Modern life

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Modern life is a cunt. Well substantial parts of it anyway.

What’s striking to me is the way we accept poorer quality and performance in so many areas.
Time was we assumed things would be better in the future, faster, cheaper, more efficient, you name it. I had a damascene revelation on our wedding anniversary today. We had intended to go out for a meal. My wife looked at the menus at various restaurants around including in the West End. We expected to pay but everything listed was something off the wall using mostly ingredients of which we had never heard. Her response was “sod this” and instead we stayed home and she did Tournedos Rossini, one of her signature dishes along with Sole Colbert and Scampi Provencale.

Yes, I know I’m a lucky bastard. My point is that these are classic 1970s dishes judged by taste not by what some fucking vegetarian thinks is “sustainable” and good for our health.
We have scores of television channels available now but there is no more worth watching than when I was a lad and we had two. The number of evenings I scan the whole list and conclude there is nothing on worth the cost of the electricity.

Motor cars are rapidly turning into shite, ipads on wheels, stuffed with gadgets which are not merely useless but a positive fucking problem requiring hours wading through the handbook in order to switch them all off. The handbook being in six w*g languages with a poor translation into English Get an electric car and it costs a fortune, weighs two tons and takes hours to recharge. In a sane world touch screens in cars would be illegal and the fucking indicator stalk is the wrong side of the column! Who the fuck wants an electric handbrake? A car used to give you freedom but people like Suckdick are fixing that problem. The town centres are dying and the response of the preverts in authority is to make them more difficult and expensive to access.

Our recently acquired new tumble dryer which is rated as highly efficient leaves everything slightly damp. Used to have a gas dryer which was much cheaper to run but they have vanished from the market in the UK. Still widely available in the rest of the world so some fucking fiddle is being worked there.
Just been reminded by the wife that even fly sprays are poorer now. You spray the little bastards and they are still airborne ten minutes later. This I believe is courtesy of the EU. But then again, isn’t fucking everything now?

I’ll end my rant at this point but hopefully you get my message.

Nominated by arfurbrain.

106 thoughts on “Modern life”

  1. ‘Time was we assumed things would be better in the future, faster, cheaper, more efficient’

    I used to assumed that until the early 2010s, but then society started to stagnate and devolve. Social media was turning everyone into dull cunts, as well as phone zombies. Films and music were getting ever more risk-averse, hyper-commercialised and cartoon-like, with lyrics and composition in pop music getting ever more simplistic.

    Public institutions seemed even less reliable, such as the NHS, schools were getting worse at producing literate children. The news had become fascinated by celebrities, and now a decade later society has fallen further into the gutter. London is now like Chicago. The police are snowflakes, the NHS is in terminal decline and will face excess deaths for years to come thanks to its utter laziness in picking up the pace after Covid, the immigration crisis is as bad as ever, Covid was mishandled by a bunch of idiots posing as experts, the government treats its own citizens with suspicion and contempt, our military is being cut to the bone to spend money on ‘vaporware’ – it couldn’t fight a war for more than a week – and a generation of children is growing up drugged, addicted to devices, anxious unable to socialise, not learning any practical skills, scared of the planet dying, unable to adapt to work, unwilling to earn their money, and only learning damaging falsehoods from fucked-up druggy teachers in crumbling school buildings.

    The politicians are also failures; none of them are statesmen, none will make uncomfortable choices. They are so incompetent and indifferent you wouldn’t trust most of them to run a McDonalds, whether it’s the Sunak gang or Starmer’s sunshine bus.

    • There’s no way that any politican in this country could run a McDonalds.

      They couldn’t run a fucking bath.

      Apart from that – good post CP

    • Sorry to go all GCSE Music teacher/nerd on you….. but….

      Some of the tracks: What Ya Gonna do? and parts of A Song for You are very reminiscent of Iron Maiden (I think that is probably what you were going for with the ostinato open string riffs in E minor/G major.
      The solo on Hot Wheels sounds again like Dave Murray and Adrian Smith but with a bit of Billy Gibbons thrown in perhaps.

      Isolation sounds like early Def Leppard ( High and Dry era or the song Rock Rock T’il you Drop from Pyromania)

      I rate you as a guitarist as well Chas

  3. Another thing that doesn’t seem to work these days is weedkiller. No matter how many times I spray the fuckers they continue to thrive. Might as well be using water. I got some ‘fast-acting’ stuff from B&Q, it didn’t work so I took it back and replaced it with ‘Verve’ which worked for me before. Wouldn’t you know it, this fucking stuff didn’t work either. So what’s going on? Recommendations will be welcomed.

    • Jeyes Fluid’s now shit as well, and slug pellets are banned I think.

      I blame the eco movement and EU regulation.

      • Jeyes…that used to be the business. Instant death to absolutely anything, a phenolic reek that would bring tears to the eyes of a plaster gnome, and a long-lasting cat deterrent to boot. The current liquid violates the Trades Descriptions Act. Because it isn’t fucking Jeyes. It’s piss.

        Slug pellets…you can still get them, but they don’t contain metaldehyde. Which is pretty filthy stuff tbh. Ferric phosphate pellets are still legal and may even work.

      • Is the Jeyes available in B&M the original Jeyes, though? Brown liquid, smells like creosote, goes milky when you add water, or the clear personality-free modern substitute in a plastic can (which the old Jeyes would probably dissolve)?

    • Gardeners Question Time used to come up with useful hints. Haven’t heard that in ages. Probably taken off air for enticing murder ?

      • George Harrison, ex-Beatle, loved Garderners Question Time and was a regular guest. For all his Indian nonsense, there was something very English about the lad. Also, he was never henpecked and pussywhipped to fuck like his mates John and Paul.

    • Remember good old sodium chlorate. A kid at school used to make up a strong solution of the stuff and impregnate bog paper with it.
      Once dried, it was packed into metal tubes (eg sawn up bicycle frames with a hole drilled in the middle) then the ends were flattened with a hammer ( scary or what?)
      A length of the bog paper was rolled up tightly to make a primitive fuse which was pushed into the hole in the middle.
      The thing went off with a hell of a loud bang and what was left of the tube was a mangled/shredded remnant.
      It was also a very effective weed killer!

    • I’ve just bought some 40% acetic acid (vinegar to its friends) to do a spot of rust removal on a job lot of old imperial taps and dies that I recently purchased, it should also work on at least clearing the paths and patio of weeds as well, though I’m not sure if 40% is strong enough for the really tough buggers.

      If it keeps dry, I intend to spray the front path in the next couple of days with the stuff, then if it looks as if it’s doing the job, following up later with the flame gun when the foliage starts yellowing/wilting.

      In the past, my favoured weedkiller was the chlorate stuff, it worked but is sadly now banned in the UK for reasons other than it’s weedkilling abilities, though I’d bet that if you ask around you’ll find someone with a stash.

    • I see Verve used to contain glyphosate, but they’re now selling something else, (possibly 6% acetic acid =vinegar) Glyphosate guess what – is in the process of being banned. I remember when Monsanto were plugging GM crops- which had been modified so that while the crops were immune to their patented product, glyphosate, the weeds in the field weren’t, and died. At the time, the public was told glyphosate was completely harmless and didn’t stick around in the soil. This was untrue, and the EU has banned it w.e.f 2022. We get 3 years extra because we are not in the EU, so three cheers for Brexit.
      However, glyphosate is still available as Roundup: it’s carcinogenic and slow-acting, but extremely effective.

  4. To update Pink Floyd’s nobodys home.

    Got 125 channels of shit on the TV to choose from…💩

  7. Yes. Yes. YES! All of it, Arfur.
    I’ll only add “Just download the app” as a necessary prelude to communication with any vital service or organisation, and the imminent obsolescence of both the app and the phone it is on. Which, unlike a paper notebook or mains-powered PC, needs you to remember to charge it at inconvenient times.

  8. Moderm radio is utter shte.

    Crappy TV celebrities instead of real disc jockeys. On Key 103 in Manchester, there is that fat cunt ‘Young Kenny’ from Phoenix Nights and Kevin Webster’s lezza daughter from Cuntonation Street.

    Also, these cunts cut classic songs to bits just to cram in more ‘T’s and C’s apply’ adverts. A 3 or 4 minute song now has a whole verse or middle eight cut out, and it now lasts about 1 and a half minutes.

    Absolute crap.

  9. Evening
    Brought a reasonably good TV from Sony. The biggest bag of shattered I have ever owned.
    Every so often you are abliged to reset the fucking technology. I come home from a day of graft and management bulshit to relax with a game of, cricket/football/rugby/golf, what do I face, the fucking jap shit is non responsive, forgot to reset the expensive piece of shit. Let face it in the good old days the picture was shit, but didn’t have the stress of sorting out, a machine that is supposed to function and entertain me, to a result of me putting my fist through the cunting screen and sliding the fucking thing in the garden.
    Good evening

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