Pot Noodle

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Last night I was at my friend Big Al’s house when his daughter turned up.

She brought with her a plastic carton bearing the legend ‘Pot Noodle’, containing an assortment of dried items including noodles (obviously) and vegetables, which are re-constituted by the simple expedient of adding boiling water and stirring.

I must admit that my stomach turned when I viewed the contents of the pot, which to my mind had the appearance, not to mention the smell, of pigswill. In spite of Big Al’s remonstrations to the effect that said product, while seemingly innocuous, contained a large amount of unhealthy fat, salt and ‘flavour enhancing’ E-numbers, his protest fell on deaf ears, and was consumed with relish.

Apparently 240 pots of this slop are consumed in Britain EVERY MINUTE. Add to that all the ‘convenience’ junk food churned out by the likes of McDonalds and KFC and necked by the ton every year.

Then have a look at all the grossly obese lardbuckets waddling around, that’s when they’re not crushing the life out a mobility scooter because they can barely walk at all.

They say that you are what you eat. That, my friends, is very, painfully apparent.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

58 thoughts on “Pot Noodle”

  1. My favourite is pol pot noddle, when you pull back the lid the pot is empty.

    But that’s socialism for you..

  2. Tried one once.
    Inedible.
    Never again.

    Actually I’m quite surprised the imbeciles who consume this rubbish know how to boil a kettle.

    Morning all.

  3. Hard to come by where I live so a Bombay bad boy is a real treat when I can get one. I do mean the pot noodle you pérverts

  4. We don’t have Pot Noodles.

    We have Yankee Noodle. It’s made with feathers but we call it macaroni. We have it when we go to town. It’s dandy.

  5. Franz Beckenbauer yesterday.
    JPR Williams today.
    Is it too much to hope that tomorrow it’ll be a footballing ‘icon’ and crisp salesman?
    Sorry, O/T.

  6. Pot Noodles are Tape Worms from Satan’s own asshole! Down here the locals eat them by the 100 weight and are available in 30-40 different flavours.

  7. If the Fucking Vegans get their way then it’ll be Pot Noodles morning,noon and night.

    Probably with tofu or soy.

    Beware those Cunts.

  8. I don’t eat Thai cuisine.

    Do they have a dog flavour out for the Korean market?

  9. Long ago as a student I lived off of Indo mie mi goreng, the Indonesian equivalent as it we 20 cents a packet. They were known as Hermans, one of the 4 flavouring packets with or all of them gave the most brutal liquid shits. I still feel ill when I see a packet of these devil’s pubes.

  10. Back in the 90s, the advert for them used to state “Pots of warmth, pots of goodness, pots of taste” and the advertising watchdog ordered them to remove the word “goodness” because of the chemical filth within.
    Microwaves are everywhere during a work day, so just get some half-decent soup, for crying out loud.

  11. Can’t knock a pot noodle

    The cornerstone of any thick lazy cunts diet.
    Best prepared with hot water don’t taste the same if you use cold yuck 🤢

  12. Nearly two hours to cover 3 miles, I hope the inconsiderate cunt that caused the accident, guts are spilled over the road like a kicked over pot noddle.

    • Noodles are great for camping.
      Lightweight to carry,
      Quick to make.

      Maybe not pot noodles because of the plant pot they come in ,
      But those cheap packet noodles.
      Fishing or hiking, quick hot meal.

      • Christ Mis, I wouldn’t have you down as a rough it camping type.

        Two weeks living like a refugee.

  13. The NHS app ‘food scanner’ recommended them last year.
    Despite them being high in sodium, high in fat and low in fibre.

    • Makes you wonder doesn’t it? It’s a bit like the government saying lose weight. Followed by adverts for just eat. It’s a bit like saying stay home during COVID, knowing full well fresh air was healthier. Biggest risk factor was being overweight, so they closed the gyms and parks and opened restaurants🤔. It really dose make me wonder sometimes. A world of juxtapositions.

      • Grey’s law; ‘any sufficient level of incompetence is indistinguishable from malice’.

    • Do you get your 5 fruit a day ?

      Raisin Cookie
      Cherry flapjack
      Bannana toffee
      Orange penguin biscuit
      Apple Cider

  15. Used to work with someone who ate the Bombay Bad Boy at his desk.
    The chilli sauce got evaporated and caused my eyes to sting and run, after a ‘polite’ request from me, he slunk off to the kitchen to eat his Satan’s Slurry.
    Fuck knows what it does to your innards! 🤔

    • I had that same situation Cuntalugs, some fucker used to eat that crap, it stunk out the whole office.

  16. To some people it’s the only hot meal of the day….!

    ” Not though” if you paddle over from France..

  18. These things smell like Satan’s anus and probably taste about as good.

    McDonalds, KFC and all the other junk food is fodder for the hoi polloi, I wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole dipped in shit.

    • I tried a McHorror for the first time in 6 months the other day. couldn’t eat it. The burgers are packed with salt. zyou really notice it if you haven’t eaten then them for a while.

      Ive not eaten any of their breakfast stuff in years. The flappy rubber eggs and sausage patties smell like they’ve been kept warm in the folds of a fat old woman before being assembled into mcmuffins.

      • I know, some of the people I work with say the price has nearly doubled on this bilge yet they keep buying it and bringing it in for lunch….bigger fools them, my cheese and onion sandwich cost me about 40p

        Somebody was talking about spending nearly £50 on a Chinese fucking takeaway the other day…I mean fuck me…£50 on absolute shite.

      • Too many cats and dogs go missing around our way for my liking, which is why I won’t by a Chinese. Fuck knows how many rats end up in the pot; no one misses those cunts.

  19. If you’re on the bennies, the Pot Noodle is an essential part of a healthy diet, especially as Ginsters pasties aren’t as cheap as they once were.
    It’s easy to be dismissive, but government handouts don’t go far after you’ve purchased essentials, like….
    Scratch cards
    Baccy
    Lager of your choice (Or Vodka if your on extra support)
    Weed
    Latest iPhone
    Thank dog for the Pot Noodle.
    Keeping the feckless fed since 1976.

    • At least you don’t have to lay out for scud mags these days; loads free on line. Leaves you a bit more to spend on scag.

  20. When it comes to instant noodles, the discerning epicure only eats Nissin ramen and Ko-Lee, Maggi at a push..

    Pot Noodles are even worse than Batchelor’s ‘Super Noodles’.

    Anything with udon or soba noodles makes me heave.

    • Sky breeds nasty cunts at Isleworth -a friend from college worked there as a researcher many years ago – but in this instance she is right. Last game I played was probably Championship Manager during lockdown.

  22. You won’t be getting fido noodles in S.Korea by the looks of things with a proposed ban being phased in over the next 3 years.
    If Klaus Shcwaby doll gets his way it’ll be bug noodles by then.

    That said, I quite like the spicy Korean offerings now and again as a snack and unlike KFC etc, there’s no minced cows arse, armadillo testes or whatever else is minced into a mechanically recovered slurry and passed off as ‘meat’.

  23. Cant agree with this. C and m pot noodle with bread and butter for dipping, whats not to like, ideal when you are in a hurry.

  24. I’m a lazy cunt so eat them sometimes. Although once the soy sauce sachet was sealed shut with fuck all in it. Had a Ken Hom rage attack….

    • I know how you feel mate.

      Back in the day I once got a bag of Smith’s crisps that didn’t have the little twist of blue paper with salt in it.

      I came over right Gordon Ramsay I can tell you; my mom was forced to tell me that hurling the bag at the cat and yelling ‘fucking cunt!’ at the top of my voice was not appropriate behaviour in a seven year old.

  25. I recall they had a terrible Cheese and Tomato Pot Noodle in the 80s.
    It was fucking rank, absolutely disgusting. Stank like Madogga’s minge.

    • Rumour has it that it was an excellent antidote for constipation.

      Tidy enough win last night Norman. Who’ve you got next? Villa, in typical fashion, have drawn a hot one, Chelsea away. Would fancy it a lot more at Villa Pk, but then, they’re not the force they were a few years ago. Maybe they’re not so keen on getting us.

  26. I can only get Pot Noodle in one flavour in Scotland: bleeding chicken & bleeding mushrooms. I would literally kill for a Sweet & Sour or a Chinese Pot Noodle. Like the Boston Tea Party, the English are probably throwing them into the bleeding sea, or handing them out to the good people of Norfolk!

  27. Not Foodles are the thin end of a slippery slope.

    And I have no idea what a mixed metaphor is …

    Incidentally the Mixed Metaphor flavour is probably the worst.

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