Special seat belt covers for neurodivergent children

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What joy it brought me to see this news item on Al Beeb. It seems 500 of these devices are being given away free so that Endies (surely only a matter of time before “endie” is used as an insult like Spaz or Flid..?) can advertise their mongitude* to the emergency services via a handy “contact card with key information.”

How I will cheer when some hairy-arsed fireman is confronted with one of these polyester knob sleeves (complete with “STOP! Look inside to keep me SAFE**” printed on it 48 point), removes the contact card and decides to call the dribbly’s social worker for advice on neurodivergence, rather than cutting the spazzer out of the wreckage before it carries out some sort of mongtastic Joan of Arc impression.

The sergeant quoted in the article explains she’s concerned her son, being an endie, is likely to “run off”; not if his legs are trapped in the mangled remains of the engine block, he’s not.

There may be vanishingly unlikely edge cases where the willy warmers have a small degree of utility, but I’m buggered if I can think of one offhand.

* I have an idea for a game show called “What’s wrong with the mong?” where celebrity favourites like Katie Price and Carol Vorderperson are paired with consultant paediatricians and have to guess what ails a variety of dribblies.

** I am mightily pissed off with this widespread belief in the fallacy that ‘things’ can keep you ‘safe.’ It’s a bag of horse tits put about by cunts who don’t understand what safety is.

BBC News

Nominated by: Gloria Snockers

116 thoughts on “Special seat belt covers for neurodivergent children”

  1. This is, without a doubt, the best, and least woke post I’ve seen in ages. I’ll be laughing all day.

  2. The milky bar kid doesn’t look very comfortable in the header pic.

    And Gemma I don’t want to burst your bubble,but I imagine your kids nose doesn’t run properly, let alone his legs..

    • I thought it was one of the ‘Kids from Chernobyl’ from back in the Eighties.

      Oh how we laughed, Happier times.

  3. There’s another pic in the Beeb story where that poor little scopie kid is wearing bright green glasses, in addition to the blue-framed ones above. Come on, his mum…don’t mark him as a Deacon by making him wear flamboyant special needs bins.
    As an aside, I miss seeing kids with 70’s national health glasses with one frosted lens. What was that about?!

    • One or two used to have one lens of their NHS specs taped up in my class when I was a youngster.

      I believe it was to help straighten up a cock eye.

      Tiny Lister’s parents should have taken note.

      • I let Joey slip in work. The evil cows I work with pissed themselves laughing. I only said ere this tablets gone Joey Deacon.

      • I’m turning 42 in a few months and I still enjoy “doing the deacon” whenever somebody in my company says something dumb.

      • I’m 43 and a bit young for Deacon-mania’s peak but it was a known term of abuse/affection.

        In Prometheus, the creature at the end is known as ‘the deacon’. Sure Ridley Scott must’ve known.

  4. Pointing at your friends:
    Joe A
    Joe B
    Joe C
    Joe D
    Joe Eeeeeeeeee!

    See also: Joey A-con, etc

    • Joey Deacon preceded Deacon Blue by a few years, right?

      What were they thinking naming themselves after a sex tape featuring a man with cerebral palsy?

  6. There was none of this shite when I was a youngster. I think hospital staff did us a favour unknown to families and put down babies just like puppies and kittens who were runts in the family and going to be difficult.

    • No, they were locked away in asylums. That isn’t a good thing. My great-uncle was one of them.

  7. Is that little Elvis Costello kid wearing a suit?

    Where’s he off too?

    Not sure what ‘neuro divergent is?
    But if the kids in a suit must be lucrative?£££

  8. Why not just hang a label round the neck, or a card on the sleeve instead of some new fangled seat belt, it all seems to be a bit over engineered.

  9. I’m sorry, we have been forced to let your child burn to a cinder.
    We have had a hell of a week and I’m afraid all the sensory toys have been used up.
    Might I suggest if you have further children you try to fit your R.T.A in at the beginning of the week and before Wednesday lunchtime where possible.

  10. Wtf is an ‘endie’?

    Some new bullshit name for rasberry ripples?

    Sounds a bit gay to me.

    • Took me a moment to work it out Termy. NeuroDivergent; NDs; Endies; Geddit?

      • Cheers Arfur, maybe I’m a bit of a razz, didn’t get it till you.pointed it out.

        WTF is neuro-divergent?

        Let me guess. Is it a fucking whining brat, with no manners, disciple or social skills, selfish and attention seeking in the extreme, whose parent(s), usually their cat-lady single mother, excuse their utterly unacceptable behaviour by claiming they have some sort of non-pathologically testable illness, to disguise their non existent parenting skills?

      • Nail on the head for majority of cases Termy.

        Come to think of it, maybe a 6″ nail in the head driven by a 6lb lump hammer would be appropriate.

  11. There’s one near us – mum says her brat is “special needs” because he’s a rude little cunt. Drives around in a new minibus thing – which I assume is paid for by motability thing. Proudly displays a disabled badge and parks the fucking thing where she likes. And that’s another thing – why does having a blue badge mean a) you don’t pay for parking (does being disabled mean you have no money) and b) lets you park on dangerous corners and up on pavements blocking the route.

  12. I think this is such a good idea that I’ve had one made for my seat belt.

    For the benefit of the emergency services it reads:
    ‘This cunt is not to be treated by any w*g, sooty, dooshka, sandw*g, scouser, pooftah, transnutter or fat bastard with tattoos. Resuscitation only to be given mouth-to-mouth by a biological female, maximum age 28, minimum bra size 38C, whilst administering simultaneous hand relief.’

  13. “Neurodivergent”

    Aka – I’m a lazy thick badly behaved little bastard with cunts for parents.

    I suppose it is much more concise, so could be useful when you need to decide in a hurry whether to accidentally cuff the little fucker round the ear or not.

    • Dave, it isn’t just about that. Unfortunately a lot of people do take the piss (I’ve been meaning to do a nom about self-diagnosed autism for a while actually) but there are people who really do struggle with this stuff.

      • I get it OC, and apologies if I’ve offended.

        Where I am coming from isn’t explicitly stated above, as I have a lot of scumbag members of staff who let their kids run feral (actively encourage it, in fact), and then clamour to get them diagnosed with autism or ADHD, when they sure as fuck are not all struggling with these conditions and the parents are just wanting to get “the label” to excuse their neglectful parenting and their kids’ shitty behaviour, to rinse the benefits system, and to stride around banging on about how their little Wayne is autistic as if it’s some kind of a status symbol / achievement.

        But I could have made that clearer!

      • Aye, it’s certainly a problem. You see it with adults too – they’ll self-diagnose in order to make themselves look quirky/interesting and make it the basis of their entire personality. They’re the bane of all genuine autistics/ADHD sufferers and their families.

      • And yes I get that point – when I was younger autism was something you didn’t regularly encounter in people, and it was clear when you were dealing with a sufferer. A long time in the past I worked for a benevolent fund for one of the emergency services, part of their remit being to help service personnel with family disabilities, and I met a few people who had children with autism and it was clear these kids were living with a genuinely challenging condition (and were generally supported by loving and clued up parents who were highly motivated to give their kids the best support they could).

        Much of my ire about this issue comes from my loathing of those people who exploit a genuinely serious issue for cynical purposes – same with the race grift, sexual equality etc etc. All of these issues exist without a doubt – but the chancers and charlatans that use them to play the victim and leverage some personal advantage are scum, and do a massive disservice to people who genuinely suffer the depredations of these problems.

      • This I agree with.

        There are so many “celebrities” claiming to have ADHD recently. I read an article in the Daily Express about some 67 year old woman who said she had recently! been diagnosed as autistic.

        What? All those years, and no one noticed she was a bit different?

        Defies belief.

      • It is notoriously hard to detect in women but yeah, every time I hear something like that nowadays I do wonder how genuine the claim is.

      • I nearly forgot this, but even further in the murky past I worked on the marketing to healthcare professionals of the Ritalin competitor, Concerta.

        I distinctly remember speaking to numerous doctors who (early noughties) described it as the “Sunny D” test. In other words, back when doctors did something vaguely associated with medical practice, they would first check candidate ADHD sufferers’ diets, with Sunny Delight – and all it’s gorgeous e-numbers – being a red flag for little shit pumped up on stimulants NOT genuine ADHD case. They were much more discriminating about it back then, and would generally only medicate under peer-reviewed consensus.

        Now it seems anyone can take their badly behaved little shit to the doctors and get a prescription for dispensing with all parental responsibilities and inflicting a future criminal on society.

      • I concur with your view Dave. In my experience a majority of parents who reckon their kids have ADHD or autism are trying to work the system or looking for excuses for their badly behaved little bleeders who need to be told no and given a clip round the ear occasionally. Or maybe that’s what the parents need. Trouble is that as with the genuinely disabled it causes the general public to assume that anyone claiming to have such difficulty is a scam artist.

      • Bad experience with a woman Termy? If so I’m sorry to hear it. I have to confess to being a lucky bastard. We’ve been married almost fifty years, never a moment’s doubt or regret.

      • There was some little shit in my primary school who supposedly had ADHD – went out of class to take his meds at a certain time each day. Then again he’s a decent bloke nowadays so maybe he wasn’t faking it.

  14. Harvey Price already has a special seatbelt. Its reinforced chain linked stainless steel with a padlock and an injection of 100mg of ketamine.

    • Katie Price has wheeled him out again to try and stop her eviction. Despicable woman.

      • Even I’m bored with the self-centered, self-indulgent cunt now, OC.

  15. Any kid who’s been involved in a traffic accident requiring the paramedics or firemen to get him out of the vehicle is unlikely to be in a good frame of mind.

    So what do the emergency services do when they come across two kids in the back of a car in hysterics after an accident?

    Tristram is wearing his special seatbelt cover and William isn’t?

    Tristram gets the soothing voice and kid gloves whilst William gets a sharp slap around the chops and tips to calm the fuck down?

  17. Neurodivergent.
    There’s more of it thcn you think.
    I had to use public transport the other day, thought I was on the Variety Club Sunshine bus.
    I do wonder if eugenics should be the way to go.

  18. Breaking news: 12 year old discovers online forums, tries to use as many insults as possible

    • I did wonder when you’d wade in, OC. Weird how schizo this site is sometimes. From your excellent cunting of the abuse of the disabled the other day, to… this.

      I imagined tumbleweeds while reading this cunting.

  19. What is more worrying is that West Mercia Police have a Autism Neurodiversity Network.

    Obviously no crime there so they can spunk resources on pet vanity projects. You can bet it was one cunt whose kid is neurodivergent and went on some fucking crusade.

  20. Tbh I don’t think this should’ve been allowed through. Based on the wording it’s obviously designed to be a malicious/shit-stirring post, and given we haven’t seen Ms Snockers again since I do wonder if this was a one nom wonder looking to cause trouble. I’m not opposed to the concept itself being cunted but this is the worst possible way it could’ve been done.

    • Then there’s the legal aspect to consider as well. If someone with such intentions stumbled across this site the wording of the post could easily get it classed as a hate crime. I wouldn’t do any such thing obviously but is it really worth the risk?

    • I think it’s pointlessly hateful, OC, and stand by my earlier comment about how far the collective IQ of the site has plummeted.

      Too much of the boring, reactionary billy big bollocks Sun reader wank.

      • I know I keep going on about it but some posters call another a cunt and get away with it.

        Aah fuck it. Life’s too short.

      • I personally am not bothered by being called a cunt and can respond in kind but without resorting to using that term, but the site rules are there and should be enforced.

  21. I’m with you all the way on this OC. I think Gloria Snickers needs to try a tastier piece of bait on the end of the hook.

    I hereby wield the mighty cunting invalidator.

    Nil points.

    • Tbh admin should be ashamed that they allowed something like this to be published. It’s disappointing that some of our fellow cunters seem to have, for lack of a better term, ‘old man’ attitudes to this sort of thing too – clearly they don’t know enough about the subject to have an informed opinion.

  22. This device seems completely pointless. I think the firemen will know the kid is a spaz when they find him bleeding from the tongue because he tried to lick a shattered car window.

  23. Gotta admit it doesn’t sit well cunting sickly kids.
    Happier sticking the knife into some political cunt.

    Not offended by the nom or owt but , well, ..bit tight innit?

    You people should be ashamed of yourselves.
    Awful cunts.

    • Exactly what I’m saying Mis. The concept itself can be cunted for not being effective but there’s no need to use such insulting language.

      • The pondlife scum who posted this probably made a habit of beating up the special needs kids in his school and stealing their lunch money. Either that or he’s still stuck in the 50s.

      • I would steal a special needs kids lunch money Opey I’m honest like that.
        But wouldn’t beat him up.

        I’d probably rob his money but give him a compliment to make him feel better.

        “Those specs really suit you!!”

      • Old man attitudes?!!

        How dare you.

        I’m the voice of youth.

        Hitler Youth

  24. I wonder if I can get one of these.

    Had a minor stroke a couple of years back due to work stress that went a bit further than I should have let it.

    No apparent lasting damage, but by fuck has my temper returned.

    I’m now very quick to call a useless cunt out to their face and incredibly likely to offer them outside if they get lippy.

    I’ll let the missus fill the card in. Probably end up saying “This cantankerous old cunt is foul of mouth and quick of temper. please do not resuscitate”.

    • Evening Odin 👍

      You sound awful.
      Your poor missus putting up with a miserable fucker like that!!

      I on the other hand am a positive delight to live with.
      Serene.
      That’s me that is.

      Like that fat chink Buddha.

      I studied meditation with Steven Seagull and have a black belt in origami.

      Buy yourself a yoga mat.

      Namaste🫸🫷

      • I’m surprised she hasn’t tried to smother me in my sleep to be honest and that was before the stroke.

        She knows which side her bread is buttered though.

        Just like those in the north know that if I stop working, the Bisto express comes off the rails.

        Just think on that for a moment.

        Cantankerous southern cunt carks it = Dry chips for tea everywhere north of Watford.

        She’s doing you a favour by keeping me alive!

      • Hehehe 😂
        Give her my thanks.

        She needs a bleeding medal 🥇

      • Steve the Seagull was at Vlad’s coron.. inauguration.

        Should’ve asked for tickets.

  25. I don’t see the point of cunting safety devices for emergency workers to identity ‘endies’ (ND -neurodivergent).

    Was it a device for the poster of the nom to dazzle with his/her use of slurs for the disabled?

    I’m not sure, but it’s pointless in its hatred.

  26. Who’s Gloria Snockers anyhow, another one of the bank holiday weekenders that pop up for the odd drive by cunting then disappear into whatever orifice they came from?

    And what did happen to B&W Cunt?

    Off now to raise a glass to Guy Gibson and the brave lads who took off this evening back in 43’ as part of Operation Chastise.

  27. The writer of this nomination sounds strangely similar to the Worcestershire Warrior come to think of it.

    https://is-a-cunt.com/2022/07/pro-life-means-anti-choice/

    And I quote:

    “Any issues feel free to come visit me, lets have this discussion face to face, not that the sackless cucks on the internet are generally brave enough. I live in Worcestershire so any takers drop me a message as I’d never back down. Keyboard warriors need not apply as those cunts never turn up.”
    Happy fuckin Friday.

    • Evening Harold…ho ho, I’d forgotten about the Worcestershire Warrior. I think he was attempting to meet an ISAC man for a snog. Maybe a fight too. But a snog first.
      I’d have voluteered…Miles Plastic to take one for the team.

      • Good evening Mr Cunt Engine.

        Perhaps he was a bit saucy…geddit… Worcestershire sauce.

        Miles Plastic would have crossed himself in the orthodox way and called it heresy.

      • Miles was a bag of contradictions.

        1) For some reason had some weird envy/bitterness to the people of Zion but loved Jeebus. I believe Jeebus was often referred to as the king of Jews.

        2) Seemed quite well read and intellectual but would then go into some sort of fire and brimstone spiel.

        I reckon he missed his calling in life and should have been one of those evangelical christian preachers on American TV.

        Can I get an Amen?

      • What happened to him anyway? i seem to remember him making some dodgy comments about Jews after the Hamas attacks – did he get banned for them?

    • Bet he uses nails as chewing gum.

      Miles would of battered the cunt in name of Palestine.

  30. Absolutely nothing to do with the nom, I’ve been locked out of isac for 4 days now with the fuck off you’ve been behaving like an arsehole message, does anyone know why ?. Don’t think genuinely divvy chavs need these belt things but if it helps its possibly useful.
    I knew a bloke who had a ground works business a big fucking hard ruff cunt who’d wack you soon as look at you, he came in pub and said he was losing money on a job at as he put it ,at a school for divs. He spent so much time and fuel giving the poor little fuckers rides in the diggers and dumpers it took him an extra week to do the job, his language now would get him locked up but his heart was solid gold with these kids, language doesn’t always matter as much as the woke think it does.

    • I get that a lot too.

      I don’t get it on WiFi, but I think some networks it sends up that message.

      Try restarting your phone. Tends to work for me.

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