So okay, let me reach out to all you fellow cunters. I know that in the grand scheme of things, it’s a trivial cunting at the end of the day. But like, the use of the term ‘bombshell’ boils my piss, and I so mean literally boils my piss dude.
For example, ‘Prince Harry’s “bombshell” memoir. Or Prince Andrew’s ‘bombshell’ interview. Oh hang on; that interview wasn’t a ‘bombshell’, it was a ‘car crash’ (or a ‘dumpster fire’, for the benefit of our American friends).
One of these days you’re going to pick up your copy of ‘The Metro’ to see the headline ‘Knee’s “Bombshell” Fury’ splashed across the front page. Or maybe they’ll go for ‘ Pensioner Grandad Ron’s “Bombshell” Shock’ , to add a bit of personal interest. It’ll be a ‘bombshell’ outrage either way.
Anyhow, I’m really offended, and think that THEY should apologise; step up to the plate, know what I mean? I’m going to get a gin and tonic, see if I can’t chillax a bit.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Not the same thing I know, but people who start their sentences with ‘so’ boils my pissš
21
‘So you’re saying…’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-rE03PGQfA
8
Damn right Jill. Particularly favoured by academics. Our elder started to pick it up at university. I cured her of the habit by taking the piss mercilessly every time she said it.
11
Smack on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
4
Any Englishman who describes something as awesome should be pistol whipped and deported to California.
On that bombshell I’m off the pub.
Amazeballs š
17
Awesome post mis
10
Totes amazeballs. xxx OMG Wot ami like xxx luv u beautifuh xxx
7
Basically, literally
0
Good nom, Ron.
Fucking fake words are even worse than “buzz words”. In an article for BBC online, that Mrs Twenty read this morning, Sean Coughlan (Royal Correspondent) used the fake word “opaqueness”. What a cunt. “Royal Correspondent”, ffs!
Good morning, everyone.
13
Jennie Bond was the best BBC Royal Co-respondent. Filmed outside Buck House wearing a faux red leather coat she used to look like she was on the hunt for a client.
‘Hello big boy, would you like a French lesson?’
13
I see what you did there, GT. Top marks! Ticky awarded.
4
And she owns the most awful
pair of legsā¦
They may have looked better on a throne.
3
Thanks Twenty.
There are so many of these that really get on my tits. ‘Challenging’, ‘vulnerable’, ‘meltdown’, ‘life-limiting’ (you’re fucked), ‘let go’ (fired), ‘Passed on/over’ (dead), ‘differently abled’.
I hate twee euphemisms; ‘romping’ (shagging), ‘adult entertainment’ (porn) and woman who refer to ‘hubby’.
I hate it when politicians use expressions such as ‘I’m minded to…’, or duck and dive direct questions with ‘I’ll take that under advisement’ or ‘we need to talk about the issues that really matter to the British people’.
It’s all just a train wreck as far as I’m concerned.
Morning all.
17
The term ‘seeking closure’ pisses me right off.
9
‘seeking closure’
eighties ‘West coast’ therapy culture has a lot to answer for.
That and valley-speak.
Come on San Andreas time for a massive seizure.
9
isnt it the job of Royal correspondants to come out with vague nonsense?
4
Truthbombsā¦
10
Chill out, chillax, take a chill pill (murder for the inventor/s of)
Horrified or shocked, for the most mundane of events.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to blah blah whoever.
People who say ‘yeah, no’. Pick one or the other fuckface.
Basically.
6
Best (insert as appropriate, eg day, holiday, gig, shit, wank etc) ever
Living your best life
You go girl
You got this
8
It’s the way they always say ‘you go gurrrrrl’. Fingernails down a blackboard.
12
All American shite as usual
2
Using ‘horrible’ when they mean ‘terrible’.
3
Ronnie o’sullivan springs to mind there! every fucking interview he starts with ‘yeah, nah’.
1
Dean Smith’s the same.
1
Wayne Rooney, when he goes ‘Eeeeeeeeeeer’ during every interview. Like a Scouse Bugs Bunny.
0
There certainly appears to be a crisis in the overuse of superlatives and soaring use of dumb arse expressions.
Words like ermā¦ Crisis and soaring for example.
āTomato shortage crisis sends prices soaringā
Give me a fucking break!
And what about āgrilledā?
āMPs grilled at enquiryā
What?
As in laid on a rack and cooked under 200 degree heat?
Actually, not a bad idea.
Iād also recommend the same treatment for any journalist, reporter or editor who uses such pathetic language.
9
Grill the cunts in the Oven F.M.
5
In the tabloids, no criminal is imprisoned. They’re ‘caged’.
9
All police are now COPS and prison or gaol is JAIL
1
To grill in English is what the yanks call broiling.
5
And all yanks should be BROILED in James O’Brien’s piss then force fed down Owen Jones cum coated throat
0
That header pic for the previous nomination was a bombshell.
6
https://www.lbc.co.uk/world-news/france-hospital-evacuated-man-has-ww1-shell-up-anus/
3
I have it on good authority Unk that this is a big and rapidly growing event in hospital A&E departments. Diverts resources from people accidentally injured rather than engaging in fucking idiotic activities.
2
‘We had to manage the risk in a reactive framework’
eh?
2
Should have smacked the cap with a hammer.
2
Admin really stepped up to the plate with that one.
5
Bumshell
2
Can I get as an question. Such cunts should be dispatched with a bullet in the back of the neck. CUNTS.
9
Those wankers in ‘Friends’ to thank for that.
11
‘Can I get a mocha frappa-whappaccino with caramel and sprinkles, low-fat, low sugar and Turkey on ryyyyee.’
‘Bacon roll, mate’.
5
‘sauce on that?’
3
“Life changing injuries”
Fuck Off.
7
‘Tributes are pouring in…’.
Really? Where to exactly?
12
Build a bridge!
0
‘Like’.
So, I was like going to the shops, when I like ran into Jenny and like said it was like going to rain.
Gaaarrr!
‘Reach out’ and ‘Stakeholders’.
I think we should reach out to our stakeholders and manage our relationship interfaces.
Translates as: We should contact the relevant parties and ask them if they know anyone who can help.
Again, Gaaarrr!
8
‘Stakeholders’.
A real Blairite term if ever there was one.
9
Dr Abraham van Helsing is a famous stakeholder.
7
James O’Brien needs to be a stakeholder, gripping it like fuck as I light the brush wood round his feet
1
āExact date a snow bomb will hit the UKā or the weather forecast for (insert date) will be widespread snow, no bomb will be exploded anywhere in the UK
The most annoying term for me is Far Right which seems to be applied to anyone white outside Islington.
As we are in a permanent state of crisis I propose adding the annoying word to the cunt list āpermacrisisā and yes it is real
Off to have a relaxing coffee and custard cream before I have a meltdown.
7
I think we should try to get the ball rolling on ‘the loony left’ again. There’s a lot of those cunts about these days.
4
Loony left and PC Brigade have been replaced by Woke
2
No, wait, ā¦.
Aargh!
Iām not waiting for anything, you stupid boy (usually!).
3
Reading facebook posts using ‘I could care less’
You fucking dickheads.
starting sentences with ‘so..’
two recent ones to look out for; the overuse of iconic for something that isn’t remotely iconic in the broadest sense.
The redundant use of ‘unironically’.
What these gen Z and millennial cunts mean is ‘sincerely’ or ‘genuinely’.
‘Going/moving forward…’
How about you ‘FOAD’?
(Fuck Off And Die)
6
āIām not sorry about thatā – ādaughter taught me that one. Comes in handy when āfuck off you retardā is banned in the meeting room.
3
For me, the most annoying sentence in the English language comes from the yanks. It occurs immediately after settlement of payment on most occasion one leaves the premises, for example, shops. My immediate reply is the acronym, HAND. I then make my exit, leaving whoever, perplexed.
6
You just gotta get your shit together on this Sammy
2
Explain.
1
Ah, simply taking the opportunity to work that awful Americanism into the conversation old son.
Whenever I see an American film in which one of the characters says ‘I’ve gotta mah shit together man’ it makes me cringe.
3
Should’ve said, what does that mean, Ron.
1
You replied immediately. Must start again. Ron, did you understand my post.
1
I’m thinking ‘have a good one!’ Sammy.
2
Its gone full circle.
1
It is what it isā¦
4
It doesn’t have to be.
0
And often isn’t.
2
‘It is what it is’
A dangerously fatalistic sentiment.
I hate it.
1
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qvISFZ7bQcE
George Carlin had the sinister euphemising of language nailed down thirty years ago
2
according to poor old Cunty Chops, George Carlin really hated white people.
1
I think itās more nuanced than that – he hated the establishment, which, in the context of his times was easily summarised as white republican. He grew up in New York surrounded by Irish, Italian and African Americans, and hung around with all of them. His comedy was of a time that predated George Floyd and BLM – so he may have invoked the white vs black trope for comedy shorthand (as Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and other contemporaries did) but fundamentally he hated bullshit and Iām as certain as I can be heād have had a lot to say about modern identity politics. Iām not saying we wouldnāt have profoundly disagreed on some politics – particularly abortion – but he intensely distrusted government and attempts to promote mass conformity of thinking.
Naturally it comes back to the principle of free thinking, and this site; we wonāt agree on everything, but it doesnāt mean we canāt learn from each other.
Apart from that he did some fucking funny routines.
2
Others that get on my onions are….
Jaw dropping. ‘Oooh. Taylor Swift’s latest shite is jaw dropping’. Fuck off.
Legend. Every has been or useless tosser is now described as a ‘legend’.
A Man United legends team, featuring Poborsky, Djemba Djemba (so bad they named him twice) and Phil Neville. Oh, my sides.
Greatest ever. Millennial cunts and knobheads always think that crap from their time is the ‘greatest ever’. When it is anything but.
And fucks wjho use the word rape instead of nicked make me fucking sick. Gen Z bastards who say ‘youv’e raped my crisps’ when somebody has nicked a couple. It’s not a word to be used flippantly and it’s not funny. Is it any wonder that I despise students and millennials?
And anyone who says ‘cheeky’. As in ‘a cheeky nandos’ or a ‘cheeky coffee’ or ‘a cheeky KFC’ wants whacking in the mush with an ACME style anvil. I absolutely hate it.
9
‘Cheeky’ has really crept into use in football, as in ‘we should make a cheeky bid for Salah…’
7
Taylor Swift can get fucked, too. I’m surprised none of the faithful have cunted the attention seeking slag, actually.
7
Think I cunted her a couple of months ago, Cuntis.
The bony slag is ubiquitous.
Thinking of cunting that talentless tune free cunt George Ezra soon…
2
A lot of that is from ‘lad culture’, as is bants and ‘I am liking/loving that’.
I find Taylor Swift’s music drops my jaw, if only to yawn.
3
Absolutely
3
People who finish a statement or sentance with ‘yeah’.
Yeah what exactly you moron?
6
Especially when used with an upward inflection; ‘so that’s what I did yeah?’
8
Exactly. Yeah! š
5
Sounds as if they’re asking for your approval.
‘So I went to my local, yeah, and i ordrred my usual, right?’
No, you were watching Bargain Hunt with your mum.
2
The wife’s just chipped in with a couple while reading over my shoulder.
‘Baby’, you know, as in ‘baby baby baby baby oh baby I love you’ (Karen Carpenter in ‘Superstar’, or a million other song lyrics). Does anybody really call anybody else ‘baby’ except in songs or movies? Oops sorry, films.
The one that really gets on her tits is the passive-aggressive ‘get over it’, as in posters saying ‘some people are trans; get over it’. ‘Fuck off and die’ being the correct response I believe.
11
Whatever.
3
Rhyming ‘baby’ and ‘crazy’ is the nadir of songwriting.
4
And lets not forget the classic ‘all alone’ and ‘telephone’.
4
War chest!
Making memories!
Forever home!
Leveling up!
And any daily mail story telling us their opinion on doing anything like moving to a new country or 5 things I learnt from an airline stewardess!
Utter vacuous empty headed robot cunts! I should get a war chest to take out the Flids!!! Now that would be making memories.
1
I fucking HATE the term “bae”.
A snotted nosed bitch I used to work with – a proper Daddy’s Girl, definitely liked egg and cress sandwiches and squealed on the other kids at school, you know the type! – used to refer to her boyfriend as “bae.”
She’d post all sorts of cack on Facebook about and with him. Selfies, piss-boiling captions like “oooh, dinner with bae” and “I love bae,” so on and so forth. You’re 28, love. Grow up.
How I laughed when I found out they’d split up. Fucking hated her, I did. And that job.
7
‘Hun’ is another one.
6
Absolutely, Ron. “Babe” and “Baby” make my shit itch. The landlady of our local calls her husband “baby”. She’s 57. It’s embarassing, to be honest.
Off topic. Thank you for your kind words about having my ‘roids off. That’s made me feel somewhat better about things.
6
My friends and I use ‘You ok, hun?’ to mean ‘harden the fuck up, you snivelling bastard’…
6
@ Cuntis
No problem mate. I’m not saying that it’ll be a walk in the park, but treatment techniques for the old farmers haven’t half come on in recent years if my comparison to my mother-in-law’s experience some years back is anything to go by.
Good luck.
9
PS @ Cuntis
Warm salt baths really help!
8
@ Nice one, Ron. Much appreciated, pal.
If you don’t mind me asking, how long was it until you could get back on beer and solid food after the op? Also, what happened with your mother-in-law?
My dad’s mate had his off about 20 years ago. Proper mincing he was for a good week or so afterwards!
4
@ Cuntis
Ask away.
As far as the beer and solid food went, I was back on to them the same day as the op. Soon as I came home in fact, as I fasted beforehand and was starving.
The mother-in-law’s op was done in the bad old days, when you had stitches after the op, and spent ages in the hospital sitting on ice packs and rubber rings.
Don’t know if it’s normal surgical practise now, but my wounds were, I believe, sealed using some sort of laser; no stitches, no bleeding, virtually no pain afterwards. I didn’t even need any painkillers. I was advised to take a salt bath two or three times a day, as it has antiseptic properties which help cleanse, and aid the healing process.
Obviously I can’t presume to say that your experience will match mine in any way, but I’ll repeat this; I’ll be very surprised if your experience is anything like as traumatic as you fear.
5
@ Ron, much appreciated once again, sir!
I had no idea how they remove the spiteful little bastards. I was envisaging scalpels, having to sit on a rubber ring afterwards.
During lockdown I tried to remove them myself by putting hot sauce on ’em. I thought the heat would shrink them. It had the reverse effect.
2
Luckily i’m not on social media and I don’t know anyone who uses or would use ‘bae’.
I would look up the meaning but I can’t be fucked.
1
CP – I no longer have any social media of any type. I found I was spending too much time on it and getting worked up about people and things I neither know nor will ever experience.
Strangely – and unexpectedly – I feel much, much happier for it and I have much more time to pursue things I lost interest in in favour of scrolling.
Social media is – indeed – a cunt.
0
Don’t kid yourself.
Is A Cunt is a social media site.
1
So, its when people use them in the wrong context, or dont understand the phrase. Management prattle is another type of cuntspeak which is all part of my “strategic staircase”.š±
1
All this cringe worthy shite stems from the yanks.
3
A lot of what is called LME has our own homegrown gang culture to thank, with some West Indian patois thrown in.
0
‘We’ll be right back after the break’;
‘Here come the fucking adverts’.
5
” Another chance to see”…meaning some old shite from years ago because the TV companies don’t have the imagination to make any new and interesting programmes.
On a slight tangent, the phrase ” contains attitudes and language of the time” usually means it is worth watching.
6
‘Another chance to see’.
That’s a cracker Mary. I’d forgotten about that one.
That ‘snowflake’ warning really pisses me off, but not half as much as when films and tv shows are ‘edited for content’. Once you start down that road, there’s no telling where it will end.
3
It’s been around for a very long time now but the use of the word “cool” to describe something admirable or desirable annoys me. It really means – I have never had an original idea in my life and need the approval of others to an unhealthy degree.
Others are ” the far -right” ( usually directed at working class people) and ” slammed”, which is always popping up on the news pages, such as some dozy tart from Love Island ” slamming” another one for saying she had a massive arse, or some other such issue of national importance.
2
It’s another annoying Americanism, like ‘dude’.
It really pisses me off as well when I go somewhere to ‘get’ a coffee and the bloke behind the counter says ‘there you go buddy’.
2
Another piss-steaming practice that has crept into modern speech is rising intonation at the end of every sentence. This is fine if asking a specific type of question. The practice is annoying and confusing, as it appears the speaker is perpetually asking questions, or doubting themselves. Probably, the latter is true of these flip-flopping millennials.
Has anyone else heard the now ubiquitous, ācan I get?ā, when ordering food?
āNo you fucking canāt, now piss offā, would be my response to this blood-boiling proposition.
5
I’ll get it, you pay you cunt.
4
Journey as a way of describing experience or actions. I suspect it is reality tv shite.
3
Good one.
I rank this with those cunts on talent and aspiration shows, who never have an ambition, always a ‘dream’.
3
A few more…
‘Preloved’ ie castoff.
”Benefits’ ie handouts.
‘Asian’ ie Parking Stanley.
‘Vaccine’ ie shit that causes myocarditis, infertility etc etc but “doesn’t stop you getting it and doesn’t stop you passing it on”.
5
Cockerpoo.
Labradoodle.
Ergo.
Mongrels you middle class twats….!
A fool and his money….š¤”
6
The middle-class luvvies adore mongrels.
Any breed will do, other than a pedigree.
2
We should be ok on here then…!
4
I sat in a meeting with my MD a couple of years ago, the customer was a major national Merchant related to the construction industry.
The person leading the meeting was a category director.
After about 10 minutes I realised I didnāt have a fucking clue what he was talking about and a sort of haze descended in my brain.
I knew words were coming out of the mouth opposite me but genuinely they didnāt make any sense.
I knew what each word meant individually but strung together in the sentences he was using they made no sense at all.
Then at some point I was back in the room and everything started to make sense.
We shared a car back upt north and about 5 mins into the journey my MD said āCunty about 10āmins in something weird happened and I couldnāt make head nor tail of what he was sayingā and I pissed myself proper pissed myself and heās saying what what wtf you laughing at and then I shared the same.
It was the biggest pile of corporate cock and cunt Iāve ever heard and it said so much about these businesses, how they are run and how they are constantly having to ārestructureā.
Utter bullshit
7
My favourite bit of corporatese was always when some mouthpiece undertook to ‘take that on board’.
You knew that the cunt concerned would absolutely ignore whatever it was the second his arse was out the door.
7
I was once in an internal meeting Ron where one of my colleagues proper exposed another.
Loosely speaking Iām in āsalesā so surrounded by either alpha males or little fat useless cunts that use big words to blag their way through.
It was cringe but hilarious at the same time.
Whilst alpha male quite rightly was exposing the bullshit the bullshitter saidā¦..
āOk ok this is not the time or place we need to take this off lineā.
Letās just say that didnāt happen.
4
Sounds like one of those ‘six-figure vocabularies’ i’ve seen advertised by shiny-faced yanks on Youtube.
Pure cock.
1
Deliver. Politicos always use this word.
The cunts couldn’t deliver a fucking newspaper.
9
They’re always ‘investing’ in this that and the other as well.
More fucking Blairspeak.
9