Viagra – Hard Times!

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Based on an extremely limited sampling of the product, I’ve come to the conclusion that Viagra can be a cunt, and I offer IsAC followers a health warning.

So what’s the story? Well, it started last Saturday, after I met my pal Big Al for a refreshment. ‘Here Ron’, says he, ‘have you ever tried Viagra?’. ‘No’, says I, ‘why are you asking? Have you then?’.

‘Yeah’ says he. ‘Got some from the chemist. Honestly it’s fucking brill. Makes you like a baseball bat. Listen, I’ve brought you a few. Go on, try it’. ‘Well, I don’t know’, says I doubtfully. ‘I don’t think I need it, and I wouldn’t feel confident about using it unless on a doctor’s advice’. ‘You don’t need a bloody prescription’, he persists. ‘You’ll feel like you’re eighteen again, straight up *phnarr phnarr*. The wife’ll love it’.

So I took them, and tried one the following evening. I can indeed report that it was like being eighteen again, and my knob did indeed feel like a baseball bat. Sadly the trouble started a couple of nights later, when I took another one. After a bit of fooling about with the wife, my knob didn’t feel so much like a baseball bat but a telegraph poll, and a bastard aching one at that.

Well I waited for things to slacken off a bit, but they didn’t, and the pain got worse. After an hour, I was starting to sweat cobblestones. ‘This is that twat Al’s fault’ says I, groaning. ‘You can’t blame Alan’, says the wife. ‘He didn’t twist your arm. I’ll have a look on the internet’.

After the checking came the verdict. ‘If it lasts longer than four hours, get advice from the NHS line or go to A and E’. ‘Oh ffs’ says I, ‘can you imagine going to A and E like this?’.

So began an agonising wait. An hour passes. An hour and a half. I discover that an ice pack is no help. Finally, as the two hour mark passes, the pain starts to ease, and my steel boner begins to subside, much to my relief.

Now I’m sure that over the years, Viagra’s helped many a punter keep his hopes up, but it’ll be a long day before I go near the stuff again, and if I need to, only on medical advice. I’m not trying to put the wind up anybody; all I’m saying is ‘gae canny’ with this stuff. You don’t want to end up pole-vaulting through the window.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

68 thoughts on “Viagra – Hard Times!”

  1. Thanks Ron

    They call it Bob Marley round my way.

    ‘Get Up, Stand up, stand up for your wife.’

    No offence to Mrs Knee but if you try a hot younger woman they tend to work as well as viagra……allegedly.

  2. @Man of Steel .

    It’s outrageous !

    A man of your age ‘ fooling around ‘.

    Have you never heard of stamp collecting and researching family history ? 😁

    You’re a fucking disgrace .

      • Ron, you’ll be auditioning as the angry young kid in the Rolling Stones next.

        I reckon you could ruffle up a hotel bed and leave wet towels on the bathroom floor as good as Keith Moon’s or John Bonham’s excesses.

    • Stamp collecting? That was George V’s game.
      His butler brought The Times into HM’s study one morning, and said “Sir, some bloody fool has just paid 1.000 guineas for… a stamp.”
      The grumpy old git replied
      “Yes, that bf was me…”
      And we all know what happened to George V…

  3. due to various medical problems I’ve tried them all, now on injections the pills can have horrible side effects that even if they do work leave you less than enthusiastic for the delightful deed, bunged up nose, sweats and fucking headaches to name a few. Why fuck anyone would take them for no justifiable medical reasons just to be a Ron Jeremy in the bedroom is beyond me, be happy if your todger works normally because if it gives up your life takes a whole different tack.

  5. I love Viagra. Started taking it in my early 30s when I had a new girlfriend and was eager to please.

    Marathon sex sessions assisted by the blue diamonds and a fuck ton of Charlie, with occasional champagne breaks.

    At one point I was still brandishing pink steel after an all night session that lasted until the alarm clock went off and I had to go to work.

    If you want the panhandle to relax a bit, go for a piss. your old boy slacks off enough to let it out.

    • ‘Marathon sex sessions assisted by the blue diamonds and a fuck ton of Charlie, with occasional champagne breaks.’

      You must be a plumber.

  7. Tried it a few times, mostly when lady wanted a seeing to and I felt tired out, certainly makes the old cock throb but it’s the jizzing that got me, pulled out and ever the gent I thought I would coat her tits in my Andy juice, no such luck, went over the top of her tits and head and splattered against the headboard, lady never knew about viagra just thought I was somewhat more rampant than usual

  8. Nah not for me, at my age you’re better of with a meat pie and a warm place to shit…😁

  9. I tried Viagra with my partner. Amazing sex, went on for ages.
    Although my bumhole was like a blood orange the next day.

    • Congratulations on your recent nuptials Reinaldo, I hope you and Peter have a happy life..

      • If anyone needed Vigara I bet MR. Peter Reinaldo Mandelson needed it – just imagine that raddled reemed arsehole winking up at you. 70 years old and still practising reverse cowgirl. I reckon within a year Mandy is going to need major reconstructive work on his anus. Perhaps thatś why he got married – to have somebody to nurse him through his final illness. You can imagine the great mans last words: Ünscrew the buttplug, duckie – I feel a bit q ueer

  10. I fuck about with it sometimes. As a treat. It’s great. But you need to know your limits. I only take half a tablet at any one time. That’s more than enough. I’ve tried a full tablet on two occasions and they made me feel like absolute shite (headache, dazed, difficulty co-ordinating etc.)… I don’t actually “need” Viagra but I just use to recreationally to “enhance” things sometimes… If you’re not taking to Viagra try Cialis it’s not so intense.

  11. Not that I’m showing off, but I don’t need Viagra. Nature’s way is always the best. and I’m terrified of going to A&E with a tent pole creasing my trousers. It was bad enough at school when indulging in a reverie of dreaming about the girl at the desk in front of me, I was selected to stand in front of the class to read Tennyson’s Maud, and the results could be seen by the whole class. I still cringe when I think of it.

    • I don’t need it either,
      But find a modicum of powdered cannabis resin, swallowed in a capsule, to be beneficial.
      Good morning.

      • Powdered canabis resin, MJB? Apparently it goes well in banana bread, causing a quick high and a stomping hard on as well. That must be why they always sell banana bread in National Trust cafes.

    • I should think most of us had that or equivalent experiences in our early teens MMCM. Another common one was the effect when you were in the gym, climbed one of those thick knobbly ropes to the ceiling and then without thinking, slid quickly down to the floor while pressed against it. Made worse by the fact you were only wearing skimpy shorts. Germaine Greer once said that a great advantage of being a woman was that you could indulge your fantasies and let your thoughts run free without people being able to tell.

      • Exercising with girls in the school gym was a real challenge, arfurbrain. Particularly when they straddled those vaulting horse things.

        As for Germaine Greer, Ron, I have often suspected she was a filthy cow.

  12. Is it safe for animals?

    My pet lizard has a reptile dysfunction.

    Have you ever tried watching a rerun of Villa beating Bayern Munich in the 1982 European Cup Final, climaxing when Peter Withe scored Ron?

    • I have indeed LL, ably assisted by the wife wearing one of my Villa shirts on such occasions. I think that’s all I’d better say on the subject.

      • Maybe next time Ron, the misses should wear an enemy shirt to bring down the painful stiffness ?

    • I liked Villas first match after that European win get in there Iain McCulloch 1-0 the Magpies.

  13. Viagra is still fairly new and overdosing on it could take over your whole being. You could wake up one morning and your cock ends up replacing your head and Dick Head you’ll become. Let’s hope it was only a dream and a wet one at that.

  14. Baseball bat – Telegraph pole…..

    Who are you kidding Ron, exaggerating your manhood is like claiming Villa will top the premiership 😂

    Tell the truth, your winkie got a bit harder than usual. 😉

    • Nope I kid you not gents, my dick was bone hard for hours, and it was pretty painful at times before the effects wore off I can tell you. A baseball bat feeling was the best description I could think of!

      There was a bit of mockery in this post as an attempt at humour, but in all seriousness, I’d say to anybody thinking of trying this stuff to speak to their GP first, to be advised about its use and what to in event of the kind of reaction I experienced.

      Oh, and morning all!

      • Sounds like you had a bit of a bad reaction, as I understand how these things work (there are two others on the market) is they open up the blood vessels to allow more blood to flow the counter the droop. They should only actually work when you are aroused, there is one Cialis that claims to be effective for 36 hours.
        As well as the blood vessels that go to the knob they effect others which is why some people get headaches and a bit of a red face.

      • I bought some shit from India and it made me see everything with a blue tint. The real stuff gives me a lousy head, upset stomach and a general bad hangover feeling, big cock though.

  15. Its a wonder the bollocks didn’t go on strike. I bet they were never consulted about it, when having to work overtime to produce more sperm. A spokesman for the gonads said “We never saw it coming.”

  16. Let’s build up a mighty big climax for our mate Ron, before we can relax with our elevenses.

  18. Can imagine a group of pissed up mates shoving a viagra or two up a pals arse, who is suffering with piles.

  19. You should really stay off Viagra if you have high blood pressure. It will quite literally blow your mind and your heart.
    You have been warned gents

    • I took Viagra years ago and it had no effect whatsoever. So I tried Vardenafil and that worked. Then my bone came back on its own and I’ve not taken anything since.

  20. They do half a Viagra for old cunts. Just enough of a boner to stop them pissing in their slippers.

  21. How about a picture of Dianne Abbott flicking her bean with a Mars Bar on the Viagra box to help you ‘lose wood’?

  22. A few weeks ago, I woke up with a most splendid erection. 💪

    Rousing Ethel from her slumbers, I eagerly presented my engorged member to her.

    In expectation of conjugal delights. 💋

    With bleary eyes, she scowled at me most dreadfully.

    ” Fuck Off ”

    A day in the life…….

    Good afternoon.

    • I ate a Viagra and got a stiff upper lip.

      Someone told me your meant to take them as a suppository?!

      Shove em up your arse.

    • After my experience, the wife was intrigued to know if Viagra can aid ‘enlargement’ of the sensitive female areas to increase arousal. Apparently there’s some evidence that this is indeed the case.

      Maybe you could persuade the good lady to give it a shot (check with doc first tho!).

  23. I tried suppositories once, for all the good it did i might as well of shoved it up my arse

  24. I understand that eyedrops have been mixed with Viagra ,does nothing for your cock but it makes you look hard.

  25. Not one to brag but I still get a ‘morning glory’ a several morning a week. Don’t know why but I do keep fit and healthy and don’t really drink anymore.

    A lass that I was seeing asked me how I could still manage to do it and I said “it’s hard sometimes”.

    • It’s got something to do with hormonal changes in the body during the sleep cycle apparently.

      In my case I think that wonderful dreams about Salma Hayek and Julia Hartley-Brewer are also a factor.

  26. The mornings when you were younger when you woke up with a pan handle that could cut diamonds. Happy days.

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