(“Rah, rah, rah! We’re going to smash the oiks!” – Day Admin)
A CHRISTMAS APPEAL ON BEHALF OF
THE DUKE OF NORTHUMBERLAND
Dear cunters,
I realise that during these straightened times it is sometimes difficult to consider the plight of those less fortunate than ourselves. However I would ask you to spare a thought for Ralph, who has fallen on hard times.
Ralph has been forced to struggle by with just Alnwick, Prudhoe and Warkworth Castles, Hulne Park, Albury Park, 100,000 acres of prime Northumbrian farmland, 4,000 acres of forestry and numerous other properties.
What has put him on the breadline, however, is his modest little London pied-a-terre, Syon House and 200 acre Syon Park.
Overlooking the Thames and Kew Gardens, the Adam interior State Rooms are in need of a bit of restoration. So to raise the necessary moolah, Ralph decided boot a few commoners off allotments owned by himself to build 80 flats. Should be good for at least 100 mill he thought, and the allotment holders could always pop off down to Fortnums for their organic endive, broccolini and truffles like all the other little people.
Expecting the local council to tug their forelocks and approve the planning application, sadly Ralph’s plans have been thwarted twice, and he’s facing the indignity of having to sell a Canaletto or two to raise the spondoolies.
Ralph is in desperate need and facing a cost of living crisis. Please give whatever you can afford, either via the BBC’s forthcoming celebrity telethon ‘Aristos In Need’, on Ralph’s GoFundMe page, or by visiting Syon House, where for the £14 entrance fee you can marvel at some of the gear Ralph’s ancestors bought with the money they stole from my ancestors.
For those unable to donate, Ralph has kindly set up a GoFuckYou page.
Thank you for your generosity. God bless you all, and Merry Christmas.
Nominated by: Geordie Twatt
(Perhaps he should invite 500 impoverished boat riders to his humble abodes, All paid for by the Taxpayer! – Day Admin)
I can spare a button, a slightly bent safety pin and 3p, if that helps!
9
What, not 3d.
4
You’d need a spanner to get 3d out of my hand, Sam.
6
Where’d you get 3p from??
5
Found it on the street when walking the dog.
8
I must get a dog.
12
Hearing of the poor Duke’s plight is threatening to ruin my Xmas, so I’m planning to send a cat turd to him in the post to cheer myself up.
Morning all.
17
For a second I thought our very own Lord Fiddler had fallen on hard times,.
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100,000 acres of prime Northumbrian farmland did get me thinking too.
Have the Duke and Dick ever been seen in the same room?
10
Dick has more land than that just for storing his Fray Bentos pies.
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Dick, of course, is Ralph’s alter ego. No wonder he left this site as he was probably feeling the animosity.
I don’t half fancy Ralph’s Mrs. I think she was the one responsible for setting up the gardens at Alnwick.
6
Fraud wanker
0
I notice the lazy spoilt cunt has shut Syon House to paying peasants til next March.
Doesn’t sound skint to me.
Anyhow,in the spirit of good will to all men I hope the cunts at the council let him build his flats..and the govt promptly fill them with 3rd world vermin.
They’ll be shitting in your plant pots with a day My Lord Duke.
Fuck Off.
13
Maybe the woke National Trust could help out too by putting up all the illegals. I’m sure they’ld be no problem at all.
7
We’ve closed Syon Park for the winter too. The grinds, courtesy of Capability Brine, are in need of some tlc, so that’s another stream of moolah pessing us by.
Edd to that the cost of reconstructive surgery to give the Duchess and myself a chin each, and you can just imegine the plight we’re facing this Christmas.
So come along you serfs, hend in pocket time.
Ralph,
Duke of Northumberland.
17
Such a well timed cunting! I’m suffering from a bad cold at the moment. I’ll send him some of this excess snot.
10
Send some Liverpool fans up there. They’ll be fuck all left by the time they’ve finished!
8
They’ll have the wheels off the cunt’s Jag in the blink of an eye.
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No more or less a cunt than Ol’ Jug Ears, whose personal wealth is estimated at £1.8 billion, none of which he earned legitimately.
The way people bow and scrape to these chinless parasites makes me want to puke.
I hope there’s a serial killer at Sandringham this year to dispatch the whole sponging lot of them.
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Perhaps the BBC should do a variation of Children in Need, and call it Rich Toffs in Need!
Perhaps he should denounce his white privilege and identify as a black slave, and then resubmit his application.
Sorted!
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‘call it Rich Toffs in Need!’
That’s half of the commissioning editors and producers.
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The simple answer to this Algernon and others like him is to start at the top.
Abolish the monarchy.
Abolish the house of lords.
Abolish all titles of aristocracy and patronage.
Give all land and Chattlels of the above to the national trust.
Tax the wealth, Both here and offshore of the inherited rich elites.
Before you state..
No, I am not a communist but to me this blatant inequality has been around for over a thousand years.
FFS, it’s the 21st century, time to change to a better system. I’m sure it could be done.
But nothing will change.
Sad really….!
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Arch, that was the ambition of Tony Cunting Blair and his fucking Mrs.
You wouldn’t want them in permanent charge.
Fuck the national Trust as well they have turned into a woke organisation.
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Why is it always Blair, especially as a permanent dictator?
Zzzz..
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You’re right, the Blair creature or something like it would be horrendous. However, it could be voted out and that’s the point unlike the never ending privileges the sax coberghs have enjoyed for years.
Can you imagine never having to worry about anything, ever. Apart from which young Algernoness you’re going to fuck…!
4
Point is Cuntamus, the monarchists are trying to defend the indefensible, that’s why they push this ridiculous argument that the alternative is Tony Blair. Grasping at straws sums up their case I think. Olly Cromwell fucked up in the end. Had he handled it properly we could now be citizens of the oldest republic rather than subjects of jug ears.
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I’d help out if he was like his ancestors, handy with a sword, axe and lance. Then send him to Kent to collect a thripence farthing for every dingy rider he despatched.
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According to the Times rich list, the cunt is worth half a billion quid.
Quite clearly he is on the bones of his arse, so feeling rather generous this winter solstice I shall be donating him the steam off my piss.
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Old toffee nose needs strapping to a chair, with eyelids removed and forced to watch how poverty stricken families manage. After he’s stopped screaming, lock him in a padded cell, wearing his favourite coloured straightjacket.
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‘M’tembe has to walk 3 miles every day, just to get clean water…’
Doesn’t work on us, why would it work on a toff?
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I see from the news report that he threatened to evict the allotment holders if he didn’t get planning permission.
What a spoilt, infantile turd!
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Fuck a duck, looking at the header picture I didn’t know Hyacinth Bucket married Skeletor.
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To be fair, he had no choice but to relinquish the allotments: His initial plan of retaining them and converting them into a cotton plantation, inviting only indigenous black Africans to tend the crops – in the well-intentioned spirit of ethnic diversity, fell through. You just can`t please some people.
Well, it`s time to slap my make-up on & head on into town for the rather appropriately named `black-eye Friday`.
And remember, ♪ Try Not To Be A Cunt At Xmas ♫ …
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmoG4JY_T58
“And so, as Tiny Tim said, ‘A Merry Christmas to us all; God bless us, every cunt !” (C. Dickens, “A Xmas Carol”, unabridged).
🥬🤢
10
Don;t agree with this cunting.
Lord Ralph maybe a nob, but at least he is a proper nob, born and bred. Not like that Johnny Come Lately, Dave Cameron, who is a fucking oik by comparison.
Lord Ralph is clearly at the end of his tether. What is the point of having fucking Lords if they don’t get to Lord it over us? Lording It is their only function. Money spent on his stately homes is better spent than on fucking dinghy riders, bone-idle fatsos, druggies, and paraffins.
I blame the fucking socialist scum who have now been in power continuously since 1990.
God save King Chaz.
Good morning, everyone.
10
I would still ask Lord Cuntington to build a moat round his castle, with crocodiles and chained up lions, to stop the boat people escaping whilst waiting their turn for the giant mincer.
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Thenk you for your comments, Mr Sea.
My business meneger is sending you a direct debit mendate for you to complete and sign.
Ralph,
Duke of Northumberland
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Bleddy pen won’t work!
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I would not be too hard on him. He made a planning application and lost. He’s abiding by the result. Now, governments and councils whine about the shortage of new homes being built – and thats because vegetables, cabbages and a few Arthur Fowlers are considered more important for our economy. It’s the planning system that’s the cunt, not the Duke of Northumberland.
Whilst my heart does not exactly bleed for the Duke, it’s a fact that many aristocrats have inherited huge piles of masonry and land that they find difficult to convert into cash and pay for the upkeep. So they can’t be blamed for being enterprising and trying to raise the cash.
The Duke should have used the lines penned for his ancestor by Shakespeare when facing up to the planning authorities – “My name is Harry Percy. To end the one of us; and would to God… I can no longer brook thy vanities. O, planning cunts, thou hast robb’d me of my money making scheme”!
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You make some very salient points, and it is true to say it is not the Duke’s fault but that of some woke planning committee more concerned with housing refugees, looking after benefit scumbags and screwing over the decent people in society with all sorts of money-grabbing schemes.
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Absolutely Techno. And I would have been happy if the Duke had channeled his warrior ancestors and used his ancestral sword to lob the heads of a few councillors and immo scroungers on the day of his planning hearing. He truly would have done us all a great service.
4
This turd sounds like one of those “not on moi laaand”- type turds who try to prevent right-to-roam access. Follow the Cap’n Magnanimous plan for these landed gentry cunts:
Drop as much litter as you possibly can there. Might I suggest – household garbage, plastics, old tyres, polystyrene, empty wine bottles, mattresses, mcRubbish of any variety, tesco bags full of dogshit, binbags full of nappies, and every fag butt for the last six months which you kept pickled in a large jar.
6
God Id give my left arm to be a Algernon Percy!
I’d wear plus fours and a smoking jacket,
Id pepper my language with “wot wot,”
And answer the phone like Mr Burns
“Ahoy hot?”
And collect eccentricities.
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Could you help the good Captain out with some of your shady fly-tipping contacts Miserable?
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No probs.
If Maggie pops along to any property showing it belong to National Trust over yuletide he can litter for free safe in the knowledge nobody will be there.
Same with any mosque.
If by any chance you DO get pulled,
Say you are on a recycling scheme and the local Rabbi told you to tip it there.
4
If you left an old mattress outside a mosque, then shat on it and peppered it with fags and litter, would it look any worse? It might even improve the stench.
7
With the diversity agenda being ramped-up, the raycisct countryside ad its stately homies will soon be swamped with blecks. All Lord Ralph need do is provide a chiggun outlet at Syon Park and he will be quids in.
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Black people in the countryside, working on farms?
They’re still upset about the last time they did that.
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I did hear the planning permission got rejected over the drainage problem in the lower field..
But I wouldn’t know about that..
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Gary Lineker is arranging a mass bowing down at this weekends Premier League games in support. BLM, Billionaires Lives Matter.
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I’d fuck his missus in the shitter, then let her piss on me.
Love posh birds.
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Would be a threesome though Chuff because the Royal arse wiper will be attendance to wipe her balloon knot after her scented dump.
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…I don’t see that as a draw back somehow Bob.
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You’d have to remove her brother first. These inbreds love a bit of family fun. For 2-4 players.
2
Horsey types with overbites and a lot of German blood, who snort when they laugh and call you a ‘grubby little man’ before bending over and showing off their plump fanny lips through their riding tights.
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That gave me a bit of movement Cuntamus…thank you.
3
Fuck me, he’s got inbreeding written all over his odd and privileged face. Not inspending, though. Does cunt prefer to be addressed as ‘Raif’, I wonder.
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Lord Ralf to you,
You insolent bloody peasant.
Any more of your cheek and your turnip rations will be halved.😁
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Way way back my family had land in Cheshire.
The place bears our family name still.
Now look at me.
Wallowing in Abject poverty.
Christ, I could be setting mantraps for poachers,
Or pissed on port in the main hall.
Our house doesn’t have any oil paintings of ancestors on the walls.
Isn’t even haunted!!
All I have left is delusions of grandeur.
And a melancholy aloofness…
Not a pot to piss in☹️
6
Fair warning, I’ll button it. Turnips and rabbit for dinner make my Christmas, despite the odd shotgun pellet getting stuck in me teeth. Half the scrapmen in Widnes will turn up at the crem when my time’s up.
5
Hey Issy,
Wonder if any of our ancestors were sent off to penal colonies by Algernon Percy’s great grandad?
For poaching 😁
5
I’ll be sure to wear my coif and leather waistcoat, grovel in the mud, squinting and scrabbling for my root vegetables screaming ‘THANK YOU MASTER! THANK YOU!’
4
I can fully empathise with your distress at losing the family fortune Mis. I had a great great uncle who was an industrial magnate in the West Midlands in the nineteenth century. When he died in 1893 he left almost £50,000, which as far as I can ascertain would be equivalent to some £8,000,000 today. By the time I was born in 1951 we were skint. Now, like your good self, we scrape along, hand to mouth in destitution.
4
Arfur@
We had the land and a pear cutting business where Lindow Pete the bog body was found.
My dad worked on there as a lad.
But my grandad inherited a cottage and parcel of land,
Some of the family thought it should of gone to them,
My grandad gave it them saying
‘ take it, I’ve never taken nowt before I’ll not take it now”
Which was noble.
The stupid old git
It’s where all the premiership footballers live now😭😫😩
4
Peat not pear.
Go fuck yourself predictive text.
1
Clogs to clogs in three generations arfur.
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None of mine that I know of but one grandad, a rough shooter and wildfowler – as was me dad, once gave me a couple of rabbits to take home for me mam and us kids. Me dad was out so she sent me back to ask him to skin and clean them. Widnes in the 1960s, where even the rabbits were polluted and had a ph count higher than the sides your furniture van. Believe it or not, I didn’t have a mobile phone and a big colour telly in me bedroom, unlike millions who claim to, and the BBC would have us believe, live in ‘poverty’ today.
6
Apparently Lord Percy in Blackadder was based on his him and his predecessors. Everyday’s a school day.
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Lord Fiddler’s real identity.
I wonder if he boasted about his wealth, just as a client (a stockbroker and chum of Grant Bovey, no less) did many years ago, regarding planning on a farm he’d just bought.
‘Let’s see how much money they’ve got!’
More than him, as it turned out.
2
GoFundMe, AKA ‘Go Fuck Yourself, Peasants’ if you’re a Canadian trucker.
1
A fat cunt, like a Stephen Nolan, Chris Moyles or Nick Ferrari could donate one of their many chins to the ‘Lord’.
I’d not give the scrapings of my arse.
Another example of the perpetually entitled trying it on. Like scousers (permanent victims) – but in reverse.
4
Another mega rich fuckwit who will lay on the slab with nothing on. Money will not do him any good then.
As Mrs Bastard says, “no good being the richest in the graveyard”.
Forgot, The Cunt.
4
I think it’s disgraceful, the way we treat those better off than ourselves. What would be the point in owning land if he can’t kick people off it? Who does it belong to anyway? It’s not our place to object to his planning applications when all he’s doing is attempting to provide much-needed accommodation for the needy. You mockers and scoffers. Leave these decisions to those who are better educated. And show some respect.
2
I bet his missus is a bit of a saucy trollop when the lights go down.
I can imagine her as a strict school ma’am, or a showjumper in tight fitting jodhpurs, or some Penelope Keith type who looks down on the working class but always fancies as bit of rough!
2
I’ve always fancied being a toff.
Or even a surly lackey.
A gamekeeper or something,
Not some bootlicking butler .
But it’d have to be checked my historical entitlement was from Saxon stock.
Not those effete Johnny cum lately Norman’s.
Fuckin french cunts .
I’d wear a t-shirt with my coat of arms on it and the message
‘ stop me and ask’
3
In the header pic, it says it all, look at those gimlet eyes and rictus grin.
He’s forcing a smile which really says; “You are all upstart lowly peasant cunts and should be whipped soundly for your own good.
I own you”.
These Cunts bring out the inner Pol Pot and Robspierre in me.
It’s the 21st Century FFS! Get rid of all these feudal titles and shit.
6
Percy de Miserables, lord of high peak and Stockport,
Hound of the North.
“Tell me peasant do you know who’s land your stealing dandelion roots on?
No?
Then allow me to explain!
Bring forth the pear of Agony!”
Magical!
5
😂😂😂😂😂😂 utter penis.Push him off a high rise tower block.
2