Haemorrhoids

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Now then chaps a challenging wank bank picture for you this morning. C.A.

Piles. Chalfonts. Farmers. Plymouths. Nurembergs. are cunts.

Around five years ago, I had a nasty bout of gastroenteritis in Eastern Europe. I ended up blowing my back doors out and giving myself a robust case of piles.

It turns out they didn’t drop off, so I’ve ended up with a ringpiece that resembles the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

Anyway, I’ve finally surrendered to years of constant itchy arse, suppositories and weapons-grade Roid Raider cream. Next month, The good ol’ NHS will be cutting the spiteful little cunts off.

However, I’m fucking terrified. I have an embarrassingly low pain threshold, and a pal of mine who had his farmers lopped off said it was like sitting on a hornet’s next for about a month after.

The only benefit I can see here is a liquid diet after the op for a fortnight as I am a bit fat. The GP didn’t find it funny when I suggested a “Farmhouse Cider Cleanse” to really flush my system.

Have any of you fellow cunters suffered with the dreaded Arse Grapes of Wrath or even had them off?

Let me know.

Nominated by Cuntis_cuntis.

64 thoughts on “Haemorrhoids”

  1. I had an anal fissure, internal and external Chalfonts. This was thirty years ago. The first shit the morning after was hell. After a couple of days I was as right as rain. Have them out small pain long term gain.

    • Anal fissures certainly focus the mind, pity about the blood on the car seat. Good luck.

    • But aren’t they scars in the rectal wall ? not something l thought could be actually ‘removed’ compared to say Plymouths maybe?

      They don’t tend to heal too well given the locale…according to a chap i know ?

  3. Admin, for the love of God move please onto the next nom and take this grotesque monster away from my burning eyes.

    • Let’s be honest, you look at that picture and you immediately think about oral sex.

  6. Stephen Fry’s arse post a fisting session with Tom Galey and Reg Dwight?

  7. As someone who’s just been told they probably have internal haemorrhoids, I wholeheartedly endorse this cunting.

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