The Mathew Perry Goatfuck

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(Fuck to using a Mathew Perry pic our Jennifer is far more appealing. C.A.)

(Goatfuck – originally a WWII US military term for operational chaos later morphed into a shorthand for journalists and photographers climbing over each other with ladders to get a story. We make no allegations of a porn type nature. The term references goats climbing over each other in sexual frenzy)

Started over the weekend, newsflashes with dramatic music showing helicopters revolving over a house being besieged by police patrol cars and over excited reporters.

Then the usual quotes, “Tributes pouring in”, “World’s Greatest Comic”, “Comedic star of Friends, tragic loss”, “Death in pool”, “Death in hot tub”, “Tsunami of Grief” then name attached “Matthew Perry dead at 54, Jennifer Aniston inconsolable”.

Sense of relief to get the name but also deeply puzzled. To me helicopters whirling over house = Cliff Richard, death in pool = Michael Barrymore, “Worlds Greatest Comic” = Bob Hope/Max Wall/Your Choice but definitely not Perry.

But Matthew Perry?? Who the F?, What the F? And so it continues, leading on Early Morning News soft shit shows “Tragic Soul”, “Battle with Drugs”, “Just out of Rehab”, “Police confirm death by drowning”.

So there you have it, another druggy minor showbiz cunt who can’t hack it. Why has that common event knocked all other news off the telly? Is it summertime silly season when there is not much news about and the media insert lots of trivia?

Forgive me but this is October so what about ethnic cleansing in Ukraine and other Rooskie shite, a certain kerfuffle in Israel, ongoing climate disasters in Argentina, India and a little local flooding and storms devastating Blighty? Storm Ciaran ba ba boom.

Perhaps I am missing something. I often do. Is Matthew Perry the Messiah in mufti , Is Jennifer Aniston actually pregnant, or is it a Virgin Birth and they are just Friends?. Boom boom.

Call me a cynical old cunt but I do have a little experience in such matters. American comedy shows are legendarily written by a team of gag writers. They put the funny lines in the mouths of the actors and the directors rehearse them for camera and position them and give then the all important timing without which nothing is funny (in a good way).

Bob Hope is a good example, humourless in life he was totally reliant on his teams of gag writers and cue cards who travelled with him around the world.

There was that wonderful moment (available on YouTube) when he was hosting a Miss World Contest live on TV and the fems invaded and stole his cue cards. Old Bawb was reduced to a shambling shell unable to think of anything to fill in.

Director had to pull the plugs until Bawb is rehearsed into a new script. The only thing that makes Bawb stand out against other comics is that he did not top himself and lived to 100.

I know. I had the cunt in the pool.

Bbc news

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke.

93 thoughts on “The Mathew Perry Goatfuck”

  1. Fucked if I know.
    Is he related to Katy Perry perchance? Or Fred Perry?
    And what is ‘Friends’?

    • ‘This Life’ on BBC 2 in the mid 90’s was much better, not a sitcom but 20 something cunts living in a house with more shagging, swearing, drinking and drugs.

      • Is that the one where Daniella Nardini is fucked by one of the other’s dads?

        You never saw that in Friends.

      • That Cold Feet was fucking shit though.
        James ‘One trick Mick’ Nesbitt, Faye ‘Horse Face’ Ripley, John ‘Coogan’s Bitch’ Thompson and the rest of them.

        Absolute crap. Game On was shit as well. But at least we could ogle Denise Van Outen and Samantha Janus in it,

  2. I thought Matthew Perry and the rest of the plastic Hollywood twats from Friends were now verboten for being too white.

  3. Hollywood has a fine tradition in drug overdoses and its good to see Mr Perry keeping their end up.

    The overpaid,soppy,self obsessed cunts that they are.

    Rather breezy out.

  5. A huge loss to an entire generation of fans, apparently.
    That’s if you class the sub 800,000 people who tuned into channel 4 on a weekday teatime to avoid the news as an ‘entire generation’.
    And the words shocked and stunned are not what I would choose in reacting to the death of a serial drug addict just out of rehab.
    Now we can sit back and watch the historical sexual abuse allegations roll in.

    • Am I right in saying that not a single premier league game held a minutes silence in his memory?
      Fucking disgraceful!

    • For the millennial wankers employed by the media, they are jyst the sort of soft middle-class type to watch ‘Friends’.
      I only liked Joey, the rest were cunts and I seldom watched it.

    • I only really ever watched it for the totty.
      Jennifer Aniston and the time Winona Ryder and Denise Richards were in it.

      None of the characters were particularly likeable or relatable.

      I remember a friend of mine fancied Maggie Wheeler who played Janice.
      I bet Miles of Concrete Breezeblocks did. Probably what drove him over the edge.

  6. Good morning

    A great start to the week Admin, possibly the finest header picture to appear on these esteemed ISAC pages. Thanks.

    • Will and Grace is worse, Cuntalugs.

      Ludicrous poove grotesques and stereotypes. Daft tarts with horrible voices, ‘gay icon’ celebrity has been guest stars. Syrup, sugar and schmaltz in huge doses. Absolute shite of the highest order.

      And this is true. Super Puff (and cunt) John Barrowman was turned down for a part in Will and Grace because he wasn’t poofy enough. That tells you how bad Will and Grace is….

      • Mrs C watched that Norman.
        I refused to be in the same room as the programme.
        The Gayness infests everything.

      • ‘And this is true. Super Puff (and cunt) John Barrowman was turned down for a part in Will and Grace because he wasn’t poofy enough’.

        Yes I remember reading that somewhere. Poor Barrowman, too theatrical for Chris Eccleston but not poofy enough for yank Karens.

        Never saw an episode, one of many US shows my millennial chums thought was better than anything on British TV.

        Do fuck off.

    • An accusation me and the old man used to level at my brother every time he had that crap on telly.

  8. Joe Biden is the new Bob Hope without a script. When I read the ´greatest comic´ guff, I remember thinking they had clearly never seen Les Dawson, Morecombe and Wise, Tony Hancock, Hylda Baker or Bernard Manning, to name but a few. This American guy was just another mugging actor laddie. Mind you, I guess drowning yourself in the bath is quite a good fade-out joke.

    • Bernard Manning and his protégé in pie-eating, Stewart Lee, are both great stand-ups.

      Always saw Morecambe as more of a variety performer but no doubt a comedic genius.

  9. Sadly, the cunt passed me by. Have never knowingly set eyes on the fucker.

    Tragic, probably.

  10. The Perry cunt did provide comedy gold when he tried to debate Peter Hitchens as to whether alcoholism is a disease or not! Even with the cheer-leading of a deranged BBC Newsnight harridan, Pete made mince meat of him. Maybe it was the pink elephants. Who knows, but it is worth a look on YouTube.

    As for Bob Hope, I can’t agree. In comedy, timing is all. Bob really was a master. Eric Morecambe was another. Thanks for the memory.

    Good morning, everyone.

    • Peter has dropped the ball a bit since then, notably against Konstantin Kisin over Russia and got a real strop on talking to some lad who was pressing him on drug legalisation seeingblower crime rates.

      A good read but terrible in debates.

      • I agree. Maybe it is age, or maybe taking the covids vakzine affected him. I was a bit disappointed by his volte face on the issue.

  11. Perry didn’t top himself. It was a heart attack. He’d been clean of drink and drugs for a long while and I’m not ashamed to say that I liked friends and Perry was my favourite. So there.😁

  12. I believe that he received a million dollars per episode, for Friends.

    All that bunce, and his life was a fuck up.

    I just don’t get it.

    Our eldest daughter was a big Friends fan.

    One day, she said…..

    ” Dad. Have I got a Trust Fund ? ”

    I laughed in her face and said no.

    I also told her that if she wanted money / success etc. that it was down to her.

    She now earns more than I ever have.

    Working in some new fangled shenanigans called ‘ Web Development ‘.

    And is possibly more right wing than me.

    My work is done. 👍

    Good morning.

  13. OT. Suella Braverman has been sacked.

    Conclusive proof that if you point out the Met’s softer treatment of Peaceful activists / demonstrators, you are a problem that will be dealt with.

    The rot continues.

    • Wishy Washy is next, the useless fucking turd. Just give the keys to the country to the wögs and have done with it. The quicker they start throwing the left wing MSM cunts off tall buildings, the better.

      • Much as I liked Braverman’s ideas – I think this might turn out to be a good thing. Maybe it will end up with a much more interesting “shuffle” than ass-‘ole Rishi imagines.
        The next two/three months might be very interesting – just stay tuned!

      • The tories have gone full retard.

        Why not just allow Putin or Xi to select a cabinet in future.

    • Quite obvious that this government – any government – will do fuck all about these Hamas loving scum. And the met filth will do even less. Astonishing, that these savages rape and murder at will. Yet the police and government tip-toe round them….🤢

      It’s going to be down to ‘ordinary’ people to do something. Like the Poll Tax riots in 1990. We need another one of those for a start.

      Morning Jack.👍

  14. Mates ex wife loves Friends soppy cow thought it was an instructional documentary on how to live and act, even now she’s all “hi hun” and got to have coffee with friends and is a shallow false cunt. Who the fuck gives a toss about someone you’ve never met and in life would probably dismiss you as an irrelevance cos they are a “STAR”🤮🤮🤮

  15. Braverman the only Politician who said and tried to get done the things that most sane people wanted.
    She pissed off the woke pro Palestinian Met. And that was the final straw

    Morning Jack

  16. Fuck me. It looks like David Cameron could be re entering government, via the House of Frauds.

    What a fucking shit show.

    Cameron the Coward.

    The man who retreated and waved the white flag, when the Brexit referendum didn’t go his way.

    This moon faced bastard will virtually guarantee Kweer’s place in No. 10.

    Get To Fuck.

    • He’s been made Foreign Secretary…
      Representing this country on the world stage…
      And I thought we couldn’t sink any lower.
      Wrong!
      You couldn’t fucking make it up.

  17. Beware of any gentleman who declares himself a Friends fan.

    He’ll be up your bottom like a rat up a drainpipe.

    • I think you are on to something there Jack.

      I suspect this Perry fellow may have been “fruity”,leading to his back passage been probe to flooding,thus he became waterlogged and couldn’t get out of the bath.

      A bit like a leaky Soviet submarine.

      • fuck off phone…prone not probe..

        mind you it seems relevant to my yet to be disproven theory.

  18. Perry had “brilliant comic timing”. Eh? My arse, he did. Why haven’t the ten-thousand-or-so scriptwriters been given due credit for this overblown, over-acted, over-the-top, stupefying and infantile pile of yankee-doodle shit?

  19. Lucky fucking bastard, made a fucking mint and fucked himself up with drugs. Total prick.

    • Braverman should form her own party. I’d get behind her for a start.
      Behind her as in voting, of course. Mind you….😉

  22. Mathew Perry was an overrated, bitter, nasty little junkie prick. He released an autobio about a year ago moaning how ” a true genus like River Phoenix ( another overrated junkie) gets taken away and we are left with Keanu Reaves”. Now I’m no Reaves super fan but “fuck you” right?. How bitter and jealous do you have to be to put a line like that in your autobiography?. Taking a shot at Reaves is pathetic, he seems to be one of the genuinely humble and actual nice guy in that cesspool.

      • River ‘stupid name’ Phoenix was shite.His brother Joaquin is a miles better actor. And the stories about some ‘nasty pusher man’ who ‘killed’ Phoenix by ‘forcing’ drugs on him? They weren’t shoved down the little sod’s throat, were they?

        Reeves seems like a decent bloke. Sound as a pound, they reckon.

        When that cunt Perry was on the front of all the papers when he snuffed it, it made me want to chuck up. One vomit inducing headline was ‘He was a joy. As an actor and as a friend’.🤢

        Of course, nobody actually said this, and certainly not his lady Friends co-stars. In reality, Perry was a self pitying spolied pisspot who was a pest with the women. A total knob by most accounts.

  25. My subliminal memory of friends (only worthy of lowercase) is summed up briefly when walking into a pub and you see this bunch of loud mouthed effervescent twats sat at a table, you immediately turn round and walk out.

    • I’ve seen ’em, Sammy.

      Cunts who wear shades inside or in Winter. Cunts that blow air kisses across the bar. Cunts that refer to their friends as ‘you guys’.

      Utter cunts.

  26. Only three things of interest in Friends, and that was the three ladies who starred in it.
    I’d have had ’em all. But Courtney Cox gave me the horn from time to time.

  28. They do it with every comedy cunt who carks it.

    Caroline Aherne was a drunken abusive husband basher and a cunt many times in public. But when she popped it, she became Saint Caroline Aherne of the Blessed Merton. Labeled a ‘comedy genius’. Sitting on a sofa watching telly in that Royle Family bollocks is not genius of any kind.

    Same with Victoria Wood. Awful songs about being fat, middling mundane comedy series like Dinnerladies, and leaning on the talent of Julie Walters. Yet Wood was being lauded like she was the female Charlie Chaplin when she passed away. Absolute OTT crap.

  29. I see what Admin has done here, a picture of Jennifer Aniston with her nips out to winkle out Miserable, Cuntybollocks and Mr Cunt Engine from hiding.

    • The slags and mincers who now occupy radio 2 just love that fucking song, as well as all the 40-something Karens who phone in.

      I went to school with people like that. Vacuous pricks.

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