Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s astrologist Ron Knee reporting. Well, I think that we can all agree that 2023 was a right cunt. In order to see what will be in store for us in 2024, I’ve taken a peek into my crystal tit, and can confidently make the following predictions as to how we’ll fare;
*continuing strikes and bad weather will savage the UK, causing chaos and bringing the country to its knees. We’ll be struck by a cost of living crisis, which of course could have been avoided but for Brexit
*the Royal Family and the Markles will be sensationally rocked by a series of utterly unexpected scandals and revelations
* the normally reclusive Carol Vorderman and Amanda Holden will surprise the nation by suddenly flashing a bit of tit and thigh in the media. Katie Price will make a number of expensive trips abroad for cosmetic surgery and holidays, in between court appearances regarding bankruptcy proceedings
*the NHS will be plunged into an unforeseen crisis, with flu and Covid bringing the service to its knees
*the FA Cup and the Premier League will be won by a team wearing red. Or blue. Or possibly white. In Scotland the league will be won by a team wearing green and white. Or possibly blue
*’EastEnders’ and ‘Casualty’ will surprisingly return to our tv screens. In ‘Corrie’, octogenerian Ken Barlow will be murdered in a staggering case of poisoning in t’ Rover’s Return
*Wars will break out in the Ukraine and Middle East. And possibly elsewhere, like Africa maybe
*Nicola Sturgeon and her husband Peter ‘it wasnae me guv’ Murrell will be arrested again, as ‘Operation Branchform’ officers begin a new investigation into the loss of £6.49 from the SNP’s petty cash, and £4.25 from the tea fund
*a number of elections will occur around the world. In Russia, Vladimir Putin will poll an astonishing 99% of the popular vote after mass arrests and the sudden disappearance of a number of opponents. In Britain, a snap election will see a bunch of cunts elected, while in the USA, an elderly man will become president.
*Christmas will arrive on December 24th.Yoko Ono will discover a previously unknown demo of a John Lennon song. Macca will find a bit of Harrison guitar left over from the ‘Let It Be’ sessions, and he and Ringo will do a mash-up to produce the Christmas number one
Oh, and of course, IsAC will go from strength to strength; after all, it’s a case of so many cunts, so little time. A cuntin’ good New Year to one and all.
This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Never mind the crystal ball nonsense, I would do the chink in the white dress dry, with crushed glass and iron fillings in the ky
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Apologies for butting in again but this is another IT notice that I posted on the previous nom but pasted it here in case you missed it.
** IMPORTANT (IT STUFF)
For those with Windows 10 and 11 operating systems, be warned that the latest Patch Tuesday collection of Windows updates contains one particular update affecting your Windows Recovery Partition. If there is insufficient free space on that partition the security update will fail.
The update itself is quite important as it fixes a possible security breach by hackers that could gain access and decrypt any encrypted files, folders or drives via BitLocker.
Microsoft are aware of the problem and will hopefully roll out a fix very soon. But in the interim if you go into Windows Updates and check your update history you may see a failure message for this particular update. If so you can either follow the instructions in the link below or wait for the patch (but that could be days or even weeks away)
Be warned that the instructions to shrink the system OS partition in order to expand the WRE partition is relatively straightforward but full of dangers if you’re not updating the right partition index. Best to do a full image backup of the drive that hosts the OS and all other partitions first. Or just wait for the patch to arrive.
https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/news/microsoft/windows-10-kb5034441-security-update-fails-with-0x80070643-errors/
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Got a terrible feeling your Christmas day prediction might be a day out..
And itchy ballsack will stop the small boats.
By using bigger ones to pick all the vermin up, saves time and money..
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They’ll no doubt use the RN ships they can’t find crews for.
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Each day the BBC will inform us that ‘we’re all going to die’ by various means.
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A recent study by the Cuntster Institute revealed that a dog gains more factual information from sniffing another dog’s ass, than a human gains by reading, watching and/or listening to the Beeb.
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Which is strange considering the average Beeboid’s interest in other people’s arses.
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Good Morning General and everyone,
That is the truest thing I have read on here for a very long time. When we took our Labrador up to the rescue kennel to meet another Labrador they sniffed each other’s arses and the, new, younger, one rolled over legs in the air, wagging her tail and then jumped up and licked the Millie’s face. She had found her mum. They are inseparable now.
Pedant mode on Bill Roache aka Ken Barlow is no longer an octogenarian but is nonogerian (which my predictive text is trying to say is non-geriatric which I am not sure about😃)
Prediction for 2024, Putin will roll up the Ukraine, and go on and take the Baltic states as well, whilst the EU continues to do fuck all and relies on the U.K. and the U.S. for their defence.
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and straight white people are racist planet-killing transphobes who’ve stolen Gen Z’s future, even though it’s the old straight white people paying the fucking licence fee and Gen Z never watch terrestrial television (who can fucking blame them?)
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The BBC will also tell us that hamas are kind, peaceful and tolerant.
Any dissenting opinion will be regarded as islamophobic.
3
I predict that the Beeb will at last refer to Hamas as terrorists.
I can also confirm that a pig just flew past my window.
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As a devotee of New Age practices I believe in the power of crystals. However, I took a different approach than the Illustrious Mr. Knee and by casting a Horoscope came up with a couple of different predictions.
*The Labour Party will win a massive victory over the feckless and testicularly challenged Tories.
*The Democrats will steal another election here in the States but it won’t be for Joe Biden. Michelle Obama will replace him at the last minute and be cast as the Black Madonna of Democracy.
*Mrs and Mr Markle will continue to be the butt of jokes by the Hollywood elite prompting the duo to release…nothing anyone is interested in.
*The Elites at Davos…with help from assassins supplied by Vlad Putin…will target IsaC and the faithful as it (and we) are the last bastion of free and indeed correct thought and speech…prompting the Chinese to take over the site and rename it; Is a Yinhu’
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Thank you Mystic Ron of the Far Seeing Balls.
I forsee a load of cunts that need Oven.
Keep Britain Tidy.
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My pleasure Unk.
Be ready to fire up that oven.
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Labour win the next general election by 190 seats. Starmer is sworn in (and at) by King Jug Ears (Charles not Linekunt) and immediately declares the 2016 Brexit referendum null and void, and basically a victory for the Remainers!
Biden forgets to vote for himself at the next presidential election. In fact he enters a gent’s toilet rather than the ballot booth. Everyone laughs at him, including the Machiavellian Trump, who should have won the election by a landslide but all of his votes across all 50 states disappeared up Nancy Pelosi’s arsehole, and no one has had the guts to go up there and recover them!
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I think there’s a fair chance that the Don may end up polling minus 10 million votes, while his Democrat opponent polls 650 million.
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My prediction for 2024 is that this may well be the year in which the discovery of alien life is announced. This will be via the detection of bio-signatures on an exo-planet. Rumour in the astronomical community is that the discovery has already been made but the results are being peer reviewed and checked. Before you get excited, this is unlikely to be evidence of an intelligent civilisation (although it could be). It’s more likely to be the detection of life lower down the biological chain, such as marine life.
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This is a decent prediction I reckon.
Or maybe the Yanks will finally confirm that a craft crashed near Roswell in 47.
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The wife just commented that ‘Old Moore’s Almanack’predicted a landing in 2023.
This astrology business is a bit more art than science by the look of it.
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Not science at all Ron. Just hocus pocus.
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Whatever happened to David Grusch? He seemed to think the Italians were involved in recovering alien spacecraft back in the 30s. I bet Mussolini said ‘shuddupya face!’ to the bald grey little cunts.
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And, lots more of this fucking shite….💩
“18,447 Illegal Immigrant Stock Photos, High-Res Pictures, and Images – Getty Images” https://www.gettyimages.co.uk/photos/illegal-immigrant
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I predict a riot.
And depending on who is doing it will determine if the police bother arresting anyone.
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Yes.Civil war will come.
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That’s the only thing that would get me to come back to the UK. The chance to blow up a pack of n*gnogs or decapitate gimmegrant rape gangs with my trusty 12 gauge is as attractive to me as a curry to a pisshead! I’d slaughter the cunts, wholesale!
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Only for a misgendering non crime crime; they may let you off with a caution and advise you to ‘consider your thinking’.
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I predict my comments won’t disappear this time?
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I predict that 2024 will be a continuation of 2023.
Israel will continue to kick the shit out of Gaza, when they finish they will turn their attention to southern Lebanon and kick the shit out of Hezbollah
The Tuttti Fruiti in Yemen will continue to cause as much shit as possible.
Ukraine and Russia will continue to play out a 0-0 draw.
Net Zero will continue to bore the pants off everyone
The small boats will come over, weather permitting
And sadly the indigenous white population will continue to be replaced by ‘shit’
Finally Labour will form a government and will shit themselves because they will find out, like the conservatives, the only power lies with the civil service..
PS
The USA will have a right laugh with even more divisive election.
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I don’t normally make predictions.
It’s akin to fortune telling and can open you up to accusations of witchcraft.
But I’m betting peace and goodwill breaks out around the world.
Man will treat each other as brothers regardless of colour, creed, and culture.
Weapons will be melted down for farm tools,
And we’ll all work side by side tilling the fertile soil in a new green wonder age.
At a guess.
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I like a man with a sense of optimism.
Do you foresee the Villa winning anything Mis, or is that taking optimism too far?
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As Private Fraser quoted “We’re doomed”.Up diarrhoea drive and no paddle.👎
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My prediction is that while Orange Man and Cognitively Challenged Man are squabbling over who actually won the election, Charlie Chan will invade Taiwan.
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The BBC will feign ignorance over another scandal, as even more people refuse to pat the license fee.
Rishi will leave Keir a post it on the fridge on 10 downing street.
‘out of milk… and B of E says there’s no money”.
Times Radio will continue to say zputin has finally lost.
The war on woke will carry on, despite claims ‘the tide has turned’, the movement looks like its at an end’ by wide-eyed political ‘experts’.
Overall, some experts will be promoted ahead of other experts because they tell the media aand govt. what they want to hear.
These experts will usually be a Sir or Dame.
Brexit will still be likened to the apocalypse.
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I predict that I’ll finally be balls in Rosie Jones’ unwashed bum whilst she goes down on stumpy little Ellie Simmonds’ malformed fanny.
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Same this year as last then Mr CE?
Good man.
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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Maybe this year, I’ll get off ‘The Naughty Step’
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Morning DCI.How ya doing?
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Fine, Ron, ta, apart from being on ‘The Naughty Step’! Yourself?
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Not so bad, as they say.
Taking it easy pretty much.
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You’ll appreciate this little ditty Mr C-E.
It’s the sort of thing you’d dream up:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrBj3u5dPgM
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Latest predictions from the crystal;
*Huge amounts of money will be won on the premium bonds by punters located in the Home Counties, Sussex, and Hampshire and the Isle of Wight
*A number of football managers will get the sack or leave their clubs ‘by mutual consent; this may include Erik ten Hag, and 100% will include Wayne Rooney
*Thousands of shifty looking young men will arrive from across the sea, fleeing torture and persecution.They will immediately claim asylum, and demand money, accommodation, a mobile phone and 14 year old white girls, before returning to their homeland on holiday
Morning all
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Wayne Rooney Club Manager; a surreal game for PC that demands to be made.
1
I see old Sven is in the news again.
Apparently the old boy hasn’t long to go.
The media coverage has been OTT as expected.
‘But…. But he managed England’s golden generation.’
Yeah, a so-called golden generation who won fuck all and wasted their careers snorting Charlie and screwing Babestation slags,
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Debanking scandal
Tainted blood transfusion scandal
Subpost masters scandal
Rochdale grooming scandal
I predict the UKs love for scandal will continue unabated.
With innocent people finally cleared, albeit bankrupt, divorced,and on medication,
And those responsible,
CEO s, political pigs, etc punished by a multi million severance payment and a seat in the Lord’s.
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Ain’t that the truth
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Someone on here will come up with an individual that’s done an unbelievable strange thing you wouldn’t have imagined or believed, again.
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Like ‘Royaume-Uni, nul points’?
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Or, whose going to be Dickies Valentine.
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Rishi Sunak will “stop the boats” or possibly Keir Starmer.
Or possibly prolonged periods of bad weather in the Channel.
But not the French.
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Crisis will become the most used word in the English language
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‘Bombshell’ will be up there as well Sick, as in ‘the Duchess of Sussex’s long-awaited “bombshell” memoir’.
‘Shock’, ‘fury’ and ‘outrage’ are also bound to feature.
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Aptly titled “More shit that never happened”.
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TV for 2024
Doctor Who will bum himself. As Ncunti Gayblack and Wokecunt Tennant go at it, with a gleeful Russell .T. Fatphag wanking himself to death.
NeverEnders. Where liver transplant recipient and booze soaked fat cunt, 65 year old Phil Mitchell, single handedly wins a fight against ten armed gang members and hardcases all in their early 20s. Also, Kat Slater dies of multiple STDs and is buried in a Y-shaped coffin.
Cuntonation Street. Ken Barlow finally croaks in the last ever episode. After he carks it, Ken is visited by Mike Baldwin’s ghost. With the Scotch drinking cigar smoking lothario saying ‘Fuck me! It’s even worse than I remember. Screw this! I’m going back to Hell!’
Strictly Cunt Dancing. Numerous ex-soap cast offs and attention whores make total fools of themselves. Hosted by E.T in a Beatle Wig.
Emmerdale. Cain Dingle shags his sister, Bastardy Dingle. Marlon acts like a mong in a chefs hat, and a 747 crash lands on the Woolpack. But everyone survives.
Emasculation of the Day. The old football show is revamped. As Alex Scott, Karen ‘cunt’ Carney, Twatti Oatley and Emu Aluko burn Graeme Souness, Matt Le Tissier and Joey Barton at the stake. Guest stars Gary Neville, as the fire lighting ‘It’s a Knockout’ style Court Jester.
The Fab Factor. Ancient relics, Paul McCuntney and Ringo Starr, go through puke inducing ‘auditions’ of numerous mongs, circus freaks and talentless shits aiming to be the two new Beatles, as the old fools plan a Beatles on Ice comeback tour. Other judges include Simon Cowell, Rita Oral, Davina McCunt, Amanda Whoreden, Some poof like Rylan Clark, Allen Klein’s corpse, and Yoko Fucking Ono.
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If they put it on the Beeb, they’ll have to include effnicks, gays and trannies, and other abled in the auditions.
Does Melissa ‘Cock in a Frock’ Poulson certainly has the style to be a Beatle, but does s/he play guitar, do we know?
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Claudia Winklecunt has an overgrown mop top.
And Daniel Twatclffe could don his Harry Potter specs, but he’s too soft to replace Lennon.
Another raging poof will manage them again. Alan Carr, Graham Norton, and Simon Cowell (we all know) are candidates. But Stephen Fry is the perfect neurotic, tantruming, drug filled queen to succeed Epstein. But Phillip Schofield will also be a strong contender.
And, if they need a new Yoko to fuck them up all over again, look no further than Megain Mantis Cuntess of Sussex.
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And give Jim Davidson a mullet, he could be Linda McCartney.
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Stephen Bradshaw to star in new biopic about Hitler.
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How about Sadiq Khan or Idris Elba, in a bit of ‘colour blind’ casting?
3
The upcoming Disney Star Wars film should light up cinemas in 2024.
The Blackie Strikes Back will tell the story of a bolshy uppity chippy talk to the hand shouty feisty strutting black female personage. Who beats the fearsome and mighty Darth Vader one handed in a lightasbre duel, destroys three Death Stars, kills a thousand Stormtroopers (except that treeswinger Bogeya), gives Luke Skwalker a lecture on feminism and pronouns, and teaches Grogu to say ‘Kill whitey’ and ‘all men are bastards.’
The delicious Gina Carano will not be appearing in it.
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Burn them all 🔥🔥🔥🔥
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