Posh Teas

Posted on by

Herbal/fruit teas deserve a cunting.

How did these abominations unto Nuggan even become popular and who out there is actually drinking them?

When I have tea, I want it to taste of tea. I do NOT, under ANY circumstances, want it to taste like a pale imitation of some herb or fruit that I can pick up from my local Co-op.

Nor do I want it to taste like some artificial lemon or peppermint flavour has been mixed with somebody’s bodily fluids.

Come to think of it, I think I would rather drink Eddie Izzard’s jizz than ever have to look at a Twinings berry infusion ever again.(Now there’s an image I can’t unsee! – Day Admin)

For all the people who actually buy this shit, either drink the proper stuff or don’t bother you cunts.

Nominated by: OpinionatedCunt

65 thoughts on “Posh Teas”

  1. I have an aversion to all tea.
    For some weird reason I can smell cold tea and I fucking hate it.
    It makes me want to vomit.

    Coffee for me, strong with no sugar.

  2. Shouldn’t that be suzy izzard’s love juice you transphobe.

    Coffee for me every time,stronger the better..
    How I like my men, black, strong and hot..šŸ¤£šŸ¤£.

    • I agree.

      Tea, especially when served in mugs, is for northerners and council house dwellers in general.

      Fruity teas are for fruity people, cross dressers and sexual deviants.

  3. Has anyone tried the new Katie Price branded herbal teas? I recommend the raspberry and pomegranate infused with Katie’s vaginal douche. Very tasty.

    • with all the yeast and bacteria and thrush in the douchings it would look like one of those poncey frothy coffees rather than tea.

    • Don’t give Gwyneth Paltrow any more ideas.
      That said, I think Gwyneth would have a much nicer smelling and tasting vagina than that strumpet Price.

  4. I don’t know, OC.

    I’m a big fan of fruit based drinks, especially that grape one.

    You know, wine.

    • I’m rather partial to herbal infusions, gin not tea. Tea should be hot, strong and sweet like a Maori lass.

      • I’m currently imbibing Raspberry flavoured gin liqueur, from Lidl.

        It’s delightful, as is the clementine, winter edition, one.

        Wouldn’t give you tuppence a bucket full for the rhubarb and ginger, disgusting, although Elder loves it.

  5. with all the yeast and bacteria and thrush in the douchings it would look like one of those girly frothy coffees rather than tea.

  6. I suppose it is all part of the “gracious living” for Gen Zsters bollocks. It reminds me of the late 80s when poofters in white tee shirts and minimal kitchens with a white bentwood chair would drool over their “Lean cuisine” dinners, before shitting them out on their ethically sourced unvarnished bog seats.

    I can imagine the shadow cabinet enjoying fruity teas – made with iced pansy water of course.

    • Bit quick off the mark to drink Izzard’s spunk just because there’s no Yorkshire tea Opey?!!

      You could have Bovril!!

      I love a cuppa.
      Yorkshire tea.
      But I do like Earl grey.
      Not often I like anything posh, but Earl grey? Yep.

      My daughter likes those hippy Twinings fruit teas.
      They look like urine samples.

      Tea is best stewed a bit,
      2 sugars luv,
      In a mug.

      • Do you drink with little finger out, MNC? If so, you are posher than you would have us believe. Little rectangular cucumber sandwiches with no crusts should also be served.

        Good morning.

      • Morning matešŸ‘

        Cucumber butties?!!
        Jesus, what’s that about?
        Not a proper filling that is it?
        A insult to the bread.

        Potted beef, spam, corned beef or cheese an pickle = respectable.
        Cucumber?!
        I refuse to eat Eddie Izzard’s vegan sex toys šŸ˜†

      • At the risk of becoming the miserable Northern Yetis first murder victim I can only say this: Bovril? The Devils dysentery. Bleurgh.

      • For some reason it reminds me of the old swimming baths as a kid Grumpy .
        It was in the vending machine.

        I love it ā¤ļøšŸ˜

      • I must admit it really isnt that bad. Now Marmite, that needs nuking big time.

      • Don’t ever try Vegimite, if you don’t like Marmite, they’re both revolting.

        Now, Patnums Gentleman’s Relish is delicious, but costs around the same as beluga caviar.

  7. Tea. Built an Empire.

    As for Coffee, itā€™s drunk by effete continental types and septics, nuff said.

    Fruit and Herbal concoctions are not Tea, and are exclusively drunk by the gays.

    That is all.

    Good morning and fuck off, Iā€™m off to make a brew.

  8. I have a work colleague that drinks green tea, it smells like cabbage water and looks like slightly off colour piss. It’s utterly revolting. Mind you, she also has to have lactose free milk or oat/almond ‘milk’ too. Unless she runs out then cow tit milk is fine. Me and swmbo were sat in Steels Corner House chippy recently. The best chippy in the world, give it a try if your ever near Cleethorpes. I digress, we were sat waiting for our meals when a couple of corporate bitches turned up. Young and dozy looking, one of these twats asked if they had oat milk or some other such shite, she was firmly told no, cows or fuck all. To which she replied, that’s fine ordinary milk will do. Why fucking ask you absolute cunt, unless you genuinely have a proper allergy then just fuck off and stop being an attention seeking toss pot.

    • At least she accepted the cows milk, Bertram, some of the snobby tarts would have had a hizzy fit and written to their MPs complaining that they had been discriminated – I am sure David Lammy has a friend who has been discriminated against in such a terrible manner.

  9. Good cunting. Tea is brilliant but only the stuff advertised by monkeys. Someone gave us some orange pekoe for Christmas last year. Bleh! I will drink chamomile if I feel queasy or cannot get to sleep, but otherwise the herbal teas taste like bathrooms.

    Proper tea is hard to get when abroad. Always take your own. Foreigners think that Liptons’ tea bags are acceptable. Weak as dishwater. Some sort of hangover from when we had colonies.

    When we were kids an auntie used to put sterilised milk in the tea. Nasty stuff. Can you still buy it? It came in tall thin bottles.

    Good morning, everyone.

    • Chamomile is good if you need destressing in the evening and helps you get to sleep. Green tea is supposed to be good for you but an acquired taste. Honey is allowed in tea if you’ve got a cold.

      • Honey is great stuff.
        Never goes off.
        Ever.

        And good on wounds if you have a infected cut.

        Winnie the Pooh was right, he was a visionary.

        If it wasn’t for the neighbours overreacting I’d like to keep bees

        A proper English pastime befitting a gentleman.

    • My dad was given a cup of Lemon tea by a well-heeled client (husband is a banker). She put milk with it and my dad winced, then asked , ‘sorry but have you got tea with a monkey on the box?’

    • Must have been in the West Midlands like us Twenty. As kids we only knew sterilised milk. There was reason for it. Only posh people had fridges and sterilised milk being half way to UHT would last for days without going off. We had an exam at secondary school where one question asked why milk bottles always had aluminium foil caps. We were a bit thrown by that one as sterilised milk bottles had steel crimped crown caps like beer bottles. Realised years later that the question setter had never been to the West Midlands. Thinking about it, probably never been outside the Home Counties.

      • Sterilised milk; the product of a witch’s tit. Brings back the worst memories of the late 50s/early 60s, along with bomb sites, whooping cough, mass immigration and Izal bog roll.

        Revolting stuff. Is it still available?

      • Just been to check Ron and it’s reputed to be widely available. Next time I’m in Tesco I’ll have a look. Apparently not in those tall bottles any more unfortunately. They were so good for launching rockets on bonfire night.

    • ‘Sterra’.How in the name of god could that crap be imbibed on any level ?.Raw milk should be the norm in any sembelance of a sane world.

  11. I call my wife a posh prick because its twinings breakfast tea all the way. When i say they all get made in the same factory, she calls me a know all bullshiting cunt.

  12. In the late 50s I had a job repairing tea chests. To get there, l walked through Bradford Colliery round the corner from where I lived (yes, the shitihad stadium now) to save having to get a bus. We would unload the damaged tea-chests and empty any remaining tea into one chest. By the end of the week, the chest full of tea would be shared out between we few work colleagues. All teas from under the sun mixed together. You wouldn’t believe it still tasted like tea by the time Friday came.

  13. Never tried herbal tea or fruity tea, just a normal cuppa with two sugars.

    In my mind they always seem to be linked with the wellbeing mindfulness shite. Go and play your bongos elsewhere, fucking hippies.

    If they had been drinking camomile whole leaf tea at the Battle of Rorke’s Drift, the Zulus would have overrun them before the first VC was won.

  14. Herb and fruit teas are muck imo, esp peppermint tea. Somebody once made me some at work to try, and it tasted as though I’d just mowed the lawn.

    Decaf tea’s piss as well. Might as well drink a cup of hot water.

    Morning all.

  15. Good nom.
    Same rules apply to puffs who puff on them fruit flavoured vape abominations.
    Get yourselves a proper smoke, FFS!
    Nowt less than a Players Navy Cut (plain, untipped) for me.
    And proper Yorkshire tea – not gnatā€™s piss though.
    ā€œSo filthy strong that spoon stand up in itā€, as my dearly departed mum used to say.
    Gawd bless ā€˜er.

  16. When zi worked in a hotel as my first job, i went through the Twinings teas in the little store room behind the bar, trying to find ‘normal tea’.. I guess the English Breakfast tea is the one, and the one to ask for if in Yankland.

    I don’t mind Lipton iced lemon tea. refreshing and when drunk while wearing a white suit, makes me feel like a plantarion owner.
    ‘ by and by, i’d listen to the negro hollerin’ their spirituals out in the field, while Miss Tallulah Beauregard gave me sass for runnin’ away from the seminary. It was a most peculiar time’.

    • I’ve drank tea with Sherpas.
      Unfortunately not in the Himalayan foothills of Everest ,
      But in Hyde ,
      Round the corner from Dr shipman’s surgery.

      It came in little glasses and was almost pure milk
      Horrible.

      My dad looked at it and casually emptied it into a potted plant .

      • You won’t find spiritual enlightenment now Miserable.

        My dad brought back a Gurkha kukri knife from his time in the navy. Much better than milky tea.

    • When we used to visit our daughter in Texas, I loved going into coffee shops and asking if they had any tea and muffins.

      The response was an invariably a delighted ‘Oh ma Gahd! Y’all frum Anglund, aren’t ya?’

      Lovely people, Texans.

      • I’d rather visit Texas than California. Always liked the Southern accents. To my ears it’s strangely more alluring than the General American accent or my least favourite accent in the world the Californian/Valley Girl.

      • I had a elderly customer who’s daughter came over from Texas to take her mum back to the US to care for her.

        She was dead nice, and easy to get along with.

        I also had a customer who had a friend staying over from San Francisco.
        He was a utter cunt and got all offended when I asked him about it being overrun with tramps.

      • Your dad’s action with the sherpa’s tea Mis, been there, done that, with a fruit tea I was given wwhen working at the Ordnance Survey in Southampton. I swear I saw the plant wilt.

      • San Francisco had a problem with meth heads when my brother visited as part of his trip around North America and the Pacific in 2011. His missus wanted to visit Haight-Ashbury, the druggy mare.

  17. I must admit that I am very partial to Twinnings Earl Grey, with a slice of lemon. Being out here in Asia, where they do know a thing or two about the leaf and its various blendings. Green Tea and also Jasmine are very good for the system! However, they donā€™t have fucking noncey tea boutiques like they have in the UK. Daft cunts there only drink it because itā€™s expensive and they can show off to their equally noncey friends! Go on, fuckoff out of it!

  18. Izzardā€™s Jizz sounds very apt for a cup of fancy tea. Up there with Lapsang souchong and Darjeeling.

    ā€œ Do you take milk with your Izzardā€™s Jizzā€.

    • ā€˜Izzard’s Jizzardsā€™ would make a great, funky sounding name for such shite!

  20. Twinings English breakfast Tea. Leave to steep for 3 mins in boiling water.
    Service with a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. Perhaps a few sausages.

    Perfick.

  21. If I want “berry infusion”, I go for the proper stuff. Tesco quadruple strength Blackcurrant squash and boiling water. Very nice with Polski Spiritus, too.
    Maybe the horn section might go for “Mary Berry’s 5-year Old Vatted Knickers Infusion”
    Nb. Only available from the Good Arse keeping shop, in December.

    • Indeed, MM.

      I had a mint tea infusion once, which would have allegedly settle my indigestion.

      Smelled lovely, tasted of bugger all.

      Perhaps I was supposed to let it go cold, and rub it on the affected part?

  23. Some time back now I happened across some shite program or a feature on a shite program about making the perfect cup of tea.

    As to be expected a millennial was the font of knowledge and I genuinely do recall this part, it saidā€¦ā€¦

    ā€˜To make the perfect cup pour in the water just before the boil and leave the tea bag to brew for 4 minutes 30 seconds. Whatever you do donā€™t strain the tea bag when you take it out as that will make the tea bitterā€™.

    ā€˜And make sure you use fresh water every time as previously boiled water has a reduced oxygen contentā€™.

    I thought hang on a minute fuck stick isnā€™t water 2 parts hydrogen to 1 part oxygen and if itā€™s anything other than that itā€™s not fucking water.

    This is the world we live in where a self proclaimed 30 year old tea expert can casually overlook proven science and it goes totally unchallenged.

    Anyway Iā€™m a tea drinker and I drink it black and no sugar.

    When Iā€™m with a customer and Iā€™m asked if Iā€™d like a drink thatā€™s what I ask for and they are pretty much all genuinely astonished but thatā€™s the way itā€™s meant to be taken and I should know as Iā€™m a 53 year old self proclaimed tea expert.

    So fuck ya.

  24. When I returned to Seattle from my first trip to England Feb. 1996 I was about as skint as you can be and still drive to work every day. You know when you have about thirty extra dollars to last until the next payday after you’ve deducted necessities like gas, bills, rent &c.? I was in a grocery store near my prison of employment and I saw Celestial Seasonings herbal tea had a flavour on sale called Tension Tamer. I bought it because it was on sale. At first I found the taste to be this side of vile, but at lenth, like my acquired taste to single malt, I began to really enjoy it.
    Fast forward to about six months ago & I found myself really cravng this tea but I couldn’t find it anywhere but ebay, where I ordered it. I was really chuffed to have it back again. I even ordered a cute little Wade teapot. Everything was perfect.
    Then I caught COVID. And since then I can barely make it through a cup of the shit. I sometimes fucking hate life. I’m sure some of you can relate.

Comments are closed.