The Battle of Bernstein’s Nose

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So our dear old friend Cultural Appropriation has reared – in this case- its ugly nose over the parapet. Jewish cultural and gay icon Leonard Bernstein (music for West Side Story etc etc) is being portrayed in a film by an actor with a false nose hence Woke Outcry. Now they do have a point in a way. Why not cast a thesp with a genuine big hooter? Gerard Depadieu, Geoff Goldblum (and last time I checked was still identifying as Jewish), Owen Wilson et al and not a rhinoplasty between them.

Now it looks like Bradley Cooper has bought the rights to one of the late Sir Larry Oliver’s old conks. Has to be said that that old thesp only felt comfortable when sheltering behind a mound of nose putty. Cooper is being supported by Lenny Bernstein’s own family who say they have no objections to such a portrayal (or indeed the monetisation coming their way). No the issue here is not that Cooper plus conk is demeaning the Jewish Race, it is that the proboscis looks ridiculous and is an example of just how crap Hollywood prosthesis have become.

Fair play Bernstein as a younger man looked more Sean Connery than The Penguin in Batman.

nytimes

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke.

56 thoughts on “The Battle of Bernstein’s Nose”

  2. You theatrical types do get yourselves excited over fuck all Sir Limply. Never mind about false noses …… it’s birds with false cocks and real beards we need to worry about these days.

  3. Oi Concorde!!

    Not sure why Mr Cooper had a large comedy nose to play Bernstein?!

    It looks like one of inspector Closeaus disguises.

    Just hunch your shoulders while wearing a shawl,
    Mutter

    ” oy as God is my witness I didn’t short change the svartzer”…
    Nailed it.
    Lights
    Camera
    Make up
    Oscar

  4. Ps

    Cooper has a right beak on him to start with,
    I didn’t know better I’d of assumed he was a pawnbroker.

    Oh my days..

  5. Jack Klugman, he of Quincy fame had the biggest hooter that I have seen on an actor.

    He was all nose.
    If anyone were to play him in a film or TV show they would have to be either fucking huge in the conk department or wear a false one.

    It wouldn’t work otherwise.

    “It was murder I tell you. Give me 24 hours to prove it”.

    You would have thought that after a couple of times of showing that it was murder, the police would take his word for it.
    But no. It was the same every episode for years.

    I have noticed that the ginger guy that plays Endeavour on telly bears absolutely no resemblance to Morse, who he is supposed to grow up to be.

    For a start, he is at least a foot taller.

  7. PPS

    Walt Disney would of had Cooper’s entrails knotted around a stick.

    Walt hated Red sea Jaywalkers!

    I’m surprised Walt’s not awoke from his cryogenic slumber ranting anti-Semitic slurs.

      • Morning mate 👍

        Lot of big noses in that Hollywood.

        I’m lucky, MY nose looks like Michelangelo carved it from fine white marble.
        Ok it’s been broken
        And has a scar on the tip where the dog nipped me as a pup,
        But it’s truly a great nose.

        Probably in the top 3% in the UK.

  9. It’s obviously a piss take and The Perpetually Offended fell for it like the cunts they are.

    Good morning.

  10. Despite sending detailed photos to Bang Brothers, Brazzers, Colour Climax, Hustler and Reality Kings I am still waiting for a call to play John Holmes in any new porn videos.

  11. I still can’t quite believe A lister and space captain William shatner is Jewish.

    Never of guessed!

    The most attractive man in the known universe he was like nectar to any voluptuous space pussy.

    Didn’t have a nose you could open tins with,
    Great singer,
    Man of action.

    Doesn’t tip in restaurants 😁

  12. Next up, Danniella Westbrook playing Barbra Streisand.
    Without nasal enhancement, so as not to offend the 4x2s.

  15. A classic case of cunts making trouble… Before the film came out some cunty editing suggested The Thespian Nose was excessive, and the cunty cultural appropriation guadians squealed.
    But once the whole film came out, the storm in a teacup was recognised, and everyone is happy.
    Perhaps the whole fuss was initiated by the studio marketing cunts who knew the cultural appropriation cunts would weigh in.

      • I’ve no problems with the shnoz on this shmuck.

        The kid has chutzpah.
        He likes the smaltz of Hollywood,
        Oy, who can blame him?

        Theyre all kvetching about it,
        They don’t know bubkes about it,
        Yadda Yadda Yadda.

        The kids been shlepping about , doing his shtick
        Leave him be already!!

  16. Surely the rules of woke mean that Bernstein can only be played by a top musician, someone who really understands what it like to have composed some of the very finest music of the last century. Given these requirements tho obvious favourite for the role would be ICE-T. A fine musician and brilliant actor of SVU fame. Of course he would still need a new nasum.

    Good morning, everyone.

  17. What a load of fucking bollocks. They should have put a false nose on Cillian Murphy in ‘Oppenheimer’ because his pudgy plasticine Paddy nose is about as much like (Julius) Robert Oppenheimer’s as mine is like Alec Guinness’ sublime conk in ‘Oliver Twist’. Either Davina McCall or Gabby Logan would be a shoe in for Fagin in an all female woke production of ‘Olivia Twist’.Darcey Bussell wouldn’t get a look in.

  18. Cyrano de Bergerac is said to have had a big conk. Played in the film by Gerard Depardieu, who was half way there with the size of his own bugle. Are the awake foundation going to kick up a fuss about that ? If they did, you’d have them by the false bollocks.

    • Snozzle Durant, Norman.

      Whilst I’m here, the only way I’d watch women in full footy kit, is if they’d kick Greenwood to death.

    • Must’ve been looking the other was and didn’t see your comments. Do you think he picked his nose with his fist ?

    • Tommy Trinder, Bernie Winters. Either could be disinterred to play Bernstein.

    • I am sure Mel Brooks could make something of it. A scene where Bernie Winters plays the ukulele would have the celebs tapping their feet at the Oscars ceremony. A rehabilitated Kevin Spacey could do his Bobby Darin . I can see it all now, not a dry eye in the house.

    • I saw him do his Ray Charles live. He fell off the stage. Still not sure if it was intentional! Brilliant!

  23. A jewish actor must be cast to play a jew?
    Then stop jewish actors from playing parts unless it’s specified that the character is jewish.
    Need a mong?
    Don’t cast a normal person who can play the role sensitively and make it palatable to the audience.
    No, fuck that.
    Hire a full on, incoherent slobbering Joey Deacon style cunt instead.
    You need a gay to play a gay?
    How many gay actors are there out there who’ve been cast in “straight” roles?
    Put a fucking stop to it then. The cunts won’t like it when no bugger will hire them.
    And as for the trend of pushing negroids into roles written by white people,
    about white people, and in periods in history and social classes that only ever contained white people, well we all know how we feel about that bollocks don’t we.

  24. You are all forgetting one important thing. He’d have to be circumcised during the love scenes.

  25. There’s a row about every bit of casting these days.

    An actor can’t play a gay unless they’re gay. A tranny can’t play a tranny unless they’re a tranny.

    An actor can’t play a serial killer unless they’re a serial killer.

    Morning all.

  27. I find it hard to understand how any goy can even be considered for a Jewish role. The difficulty is finding goyim for the goy parts, surely:

    https://www.imdb.com/list/ls008929586/

    That said, I am on record as deploring the blackification of European roles, so I have reluctantly to agree with the tribe on this nom. Did I just say that? Must be going meshuggenah…sorry, Sir L, but it was a good effort.

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