Goolag’s two step verification

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deserves a massive cunting.

I have a repair booked in with Domestic and General, and whilst that is ongoing I got a cheap phone as a spare to use in the interim. Unfortunately, the cheap phone comes with a different SIM (Vodafone as opposed to Tesco Mobile). Because of this, I can’t sign in to my account because I need to have a verification text sent to the number on my Tesco SIM.

I can’t tap to confirm that it’s me either because I need the broken phone to do that. Nor can I have a code sent to my email because I need to log in to my account to access it. Basically, if you lose your phone or your phone breaks you’re fucked.

Did Goolag really not think this through?

Nominated by Opinionated Cunt.

23 thoughts on “Goolag’s two step verification”

  1. I read The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn and there wasn’t any mention of Mobile Phones.

  2. Beyond righteous, this is a world class nomination.
    Mobile phones can go fuck themselves.
    Good morning.

  3. Sirs:

    I learned from a similar experience not to try and get this shit fixed. Just buy a new one and start over.

    I can’t wait to retire and get a pay-as-you-go burner phone, which will ride in the car and be used infrequently. Also looking forward to not answering emails promptly.
    Once in a while an old friend sends a racy photo of some young lady kind enough to wear nothing but a pleasant expression and we exchange remarks. Such as “I bet she can chop some wood.” I will miss that, but not much and not for long.

    • Guy de Maupassant is turning in the grave, whenever his name is taken in vain by any Tom, Dick, or Harry, regardless of the pronunciation. Yanks again are blamed for this one.

  5. Do you not back up to Google drive?

    if you lose or change your phone it downloads pretty much everything to the new phone.

    • I did but that’s irrelevant – if you don’t have access to your number then you can’t access it regardless.

  6. Apols, but Being a Luddite, this nom makes as much sense to me as a Limply Stoke offering does to others…

  7. I have been told to get a ‘Virtual SIM’. No fookin idea if that would help (if it happens again).

    I want my old NOKIA back.

  9. Everything about gooley is a cunt to get your head around unless you are 10 years old or tech savvy neither of which I am and have no desire to learn at my time of life but it’s not just gooley it’s fucking Everything it seems from phones to banks and store cards.
    I would be more fucked if I lose my wallet than my phone and that’s not because of the cash or bank-cards but because of all the slips of paper with account names and passwords I have in it as there are too many to remember!
    Fuck I miss the 70’s

    • I was trying to be the same Mr Thorpe, only my fucked up rheumatoid arthritic hands can’t deal with cash and have forced me to use a credit card at least. I’m glad I live in a tiny forgotten coastal town that I can still shop, whereas the big towns supermarkets have self service only. I show them right up when telling them I can’t even wipe my own arse.

      • Might have to borrow that wiping comment Sammy.
        I imagine it would stop any problems with fuckwit shop assistants!

    • If you can hold up your hands as proof like me Mr Scunt, they haven’t a leg to stand on.

  10. I would of replied earlier but my phone went all HAL 9000 and turned off the air conditioning in my car.

    Daisy, Daisy, I’m half crazy with the heat..

  11. It’s as bad if you’re on holiday and need to move some money around. It times out on sending texts. Or you’ve bought a temporary sim card and then have to put your old one back in your phone and try to complete the online forms using WiFi.

  12. I use a Nokia 6300. If it breaks, I have a few spare 6300s, so I just swap the SIM. Simples.

    I can’t be arsed with smartphones – too insecure, all your info on them, tracked by NS*A and GC*HQ and fuck knows who else.

    I just make phone calls

    Goolag’s a cunt

  13. I’ve not a clue when it comes to tech.
    I don’t like it.
    It doesn’t like me.

    We start our uneasily getting along then it does something stupid,
    Walked into a door
    Tripped on the stairs.

    It’s days are numbered in my company.
    It rarely gets to see Christmas.

  14. The 2 step should never be done using phone number. Use email as that can be accessed from multiple devices.

    You can always call Google for help.

    Heeloo myee neeem eeiz Pooja ho mee iyee haolp yoooo?

  15. Nowhere in the description of this nomination was Google/Goolag even described. What you’re describing is modern mobile technology and the insisted reliance upon it.

    I have a basic £25 piece-of-shit phone I bought about 9 months ago from a cheap Paki phone shop and it makes the Nokia 3210 look like a super computer.

    I don’t have issues with QR codes or any of that faggotry because I don’t bother my arse with the faggotry or modernity V.2024

  16. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
    Once it becomes self aware and renames itself Skynet
    ‘New… powerful… hooked into everything, trusted to run it all. They say it got smart, a new order of intelligence’

    https://youtu.be/3bYqkBhpOR0?t=25

  17. I am convinced that the Soviets had an easier time of putting a dog into space than it is to reset an Apple ID.

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