What joy it brought me to see this news item on Al Beeb. It seems 500 of these devices are being given away free so that Endies (surely only a matter of time before “endie” is used as an insult like Spaz or Flid..?) can advertise their mongitude* to the emergency services via a handy “contact card with key information.”
How I will cheer when some hairy-arsed fireman is confronted with one of these polyester knob sleeves (complete with “STOP! Look inside to keep me SAFE**” printed on it 48 point), removes the contact card and decides to call the dribbly’s social worker for advice on neurodivergence, rather than cutting the spazzer out of the wreckage before it carries out some sort of mongtastic Joan of Arc impression.
The sergeant quoted in the article explains she’s concerned her son, being an endie, is likely to “run off”; not if his legs are trapped in the mangled remains of the engine block, he’s not.
There may be vanishingly unlikely edge cases where the willy warmers have a small degree of utility, but I’m buggered if I can think of one offhand.
* I have an idea for a game show called “What’s wrong with the mong?” where celebrity favourites like Katie Price and Carol Vorderperson are paired with consultant paediatricians and have to guess what ails a variety of dribblies.
** I am mightily pissed off with this widespread belief in the fallacy that ‘things’ can keep you ‘safe.’ It’s a bag of horse tits put about by cunts who don’t understand what safety is.
Nominated by: Gloria Snockers
Remember the good old days when we could call a spade a spade, a retard a retard and a pikey a pikey? I miss those days.
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You still can. Just don’t be surprised if you get it in the earhole from people with disabled relatives.
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Fortunately the world is (slowly) moving on from people like you.
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This is not taking the piss, but there is an English wheelchair manufacturer called “Karma”.
https://images.app.goo.gl/oF2Y7VUdefvexwxn9
Really?
They couldn’t have thought of a better name than that, ffs?!
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Bloody hell Cunt Engine, I can’t tell you how much I wish Sasha Johnson is using one.
Great spot!
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Sasha is supposed to be residing in my love dungeon right now.
5 grand I paid that hospital porter to smuggle her and her medical paraphernalia out of the window lickers’ ward.
That’s the last time I trust someone named Prince Akimbombo.
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Is that the name Prince Andrew goes by these days?
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‘Misery’ comes to rural Oxfordshire.
You don’t get dressed up as Annie Wilkes do you?
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Even before her head was turned into a skylight, Sasha Johnson was illiterate and could have no more written me a delightful story to secure her release than the Harvey Price could fill his mother’s baggy clopper.
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Is that nom pic one from the Jimmy Saville’s “Clunk Click, every Trip,” archive, or is it Harry Hills love child?
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Remember the original labels? Bone idle (now dyslexic), a bit down in the dumps (bi-polar), weirdo (autistic) and so on.
Rather than own up to bad parenting, or just admitting your child is a little shit, give them a label, then it’s not your fault. Indeed, your fuck up is now special. You aren’t a lazy dole wallah, you’re a carer.
Come on lazy, overweight, workshy parents. You might be a dab hand at fobbing off the benefits system, but some of us aren’t so easily fooled.
Bring back the birch!
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Mong
Joey Decon
Flid
Spastic
Retard
Indeed a lexicon of words fit for any 1970s or 80s comprehensive school.
Can you imagine school in the 80s and actually being called Joey Decon. Surely they must of chosen kid suicide….
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Many years ago when I was a fireman (fire person, firefighter) the only things that I could be bothered to read was HAZCHEM codes, warnings relating to high voltage that sort of thing. A kid in a car in danger is a kid removed from said car, if they had not screamed too much then we would let them crawl around on the road, motorway whatever. Honest to God as if you would rescue a kid from any dangerous situation then let them fuck off on their own. Why not do something really useful like make pile cushions for gerbils
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Jusr wtf is neurodivergent supposed to mean, anyway??
I couldn’t even be arsed to look it up, except on SmutBeaver. Nothing there…
I wonder if Duchess Soaphy Titt-Wank is nd?
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