On April 1st (how appropriate) a new law comes into effect in Scotland. This law (which the Scottish Government says ‘modernises and extends’ existing legislation) creates a new law of stirring up hatred against protected categories on the grounds of race, religion, sexual and (you guessed it) transgender orientation.

As Han Solo would say, I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I foresee every professional offence taker and loony tunes group with a grudge agenda piling in and reporting any little thing perceived as ‘hate speech’ to the Hurty Wurty Feelings Police, otherwise known as Police Scotland.

The scuffers could be in for a very hectic time indeed. Apparently the force has pledged to investigate every single complaint reported; this at a time when, according to ‘The Scotsman’, it said that it would no longer investigate every ‘low level’ crime, including some thefts.

The Scotsperson

Yes, the Hurty Wurty Feelings Police are preparing to swing into action on ‘hate crime’. Indeed you might agree that they’ve already given a firm indication as to which way the wind’s blowing.

The force itself has committed what a sensitive soul like me can only regard as a ‘hate act’. In a training exercise on the subject, it created a character called ‘Jo’, a soshull meeja influencer who says that there are only two genders, and that trans types ‘belong in gas chambers’.

Who could they possibly be referring to, I wonder? Naturally they’ll assure us that any similarity to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Nevertheless, I’m deeply offended by this, and intend to report Police Scotland for a ‘hate crime’ against a certain Joanne ‘Jo’ Rowling to, erm, Police Scotland.

Police Scotland accused of parodying JK Rowling with gender critical ‘Jo’ character in hate crime training

Gosh it’s going to be fun north of the border. Keep your opinions to yourself you freethinking Scots, even in your own home. The kids might dob you in for calling Humza Yuseless a fucking total cunt*. The walls might have ears.

Oh and don’t bother just calling it in if your mobile phone gets snatched from you in the street. That won’t be enough to get the cops off their arses. You’ll have to say that the thief called you ‘a tranny kiddie fiddling arse bandit’ as well. That way, you’ll have a couple of squad cars and half a dozen plods on your doorstep in five minutes.

Welcome to our Brave New World.

*even though Humza Yuseless is, indisputably, a total fucking cunt.

Nominated by: Ron Knee