Back in the 90s I went the pictures with a bird to see the original Jurassic park.
Remember when the kids climbing the chain link fence and the electricity comes back on blowing him off sending him sprawling?
I burst out laughing loudly.
Unfortunately I was the only one.
The bird was mortified.😂
13
Load of bollocks T Rex was a pale rose colour not dirty green.
1
Back in the 1800s people thought Iguanadon’s thumb spike was on its nose.
1
Don’t let those little arms fool you thomas,the T-rex were fantastic climbers..
First dinosaurs to summit everest.
3
Awful for wanking though
6
But they couldn’t scratch their itchy bollocks which is why they were always so fucking grumpy.
3
Since when was Jordan Pickford in Jurassic Park?
2
Indiana Jones hiding in an old fridge and surviving a nuclear blast.
11
Marion Ravenwood “I was a child! I was in love…it was wrong and you knew it!”
Indy “Errrrr…shit”…then looking around to see who heard that and slipping his garotte out of his pocket…
9
Perfectly plausible.
I’ve tried it myself.
4
The Americans winning WWII single handed and out of the goodness of their hearts.
No mention of England standing up to the Hun for two years alone and then paying over £1 trillion to the yanks under the lend lease agreement to liberate the rest of Europe.
13
Whilst the Marshal plan rebuilt Germany with our money….
10
That was historically accurate. We were too busy drinking tea and eating crumpets the playing cricket to bother fighting the war.
The Americans were slaughtered by the million on the beaches of Normandy while we were on the lawn asking each other, ‘shall I be mother?’
Spitfires never saw combat. They were used for air mail to Scotland. They wouldve been torn to shreds by the Luftwaffe’s Me262. Only America had anything to rival it, the P-51 X-Wing.
8
Appreciate the sarcasm there Cuntamus. I beg to add two reminders;
1) A sailor in the Royal Navy recovered the first enigma machine from a U-boat before the Americans entered the war.
2) The P51 was a devastating machine but only after being fitted with the Merlin, developed in Derby.
12
Wow Sam Beau you take the Wizard of Oz pretty serious.
That Indiana Jones bloke isn’t a fair representation of a archeologist anyway,
Normally some scruffy cunt in a handmade jumper and a grey ponytail.
And most don’t carry bullwhips.
That’s how you get a reputation for being a bit ‘funny’.
7
I can’t see Dr Jones on Time Team.
4
How can you not take ‘the Woz’ portmanteau word there) seriously?
Those monkeys were terrifying.
‘Who’s going to help the Wicked Witch?’
‘Give her.. monkeys!’
‘right..’
‘Make them blue’
‘okayyy….’
.’…and then have them fly.’
‘hmmm…’
3
Got to write a Classic
Got to write it in an Attic.
Not sure if any of that’s scientifically accurate.
Good Morning
4
Anne Frank?
7
In Back to the Future Marty mcFly travels back and forwards in time.
Hanging around with a eccentric “older man” in a shed.
It’s Clearly insinuated he seduced his own mother and is his own father.
No wonder he shakes like a shitting dog the dirty little bastard.
11
Good call Mis.
It maybe explains why Mark Hamill is now a Biden loving puddled old woke cunt after snogging his sister in the Star Wars films.
10
Use the force Luke use the force….😬
4
Slightly related – Dambusters was on Sky the other night. Richard Todd has been dubbed over and the dog is now called “Trigger” isntead of “N1gger”. FFS. I also noticed a strange anomaly on BBC today. The blac-power salute picture of St Stephen of Lawrence seems to have been photshopped to show him with arms crossed.
new:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cw0ypn7z702o
old:
https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/detectives-original-stephen-lawrence-inquiry-not-face-prosecution/
10
I wonder if the dog kept calling Richard Todd “Dave”?
4
Dave’s not here,man
5
No it’s me. Open up , I’ve got the stuff.
2
One thing I found a little unrealistic about 2001: A Space Odyssey is when the chap travels to the moon on his own. Surely the shuttle would be packed with scientists and hardware off to investigate or it’s a waste of fuel.
2
… ♪ ♫
Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars,
And let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter* and Mars.
… ♪ ♫
It`s tough to know where to begin with the ridiculous science in that one. I despair.
🌘
(*Pronounced `doo-piter` by our colonial brethren.
8
You would go a long way to beat The Core where a team of scientists have to drill to the Earths molten core in a special vessel to set off nuclear explosions to restart rotation. To be fair it doesn’t really pretend to be serious but isn’t one of those ‘so bad its good’ films either.
And the Americans love a bomb too.
Problem with the Earths core? Nuke it.
Asteroid going to wipe out humanity? Nuke it.
Cyborgs taking over? Nuke it.
8
Well said, LL.
Especially the reference to the [comedy] film Armageddon.
But don`t worry if any of you cunterati haven`t seen it – it`s not the end of the world.
🤯
6
Didn’t they Nuke the alien spaceship in Independence Day an all?
5
Pakıstan? Nuke it.
12
I’ve seen the Core. It’s known for its bad science.
A black man inventing all of those revolutionary materials and gadgets on his own.
Tsk tsk.
4
Any film with aircraft – there’s always something wrong. I’ll give Airwolf as pass as it was fucking ace; speed up the scene.
Guns with endless ammo, 12 shot revolvers, 30 round shot guns.
7
Every watched Hobo With a shotgun? Rutger Hauer…that’s a fucked up but strangely watchable film.
6
That cunt shooting his own foot off in ‘Straw Dogs’ always makes me laugh.
4
Indeed I have. Rutger in his glory days. A better Mr Majestyk.
4
The much-celebrated Top Gun Maverick. Complete shite.
I dont care if it’s not woke either. Dan Dare was more realistic.
4
Hope I die before I get old…………talkin bout ma generation
1
That cunt Pete Townshend claiming to have ‘invented’ the internet. Doesn’t the egotistic fucker know the difference between a loose thought and true technological advancement? I note that he has never claimed credit for possessing pornographic images of children.
10
he was just doing “research”…..
3
Ah, ‘research’…
Research, for a ‘book’. A book that never came out.
Right…..
4
He now claims to have also invented the Walkman.
Seriously, he says it here.
https://superdeluxeedition.com/interview/pete-townshend-the-sde-interview/
Dd he invent sliced bread as well? Loved Thw Who, but he has always been an up himsef big conked cunt.
3
Did he claim to invent it, or he did he just predict something similar?
Arthur C. Clarke predicted a few things, but never claimed to invent them.
The Internet was invented by DARPA.
2
Hi DCI…good to see you!
How’s tricks?
4
One thing has been established this week…
That Amanda Abbington alwatys has been and never not will be
a complete and uttter cunt.
4
She is a daft twat. I remember her disingenously wondering what happened to John Cleese to make him think London was no longer an English city.
Open your fucking eyes.
6
Funny old world. eh?
Scores of people – including kids – are murdered at a pop concert, and it’s ‘don’t look back in anger’ and ‘ they’re not all bad’…
One piece of crap (foreign, naturally) gets a bit of a kicking from the cozzers and there’s a public outcry and cunts protesting outside the cop shop.
Mind you, those fucks in Rochdale were probab;ly the cunt’s relatives. What has haapened in both Leeds and Rochdale is proof that UK towns and communities hvve been taken over.
14
A mild kicking by all means. Should have pulped the cunt.
4
So, he was a Paki, eh?
Wondered why three quarters of Rochdale was storming that cop shop.
I fully expect to hear the following words very soon.
Traumatised relatives
Life chaniging injuries
Compensation claim
This cunt and his unwashed tribe will end up in luxury for life, like that Malala cunt and her family.
4
Where’ve yer been, Guv?
3
I am not sure about this nom.
Julie Andrews films are all perfect. The science in ‘Mary Poppins’ is utterly faultless.
It is the same with Hammer films. The methods used to re-animate Frankenstein’s monster are exactly what real scientists would use. The red liquid mixes with the blue and goes all fizzy just like in the lab at school. You can tell it is all correct, you only have to look at Peter Cushing’s expressions as he pulls the levers and turns on the thingy.
I will admit that the James Bond films can seem a little far-fetched. MI6 couldn’t spot a terrywrist at a children’s tea party.
Good afternoon, everyone.
6
Julie Andrews……a nice pair of tits in her day.
5
I remember once spotting one of our fellow cunters had picked Julie Andrews in the dead pool. Fucking unacceptable.
2
Sorry about that CC but she is fucking old now. All my picks will be a genuine loss to this world when they go.
1
There was great confusion during the Manhattan project, when the British scientists referred to a thingy’ the Americans would say’ that’s a doohickey’
2
Sorry I meant 20,000 Cunts.
0
I agree with the film aspect of this nom and suggest we add technology to the science. Every time I see some cunt watching security camera footage and suddenly yell, “STOP! Zoom in on that.” I want to shoot at the screen.
As for music, Sorry can’t agree. To Mme Beau’s point ,here’s Diana Krall:
https://youtu.be/jkk2mMq2x8E?si=Rm8MGsqJrtBJlMn0
7
OK then General, try this …
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPCjC543llU
No, it isn`t “5 o clock somewhere”, unless its exactly on the hour somewhere else. But don`t let that stop you from getting shitfaced any time you fancy.
🍺
4
Hey Sam,
I’ve always been a Parrot Head, but believe it or not I am distantly related (by marriage) to Alan Jackson.
As I’ve had to cut back my alcohol consumption in my (relative) old age I no longer use 5 O’clock to justify having a drink.
I had to implement a very strict rule about drinking and now there’s only 2 times when I allow myself a drink…NO exceptions!
…when I’m alone or when I’m with someone.
Other than that I never take a drop!
7
The Day After Tomorrow’s rapid cooling.
Rapid heating’s OK, with millions of degrees temperature difference. This is obviously impossible with just 273 degrees C below zero.
Al Gore should be dipped in liquid nitrogen, the idiot.
5
And another fing!
No evidence of clangers was discovered in any of the moon landings although being made of cheese was factual.
6
That episode of Doctor Whoke.
When the cunts said the Moon was a big fuck off egg, hatched by some giant space bird thiing.
I believe Peter Capaldi redigned in disgust after that.
4
Not forgetting the one where Jodie Whittakunt’ meets a pregnant man.
The BBC are bloody perverts. Sick bastards.
8
but it’s not propaganda.
oh no.
5
That fucking film “Willard” is well dodgy, and not just the science.
4
General inaccuracies, rather than scientific ones – middle class blacks in TV adverts. They drive Range Rovers, love dogs and cats and live a middle class existence. What bollocks.
13
Those ads always reminds me of a day out down Brighton. Went into the Asda to get a bottle of water with a couple of mates before heading off to the pub, got to the car park and a very shapely white woman walks past with her little son, who had brown skin and kinked black hair.
My mate, lsughing and at full volume; ‘We know what mummy likes!’
10
And the ones where well to do good looking birds are with a black bloke.
Total bullshit. Only chavs and the lower orders love choocycock.
7
The daftest one was that Lidl Christmas advert.
Traditional British Christmas dinner, with all the family there. Granny, kids, all that…
And then, the head of the household comes in with the turkey. And he’s a treeswinger.
14
The turkey is breaded with a coating of crumbs, cornflakes and seasoning, deep fried until gokden, then served with gravy, waffles and lashings of Grape soda and a couple hundred micrograms of Fentanyl.
4
Should have been curried goat Norman. I must know a dozen or so blick families, and none of them…yes NONE of them recognise that’s how they celebrate christmas and what they would eat.
0
I prefer watching films with long takes and if a conversation is taking place, all participants must be in the master shot, relating to a stage play. That’s what used to happen in the golden age of cinema. Not many have the patience these days. I’m not expecting the likes of Alexander Sokurov’s “The Russian Ark” made in one take.
4
Sammy, you should watch the masterpiece Dunston Checks In. Francois Truffaut once said it’s the best film he’d seen that wasn’t black and white or in French (despite dying 12 years before it was released).
Rupert Everett is a scream.
1
Thanks CP, I’ll give it a go. The film is being shown on film 4 sooner.
1
To be exact Mr Prime, I’ve booked it in for 11 am Tuesday.
1
I do miss all those old sci-fi films where the computer was always a big bank of randomly flashing coloured lights.
5
‘What’s this, Professor?’
‘It’s my epilepsy detector.’
5
Busted once sang about going to the year 3000, that included the infamous ” Not much has changed but they live underwater” I’d say changing to an aquatic existence is a pretty big fucking shift.
8
Hahaha 😂👍
0
No one speaks any form of English in the year 3000
2
Someone above mentioned Mark Hamil(Luke Skywalker).
In the original Star Wars he’s clearly meant to be the young star of the film, a love interest to Carrie Fishers Princess Leia.
The advertising posters show him ripped with muscle,blonde locks blowing in the winds of space.
Imagine the studios horror when for the sequel his head had swollen so much he had stretch marks around his mouth and resembled a slowly rotting pumpkin.
Also Harrison Fords character is more appealing and he was better looking.
Luke was so unattractive his dad tried to kill him.
Now he’s a lefty luvvie.
This is how he looks now.
https://images.app.goo.gl/6qukz85d6kkucBYb8
2
Cheers Mis.
Just spat my wine all over the screen.
Absolutely splendid, looks like summat the cat found in the garden, and ate.
1
Evening JP👍
You winning?
It must of hurt his feelings?
I can just imagine the awkward conversation between George Lucas and the CEO of the studios
CEO ” hey George, nice to see you!
We need to talk about the kid.
What’s happened to him?
He been in a motorcycle accident or a house fire or something?”
GL ” he’s just matured a bit. He’s only young still”.
CEO. ” He’s hideous frankly George.
He’s supposed to be the hero!
The fuckin aliens are better looking”
GL ” what can we do?
He’s got the big love scene coming up with Carrie Fisher.”
CEO ” say he’s her brother.
Get Harrison to do it.
Make him wear a hood”.
GL “get Mark in here let’s see how he takes it.”
MH ” Hey guys! How are you?
I’m really looking forward to the love scene with Carrie! 💕
CEO ” not so fast Quasimodo.
George wants you to be her brother.”
2
I’m great Mis.
I never thought he was particularly good looking but as he got older!
He could have played Darth Vader without makeup.
2
Between Star Wars & the follow-up. Hamill had been in a car crash, scarring his mush and fucking continuity. That’s why he gets a wallop in the chops from a sharp clawed yeti thing in the otherwise superfluous opening of Empire Strikes Back. Scene designed to cover the real world.
I guess in a perpendicular alternate dimension he would have been smacked by a yeti and a car crash scene needed in his next movie to cover for it.
2
The cunt looks as gay as buggery to me.
0
Sort of a hybrid between Peter Lorre and Ian Beale.
1
Star Trek (or virtually any other SciFi film):
Could anyone kindly explain how Captain Jerk and his crew all walk nonchalantly around the Starship Intercourse in zero gravity?
2
Erm? Geordie, not sure what you mean by Starship intercourse?
1
They call it gravity plating…… whatever the fuck that is.
0