Joel Alvarez

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Joel Alvarez, putting the trash into trashy.

Miami Swim Week is apparently a prestigious fashion event, where top designers, of whom Joel is one, have models strutting the runway in the latest swimwear designs.

Daily Fail.

Joel went a bit avant-garde and had his models strut their stuff wearing, well, “body tape”. The basic black starts at a very reasonable $9.99 a roll.

Excuse me for a few minutes..Right, I’m back!

Anyway, what really leads me to cunt this, is that people were upset about the lack of “body-diverse” and plus-sized models.

What?

Like I want to see a photo of some fucking land whale, all cellulite and rippling back fat, sauntering down the runway in neon pink?
Or some “brave” amputee, rolling towards me wearing a silver metallic bikini

If that makes me a bad person, I don’t give a fuck!

As promised. Attached below, the companion piece.

The Sun. Enjoy! (You won’t, trust me – NA)

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

64 thoughts on “Joel Alvarez”

  2. I’m confused.. who is the cunt here?

    The bloke who didn’t want to tape lizzo up with 100mm wide masking tape.

  3. Send them back to their ancestral jungle, the animals must be missing the food.

  6. The pictures in the Mail, the word coarse springs to mind.

    The pictures in the Sun, how do they manage to reproduce?

    Morning all.

  7. He could become the costume designer for Boggs Pornographic Film Productions (Taiwan) Ltd, but he is going to need industrial strength supplies of Sellotape when he does Emily Thornberry for her nude wrestling scene (in The Last Temptation of Kweer)

  8. I’ve watched a few of those swimwear Miami ladies bikini parades and quite frankly they are fucking ace.

    Of course bikinis made from sealing tape aren’t for everyone,especially fat birds and all Arabs.

    Oh and that obese Dark Key should be towed out to sea and “processed” by a jap whaling ship.

    Good morning.

    • Walruses have more self respect.

      The sub-primate females in that Sun article are an utter disgrace. The only positive is they’ll hopefully die at an early age.

  11. After waiting for balloon pollution to disappear into the atmosphere, we’ll be having a much longer wait see this fat cunt disappear south.

    • Now I can see what the black-pig-ment. Let’s see some. piccaninny pigment for a change.

  12. After seeing Lizzo’s ripples I can’t wank for a week now, cheers J. Priest but I should have known better before clicking the link.

    • Can you imagine the fried chicken stench.

      I also suspect she requires a reinforced toilet and possibly a crane to load / unload her.

      She’s so big the Calais dwellers could sit on her and row to the UK.

  14. Nowt new .

    I’ve been using duct tape for clothing for years.

    Jeans fall apart? Duct tape
    Motorhead t-shirt threadbare?
    Duct tape.

    No socks? Duct tape or plastic carrier bags.

    Knew i was a fashionista.

    As for Lizzo the fat blob of shite,
    Only tape I wanna see her in is police incident tape with a chalk outline where her bloated corpse was found.

    .

    • I seem to remember Freddie the Frog having a penchant for fat arsed black women but I suppose there are limits.

      • Yeah.
        He saw too much Tom & Jerry as a kid.
        Developed a unhealthy interest in housekeeper Mammy two shoes.

        THOMAS!!!!!!!

  15. Well its good job Lizzo’s bikini was animal print and not real. The species would be on the brink of extinction covering the acres of wobbling black flab.

  16. That picture of Lucciana Beynon . I have no idea who she is, but just look at the titties on that child. I’d like her to suffocate Wes Streeting between them.

  17. The contrast in standards between the women in the links.

    It’s genuinely unsettling.

    The first lot your tongue and cock would need a week off bathed in ice after exploring them.

    The second you’d chop both off to prevent it.

  18. We have to celebrate diversity.

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13502991/amp/plus-size-miss-alabama-sara-milliken-responds-cyberbullying.html

    Now I know some men like big women but truth is the vast majority don’t. Lately we’re told a gigantic arse with cellulite is the sexiest thing in the world. It’s not, it’s gross and repulsive.

    Everything deviant is too be celebrated.

    Fat women are hot in the same way Rosie Jones is funny, there’s a very limited niche audience who really appreciate them.

    I get it’s not nice to be obese or disabled, I get mocking people with issues isn’t nice. I get we have to accept there’s a sentient being inside every body and we should respect that.

    I don’t accept we have to pretend a that obese women are the pinnacle of beauty. For the majority of us they aren’t. If you are obese it’s not down to me to tell you that you should lose weight, I’m fairly sure most obese people want to lose the weight. Nature dictates what we find attractive, I don’t see a campaign to convince attractive women to fuck ugly men! That only seems to apply when the ugly little fuck happens to have a lot of money, odd that!

    • The fashion industry was rightly despised for making money off the back of ultra skinny heroin chic models which encouraged anorexia in young girls and women and yet now the same industry celebrates obesity which is just as dangerous.

      • Given its own head I’m sure the fashion industry would still using skeletal clothes hangers but it’s cowering to the woke in fear of cancel culture.

        A little black number just doesn’t sit as well when upscaled to the size of a circus tent.

    • ‘Overjoyed when she scooped Miss Alabama’.

      Not as happy as scooping the choc fudge ice cream.

      Lesson of the internet: Yo can put yourself out there, but don’t start crying if not every cunt loves you.

    • They’d do anything to lose weight except diet and exercise…

      (It’s funny because it’s true; people would rather sign up for risky surgeries than show some dispipline and self-restraint.)

    • Jesus titty fucking Christ!!!

      Can she not see that she was given the award as a piss take.

      A bit like making Tony Blair middle east peace envoy.

  19. Why anyone would have their fanny gaffer taped together I’d beyond me.
    Would be good for the ring piece either when it was pulled off…..

  20. I’m intrigued.

    Tape can be super sticky and when removed quickly (like a plaster) can sting.

    I would love to have the job of removing the sticky tape, I would take great delight leaving the nipps and pussy until the end as I suspect they are the most sensitive past.

    Rip it off quickly and watch these hotties squirm in a flash of sexual pain, or be delicate and take your time – what would it be for you…

  21. Gaffer-tape, Duct-tape and Sellotape. She should be mummified in the fucking lot.

    • Those Sun pictures have put me off wanking. It’ll be a good while before I can get a bone on again. Just think, there’s some perverted bloke somewhere who’d actually shag that. Or attempt to.

      • I wouldn’t be surprised if they found Derek and Clive’s skeletons inside it, when her short time on earth ends.

  22. Can’t imagine it would be safe for Lizzo to go swimming; every time she tried to get out, Greenpeace would roll her back in.

  24. I have resisted the temptation to open the link……..I have an almost obsolete television in my living room…..one more advert featuring some big black whale or some mincing poof on an aeroplane and I might end up having a fucking stroke……,

  25. I’ve offered my service as a fanny prep technician hair and tape not a good combination. Lady told me I would have to go to Cornwall as that was were the queue for the interview’s ended.

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