Cassie Rule – A Christmas Whinger’s Tale

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Poor Cassie, ordered a turkey from Morrisons, but when her delivery arrived the turkey, intended to feed six, had been substituted for a bag of frozen Turkey Dinosaurs. Oh, dear.

Declaring Christmas ruined, Cassie complained that it was ” too late to rush around for a turkey, as it was Christmas Eve”

Well, first of all, the “evidence” just shows a substitute and not what was actually ordered, so I don’t believe this story, and secondly, get to the shop yourself, you idle cunt, if you’re going to wait until the last minute and it’s that important.

Daily Mail

If you care to read the article, folks, you’ll also see other assorted rancid turkey stories, a rinse and repeat of last year, and some poor sod ( I could hardly see to type through the tears) whose pre-ordered turkey was cancelled, as out of stock, and whose gammon joint (hahaha ha, I can’t breathe) was substituted for 8 slices of cooked ham!
Wonderful!

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

97 thoughts on “Cassie Rule – A Christmas Whinger’s Tale”

  1. Cassie just wants her 15 minutes of fame. Please God the Daily Mail didn’t pay her for the story.
    If you are going to buy a frozen Turkey then it should be delivered before Christmas Eve otherwise it won’t defrost in time. You would get the shits having Christmas lunch at Cassie’s.

  2. The silly cunt should have just gone to the food bank or Sally army..

    Loads of begging adverts on telly showing tramps being looked after by kindly blek wimmin..

    Perfect.

  3. Fucking narcissistic bitch.

    It’s a non story from start to finish.

    This is what the internet has bred.

    Burn it.

  4. More reasons not to shop at Morrisons.
    They’re cunts.
    And their mince pies are inedible.
    Fuck them.

    • Nothing wrong with turkey dinosaurs for Christmas dinner.

      Just get out the Jurassic park plates and the t-rex cutlery that roars.

      She could of saved the day but quit like a soft cunt.

    • You want to try these, from Lidl.

      Deluxe.
      Speculoos Almond Mince Tarts.

      I’m no fan of mince pies, MJB, but these are like angels crying on your tongue.

      Not recommended for diabetics.

  5. Poor old cass, bernie’s dinosaur dippers weren’t to her liking.

    Well you lazy cow try using your legs and pop in the supermarket for your turkey.

    And going to the papers, I thought all arguments in Worcestershire were settled behind the bike-sheds.

  6. This non story sums up everything wrong with 24/7 media. Who actually wants to read about her fucking turkey or lack of? Ok not interested in that? Here’s your chance to see some vacuous tart that was once in a soap opera in her new Primark underwear.

    Even more amazing is they publish the shite without running it past a proofreader after the chimpanzee has finished mashing the keyboard.

    In fairness to the chimp it does have a better grasp of current affairs than the leader of the free world.

    Oh look there’s Vordermen, just 3D printed herself a new face.

    Not only do they serve up total shit as click bait but they also spam you with ads if you let them.

    Still it’s the proper news, you can trust the media establishment…….

    • Click bait it is, Six.

      But I nearly choked laughing about the twat whos Brunswick Ham was substituted with 8 slices of cooked ham.

      Still hoarding apostrophes!

  7. Bet she’s never had a real turkey in her life.
    Bet all her poultry comes in prehistoric animal shapes the bullshitter.

    Nearest Cassie got was being fingered round the back of Bernard Mathews slaughter house.

  8. Stupid twat . “Christmas ruined” she said. Well clearly all those poor cunts in Ukraine and Gaza should consider themselves lucky that they didn’t face a similar fate!

    Attention seeking nobody.

  9. Loads of half price turkeys in shop yesterday and I dare bet today.
    Go on luv get one and have a new year dinner.

  10. Younger and I think she actually ordered chicken dippers, but got turkey dinosaurs instead.

    Also, we think the home delivery pickers all get together in the pub at the end of their shift, and swap stories about who did the most off-the-wall substitution.

    In fact, we think they have a league table.

  11. My lifelike AI blow-up doll of Taylor Swift, is out of stock. They’ve sent me a creased, blotched, patched and disfigured Madonna instead.

    My life is ruined and I am devastated.

  12. Never use online shopping for perishable goods.
    It’s quite simple.

    I do my food shopping in the actual shop, especially with meat. I wouldn’t gamble with steak or chicken, let alone £60 worth of turkey.

    The laziness of these dull cunts has left them without food and many out of pocket. Don’t expect some low-paid picker-packer Polak to give a fuck about the quality of your Christmas din-dins, especially from Tesco. The last bit of meat I had from those cunts was supposedly lamb, but it could’ve been anything.. it as just ‘meat’.

    The silly bint should have at least tried to find a turkey – there were several stuffed crowns still in my local M&S yesterday – but of course she sat on her arse feeling sorry for herself.

    Same for all these epsilons who use Deliveroo and Just Eat. Don’t be surprised if it comes with free rat shit or the boxes/containers are squashed. I’ve seen the state of the vehicles and drivers while out and about, and how they fling those insulated bags in the boot after picking up a delivery.

    These cunts should try cooking for once, with food you’ve bought by going into a shop, preferably with money you’ve earned.

    A bit much to ask for these days, isn’t it?

    • I have to agree, CP.

      I do have home delivery for heavy items, like cans of pop/beer, cat litter, dog/cat food.

      Never, ever fresh food, never.

  14. The lazy cunt. Looks fit enough to go shopping and got what she deserve. I’ve always done my own shopping to make sure I get the right things. I’m 80 next year and so long as I can keep going, no fucker going to fiddle me.

    There was an occasion in the early nineties when living with my lady friend in Hackney and ordered our usual goose from the butcher (remember them) and
    put it in the fridge still wrapped in paper. When we got it out to cook, it was a huge piece of fucking beef ! Girlfriend said our Christmas is ruined. I said no it isn’t. Even though the butcher was shut, I was determined they weren’t getting away with it. Went to the shop still open next door and got the phone number of the Twatting butcher and made them drive a long way out to come and sort it out. We got our goose, which was all the more tasty after thinking our Christmas dinner was ruined. Its still fuck you delivery cunts, you wouldn’t have got away with it from me.

    • I wouldn’t of even blinked Sammy.

      I’m like Roger Moore.
      Not easily rattled.

      3pm.christmas day the plates would of been brimming with mash, pigs in blankets, stegosaurus, gravy,sage and onion stuffing and triceratops.

      Marvelous.
      Feast fit for Doug McClure

      • AKA Judith Chalmers.

        Poor Doug.

        I wonder if he was ever frightened by Turkey Dinosaurs, brandishing a cocktail stick, shouting ‘you won’t take me, or the professor!’

      • Doug McClure wasn’t allowed to eat turkey dinosaurs on strict doctors orders CP.

        Triggered his PTSD.

        He’d start screaming and hid under the bed in case of aerial pterodactyl assault.

    • ASDA are the worst for that sort of shit.

      No bags for anything ever. Loose and unwrapped drinking glasses, loose fruit and veg (how hard is it to bag up three onions or five lemons?), always something big or important missing, order diet coke, they bring the full sugar one instead. Absolute cunts.

      Even charity shops wrap up glasses in paper for fucks sake.

      I believe two Dickie Dakis have taken over ASDA. Should match most of their customers then, eh?

  15. On the subject of the rancid turkey stories.

    They buy a massive thing, the size of a planet, cram it into a domestic fridge that’s already heaving full with garnishes, veggies, extra dairy products, etc. The fridge door is open/shut all day, by people getting stuff out/ramming more stuff in, so never gets a chance to have a steady, suitable temperature, and they’re fucking surprised that the turkey goes off?

    • I don’t understand this desperation to eat something in particular on a certain day just because they think everyone else does. What the fuck does it matter? If you want turkey you can eat it any time, you can eat it in April, what difference does it make?
      Thank fuck I don’t have a family. Everybody likes different foods and we feel hungry at different times This whole business of thinking we should all be sitting down together and eating the same thing depresses me.

      • I actively loath turkey.

        It doesnt matter how you cook it, it’s always dry and tasteless.

        We had a XXL chicken, cook in a bag, and a lovely gammon joint. Twas perfection. ( I think there should have been an apostrophe, somewhere, but they are the new fungibles, folks, so hoard them)

    • A neighbour told me today that he realised they had cooked a turkey that had been in the freezer for a year, instead of the one they had put in the freezer a couple of weeks ago. I can’t understand how that even happens, unless his freezer is like the Tardis. I said you had better check there isn’t a woolly mammoth in there. He also said they made a Christmas cake in September, poured loads of alcohol on it and put it away somewhere, and now can’t find the thing. I’d be too afraid to eat anything in that fucking house. I bought all our stuff in the week leading up to Christmas, cooked it all from scratch and we had the last lot yesterday, very good it was too. I appreciate it is easier if you enjoy cooking like me, but some cunts do seem to make it unnecessarily complicated.

  16. We are lucky to have an excellent butchers shop about 200 yards away from our house. I would not buy meat from any other source ;judging by the number of customers it attracts, neither would most of the town.

  17. Our turkey was of good breeding.
    We have them checked out before purchasing.
    Pedigree, linage,DNA, etc.

    Come 2nd at the world poultry Olympics.

    It was divine.❤️

    Turkey should be eaten by being ripped from the carcass and crammed in the mouth without using cutlery.

    As Elizabeth our late Queen said famously

    “Let not fork nor knife touch it, gobble gobble”

  18. Having raided Tesco for their half price beef joints and lamb to the point the freezer couldn’t hold any more two weeks prior to Christmas, it does make me wonder how incredibly thick some people are.

    Mind you, it does mean that I don’t get to do the Daily Mail sad face, which must feature in every such article.

    • I ordered a platter of hors d’oeuves from fortnum and masons.

      On delivery it had been substituted for potato smiley faces.

      Do you think the Daily Mail would be interested?

      • Most definitely. But only if they can include the value of your house in the article.

        Don’t forget to have the family all making a face like the dog has just been run over for the photos.

  19. Serves her right.

    Turkey at Christmas is an Americanism, at Cunty Towers a Goose was served up on the 25th, correctly, as it should be and was done in Merry Ole Albion in days of yore.

    Another attention seeking wannabe and of course that purveyor of fine news stories, the Waily Fail just had to publish the article, next how a NHS nurse that smokes 50 a day needs to visit a Foodbank….. courtesy of the Waily Mirror.

  20. Going by the header picture that bottle of cordial was meant to be buzz fizz.
    I mean the camera never lies..

    Plus she should stop mixing colours and whites in her washing machine..
    Unless she is a tie-dye hippy.

    • Me too.
      Cassie should of got some monster munch and pot noodle in case family popped round.

    • I’ve had four since last Sunday.

      A farmyard died for my Yuletide festivities.

      God bless us every one.

      Good evening.

  23. The lazy arsed fuck should have got of her khyber and gone out to get a turkey herself.

    Every cunt knows that supermarket deliveries are notoriously shite and that they always have important items missing. And anyone who orders Christmas stuff from them is asking for trouble.

    But who needs to know this anyway? Who gives a shit? Would this bint had given a toss if someone else had been in this situation? Don#t think so.

    Sod her. No sympathy whatsoever.

  25. Not another goose eater amongst you. You also get pure white fat from it, to cook other foods. The fat alone cost pounds from supermarkets.

    • I#m sorry, Sammy.

      I find goose and duck intolerably greasy.

      Although I do enjoy duck fat roast spuds.

      Horses for courses, as my Dad would say.

    • Goose is the traditional yuletide meal isn’t it?
      Turkey being a American tradition.

      Shamefully I’ve never eaten goose’s or geeses.

      Flock em.

  26. Off topic again. Of all the honours dished out, most { but not all ) of them undeserved.
    This is the most worthy.

    Considering what this young lad has gone through he has shown an indomitable spirit.

    I truly hope he has a long, happy, healthy and prosperous life.

    Hats off to the couple that adopted him. Solid citizens.

    As for his birth parents. I hope they die slowly and in great pain.

    Cunts

      • Too much food and drink, MNC.

        Me and Ethel seem to be overdosing on Festive Feasting.

        It’s a disgrace.

        All right pal ?

        Enjoying yourself ?

      • Yeah!
        Toothless an penniless but happy 😁

        Hey, been in castleton after walking dog in the peaks and on our way home lots of people lining the streets.
        Wondered what was going on?

        Traffic came to a stop.
        Then over a hundred tractors came down the road covered in fairy lights ,beeping their horns, playing jingle bells etc
        From the latest model to little grey Massey Ferguson.

        It was for Christie’s hospital.
        A sight to see👍

      • I heard that story on the radio. They’d done it in memory of three farmers who’d died of cancer.

        They raised quite a bit of cash.

        Why don’t you spend your Christmas money on some lovely gold teeth ?

      • Jack@

        I’m losing another one!
        Right at the front,at the top, it’s wobbly,
        It’s going to give me a fuckin lisp like Bonnie Langford and make me look like Terry Thomas.

        I seem to be losing a lot of teeth in a short period?
        If I croak get them to look for polonium at the inquest 👍

      • I’ve posted the link, albeit a tad late.

        Profound apologies.

        Ever so ‘ umble, etc. etc.

        That lad is older than his years.

        I hate folk who mistreat kids.

      • Having read that link, Jack, I think I might go to Worcestershire tomorrow, to rub a freshly laid dog turd in Cassie#s face.

        I’ll shout ” Count your blessings” whilst I do it.

    • I Wikipedia’d the full story.

      The world needs a parallel to gofundme, something along the lines of #sponsoraprisonmurder.

      **

      The absolute filth. Scum like the original parents, .. with the temerity to appeal their (already too short) sentences .. should be open, like any gambling, to seeing their sentences potentially INCREASED under the requested review. For one thing, it shows no acceptance of responsibility nor contrition.

      The cunt female parent is out after less than half her given sentence. Unfortunately I’m finding nothing about her being injured or dying since…

  28. I quoted a line from a 1990 song last week…

    “A job well done is not without a front page photograph”

    Nowadays, it seems, .. a day survived(whatever trivial ups or downs it brings) is not enough without an online “look-at-me”.

    Well, if that’s all someone’s life aspirations are … do nothing out of the ordinary (don’t EARN it in any way) but have your relative nanosecond of … the worth-nothing spotlight.

    Tabloid fodder, of course.

    Plenty of folk did something worthwhile or kind for another, today, surely… and their reward was simply knowing they did same. A portion of society statistically on the decline, however.

    • No they shouldn’t. If they keep him on I’ll gladly pay to have a condition in my will that they can only sack him the day after they find out that I’ve croaked. I’m 23 and in excellent health and lovin’ it. Played, Forest!

    • Bored with hearing about the exploits of second rate clubs because they used to be successful, United fans are now the historians Liverpool fans used to be.

      United are broken and I don’t see how anything will change no matter who’s sitting in the dugout.

      United don’t have one player who’d be more than second team for any of the clubs above them.

      • You’re right. I’ve supported them since the forties. Once the hamshank took over I knew it was bad news. Even accepted Wild MacGuinness before he became Nosferatu and all the shite that followed. Tommy Docherty shagging coaches wives. Its when all the darkies moved in was when the rot set in, especially when one was leaping about the goal put the top hat on it for me.

      • You’re right. I’ve supported them since the forties. Once the hamshank took over I knew it was bad news. Even accepted Wild MacGuinness before he became Nosferatu and all the shite that followed. Tommy Docherty shagging coaches wives. Its when all the blackies moved in was when the rot set in, especially when one was leaping about the goal put the top hat on it for me.

      • I agree, Sammy.

        My first game was 1974. Loved the Doc era from the Division 2 campaign onwards. Hated Sexton though, for selling Gordon Hill, Andy Ritchie and Brian Greenhoff. And buying that cunt Birtles for a million. Big Ron’s boys were either spectacular or spectacularly shit on occasion. Scousebusting was a regular pastime and Robbo was superb. Fergie was shit for his first three and a half years. Bought a lot of crap like Ralphie Milne, Danny Wallace, Viv Anderson and Jim Fucking Leighton. Won points for bringing back Sparky though. Old Purple nose was lucky when he bagged Cantona, and Eric Harrison (employed by Big Ron), Brian Kidd and Nobby Stiles were behind the celebrated youth set up. Some great times under Old Taggart, but he fucked up and us when he fought with those Mick magnates over horse spunk. The Irish were pissed off, so they sold their considerable amount of shares to Glazer and Fergie welcomed the weirdo Yank carpetbaggers with open arms. Ceased to be the club I loved and supported after that. A bunch of has beens, nobodies, yes men and non-starters have had the manager’s job since Fergie packed it in. And I reckon Ten Twat is the worst since Dave Sexton. And Onana is our worst goalie since Paddy Roche. Even Leighton was better than that useless treeswinger.

      • This is definitely the worst United side I’ve watched in nearly fifty years. Even the relegation side weren’t a gutless set of cunts like today’s lot, if Ratcliffe wants to get many reds onside, the first thing he needs to do is transfer list the likes of fucking Rashford, Martial and that gibbon in goal.

      • And don’t me started on Bolton fans.

        Forever yapping on about ‘Big Sam’ and how they were a Premiership side. And actually believing they are rivals to United and City. A Real Ale Twats style ferret fancier got it today at the hospital. He said (taking the piss) ‘Yoo-Nah-Tid aren’t doin so well, ah thi?’ I replied ‘Neither are your lot since the 1958 Cup Final . And you cheated in that, you fat cunt!’

        City, Leeds, Liverpool, I can take rivalry and banter from. But I won’t be lectured by those six fingered, is me brother me dad cunts.

      • No more true club men, like Martin Buchan.
        If anyone was late, didn’t wear a suit on matchday, and didn’t pull their finger out on the pitch, Buchan would batter them.

        Now they are all moody cunts in hoodies and expensive mickey mouse headphones. They’re not even team, never mind decent players

  30. The Trotter fans not only had to put up with Sam’s big boot, his chewing gum with his mouth open, turned my stomach. Besides Ferguson stayed friends with that halfwit bemused me.

    In my case, it was the Leeds fans that were the most evil. I had friends living there and daren’t admit they were our United fans and pub even band our matches being televised. Traveling to matches in Leeds, you we crammed into goods carriages and abused.

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