What is the Point of Dance?

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Dancing is a cunt. (Or “Dance” as it is called by the posers.)

Of all the pointless pastimes some people waste time and effort upon, dancing must be near the top of the list. What a load of old wank, what an exercise in futility! It gets exposure on the BBC out of all proportion to its interest to the licence payer, but then it’s hardly unique in that respect.

All normal people are left cold by the antics of the performers on “Strictly Come Dancing” throwing themselves about as if they’re having a fucking seizure or they’ve just got across two phases on the mains, but I get a strong impression that the BBC feel it’s somehow good for our souls to see such shit.

Shouldn’t be surprised I guess as they seem to think their shit-order soaps are high art. One area I find particularly unsettling is the young, sometimes very young girls who are sent to ballet lessons.

The people who teach them seem dangerously similar characters to the various sports coaches that I always taught our kids to avoid.

Eric Juneau Books

Nominated by: arfurbrain

59 thoughts on “What is the Point of Dance?”

  1. Danced myself out of the womb
    Danced myself into the tomb,
    Is it strange to dance so soon?

    We’ve been dancing long as we’ve been walking upright.
    Sand dancing in Egypt
    Doing the Watusi in Africa
    It’s ritualistic
    It’s for mating.

    Im a marvellous dancer.
    Stockport Fred Astaire .
    It’s all in my snake hips you see.

    He moves well for a big lad doesn’t he,?!
    They say as I backflip.

    • Fred Astaire? I bet you dance like Fred Gwynne in character as Herman Munster with live 240 volt jump leads attached to the bolts on his neck. Big blokes, no matter how fit or athletic they are, cannot dance.
      You’re right though on the mating aspect. It’s the only chance most blokes had of getting to grips with a woman before marriage in the pre-permissive era.
      What was that Northern soul dance scene about? Spinning & sliding about in a dustbowl of Johnson’s baby talc. It’s a wonder they all haven’t got asbestosis.

      • Northern Soul Mr Dribbler was a true working class youth movement.
        I was too young for it.

        But some of my older mates did it.

        I remember as a kid in the youth club another little kid (12) doing northern soul dancing,
        Big crowd of girls around him!

        His older brother had taught him.
        Barely read an write but he could certainly dance.

        https://youtu.be/88NbwhZWvUY?si=7acMo70gR2W8-DYc

    • Ahh Mis’, but have you amazed the Gucci-and Ray-Ban wearing blondes of Bournemouth Beach with body-popping to Benny Benassi’s cover of Public Enemy ‘s ‘Bring the Noise’?

      Sun’s out. Guns out

      I haven’t but I bet Colin Bryce is doing so right now

  3. Admin – please scrap my post in moderation.
    I’m so hungover I spelled my name wrong.

  4. I agree to a point.

    Most dances are shite.
    Just a faster, jazzed up version of the dances done in Royal courts by Henry VIII.

    All girls should do ballet.
    It gets them flexible and opens up all sorts of possibilities for different sex positions.
    Their training will see them with no problem at getting their ankles behind their ears.

    Some national dance is good.
    Kosak, flamenco (obviously).

    It’s strange that Africans, who allegedly have rhythm, just jump up and down and go around a campfire in circles.

    Anyone can do that.

    • Nowadays its sticking your arse out at the Notting Hill Carnival and twerking, shrieking in Multi Ethnic Londonese.

    • I did kozak dancing up to my early teens. It’s bloody hard work and, as a beginner, it’s easy to get hurt.

  5. As the owner of two left feet and no sense of rhythm I fully endorse this nomination. I have lost count of the number of times I’ve been dragged onto the dance floor at parties and weddings by a pissed woman only to be made to look a complete and utter tit. Nowadays I skulk in a corner of the bar at social events and hope no splitarse spots me.

    I know someone whose daughter went all the way to Cornwall to do a ‘degree’ in Dance, ffs. Why she couldn’t have done something more useful like Diversity and Grievance Studies closer to home I don’t know.

    • a degree in dance? waste of time and money. Degrees are for academic subjects, not learning how to be a ‘twirly’ or how to draw Spider-Man. You have arts and tech colleges for yhat, as well as drama and music academies.

      A mate of mine did a degree in performing arts. All theory, no actual technique or practice. His coursemates were never taught the difference between acting for stage and screen.
      If you want to be singer/actor/show-off, go to RADA, Sylvia Young, Julliard or similar.

      Future drama teachers and good for fuck all else (apart from joining the plod, which two did)

  6. I think it just exists for the poofters within and without the BBC to pass the autumn and winter months, till the gay excitement of Eurovision is back to delight them. It’s a bit cold to go out cottaging and dogging in November and December

  8. Can’t really agree with this, Arfur, as long as it is not just an excuse for parading the trans pervery so favoured by the BBC. I love the old Hollywood musicals – Fred and Ginger, Fred and Cyd, Gene and Cyd. Gene and Debbie, Gene and Judy, Fred and Judy, Any permutation, seems magical. ‘Singing in the Rain’, ‘The Band Wagon’, ‘Summer Stock’. Fabulous.

    Check out this. I promise it will cheer you up whatever shit the rest of the day may bring…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu6–WBPBHo

    Good morning, everyone!

  9. Female professional dancers tend to be super slim with good legs, perfect posture and tight fannies.

    Unfortunately it seems that dance training is not good for tit growth.

    You can’t have everything I suppose.

  12. Unless it’s 1990 and you’ve popped a couple of disco biscuits at a warehouse rave, dancing is gay.
    Dancing for entertainment?
    Fuck off!

  14. There’s ‘Dancing’, which plebs do and watch. Then there’s ‘Darnce’, which the discerning, such as myself enjoy at Saddlers Wells. In fact, I have a tutu on at the moment.

  15. Dancing with a girl in my yoof was done for one purpose only.
    Vertical impression of horizontal intention.
    The hope being, that at some point, you’d be able to escort the young lady up the common and slip her a length.
    To me it was never a spectator sport.
    If I wasn’t rubbing my groin up against some young piece of fanny, then it held no interest for me.
    You see this bollocks on the telly that passes for dancing.
    Well if the bloke isn’t sporting a massive hard on, and the tarts gusset isn’t soaking wet, it ain’t being done right and therefore serves no useful purpose.
    And as for dancing with someone you wouldn’t shag with a stolen dick
    like cripples, dwafves, mongs, fat foghorn celebrity cunts etc(take note Strictly) why the fuck should I waste electricity and valuable time on it.
    Cunts.
    Oh and good morning all.

  16. Nope, I don’t have a problem with dancing, however whenever I see the professionals on TV with that fucking big, shit eating grin it does make me want to shit! I mean, what painty faced cunts! Always thought dancing was a bit gay when I was a teenager at the local, Friday night ‘bop’ unless of course they were playing the ‘erection selection’ and you got to grope some fit adolescents top bollocks while grinding away in the dark!

  17. I remember the good old days of Saturday night light entertainment on the Beeb; wholesome family shows with Cilla and Val, with loads of cheesy dancing. They must have had an agreement with the dancers’ union to give the cunts air time.

    But as I say, it was all innocent, harmless stuff…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W86BfjfqsE

    Morning all.

  18. Hmmm… dancing eh
    Ballet invented for rich old pěrvs in the 18th and 19th century to see a bit of leg. Modern dance for exhibitionists, gays and the deranged.
    And when dance is combined with musical theatre, beware, you will catch The Gayness!
    Dance should be confined to the Dark Continent where it originated among the primitives.
    Good morning all.

  19. Hated dancing, discos back in the 70s, full of cunts looking like epileptics, me either on the door or in the bar.
    As for these cunts who back “singers”…

  20. A bit of dancing is fine; like everything It is how much importance that is given to it by the media. I’m not interested in watching it.
    I’ve got a season ticket at the football but can’t understand why the media give it so much attention, and fully understand why that pisses people off who don’t like it.

  21. There are two works of dance that immediately come to mind. Igor Stravinsky’s “The Rite of Spring”, that caused a riot at its premiere, around 1911 and Manuel de Falla’s “The Three Cornered Hat”. 2 completely different works of ballet you could wish for.

    • I would love to do my own particular dance of Stravinsky’s ballet “Le Sacre du Printemps” if Wigan beat United tonight. I’d forfeit the loss, just to get Ming the Merciless out of the club.

  23. Loved ” pogoing” and spitting at the pretentious cunts on stage…💦
    The cunt Elvis Costello walked off after everyone spat at him.
    Mard arse….!

    • Those Joy Division gigs were unbeatable. Still the most powerful band I ever saw live. On his night, Ian Curtis was unstoppable. RIP, lad.

  25. Only person who ever looked cool dancing was John Revolting in Saturday Nigth Fever.

    And I fucking hated that Billy Elliott film. Using the great T.Rex for such sugar drenched schmaltzy dog dirt.

  26. Men dancing is wrong, men dancing in stupid costumes around some bint are a disgrace to masculinity!

    • Dancing is fucking stupid. Not only have I always refused to do it, I can’t stand watching anyone else do it. What’s worst is when women are jumping about with this silly grin stitched on their face, as though they’re convinced everyone’s admiring them. They don’t seem to have any idea how ridiculous they look.

  28. I can’t dance but watching professionals doing it with some fab choreography is amazing. Michael Jackson Thriller vid comes to mind. That Strictly thing is shit tho. Who wants to watch a bunch of duffers? Half the time they don’t even dance!!

  29. – Saw the ballet once, the Bolshoi, mega snooze.
    – Watched Mr and Mrs Smith having a pre-shag dance, that was ok; reminded me of similar times had by myself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaB1zWyijso
    -Then there’s Gene Kelly in Singing in the Rain, simply inspiring.

    Modern, boring, intellectual dance is a load of pretentious codswallop. Then at the other end of the scale is the likes of Madogga or rappers; they might as well be having sex in front of you, it is that coarse. I do not approve!

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