Cunts Taking Bikes On Trains

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If you happen to use trains, you will know that they have limited spaces for bikes and cyclists are encouraged to book a space beforehand.

Despite this, nearly every time I get on a train, which is quite often, there is some sort of argument or commotion, where somebody or often a group, have turned up on the off chance they will get on with their bikes. This is particularly noticeable on weekends and bank holidays.

There will either be a heated argument with the poor cunt train manager who eventually tells them to sling their hook, or they wheedle their way on and then you get about a dozen bikes stacked up against the doors. There is rarely any consideration as to who is getting off first so whenever the fucking train stops, a sort of pantomime ensues and you may find muddy tyres rolling over your clothes, or get clouted around the head by a flailing handlebar.

It is usually middle class cunts, who look at you like you are covered in dog shite when you politely ask if you can get past, to get off the train.
I’m not usually in favour of increasing train fares but any cunt indulging in this behaviour should be made to pay an on-the-spot fine such as the equivalent fare of another person, but obviously a sound beating would be even better.

Nominated by : Mary Hinge

62 thoughts on “Cunts Taking Bikes On Trains”

  1. He is a thought cyclist cunts trying cycling to the destination instead of clogging up a train..

    I see Rodney needs needs a new bike as his looks clapped out.

  2. I wouldn’t be seen dead on a bicycle.

    People who ride them are hated by other road users, and it appears by train passengers.

    In that America they call people who travel by train Hobo’s.

    Do you play the mouth organ Mary?

    • You are willing to borrow my bike Mis, but I want you alive because you bring so much fun to the rest of us cunts.

    • “Do you play the mouth organ Mary?”

      I had to think about that one Mis. At first I thought you were making an indecent proposal. Tells you the state of my mind I guess.

  3. Cyclists always have a over developed sense of their own virtues. Most of them don’t realise just how whiffy they are after cycling to work.

    Good Morning.

    • I’m always amused by the spray of mud up their backs as well, like they have had particular explosive diarrhoea.

  4. Recently completed a journey on GWR on a rural line with request stops. The number of cycles , particularly the the busient time of day was nothing short of fucking ridiculous. Bring back the gaurds van and fucking charge the bastards for carriage !

  5. ‘Train Manager’, or as he used to be known, the ‘Guard’.

    Does anyone remember Lonnie Donnegan’s classic ‘My Old Man’s A Waste Management Logistics Officer’?

  6. Well done Admin btw – excellent header pic.
    I’m still chuckling.

    Ta. I’ve been looking forward to this one going live as the picture is just a classic ISAC piss take . Glad you got a chuckle – NA.

    • That is one bike I’d like to put through its paces.
      One wonders if it has ginger hairs around its ringpiece?

      • Maybe we could mount an expedition TCE. Having had the pleasure of a young lady with “fire down below” I would posit that ginger hairs would occur around her ringpiece. Would be a thrilling adventure.

    • That barrier should be installed across all pavements in London.

      Soon knock the entitlement out of the lycra clad cunts.

  8. I remeber some years ago when I was commuting, I was stood in a crowded carriage by the door, when a cunt got on with a foldable Brompton bike unfolded.
    The cheeky cunt asked me to move, I told him to collapse his bike, the reply was with a smirk and saying he couldn’t be bothered.
    I soon put him straight.

    • Telling him to collapse his bike before, or you’ll collapse him, would’ve been fun.

  9. I’m quite safe when traveling with my bicycle on the local shuttle train, due to having an empty carriage to myself. If I go to the front, its a certainty I’ll miss paying the fare by the time I reach my destination. Once there at the unmanned station without payment, I chuckle to myself when cycling off to the graveside of my late departed and tell her I did it again my love.

  10. Symptomatic of everything wrong with lots of people these days. I want to ride my bike at 30mph down the pavement and sod everybody else. I want to go through red lights and sod everybody else. I want to make a racket in my garden late at night and sod everybody else. I want to ignore airport security…

  11. Confirmation, as if it were needed, that all cyclists are cunts. I was on the tube once when a cunt in lycra brought his push bike on. Hopefully one day he’ll annoy a fellow passenger with the attitude of those who threw the JSO yobs off the roof of the train and then gave them a kicking. I look forward to seeing video of the cunt laid on the platform wearing his bicycle.

  12. The root cause of this sort of bicyclist mither is that they are not routinely subjected to extreme physical violence.

    Bike in your way?

    Throw it over a wall.

    Shouting Cunt Bicycler in unsavoury lycra outfits ?

    Oven.

    Good morning.

    • I have to confess Sam, I found that report hilarious. The fact that the scooter became jammed in the doors and pitched her out of the other side of the train caused me to laugh out loud as I pictured the event in my mind.

      Sorry, I’m a sick bastard.

    • The 8mph scooters are bloody heavy and like most electric vehicles have a fast takeoff and a rather amazing amount of torque. Can be bloody lethal if the rider is a bit confused.

  15. Looks like bicyclists in France won’t be taking their contraptions on the train for a few days.
    What a choker!

      • I think you’ll find the msm will claim it’s the work of the ‘far right’.
        In much the same way as our police claim the stabbing of an army officer isn’t terror related.

      • Nah, it’s those sight impaired Paralympic runners who took the olympic flame onboard and accidentally set the train alight. On a lighter (pun intended) note, looks like it’s a burning example of how importing tend of thousands of unassimilable savages has not achieved the “inclusivity, diversity and equality” that the morons kept plugging, except for including so many equally dead, on diverse ways.

    • Must be the Lebanese HezboNazis Team limbering up for the grenade and missile, shot and powered javelin events.. Not forgetting the Gazan polevauting over the fence team. Watch out for those hidden tunnel entrances in the long jump area used for the long distance kidnap relay race. First dead Jew in a tunnel gets the kidnapper a gold medal provided by the UN.

    • I had the misfortune to witness a bit of the opening ceremony earlier. There was biblical rain, and some silly cunt was naked and painted blue, and lying on what looked like a huge plate of fruit. There was a bit of plastic ivy draped around his nethers but you could still see his knackers hanging out the bottom. I hope someone else has seen this or otherwise I’m going out of my mind,

    • “Train services were suspended between North Shields and Wallsend for 45 minutes during the rescue operation.”

      FFS how long does it take to pick some clumsy cunt up off the tracks? Did they need to hire a crane to get the cunt and his scooter up? I fucking doubt it.

      • Why don’t they leave the unfortunate rail pizza where it is. I’m certain there’ll be nothing left to pick up after a few more train trips have travelled through.

      • I remember being held up in a similar situation and we were offered free drinks and a sandwich for the inconvenience. I’m going back a few years. Are they still as polite ?

  18. The old guards / goods van was a brilliant thing.

    I have very fond, feel good memories of going to Wales, camping with my mates. Courtesy of good old British Rail.

    We’d travel in the van with our tent, rucksacks and fishing rods. Making ourselves comfortable amongst the various packages, bikes and the ubiquitous wicker baskets containing racing pigeons, on their way to some distant release point.

    It was all very relaxed and easy going, but now is just another little slice of Dear Old Blighty that has gone for ever. ☹️

    This country has changed so much over the last fifty years.

    It breaks my fucking heart.

    Good morning 🌄👍

    • James Anderton was my kind of copper.

      No fucking messing.

      God’s policeman.

      RIP

    • The proof that Anderton was a good guy is the fact that he drove the Guardian crackers. They published articles which stated flat that he was a nut case.

      Your mention of the pigeon baskets on the trains took me back. In the 50s my father used to send pigeons in those rectangular baskets to Weymouth or Nantes and a day or two later they would be back at our house. Fucking amazing really. I don’t know how the system worked, did railway staff release the birds? I suppose it’s consigned to history now.

    • Used to be able go in the guards van for a smoke on the last train back from London back in the 90s after a weekends shagging

    • arfur@. I don’t think it happens like that any more, arfur.

      The wicker baskets will almost certainly have been consigned to history.

      I don’t know who released the birds.

      Maybe a pigeon fancier at the destination did the deed ?

      I like to think that it was a railway man, who looked a lot like Mr. Perks from The Railway Children. 😀

    • I’m still alive Gene. 👍

      Thanks to your marvelous colleagues.

      Fifteen years and still in the game 😁

      The Grim Reaper can Fuck Off for now. 💀

  21. It is a truth universally acknowledged that anyone riding a bike is an absolute cunt.

    One thing I’ve noticed recently is a number of bikes left chained to a fence or a lampost that have had their wheels kicked in. The loathing of these cunts is becoming a guerrilla movement it seems.

    Great bit of cunting Mary.

    Morning all.

    • I was thinking of taking some wire cutters into town to disable the hordes of illegal electric scooters. But they never seen to park them long enough

      • Am I right in thinking that these are neither road nor pavement legal?

        If so does this give me the right to kick these fucking cunts off them as they pass

    • Not many things amuse me quite as much as a soundly vandalised bicycle chained to a lamppost or other sturdy structure.
      For months there was one fixed to a purpose built bike bar using a D-shaped high security lock.
      Fuck all left of it bar the frame and the lock no forks no pedals or crank not even the brake blocks remained.
      It’s as if someone had attached only a frame as a joke but that’s not the case as I saw parts dwindling over time.
      Brings a smile now as I write this

  22. A massive bug bear of mine this .

    I like it if they leave them so the wheel is flat on the ground and will always make sure I trip (stamp)on it as I get off . This usually bends the spokes nicely or if I’m lucky enough for it to have carbon rims , cracks them to buggery.

  23. Wonder how many cyclists get called ‘bike nonce!’ from passing vans nowadays?

    I’d never do such a thing..

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