John Swinney MSP

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*Deadline Edinburgh, 2nd May 2024*

Oh dear, oh dear. North of the border, it’s a case of out with the the old, er… in with the old.

John ‘Mr Personality’ Swinney has thrown his hat into the ring to become the new First Minister after the discredited Humza Youseless threw in the towel. At the same time, another council has declared ‘a housing emergency’, as it is unable to meet the need for affordable rented accommodation.

When asked what he would actually do about this, Mr Swinney naturally went into SNP default mode of deflecting responsibility away from his own administration’s failings and inadequacies. ‘It’s a big priority’ burbled ‘Ornest Jawn’ (nae fuckin’ shite Sherlock). Sadly, he didn’t see what he could do about it, as it was all the fault of (wait for it!) budget cuts imposed ‘a hostile UK government’.

‘We can’t magic money out of thin air’ whined the slaphead twat. So his remedy? Why (stands back in amazement) independence, of course. Naturally, Swinney didn’t offer any indication as to just where the money might actually be magicked up from in the event of that prospect becoming a reality. Nae borther, it’ll be awreet awn tha neet.

Fuck off and change the record pal, this one’s been broken for years. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss…

Daily Record

Nominated by Ron Knee.

37 thoughts on “John Swinney MSP”

    • What about the cold? The wind? The hailstones? Sperm whales patrolling the dark depths of Loch Lomond, dragging tourists down to their doom?

  3. 25% more to spend per capita than England courtesy of the Barnett formula.
    Since Ron typed the nom apparently now the whole (and not just the hole) of Scotland has a housing emergency.

    Blame the Toarees / Unglush / Brexit / Islamaphobia / Climate Change / Emperor Hadrian / whatever.
    Anyone but themselves.

    Yawn.

  4. I hear someone has offered the use of a motor home as a temporary solution for the family most in need!

  5. The most self obsessed country in the world. All they care about is separation from the English, to this end they will sell their sovereignty to anyone. If Putin offered them admission to the Russian Federation they’d be in….

    • They’ll be desperate to join the EU of course, to get on the ‘receive more than you pay in’ ticket.

      That’s the SNP; a model of fiscal rectitude…

      • There’s no chance the EU would let them in Ron. The dagos would veto their application because it would encourage Catalan and Basque separatism.

        Besides, they don’t really want independence, they want to stay and play the permanently aggrieved victim.

      • Good points Geordie.

        It would be fascinating to see just what the attitude ot the Spanish in particular would be. An independent Scortlund would also have to deal with the Orkney and Shetland question; those forces in the islands which could demand their own breakaway, to establish some form of ‘Crown Dependency’ status with the UK.

        It would also be interesting to see how much upsurge there would be for a whole UK vote on the issue if it ever reaches the stage of another referendum. Can you imagine it if Scotland voted ‘no’ again, but got a massive ‘fuck off you whinging cunts’ from the rest?

      • The EU wouldn’t touch an independent Scotland with a barge pole. Under EU rules member states must have a budget deficit of 3% or less. Scotland currently has a budget deficit of 9%, twice that of the rest of the UK and three times the maximum they need to qualify for EU membership.

      • It was always one of the fascinating conundrums about what would have happened re. EU membership for Scotland if there had been a ‘yes’ vote when the UK was still in.

        It would have been a hoot if the EU had told them to re-apply, or come back when the financial position re. the deficit had been sorted.

        We’ll never know, but it wouldn’t surprise me if the cunts in Brussels wouldn’t still like Scotland to quit the union, just to spite us for quitting their horrible club.

  7. Just stick another penny on income tax, the jocks won’t notice.

    Scotland against oppression, from Trossachs to the Hebrides Scotland will be free, Stirling castle will rise again (special discount tickets for the people of Gaza)

    Now that Drakeford has fucked off Swinney has claimed the title of the most Boring cunt in politicis.

    • *Stop Press*

      Reuters has confirmed that Mr Swinney was rushed to hospital in the early hours of the morning, where surgeons had to perform an emergency personality implant.

      Chief Surgeon Mr Ramadana Dingdong confirmed that the surgery appeared to have been successful, and that Mr Swinney was resting peacefully. Mr Dingdong stated however that it will take several months for the new personality to establish itself, so the public should not expect to see any immediate improvement in the FM’s boring demeanour. ‘In any event’ said Mr Dingdong, ‘Mr Swinney will be on medication for the rest of his life to ensure that his new personality is not rejected by his body’.

  8. John Swinney – WHITE!

    Leader of the Scotch Nazi party – WHITE!

    First Minister of Scotchland – WHITE!

    96% of numpties who voted SNP – WHITE!

    Fuck them.

  9. Bunch of fully expensed windbag Cunts.

    If that greasy waiter in No.10 had owt about him he’d force independence on Scotland.

    Let the corrupt shithouse cunts that are the SNP go begging to Brussels.

    Pay them not another English Pound,starve the vermin out.

    Good show.

  10. Let the entire UK vote on Scottish independence. Hard boarder. No to the Scots keeping the pound. If they are in deep shit so much the fucking better. Scotland takes on its full proportion of the UK dept. The reason the act of union was signed in the first place was because the cunts were bankrupt to start with.

  13. Poor old Scots, if they get rid of the SNP they get Labour. No wonder they are so grumpy.

  14. Labour is to blame along with the stupid Jocks who vote SNP.
    Didnt fucking Blair unleash devolution which has fucked up 3 UK countries?
    Also Labour’s fucking ineptitude let the fuckers in north of the border.

    They rightly despise Westminster. But the rest of the non SE UK is fucked over as well, with the Jocks actually doing slightly better than the rest of us.
    I hope they fuck off and fester.

    • I don’t see where England got devolution, only enough to create Labour strongholds in urban jungles.

      It would be great if power was actually devolved enough that everyone making decisions that effect us was within arms reach!

      • English devolution under Liebour allowed monobrow gobshite twats like Burnham and that racist gnome Khan to Lord it over their fiefdoms, abusing the taxpayer and denigrating the indigenous population whilst masquerading as ‘Mayors’.

  15. I visited there twice.

    Once at Hogmanay. Dark cold and pissing down at 2pm. Again in early summer for a wedding, ice an inch thick on the car windscreen at 10.30 in the morning.

    No wonder they are so fucking miserable.

    English separatist referendum now, 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

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