Birthdays can be a bit of a cunt, especially those “milestone” birthdays.
I suppose 18 isn’t too bad, but when you start hitting the bad boys, it’s not so great.
Anyway, I’m 70 next, but in my case it’s not the age that’s a cunt.
My birthday is April 1st.
Don’t start, I’ve heard every joke going. Then I started thinking about other dates that get comments, and the poor cunts who have to grin and bear it.
Valentines day! Bet your a heartbreaker! Tee fucking hee.
Christmas Day! We got you a joint birthday/Christmas present. Gee thanks, cheapskate wankers!
But the poor cunt who gets saddled with the 29th February.
Do they ever get to vote?
When do they start paying income tax?
How do they get a driving licence?
I thought I had problems. Still, at least they won’t be lying on Tinder when they say they’re 25.
Nominated by: Jeezum Priest
Diane Abbott was born on the 33rd of Septober.
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No, Diane Abbott wasn’t born.
She was hatched from a Robertsons jam jar.
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Just think of the flies round her two Jam Jars
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funny you should mention that geordie, keir starmer was born on the 2nd of September..
But he is willing to change it, if enough people ain’t happy about it..
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Or maybe not. Or maybe he’ll change it, then change back again.
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Dianne Abbott was born on Tatooine, where she was raised by the tribe of Yasmin Aleebee Brown-cloaks and installed as a local crime boss, and she had this funny little rat thing at the foot of her bed called Jeremy, who used to laugh at her jokes.
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My 20th birthday was my wake up call . No longer a teenager I was expected to act like a grown up.
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Who wants to be a grown up Guzzi? They’re such boring bastards. At 72 I’m still resisting.
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I was 60 a couple of months ago but I mostly behave like a 12 year old.
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Way to go, Moggie! The missus moans at me for going through bends at a lateral 1g and sliding it sideways in the wet.
“One day you’ll find a patch of diesel!”
Do stop mithering me woman.
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my cousin was born on the 29th of Feb, JP.
same day as my parents were married on.
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i always remember my own birthday and lavish gifts upon myself.
money’s no hindrance when it comes to the birthday boy.
struggle to remember anyone elses though.
oh, apart from my best mate,
his is the day before mine.
I’ve never once forgot to slip a fiver in a card for him😁
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The 66th birthday is the one that matters. Mine next year. The state has to stat paying me. Only a pittance, granted, but at least I begin to get something back. I heard some cunt refer to the state pension as a fucking benefit. I told him to fuck off. Getting to draw the state pension without ever having claimed any bennies, and having worked in the private sector, should be accompanied by a medal ceremony for services to the nation.
Good morning, everyone.
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Good Morning 20 Thou
I think you may find it is somewhat more than a pittance, I get over £1,000 a month and Mrs. W. About £900 with £500 winter fuel allowance in the next week or two. No wonder the government doesn’t have any money.
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Morning, Ws! Sounds okay! I think there is a bus pass too. However, with the busses being infested by unwashed hillbillies and smackheads, I am not sure how often I will use it.
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@Wanksock
That’s why the government did their best to kill as many pensioners as possible off during the Covid outbreak.
Shot themselves in the foot though, because pensioners comprise the Tories largest voter demographic!
Twats.
Good morning.
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Yes the lefty wankers always try to equate state pensions with jobless benefits. I always tell them the people on pensions have paid in, unlike the other idle cunts.
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Birthdays are for children and those that have reached an impressive age, I don’t bother with it or other people’s except HM the King because I get a paid day off. I do like that my birthday is on the same day that Rear Admiral Sir George Cockburn razed Washington in 1814
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There is nothing wrong with celebrating your own birthday.
Mine is like this…..
Get woken up with a blowjob.
Full breakfast followed by a blowjob.
Leisurely lunch.
Blowjob.
Meal in nice restaurant.
Blowjob.
Then I go home to Mrs Cunter to see what she has brought me.
Perfect.
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I turned 70 on April 1st this year JP.
Not a great number to be but considering the alternative…
But mentally I’m still in my twenties despite looking crap externally! 🙄
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Do you ever catch a glimpse of some old gadger, and think
“What’s that old twat looking at?”
Then realise it’s your reflection. I can’t get over the way I look, these days. Constipated 100 year old turtle about describes it.
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Never mind JP. Old turtles make fine soup.
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Yep JP!
That first started about 30 years ago when I caught a reflection in a pub window and thought “Who is that miserable looking cunt…”
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Bunch of old cunts on here. I feel better about life now knowing I’m relatively youthful.
Just think if I hadn’t drunk and partied to excess for three decades I might even be healthier.
Age pursues each of us with favour or mercy.
Except Cher and Carol Vordemort.
Onwards and upwards
Must go need to pee again
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Vordemort’s plastic face almost melted the other day. Got the hump over not being allowed to mouth off on Twitter.
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My birthday is right after the new year and I either get:
Shall we get you a joint present (unless you’re giving double then no, fuck off)
I’m skint after Xmas (that’s fine – don’t expect anything from me you cunt)
I am having a dry January, don’t want to go out drinking (cool, don’t invite me for a drink when it’s your birthday then)
I will buy you something in Feb / March when I have more cash (no you won’t, tightarse – you will forget and I will look like a cunt for reminding you)
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January is always an exercise in budgeting for me.
Been off work for about twn days for Christmas and new year, MOT, is in January. Tax bill is in January. Sister in law, nephew and niece all have birthday’s in January.
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CP, it’s not hard to understand why folks struggle in January.
First of all, it’s a 13 week month.
Also, if you’re getting a regular payment through a company payroll, wages or private pension, it’s always paid earlier than usual in December, though for the life of me I don’t know why.
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*ten days, although two is enough.
Christmas is boring as fuck.
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The only person that comes to mind born in a leap year, is the Italian composer Gioachino Rossini. Often wondered if he composed the William Tell Overture as a joke, when it speeds up towards the end, to get to his birthdate quicker.
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He does look the spitting image of Bernard Manning in one photo that always crops up, that’s why I thought he had the future comedian in him.
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What’s even worse is cunts wishing dead people a happy birthday.
Mongs saying ‘Happy Birthday Gran’ on Twatter, when said gran has been dead for 30 years
Or morons wishing dead celebrities, who they never knew, birthday greetings.
I remember knobheads ‘celebrating’ John Lennon’s ’80th’ birthday in 2020.
Only thing is, he died when he was 40 in 1980.
Absolute pricks.
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Rather like Christmas. Ffs, Jesus has been dead for 2000 years. Time to move on.
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I’m a believer of the little chap never existing.
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I believe he existed as a historic person, Sammy. He was a Jewish rebel and religious radical who wanted to upset the established order. He was probably an all round good guy. But whether or not he was the messiah and son of God is definitely a moot point.
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I thought the lord was always with us and his reach is everywhere.
Dirty bastard is probably even between the sheets with me and my missus.
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This ignoramus can see your point, MMCM.
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Careful MMCM – you may invoke the spirit of Miles Plastic of the Past. Or maybe Clive Concrete/Sid Cement Spirit of the Future.
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No. You are definitely not an ignoramus Sammy. Only the ISAC Tin Foil brigade fit that description.
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.. or tin hat. Whatever the phrase is to describe a loony conspiracy theorist. I forget.
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I’m not scared of him m’Lord. He’s already had more second comings than Jesus anyway. Maybe even more second comings than Ron Jeremy. It’s possible he may apparate today at Richie Raw- plug or Ulysses Underlay, He may be progressing alphabetically through the Wickes catalogue.
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I think some wokies have already decided Jesus was trans.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11473423/amp/Its-heresy-Worshippers-left-tears-Cambridge-dean-claims-Jesus-TRANSGENDER.html
I suspect he’s on a special list of one of those ex- catholic school boys who are always on about angels killing the atheist and heretic with swords and divine retribution on Facebook.
It’s not just Islam that has violent religious maniacs.
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Norman, I always celebrate my dad’s birthday. He died in 1982 at the age of 62. Being a shipwright in the RN for three decades and working with stuff like asbestos meant that an earlyish death was near certain.
Compensation from HMG ? You gotta be kidding!
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Agreed. I think we all celebrate the birthdays of our deceased love ones.
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I always submit my tax return on the day of my father’s birth.
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I wonder what the average age of ISAC members is? Who is the youngest and who is the oldest? I’m 56 so I guess I fall somewhere in the middle. Or maybe I’m the youngest?
And remember-
“An elderly person at home [is like] a living golden treasure.”
– Chinese saying
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MCMM@
I’m 53. and I think Cuntengine is a year or two younger than me?
I’d guess Cuntamus Prime or Opinionated cunt is younger still?
and Harold.
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Don’t tell me Harold is 13 and three quarters!
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I might act like it sometimes MMCM but no unless you think I’m like Adrian Mole.😐
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I’m 42. Two in the Stink is a bit older and Harold is perhaps a year younger.
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I am 69 and a half.
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I’m 64 and four fifths.
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Sorry, I see TITS is 41.
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42 as well CP.
Started to go grey in places and getting thick eyebrows.
You know it’s starting to become a problem when you go the barbers and he says “do you want your eyebrows trimming?”
I’ll be like Denis Healey by 45.
I think OC is the youngest.
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I’ve come to regard every birthday as a milestone.
Morning all.
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It certainly comes round quickly at my age.
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The milestones are under 4 minutes now, thanks to Roger Bannister.
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admin @
any word on when the site will be fixed?
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What are you using Mis. The cycling telegram boy ?
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My birthday is two weeks before Christmas so I always got a combined present. As an aside, when my Mum died a few years back, I was clearing out her flat and found her wedding photos (my parents divorced when I was 3). The date was written on the back – turns out it was a shotgun wedding. Over 50 years and neither of may parents told me.
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1st january in scotland is a cunt for a birthday, as a child no cunt remembered it as they were all pissed. also too near christmas, my paternal grandmother always said remember thats for your birthday as well when she gave me my christmas present. thing is she was rolling in blunt the tight fisted old cunt
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Once you get past 21 they don’t mean much. I did fuck all for my 30th and 40th. A curry with a mate or takeaway.
Avoided several twenty-firsts of friends as well.
One bird picked a venue so God-awful i worked the saturday to knacker myself out and avoid the horror.
Still, a day’s wages, beers and a curry at home were a good outcome. Turns out there was a stabbing at the venue that evening. None of my lot were involved but it was that sort of shit hole.
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Brixton?
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On a related note, how long do cunters reckon Charlie the Chimp has on the throne?
I give him ten years.
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When somebody says King Charles, am I the only one who immediately thinks of I or II and wonders how it’s relevant to the conversation?
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